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Sarumarine

Brad Shoemaker is a crystal lizard fiend.

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Metal Gear Saru (Metal Gear Solid 1-4)

Ah, Metal Gear Solid! What a strange, divisive franchise. I would be lying if I didn't say that Dan and Drew's recent escapades had inspired me to replay through the core 4 games of the series. From Playstation to Playstation 3, I went on all the main missions of Solid Snake and company in his struggle against top secret nuclear weapons and quirky top secret super soldiers.

Like when I played Donkey Kong Country 2, I tried to beat them as fast as I could out of challenge considering I've played some of these games to death. But this is by no means speedrun material. I never got below the 5 hour mark across my four playthroughs, mostly because I got caught up in the cutscenes sometimes. But the refresher course is nice, even if some of my performance was pretty garbage in some cases. Metal Gear Solid 4 was especially rough, oh man... but we'll get there eventually.

Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action

TIME: 5:25:22

CODENAME: Tarantula

The first time I saw anything about Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation 1 was in some magazine with maps of the Helipad and the Tank Hangar leading up to the first fight with Revolver Ocelot. The layout of the base and some of the tips on the sides of the pages really got my interest with the idea of sneaking inside a place and trying not to get caught. The weapons lockers and talk of various keycards was also pretty cool. Although it was years and years after its release before I actually got my hands on it.

This game was really something. I had never seen anything quite like it. The cutscenes and voice acting (regardless of quality) were interesting at the least. And the one thing I have to give this game is how memorable it is. It's a game with personality. MGS walks a line (much like the Yakzua series) where the characters within the game take everything really seriously. However, you're sneaking around in a cardboard box and there's a boss is reading your memory card while one character threatens you not to use a turbo button during a life or death interrogation.

The Good: Psycho Mantis

"There's no need for words, Snake. I'm Psycho Mantis!"

No Caption Provided

Easily my favorite boss in the entire series. Psycho Mantis was the moment I was completely sold on the game. He's such a fun idea with the way he uses his 'psychic powers' to read memory cards and the inputs from your controller. MGS always had a really firm grasp on how to use the fourth wall, whether through tutorials, or just to screw with you during a boss battle. The whole "switch controller ports" was amazing when Campbell called in about it. Totally unforgettable.

The Bad: Ocelot's Interrogation

"When your life reaches zero, the game is over. There are no continues, my friend."

Back when I first played the game, MGS kind of loses it's momentum right after Mantis where you have to do some backtracking to fight Sniper Wolf, and then get thrust into the interrogation scene. This was pretty damn hard back in the day. I wasn't really up on my button mashing, and beating Ocelot at his game gave me fits. It's still the low point of the game, which might be the point since Snake has been captured the situation is looking pretty bleak. If you give up, you can make it even bleaker (even though you get the best secret item in the game later on.) Still, the option to escape via ketchup sauce is pretty great.

The Verdict

Metal Gear Solid is one of my favorite games. I put it on a list and everything. I've got a memory card where I beat it on every single difficulty. Even Extreme, which took awhile because I messed up with my ration use and had to beat the Hind D fight with one hit left on my life meter. I didn't have much trouble returning to it, and even though I planned to skip the cutscenes, I ended up watching a bunch of them. Especially the Mantis fight. But to finish this out, I'll leave you with some great music.

Mantis Hymn

REX's Lair

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (Substance Edition)

TIME: 9:32:17

CODENAME: Scorpion

Metal Gear Solid 2 is where things got a little too weird for me. Not that this series was ever grounded with gasmask wearing psychics and walking nuclear equipped tanks. But whoa man, MGS2 goes to some crazy places. I wanted to beat this way faster, but I ended up re-watching the majority of the story just to remember how strange this game got. At the time, I remember being pretty puzzled at the stuff they tried to do with Raiden and early story beats reporting that Snake had died in the tanker. I went along with most of it because I really didn't know what was going on.

Now that I've played through the whole series and know the ins and outs of the insane plot, I can appreciate what they tried to do with this game way more. The bait and switch protagonist trick is still really ballsy looking back on it. And the layers and layers of meta? piled onto an already ridiculous series goes a little too far for me. However, it does have an excellent payoff in the Arsenal Gear section when your main radio contacts go absolutely nuts. It's one of my favorite Metal Gear moments, even if it's not in one of my favorite Metal Gear games. "I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-kiri rock. I need scissors! 61!"

The Good: Hot Metal Gear Solid 2 Music

"A Harrier? What is this!?"

