On line 5 is says 'peaked my interest' but I think what you mean is 'piqued'. That's the word from the saying anyway, even though they sound identical.
Critically, a lot of the dialogue is just describing the action that's about the occur which you should tend to avoid, because you'll describe it outside of the dialogue anyway. You should replace it with motivations and back story!
@fredchuckdave: Thanks for the advice I've never written anything like this before with dialogue lined up with that. It's for my theater class so feedback is sweet.
Okay, so I had to make this fictional story up consisting of actual people, so who better than to pick Dan Ryckert and Dr.Tracksuit in it!
It's set in the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure world because I saw it as fitting. Feedback would be cool, just thought I should share this weird thing I made.
If the rest of the Giant Bomb employees would have stands, what would they be?
Edit: Just realized I shouldnt post google docs stuff here, take a pastebin version of it instead
Yeah, I'm looking for two for friends because they're too afraid to make accounts and like actively look for them. I should make them wait but I care too much.
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