E3 Press Conferencing it up

Microsoft

  • Modern Warfare 3 involves going apeshit in a submarine and a bunch of shit blowing up. I still haven't played the first two though. They haven't hit the magic $5 on Steam price point for me to bite.
  • The new Tomb Raider looks pretty cool, though all the set piece stuff makes it seems like the script flipped and now it's biting some style from Uncharted.
  • Mass Effect 3 is going to have some voice recognition stuff for kinect, but more importantly the ability to shank dudes with your omnitool.
  • A bunch of Kinect crap I don't care about.
  • Gears of War 3 is probably going to be rad, also to feature a song by Body Count Body-mothafuckin-Count
  • The New New Xbox experience is going to happen, and it's finally going get rid of the shittastic current dashboard. They're adding better voice controls and crap, but I'm more interested in not having to cycle through ads to get to the goddamn game in my drive. Also some Youtube and Bing functionality, because I totally forgot that the xbox doesn't have a browser.
  • Forza 4 is really just a love letter to gullwing doors, and you know what, I think we need that.
  • Peter Molyneux is going to take us on The Journey, unfortunately it doesn't involve the kind of rails you'd want it to.
  • Halo 1 hd remix is a thing, as well as Halo 4, which is the start of a whole new trilogy. How they're going to pull off a trilogy this deep into a hardware cycle is anyone's guess. Mine involves Halo 5 being on the next system.

Breakdown to things I'm actually going to buy on an 360: Gears of War 3

EA

  • More Mass Effect 3, which makes me pretty stoked to play it. I also almost feel bad about killed Ash since they made her hot and all.
  • Need for Speed: The Run might involve getting out of your car and having parkour qtes. Audible groan.
  • Star Wars: The Old Republic continues to be the market leader of awesome trailers that are completely unrepresentative of the mmo gaming experience.
  • New SSX happening, somewhere I imagine Sean Coonce fist pumping with glee.
  • Futbol and football, and Peyton Hillis is dreamy. What?
  • Creepy ass Sims facebook game, which I'm kind of surprised hasn't happened already, honestly.
  • Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning actually looks pretty cool, plus, Rich Gallup's got to earn a paycheck somehow.
  • Overstrike is Insomnia's multiplat game, looks like a 4-player bro-op affair with a Team Fortress 2-ish artstyle.
  • Battlefield 3 looks amazing, but I'm probably never going to play it. I mean, their tanks took more than 1 hit, which is not at all what I remember from the little I played of Battlefield 2.

Will buy: Mass Effect 3 on the pc

Ubisoft: or Mr. Methamphetamine's wild ride

  • Rayman Origins looks kinda neat and Michel Ansel is a rogue Shakespearean thespian.
  • Driver: San Francisco, honestly, I was kind of hoping for an explanation for the whole coma, mind-jacking cars thing they talked about before, but alas, it was not meant to be.
  • Far Cry 3 or man, why didn't anyone else try to get out of these shitty ropes?
  • Brothers in Arms: Furious Four so they managed to cross Borderlands and Inglorious Basterds, though sadly it seems like there is distinct lack of Til Schweiger.
  • I'll confess to knowing nothing about the Adventures of Tintin: The Game or otherwise, and I went and ate during the overlong Future Soldier thing.
  • Glistening french ladies in heels! Oh, and TrackMania 2, I guess.
  • The guy who makes those Raving Rabbids games looks like that was what he was born to do.
  • Rocksmith lets you plug in any old guitar you have and play along with the tab, but the short glimpse of the interface doesn't look very appealing.
  • We're still making those Just Dance and Your Shape things!
  • Oh fuck, who cares about the rest of that shit, when you've got an old and grizzled Ezio wrecking shit? Okay, so the flamethrower was ridiculous, man, I can't help but want to see how they follow up what goes down at the end of Brotherhood.

