Where we're going we don't need roads! (Chapter one)

As you're probably all aware, Tested.com are doing that crazy thing over on their website and it got me back into my Lego habit. I bought a few pieces of Star Wars Lego but it just wasn't enough. Soon I started scouring Brickipedia for just straight up Lego statistics, trivia and whatever else I could sink my teeth into. For example, did you know there are two Lego building strategies called SNOT and PISS? Well now you do.

So here we are, in a blog. I've always wanted my own blog project and now I totally have one. I discovered the wonder of MOC's or "My Own Creations" and saw a few people had made the Delorean time machine from Back To The Future and I just had to have one. The problem is, none of the creators were kind enough to share instructions or parts lists so that budding MOC'ers could recreate their fantastic designs. This didn't stop me wanting a Lego Delorean though, oh no.

Without further ado I bring you "Where We're Going We Don't Need Roads" Chapter one. I am going to fucking build a Lego Delorean whether it's the last thing I do. No one will share their instructions or parts so I'll work it out on my god-damn own. From pictures of their builds I will try my hardest to make my own Delorean on the Lego Digital Designer and then buy all the parts and build it in real life, for reals.

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So here goes...

Stage One: The chassis

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Here's the basic layout of the chassis/base of the car, all that's missing is the rear bumper base. I think (hope) the chassis is 16 blocks wide. It should be anyway. Again, this is build by eyeing up pictures of other people's builds. I resent them for not including instructions. So much. As of the above image the build is totalling 53 bricks.

The only worries I had here were structural integrity. Essentially this part of the build is the most important and will determine whether the car will support itself or flop around like Doc on top of the clock tower.

Stage Two: The front end

The guys who I'm basing my Delorean off made multiple versions of their builds each with slight differences which make recreating it from just pictures ever harder.

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Here you can see the first steps I took to building up the bumper of the car, those front facing studs are going to prove crazy useful later when it comes to adding lights and bumper details. Atleast that's what I assume.

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In the photo to the right I've made some real progress and it sorta actually looks like a Delorean now, the little clips on the bumper will hold the Flux cooling tube stuff and carry it over the wheel arches. I was pretty pleased with this until I realised I made the bumper 2 studs thinner than the main chassis so I had to re do it from the ground up. One hours work wasted! I guess I learnt from my mistakes though.

The front end: Second attempt

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Here's my final saved build for the night, I'm working on this as much as possible now, in the above picture the brick count was 180, with this new redesigned bumper and wheel arches I'm at 259 bricks. Those higher slopes towards the back of the wheel arches are because I'm planning on having some sort of hinged bonnet (hood) to create the sloped look of the actual car. I'll either be doing that next or concentrating on the rear bumper. I'm incredibly scared to try that though.

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So there we have it. That's two nights of work so far and I've put about 4-5 hours into it if I had to estimate. I'd certainly not want to officially keep track. If people are interested in this I might keep it a regular thing and continue it in to the real life phase when I get there. I've been so bored recently so I wanna thank Will, Norm, Gary and to a lesser extent with his sweet, sweet "Podracer" Jeff for getting me back into Lego and giving me something to do with all my spare time.

Stay tuned guys, you're gonna see some serious shit!


I mix music for the hell of it and tell you guys

Recently I decided to jump back into Virtual DJ to mess around mixing some music. I've not had much experience in the field of music production, I've always dreamed of becoming really skilled at creating my own tracks but for now I have to cope just blending other people's work together. My one attempt at playing 2 songs simultaneously over eachother didn't go great but I learnt a lot from it. 
I only recently jumped back onto my Soundcloud account and saw that one of my mixes had nearly 600 plays and 45 downloads, this is kinda awesome 'cause I've never really put the track "out there" so to speak. It was the reason I decided to get back onto the virtual decks and mix a few Knife Party tracks and a little known "re-imagination" of deadmau5's "Cthulhu Sleeps"  

Here's my "Save the World" mix.


And here's what I call "The Antidote Wakes Cthulhu Up"

So I guess yeah, listen to my (admittedly work in progress and pretty shoddy) mixes and tell me what you think, berate me you swines! 
EDIT: Man I wish I could NOT have that hilariously tragic photo of me when I embed songs. 
EDITEDIT: I want to improve what I do so if you guys can suggest any songs to mix together either for hilarious consequences or for serious ones, let me know. Maybe I'll do it once a week or something, I dunno.

