36 Comments
Posted by Death_Unicorn

It's a little short, and I felt like going most of a minute without breaking tension made me feel a little weird but that was pretty good! Far better than anything I could do.

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@Death_Unicorn: Thank you for the input. I'm glad you liked it

Edited by RankRabbit

Your rapping only reminded me of this garbage off of a you rage you lose thread.

Posted by WMWA

I hate to be an ass, but I kind of went into listening to this so I could laugh. It's actually pretty damn good. Nice laid back flow. I like the overly descriptive, paint a picture wordplay too. Good job, duder

Posted by SecondPersonShooter

I quite enjoyed that, I'm a rapper as well, I'm actually recording a song later tonight haha, I'll post it when i'm done. If you dig it I'd be interested in collaborating.

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@RankRabbit: Well I watched it and didn't lose, but I think a piece of my soul just died, and I'm never, ever gonna get that back.

But thanks for the feedback!

@wmaustin55: Thank you good sir. It was a fun verse to write, pretty quick too.

Posted by Duder_Me

You need to alter your voice and add some kind of accent to it to show enthusiasm. Other than that it's good.

Posted by MistaSparkle

I thought by Serious Sam Freeverse you were posting a trailer for a F2P Serious Sam online game or something...you uh...you weren't.

Now I'm no rapper, but it seems like you maybe need to get more comfortable with your voice, if that makes any sense. It's not bad at all and I like your lyrics its just that I think you could give it more feeling. That's what would make me enjoy it more at least! Otherwise good job!

Posted by Brother_PipPop

You need more power in your voice if that makes sense. But it was good, also it just kinda cut off.

Posted by BraveToaster

The lyrics were okay, nothing amazing. Your voice makes me not want to listen to the rest of your music.

Posted by EuanDewar

Your words are alright but your voice man, you're losing me on that shit. It's cool being laid back and that but it needs oomph dude.

Posted by Pacmanlh

Yeah, you can't sound like you're just reading it off a piece of paper. Put some feeling into it.

Posted by UncleClassy
@RankRabbit said:

Your rapping only reminded me of this garbage off of a you rage you lose thread.

  
  That punk cant even touch Sid the Kid!
Posted by SecondPersonShooter
Posted by RubberBabyBuggyBumpers

@RankRabbit said:

Your rapping only reminded me of this garbage off of a you rage you lose thread.

i have something even better!

Posted by JasonR86

@SarjuTheRapper:

This thread title makes it seem as if we have been doubting you and that you actually are a rapper and that we are, or at least should be, really impressed. That's a lot to assume.

Posted by Little_Socrates

@SecondPersonShooter: Could use a little more variation in rhythm; it's interesting for the first thirty seconds, but it just kept going at exactly the same rapid-fire pace throughout. Jay-Z's verse from Diamonds from Sierra Leone is the verse I'd usually post to remind people how much variation in tempo and delivery does to make a verse slick. Keeping on tempo is a good skill, but inventiveness is the heart of rap. And, yes, I know Jay-Z isn't a freestyle rapper, but that technique is more important than the lyrics in the long-run.

@SarjuTheRapper: Something is wrong with that beat; it's really, really bad. Just letting you know. Your actual flow is pretty solid, but your vocal delivery is too monotone. You need to either pick a voice, as many have suggested, or you need to be more energetic. For your consideration, listen to the song below.

That rapper, as you might be able to tell, is our own Jeff Gerstmann. But he doesn't sound like he does when he's talking at all, he is definitely performing. Find a way to perform, either through emotion or through "a voice" a la Eminem.

Posted by Jaytow

Yo dawg, you're fucking sick in the head! I can tell!

Posted by TinoXtreme

I have to agree with what most of the comments on this as your lyrics are good, but your delivery could use some work. Their are many laid back MCs you can look at and get inspiration from. Common would be my go to MC for laid back. As far as me personally, I love to freestyle on anything to practice. And listen to a lot of music and lean towards a style you like and tweak it to make it your own unique flavor. For me I love Wu-Tang Clan's flow back in 36 chambers, with the lyrical presence and energy of the Poor Righteous Teachers. Got to love 90s Hip Hop.