While Metal Gear Solid 2 ranks pretty low on my Metal Gear spectrum, the one thing the game has in spades is the music. It has some of my favorite boss themes in most video games with the Dead Cell boss fights and the last boss theme with Solidus. I remember being pretty psyched when the Dead Cell boss theme made it into Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Fantastic choice. The Tanker and Big Shell areas also have some pretty great tunes when you're sneaking around or getting into a shoot out.

Big Shell Infiltration

Yell "Dead Cell"

The Weird: Fission Mailed

"We've managed to avoid drowning!"

The story is probably the biggest mark against it. It's pretty labyrinthine and nuts, and whether it actually made good on all that GW and Patriots stuff is probably up to the individual to decide. The few good payoffs in Arsenal Gear don't quite make up for the long cutscenes spouting off stuff like La-le-lu-li-lo and information control. Not to say I can't get deep with fiction, but for MGS I've always just wanted something on par with Die Hard or action movies with a bit of that Japanese flair involving bipedal machines called Metal Gear and cyborg ninjas.

The Verdict

Metal Gear Solid 2 rates pretty low for me. I do like what they did with the control scheme and how you go about shooting and sneaking around. The option to get through the game without killing anyone, even the bosses, is a pretty fantastic idea/challenge to subvert the kill-em-all nature a game like this usually has. Still, when Snake and Otacon talk about their adventures traveling around the world sabotaging and destroying Metal Gears, I rather like the sound of that.

Also I never liked the controls of the High Frequency Blade. I just gave Solidus the old one-two in the final fight and took him down like Little Mac would have done. Punch-Out!! style, baby.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (Subsistence Edition)

TIME: 9:32:11

CODENAME: Panther

I'd totally play a game as The Boss
I'd totally play a game as The Boss

Metal Gear Solid 3 is a real contender with Metal Gear Solid for my favorite game in the series. The Cold War setting was super refreshing after the techno madness of MGS2. This game introduces a lot of fun characters (even if they overstay their welcome later on) like The Boss and Naked Snake's codec crew. Of course, it also introduces the likes of The Pain and The End... but for the most part I really loved the jungle/survival paired with the eighties spy fiction direction of this game. Not to mention that title theme song. Snake Eater...

I played the Subsistence edition with the new camera controls. Again, I probably would have beaten this faster... but I really enjoy the cutscenes and story. It's still pretty crazy how close it is to my MGS2 time, which is strange because I felt like I beat this game way faster. Apparently not though. In any case, I love this game's selection of tools and weapons. I know it's a stealth game, but there are lots of fun combat options. The M37 shotgun is too much fun. And you can finally acquire and wield the greatest handgun ever made... the Colt Single Action Army. 6 shots... you know the rest.

The story is also (fairly) easier to follow and that really, really helps.

The Good: THE FURY

"Son of a biiiiitch!"

There's a lot of good in MGS3, but the high point for me would be the boss fight with The Fury. I love this guy. Having a shootout with this flamethrower in a line of tunnels is a lot of fun. Especially since you can change lanes by jumping across barriers or blowing up barrels. The fire effects are neat to watch (even if they have some fuzzy hitboxes) and you can use just about anything to kill him. Not to mention that boss theme. I especially love how he curses and yells as you score hits on him. His voice acting is pretty appropriate.

The Bad: The End...

On the other hand, you have The End. I know I'm in the minority on this one, but The End is the most boring boss fight in the entire series. He doesn't have cool music, and you can't even have a sniper battle with him because he'll sneak up behind you and KO you in one hit. The worst part is that he doesn't even kill you, and drags you back like seven screens. That's the thing about The End. He just wastes your time. Even for Metal Gear, that's just dumb.

My favorite way to deal with him is equip the shotgun and thermal goggles and go hunting. Blasting this asshole in the back is tons of fun. I know that killing him makes you miss out on his tranq rifle... but he's so boring. It's a nice bonus that there are two ways to skip him if you're doing another playthrough and really don't care about his stuff.

The I-Don't-Understand-How-to-CQC: The Boss

Now, you think that maybe the final fight in the game would be really great. However, I don't understand how CQC works with her. I've looked online and read forums, but I have no idea what you're supposed to do when she rushes you. I've rotated sticks and pressed circle, but she floors me every time. So the Boss just becomes a hide-and-go seek match with a tranq pistol and stun grenades. She's an alright fight I guess, but no where near as good as fighting Liquid in MGS. I miss the simplicity of punching, kicking, and dodging.