My thoughts regarding the Whiskey Survey

I originally posted this on the news article but I thought I'd share it as blog post too:

First of all I thought it was very fitting that Anime Vice wasn't even listed as a site in the survey, that says it all. Just axe the site and do something else with the hosting space.

I also feel Whiskey Media as a whole has felt forced into providing content because they now have paying customers, a lot of humour has felt forced recently and a lot of content has felt like a lot less enthusiasm went into it than say... before there was premium memberships. I understand you guys have been working your asses off to provide us with great content, and it is great content, but it feels like you don't much enjoy a lot of the things you're doing for us. Quick Looks are one area I've noticed what seems like a lack of enthusiasm, whereas 18 months ago terrible games played in Quick Looks just made for extra humour, now it just feels as if everyone is thinking "Urgh".

Happy Hours have also gotten pretty stale and I think you're aware of this, doing them every week, in the same format has gotten pretty boring for us and it seems you guys are bored of it too. One a month would be great, as long as you can be excited for it, if you're not totally hyped for providing content, just do something new. I'd rather you guys mixed it up and enjoyed it yourselves, than forcing something you'd rather not do.

Which brings me on to Endurance Runs... I'm pretty much sick of hearing "Endurance Run" now, as if it was an annual thing in the first place? Just because it was done 2 years in a row doesn't mean it should happen every year. As Jeff has said before, he can't even say "if the right game comes along" anymore because people just spam him suggestions on what he should play. If a game does come along that you want to make an Endurance Run out of then great, if not, please don't just force yourselves to play through a game to please the fan base. It would be so obvious and not very fun to watch.

That's as honest as I can be, right now, I'm not sure I'll resubscribe until I feel you guys are a bit more enthusiastic about the content you're providing, plus £50 is a lot of money if I'm uncertain about things. So there's my 2 pence worth. Feel free to let me know what you think...


No more black "meme" logo T-shirts. Please.


If you could eat games, I would be obese this month.

Holy shit May, way to fill me up with games. This week alone I have bought the following 

  • The Witcher 2
  • Dirt 3
  • Terarria
  • L.A Noire
  • MGS4
Now I know what you're thinking..."Why the fuck is Riot Bananas buying MGS4 in 2011" I'll get to that later. Anyway, games right? So I've probably bought more games than I really should have, but what have I actually played and what did I think? Well let me tell you! 

The Witcher 2

I didn't play the first game, heard about it. Some crazy polish thing. Not interested. Bought the second game. Holy shit.     
 This isn't Triss Merigold but she wants to be, and that's just...fine.
 This isn't Triss Merigold but she wants to be, and that's just...fine.
First time I jumped in, I died like fucking 6 times. Running through a burning wooden thing, with a dragon above me and a few pissed off gaurds to boot. I was at the point of giving up but I succeeded and was rewarded graciously with NAKED TRISS MERIGOLD. It didn't even matter that I smashed 4 keyboards and a cat to complete the prologue, I did it and was present with naked cartoon pussy (sort of) for my efforts. I fucking love this game. Seriously though, it's as if Fable wasn't a total fucking joke of a game. Oh and extensive use of the word "Plough" to replace "Fuck" which is great. "PLOUGH THE SQUIRRELS!" 

Dirt 2/3

 "Amigo! You're going to be a YouToob sensation bro dude muchacho" is one of my most hated/loved phrases ever. Obviously I'm exaggerating how bad it is but the Dudebro attitude of that surfer american arsehole in Dirt 3 is killing my soul piece by piece. Dirt 3 is fantastic, the driving is heavier and more realier (that's a word) and the environments are gorgeous, if they were a person from a game that I wish was real, they would be Triss Merigold. The one thing that is destroying the Dirt 3 experience for me, actually two things now, is the wanker motherfucking narrator people and TRI FORCES. Seriously, I get that it's the third game. I don't need 2568 triangles to prove it. I also don't need American cunt head telling me to upload every single last second of footage to YouTube. I really hated the X-Games bullshit banter and trashtalk in Dirt 2 (Which I also got for free courtesy of Steam and such) but it's toned down in Dirt 3, well sort of. It's actually worse, but there's less of it. I'm not sure which I would rather put up with. I made a few videos though and I'll probably add a few more, ya know TO BE A YOUTUBE SENSATION AMIGO BRAH. 
Mad skillz right? I play on PC if you hadn't guessed. Because I'm not an imbecile. 