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@Duder_Me: @Little_Socrates: @TinoXtreme: @Pacmanlh: @Brother_PipPop: @MistaSparkle:

other than the insufferable intro, would guys prefer something a little more like this? Also, I made this with my friend riley (he's on second); he doesn't really rap that often, but I think he swagged it out more than i did anyway.

thanks for the feedback though; that honest but still constructive criticism is exactly what I come to GB for.

Posted by Ravenlight

@Little_Socrates said:

That rapper, as you might be able to tell, is our own Jeff Gerstmann. But he doesn't sound like he does when he's talking at all, he is definitely performing. Find a way to perform, either through emotion or through "a voice" a la Eminem.

Surburban All-Stars before lunch? This is going to be a great week, I can feel it :D

Posted by Everyones_A_Critic

@UncleClassy said:

@RankRabbit said:

Your rapping only reminded me of this garbage off of a you rage you lose thread.

That punk cant even touch Sid the Kid!

HELL YEAH!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY SID THE KID FAN HERE!!!

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@JasonR86 said:

@SarjuTheRapper:

This thread title makes it seem as if we have been doubting you and that you actually are a rapper and that we are, or at least should be, really impressed. That's a lot to assume.

making baseless assumptions is the best, most funnest part of the internet

Posted by TheHumanDove

Please god no

Posted by Little_Socrates

@SarjuTheRapper: That second song you posted is better, but I still think you need to go farther. If you're not gonna specifically take after Childish Gambino, you need more energy, and if you're gonna take after him, emotional connectivity with the lyrics is gonna be the key. But it is a lot closer, so striving a little longer is gonna be successful. I'll say this; your delivery is actually a lot more original than the rappers from my hometown, who mostly just do their best to ape Jay-Z.

Posted by Harkat

So duder, you like Madvillain, huh?

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@Little_Socrates: cool. i actually rap in a couple distinct voices and I like to assume personalities and stuff, but I need to develop them a bit more before I can show em off. Maybe I should just focus on the most evocative one and make him stand out...

I'll keep you posted

@Harkat said:

So duder, you like Madvillain, huh?

nah man, I love madvillain

Posted by Harkat

@SarjuTheRapper said:

@Little_Socrates: cool. i actually rap in a couple distinct voices and I like to assume personalities and stuff, but I need to develop them a bit more before I can show em off. Maybe I should just focus on the most evocative one and make him stand out...

I'll keep you posted

@Harkat said:

So duder, you like Madvillain, huh?

nah man, I love madvillain

Why Doom hold heat and preach non-violence?

Posted by Pacmanlh

Second song is way better, more of that. And HELL YEAH Madvillain!

Posted by SarjuTheRapper

@Harkat: now who's the real thugs and gangsters? spark the revolution, let em thangs bust and thank us!

Posted by WanderingBear

You remind me of this guy:

Good choice of beat also.

Posted by AhmadMetallic

You couldn't catch me in the streets without a ton of reefa, that's like malcolm X, catching a jungle feva

Posted by Harkat

@AhmadMetallic said:

You couldn't catch me in the streets without a ton of reefa, that's like malcolm X, catching a jungle feva

Came poetic too much flavor I major. Atlanta ain't braver I pull a number like a pager!

Posted by AhmadMetallic
@Harkat said:

@AhmadMetallic said:

You couldn't catch me in the streets without a ton of reefa, that's like malcolm X, catching a jungle feva

Came poetic too much flavor I major. Atlanta ain't braver I pull a number like a pager!

If this was 3 months ago I'd be calling you crazy (for rapping) but seriously, Nas is the shit.
Posted by Vinny_Says

You should scrap the smooth flow and just go angry on every track just like M.O.P.