The Verdict

Metal Gear Solid 3 is really cool and a major contender with the first game in the series. I feel like I've said enough with the setting and the camo system and weapons... so I'll just leave some more great music. Fantastic soundtrack. Snake Eater...

Sidecar - Escape from the Fortress

Snake Eater Theme

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

TIME: 6:46:33

CODENAME: Hyena

Too much. If I had to describe Metal Gear Solid 4 in one phrase, it would be: too much. I know that at some point this was supposed to be the last in the series, but the way the story goes and all the characters they try to bring back, it just feels too much. Nothing about it feels particularly effortless. MGS4 is my least favorite of the bunch, no contest. The lengths they go for callbacks or fan service breaks my willing suspension of disbelief. And I know it's a Metal Gear Solid game, but the idea that REX would still be functional so many years after the absolute beating Snake gives it is in MGS is... ridiculous! I don't think even Senator Armstrong can talk his way out of that. And that's not even really worth complaining about compared to the other stuff in this game.

The mood whiplash is strong enough to break your neck
The mood whiplash is strong enough to break your neck

They also throw a lot of creepy voyeuristic stuff right in your face. Usually that was hidden enough where you had to work for it or know a thing or two about easter eggs. But most of the major boss battles end in some woman (motion captured from a fashion model) in a cat suit stumbling toward you, usually trying to hug you and dodging your bullets like they're Psycho Mantis on controller port 1. I don't really see what it adds to the experience other than "pretty sexy creepy, right?" If you want to be optimistic, you could chalk it up to the horrors of war or something how video games desensitize people ala MGS2... but I feel like it's really unearned in this case.

The Good: All those Wonderful Weapons

It's not all bad though. I'm not trying to say that MGS4 is the worst thing in the world. It just doesn't move at my speed. The one thing that I do really love about it is the insane selection of weapons and the collection aspect that has to do with finding new inventory. There are a lot of cool choices that reference other MGS games. From the Mac 10 from the MSX Metal Gear, the Five-seveN from the GBC Ghost Babel, to Fortune's Rail Gun from MGS2. The one glaring omission is the FAMAS from MGS... but I suppose the SOCOM could cover that. In any case, the weapon variety on display here is impressive and you're never at a loss for options. My favorite is equipping non-lethal air foil rounds on the automatic shotgun.

The few parts of the game where you're in the middle of a warzone between two sides is also neat as you can try to pick a side to help or simply sneak your way through them. It's where you can put a lot of your weapons to use if you want.

The Bad: Death of a Thousand Cuts

Oh man, Vamp. When I figure out the oddly specific button combination for CQC, you're toast
Oh man, Vamp. When I figure out the oddly specific button combination for CQC, you're toast

Really my beef with MGS4 is no simple thing. The story is what it is, but there are lot of little annoying things in this game. The boss battles don't feel as fun as previous entires. Also the fight with Vamp is really dumb. I knew what I had to do but it took me forever to figure out the right button combination or where I was supposed to stand in order to pull it off. The REX vehicle segment in the tunnel is really frustrating as I take damage from all over and have no idea where it's coming from or how it's happening. The final fight with Ocelot suddenly getting a different control scheme was also pretty frustrating. Overall, I just didn't have as much fun. And I feel like it maybe has to do with this game being so busy making references to previous MGS, that it doesn't have the time to be its own thing.

Or at least it feels like to me.

The Verdict

However, that hallway scene (you know the one) at the end of the game is still really well done. All you're doing is mashing a button, but the tone of the scene and emotions they're trying to evoke is really on point. I especially love that amidst the dire straights of Snake and crew, Sunny suddenly shows up at the end making eggs during the last stand of the final battle. I know it's supposed to be a symbolic deal as she's been trying to make eggs the entire game... but still. Pretty great.

Then there's whole ending scene and what could of been with the reappearance of characters that should be ground mulch... but whatever! Metal Gear Solid. Nanomachines, son! Kojima Productions. Remember the name.

Metal Gear Verdict

I'm really glad this series exists. I don't quite love it as much as some people do, but I do find it entertaining and enjoy the weird personality it brings to the table more often than not. And because I use the internet, I feel like maybe Kojima's ego is becoming too big of a deal with this series. Almost too involved in a David Cage sort of way where people no longer see the game and only focus on the director. It's really hard to tell if that guy is in on the joke or really believes his own hype, but I don't know if I have any plans to check out Metal Gear Solid 5 immediately when it comes out. I will get around to playing it eventually like I always do with this series... but I guess I'll be interested to see how it shakes out.

Blackout!

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