I think that's how you spell it, I don't care. It's Minecraft/WoW/Zelda and it's fucking 2D. Enough said. Oh and there's flaming boomerangs and all my friends are obsessed with it. It's like £6 on Steam, you should probably pick it up.  (Man, adding pictures to accompany text on Giant Bomb is the most annoying thing ever) 
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I jumped into my friend's server/world and him and another friend had already got super amazing Judge Dredd looking armour, and other cool gadgets, I'm slowly catching up but I need something to get around faster. So far, the most useful piece of equipment I have is the grapplehook. That thing saved my damn life.

Alright, this hit TLDR territory a long time a go. Maybe more later. 

Why I think L.A Noire is not worthy of the praise.

I have decided after much deliberation with myself that I have a problem with all the praise L.A Noire is getting, I don't think it's fully justified. 
Let me start by saying I don't think L.A Noire is a game. I feel it is more of a set of very rigid interactive cutscenes with driving and shooting sections in between. 
In all of the reviews I've read, the game has received almost faultless praise and admiration. I think a lot of this comes down to the faces, yes, they're very good. Yes they're the best in any game so far (Except Phelps. Phelps' actor is too blinky and his mouth is funny) but does that mean the rest of the game should be ignored or let off for being slightly mediocre? No. 
The driving sequences are essentially filler between cases, unless you let your partner drive, in which case, the game is one big cutscene. Ofcourse, you're a cop so you have to drive reasonably sensibly and if you don't? The weird driving physics make you want to drive properly. I managed to jump a police car over a cliff and across the mouth of a tunnel, land it and carry on driving, the driving feels very stiff. I understand the game isn't meant to be a driving game, but when your game is 25% walking around looking for clues, 25% questioning people, 25% interrogating people and 25% driving around to cases, you better make sure it's somewhat entertaining. I guess the random street crimes help matters, maybe that's sort of why they're in there, but they soon become repetitive. Especially when most of them end up with a stiff being loaded into the back of a black ambulance. Whenever I see that cutscene I chuckle because Phelps looks as disappointed as I feel. On a side note, anyone else feel Phelps is a total kiss ass? It kind of grinds my gears.
When I got into my first crime scene I stumbled around and messed up a lot of things because I wasn't doing it the 'right' way. I felt angry about this because I was forgetting it was a game, I wanted to do things the way I would do them. I found this especially problematic when questioning that first woman. (Anyone else think all the women in L.A Noire look almost identical?) I didn't like the way I would press Doubt for instance and then Phelps would jump on the poor woman and exclaim she was the murderer or something. It felt wrong, I ended up failing that questioning and she refused to talk to me again, just because Phelps pounced on her with a bit of a blunt statement. 
I understand, by the way, before you tell me "That's your fault for not doing it right" that it is my fault. As a human, I wanted to explore the questioning my own way, not the way the game dictates. I can understand they had to stop somewhere, but I still feel the questioning and interrogations could have had a few more paths, or a deeper tree of questioning because there should be no right or wrong. I was wrong. This is more of a game than I ever imagined. In the sense that you're forced to play it a certain way at least. 
I think I'll stop there, I've shared most of my thoughts about the shortcomings of the game. Here's the important sentence: Don't get me wrong, I love L.A Noire, the story telling is fantastic and it's essentially CSI: 1940s which is great, I just felt that not enough had been said about some of the negative parts of the game. Please don't burn me. 
EDIT: I have just read Slaker117's review of L.A Noire and I can say he certainly explains my feelings a lot more in depth than I could be bothered to. 


Trialling a few blog ideas: Part one: What the hell shall I do?

