My experiences with Giant Bomb was seen as therapeutic in a way. I struggle with depression all my life and I don't cope with it by facing it. I don't talk to anyone about it and I hold my tears inside fearing the loss of perceptive masculinity due to my upbringing. I cope with my depression by laughter as it was the best medicine I could afford in my time in need.

I went through hard times from high school and to college where I was left in a state of melancholy after a long overdue breakup from an abusive relationship and leaving my newly founded relationships with my now lifelong friends. When I entered college, I hardly made any friends and the friends I did make with stabbed me in the back. I had limited options to turn to so whenever I had down time from class and studying, I just browsed the internet.

Now, my first experience with Giant Bomb did not hook me in. I saw that Jeff left Gamespot due to the whole Kane & Lynch scandal along with his friend and long time coworker, Ryan. I forgot how I came across their blog, Arrow Pointed Down, but found that they were writing reviews and recording podcast weekly. I thought it was a cool temporary thing before they got scooped up by another gaming site like Kotaku or IGN. But I soon found out that they wanted to do something different, and at the time, I wasn't really ready for that. Before Kotaku went to shit, it was my main source of gaming news considering it was the pioneer of the 24/7 news blog that Jeff talked about a week ago on the Bombcast. But before Giant Bomb became a major news source, it was a fledgling cult that a few loyal readers of Gamespot came across.

What really hooked me with Giant Bomb was their first Endurance Run with Persona 4. Hosted by Vinny and Jeff, I was pleased with their experiences with the JRPG considering how much they knew going in. What attracted me to this was that my sister clamored about the Persona series when 3 FES came out, so I wanted to see what the fuss was about. Luckily for me, I found that the Persona 4 Endurance Run was a concoction of everything I wanted: Friends, humor, funny commentary, and last but not least, a way to cope with my homesickness in college. That time with Giant Bomb led me wanting more which is where I found out about the family that Jeff and Ryan created with Vinny, Dave, Drew, and Brad. I listened to their bombcast and their quick looks religiously multiple times. I didn't care how repetitive the jokes were, since all that matter was that I was laughing instead of crying on the inside. Nothing came close to making me that happy.

Of course, my interest wavered a bit due to my course load and my involvement when pledging for my fraternity. By the time Patrick came in, I took a long hiatus from Giant Bomb because I finally made friends. It's sort of how in the end of Toy Story 3, where Andy left his beloved toys when he went to college. He had to grow up from playing with his toys even though he had such a blast playing with them one last time. Giant Bomb to me, was sort of like that, but instead of the sappy plot and cartoon-like proportions my companions were fat middle-aged assholes who couldn't care less about my departure from the Giant Bomb community since they had other thousands of fans to entertain. And that I could always come back to see what they were up to since they would always be loyal to the site.

As I became more mature after the bullshit and drama from college, I became more receptive with my perception. I went back to Giant Bomb not just for entertainment, but also for what Patrick provided. I knew Giant Bomb was pretty slow when it comes to news, but Patrick provided more insight on the development side of the game industry than any other major game site on the web. I began listening at every bit of the Bombcast rather than just the jokes and I found every word fascinating. This was where I realized that their characters on the site was their actual persona in real life. They were not actors but actual people who loved what they did. And by this time, Giant Bomb went from strictly a comedic video game website to a community where they provided insight on their lives that were influenced by video games, and I loved every bit of it.

Giant Bomb to me, was a source of happiness and bliss through dark humor and insight of the video game world you don't usually see. Everyone had their own traits that made them unique. Brad suffered from performance anxiety everything when facing a camera, but had the vocabulary of an English scholar when it came towards his reviews. Vinny is a loveable goofball who showed that a new father can balance gaming with family. Jeff did not give a shit when it came towards his dumb humor and his offensive attitude. But the person whom I grew to love with his mean antics which followed with his famous laugh was Ryan.

Ryan Davis was everything I hated. He was a fat, mean, asshole who loved to torment others by picking on them with high authority. I did not favor him at all when interrupting the first Endurance Run as I first thought he was extremely rude and childish. He was the embodiment of everything that I grew to hate with my experiences with depression since I was constantly picked on by dudes with similar attributes to Ryan. But I realized from his involvement with the second Endurance Runs and the Bombcast he hosted how great a man he was because of those attributes. He used everything I said as his advantage and twisted it in a way to be great at what he did. And what he did was entertain. He was the center of the attention in most situations because of his personality. I remember during one of the mailbags, his natural charisma caused me to laugh so much when talking about cheese balls like an infomercial. I grew to appreciate what he brought to Giant Bomb.

I thought Jeff was the main attraction to Giant Bomb, but it was a top notch duo performance from both Ryan and Jeff. He was a great foil to Jeff and his individual performance with Giant Bomb was not terrible either. Their best friend relationship led to their comedy to be so natural that I envied them where I wanted a friend like that. His pranks towards friends of the site were not just cruel and hilarious, but cunning at the same time. Seeing Jeff and Ryan be stupid with each other made me apart of their friendship because they did not give a fuck about how they looked which goes to show how comfortable they were to their audience. I only act like that with people I really know, so for them to be like that made me feel like I was a part of them. Which is why I always remained loyal to this site because it feels like they trust me for some reason. So of course I would return the favor anyways I can.

Ryan was the glue that held the site together. While everyone had their own importance to Giant Bomb, Ryan was the foundation that made Jeff, Ryan, Patrick, Alex, Brad and Vinny better. Brad said it the best, Ryan was dependable and tried his very best to keep the viewer informed and attentive in everything he was involved in. He was not my favorite Bombardier, but goddamn, I acknowledge his importance to the site.

I never thought a man like him would be so sincere and have an impact in my life. Like I said, at first I thought he was a mean asshole who gotten great joy with childish pranks. But my first impressions of him were absolutely on the dot and I loved him for not giving of fuck of how rude he was. He was a loyal bastard who loved everything I loved: Videogames, friends, pranks, being an asshole. When I read about his death it hurt me so much. I grew to respect him so much. When he went away from his honeymoon, I awaited his return as Giant Bomb without him went to shit that week. But I didn't know that that week was such an important event to all of us as it forecasted Giant Bomb without him. A hollow, empty office room with Brad, Jeff, and Drew dreading coming into work. They seem so lifeless without him and the cracks in the voices on the bombcast cemented his impact on their lives. I can't and don't want to imagine how upset they all must feel losing a man that great. But I'm sure they'll come back with a force, with a "show must go on" mentality.

I appreciate them not forcing new content for the sake of just doing it. I also appreciate the remaining members of Giant Bomb on releasing their tribute to Ryan with a bombcast. Like it was said before, we all really needed it. And I know that Giant Bomb really needs this hiatus away from the office to try to recover from this great loss.

I never thought I would say this about him, but I miss Ryan Davis. With tears rolling down my face, I miss him so much. I never thought a man I never met would have so much impact on my life. Losing him is like losing a best friend I never met. Fuck Ryan Davis for leaving us so soon. But I thank you for providing me with so much laughter and smiles. Thank you for never selling out and being loyal to Jeff. Thank you so much for being you. I hope to be a tenth of a man you were. And I'll never forget what you meant to me and the Giant Bomb Community.

Goodbye Taswell, and Rest in Peace.