Hello Giant Bomb, I've decided I'm sick of being a nobody around here. I want a niche,  I want to be known for something. I've decided with the help of Twitter that the best way to do that is to blog. Over the next few weeks I'll be trying to find a good idea for a blog which I will then keep up, I may even have a poll at the end of the trial blogs to see which turned out to be more popular amongst you. Or this could all fail and I'll stick to posting one worded replies to the odd thread. Who knows? THAT'S THE FUN! 
The problem is I'm struggling to think of any ideas, I'd like to do something that is fresh and new, something that no one else is already doing, so I turn to you guys, the community. What would you like to see in a blog? I'm a pretty sarcastic guy so my writing style usually follows that slightly, so whatever you throw at me will have a sarcastic twist I'm sure.  
But yeah, help me out here guys, I want my own proper blog!


So... my brand new bike got stolen today: The Aftermath.

A few days ago I blogged about having my bike stolen. after 2 days of sorting stuff out with witnesses and stuff here is the updated story.

At 4am on the 16th of May 2011, 3 witnesses saw 2 teenagers at the front of my girlfriends house, one was on a white BMX the other was on foot. One waited and played the role of lookout whilst the other broke into my girlfriend's shed and stole my bike. What strikes me as kind of scary and unnerving is that my bike was the only thing that was stolen and we were the only one's targeted on the street, which leads me to believe they were tipped off/knew what they were coming for. Scary stuff.

Having sorted stuff with insurance I have 2 options.

  • Receive £250 towards a new bike
  • Receive a replacement mountain bike by Mongoose.
 Close, but no cigar.
 Close, but no cigar.
Here's the replacement bike, not bad, but not the one I fell in love with. So I've decided to accept the £250. My bike is now down to £300 so all I have to do is make up the £50 and buy a replacement. Simple. Except I'll now also fork out around £100 on bike locks to make the bike extra secure.

Don't get me wrong, the more I look at it, that Mongoose bike is kinda nice, but with my other I know where I can take it and it will be built it for me. This Mongoose would be a self build, which I'm not keen on doing.

So yeah, I'd rather this whole ordeal didn't happen at all but what can you do?

Riot Bananas, making the best of shit situations.


So... my brand new bike got stolen today.

A week ago last year I wrote a thread about being burgled. This morning at 5am I was woken up to be told my brand new, £500 mountain bike had been stolen. I bought it on the 22nd of March 2011 and on the 16th of May it was stolen.   I should clarify, my bike was stolen from my girlfriend's house.

This is in the UK might I add. I feel so fucking angry, this is the second time in 12 months something like this has happened to me and the feelings it brings up are indescribable, I won't lie, I had a bit of a cry. I didn't believe it at first but nope, I checked the shed and it was gone. This bike was essentially my only real way of getting around the city, I can't afford to run a car with the insurance in the UK so this was it. I know the police won't do anything about it because it's a bike, bikes get stolen all the time. Mine's become just another statistic. 

I sincerely hope that whoever took it crashes into a speeding lorry.

We all know the type who would steal a bike, the real life Devvo's and the council estate lurkers. 

All related. All cunts. 
All related. All cunts. 

Money, Boredom, Claude's beard and I want an iPad.

Just another, not very famous at all "Chatting random shit about what I'm doing at this very moment" blog which people sarcastically got behind last time.

I'm typing this with a fantastic GIF of Claude's beard dancing to Deadmau5's 'Strobe' as my profile background. It's trippy as fuck. Anyway, I digress.

I guess I'm in one of those moods where I question fucking everything about myself like 'Why am I bored at work, but also bored when I finally get home?' useless shit like that. Recently I can't even game. I loved the Gears 3 Beta but now I can't sit for more than 10 minutes and endure being destroyed by the 'Sawed-Off' Fuck that gun.

Yeah I can't be fucked to finish th

This year is going to be amazing.

I don't have anything to do tonight so I've decided to blog. I've been playing a few games that I want to talk about and express my anticipation for some coming games.

What I've actually been doing this week...

All the Skyrim stuff I've been looking at recently made me buy Oblivion for Steam. I bought the Super Mega Deluxe Even More Oblivion Deluxe Game Of The Year Free Horse Armour Can You Believe It? Deluxe Edition Deluxe so I got all the DLC and I'm pretty impressed with how the game looks, 5 years since I first played it. Safe to say the first time I played Oblivion I was a fucking moron. I think I rolled a Nord Warrior or something equally boring. I got to like level 15 and got bitten by a fucking vampire. Then it took me 2 actual weeks to realise I had a glitch and I couldn't get rid of the curse. So I stopped playing Oblvion.

 Check me out. I'm green and people hate me.
 Check me out. I'm green and people hate me.

 This time I decided to roll a "Dunmer" and be a total prick to people. This seemed fitting for a Dunmer. I got out of the sewers and killed as many dudes as I could in Sneak so that the Dark Brotherhood dude showed up in the night, caught me wanking and told me to kill some guy called Rufio. I ganked Rufio and was welcomed into the guild of murderers with open arms. Seems like the type of group that might want to run back ground checks before they let random killers join their ranks but whatever.
I actually completed that quest where you have to sneak into the imperial prison and kill that jerk from the start of the game. Ironically, he was a Dunmer too. Dunmer is such a silly word. Anyway, I'm a bad ass "Agent" or something, a total pro at running stupidly fast and floaty jumps. That's enough about Oblivion.

Speaking of stupidly huge games that I've played before, I decided to make another trial account for EVE:Online.

This is the fourth time I've tried playing EVE. This time I told myself I'd be more patient with it and try and enjoy the spread sheets and fucking tiny god damn font. So I downloaded all 8 gig of the universe and jumped in. The first that struck me was the character creator, I got all excited expecting ground missions like Star Trek Online but I was mistaken, it's for a later date or something. When I won't be playing. So I actually got through the tutorial this time which was a fucking miracle, I flew around a bit and bought a new ship with my ISK. 

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Look at her, she's beautiful. Now you say 'Wow RiotBananas, that ship is amazing, how does she fly?'
And I reply 'I wouldn't know because I haven't got the right level of fucking skill to fly the fucking thing, don't worry though, it'll only take 8 hours'

So I bought a ship and then had to learn how to use it, even though it's not much different from the 'Rookie' one. I flew through 9 sections of space to pick up the damn thing too. EVE is a beautiful game and everything but the learning curve truly is a joke. Fair play to CCP for not doing anything about this whatsoever.

I ended up saying "Fuck this" and moving on to...

CHAMPIONS ONLINE! Yaaaaaay... no this game is still terrible, except now you don't have to pay. I did make a mean Reptile though. I'd take a screenshot to show you how amazing he looks but I really can't be arsed to load up that piece of shit again, incase they keep count of log in data to show their bosses. I want this game to die. If you want a superhero MMO look no further than DC Universe Online. At least they're doing something different with combat.
UPDATE: I totally forgot to mention WWE All Stars and Mortal Kombat so here goes...

Other than a few choice rounds of Ultimate Mortal Kombat III on 360 to get some Achievements to make my Gamerscore a multiple of 5 again, I have never really cared about Mortal Kombat, until a few weeks ago. I downloaded the demo at my girlfriends house and played against her brother for a while. That game is fucking amazing, my enjoyment of MK9 is probably more than that of SSFIV which was my game of choice for a long long time. It's a fantastic demo and Scorpion is my favourite so far, I'll obviously try out the others when the full game is released. I'm also pretty tempted to import a fight stick.

Last week, having watched the Quick Look, I also downloaded the demo for WWE All Stars, I never liked wrestling or the games that came from it but this game feels fantastic, it's fun and I've played the demo multiple times now, probably going to pick that up soon.

What I'll be doing in the coming weeks!

Well not really weeks, more 'rest of the year' other than choosing which music festival I want to go to, I'll be waiting for a few games.

Skyrim cannot come soon enough, I'm enjoying Oblivion again but it's a bit past it! Battlefield 3 is going to fill my first person shooter needs. I'll be getting it on PC ofcourse and hopefully playing with some of you guys too. I'll finally be able to kick the WoW habit with The Old Republic when that eventually drops. I seriously cannot fucking wait for that game.

A lot of people say the gameplay is still very WoW-like but I really couldn't care less, I saw a video of a "Flashpoint" which is BioWare's name for a dungeon, a Jedi threw his lightsaber at a boss and then leaped and it and started attacking. SOLD.

I haven't had much time to watch all the Whiskey Media content I'd like so I have to go catch up on Quick Looks and PAX stuff, god I haven't even started the PAX stuff.

Also, my girlfriend has a Giant Bomb account. Follow her and be kind.

EDIT: My girlfriend is not Michelle Rodriguez.

That's all, for now.