Yeah, totally buying Assassin's Creed: Revelations

Sony

  • Starting the show with the shows topper probably wasn't the best move. The lighting and water in Uncharted 3 look amazing.
  • In other news, they still make those Resistance games.
  • They're going to HD-ify and 3D-ify the psp God of War games, they were both pretty good, but I think I finished both in under 5 hours. Same treatment and collection for Shadow of the Colossus / Ico.
  • Kobe didn't call anyone a faggot while playing NBA2k12, not even in Italian. I would've known!
  • Nice job, Jeremy
  • inFamous 2, where fire lady is bad and ice lady is good. It's hard to get too hyped up that's going to be on my doorstep TOMORROW.
  • I hear Starhawk is going to have an actual campaign mode, unlike the ps3 rendition of Warhawk. I can only hope bizarre fmv is involved. At least cluster missiles are, at any rate.
  • The art style on that Sly Cooper game looks pretty fantastic, though I've never played one, personally
  • Dust 514 links into the economy of EVE online somehow, all I know is a lot of ISK is at stake.
  • Ken Levine showed up and said maybe they'll do some Move crap with Bioshock Infinite! Well, that and there's going to be a free copy of Bioshock on every Infinite bluray.
  • A bunch of crap about the new portable, the Vita, the most surprising part involved the price point being Uncharted, Ruin, Modnation Racers, LittleBigPlanet 2 and Street Fighter x Tekken. Ruin also stole the transfarring thunder, without any printed out powerpoint slides whatsoever.

I'll buy Uncharted 3 for sure, and inFamous is on the way. The Vita is a tough call, since I know how much I play with my other portables, but I can't deny the desire to want to at least get my hands on one. I'll have to append this to include nintendo tomorrow morning.

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Posted by Satsugai

Microsoft

  • Modern Warfare 3 involves going apeshit in a submarine and a bunch of shit blowing up. I still haven't played the first two though. They haven't hit the magic $5 on Steam price point for me to bite.
  • The new Tomb Raider looks pretty cool, though all the set piece stuff makes it seems like the script flipped and now it's biting some style from Uncharted.
  • Mass Effect 3 is going to have some voice recognition stuff for kinect, but more importantly the ability to shank dudes with your omnitool.
  • A bunch of Kinect crap I don't care about.
  • Gears of War 3 is probably going to be rad, also to feature a song by Body Count Body-mothafuckin-Count
  • The New New Xbox experience is going to happen, and it's finally going get rid of the shittastic current dashboard. They're adding better voice controls and crap, but I'm more interested in not having to cycle through ads to get to the goddamn game in my drive. Also some Youtube and Bing functionality, because I totally forgot that the xbox doesn't have a browser.
  • Forza 4 is really just a love letter to gullwing doors, and you know what, I think we need that.
  • Peter Molyneux is going to take us on The Journey, unfortunately it doesn't involve the kind of rails you'd want it to.
  • Halo 1 hd remix is a thing, as well as Halo 4, which is the start of a whole new trilogy. How they're going to pull off a trilogy this deep into a hardware cycle is anyone's guess. Mine involves Halo 5 being on the next system.

Breakdown to things I'm actually going to buy on an 360: Gears of War 3

EA

  • More Mass Effect 3, which makes me pretty stoked to play it. I also almost feel bad about killed Ash since they made her hot and all.
  • Need for Speed: The Run might involve getting out of your car and having parkour qtes. Audible groan.
  • Star Wars: The Old Republic continues to be the market leader of awesome trailers that are completely unrepresentative of the mmo gaming experience.
  • New SSX happening, somewhere I imagine Sean Coonce fist pumping with glee.
  • Futbol and football, and Peyton Hillis is dreamy. What?
  • Creepy ass Sims facebook game, which I'm kind of surprised hasn't happened already, honestly.
  • Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning actually looks pretty cool, plus, Rich Gallup's got to earn a paycheck somehow.
  • Overstrike is Insomnia's multiplat game, looks like a 4-player bro-op affair with a Team Fortress 2-ish artstyle.
  • Battlefield 3 looks amazing, but I'm probably never going to play it. I mean, their tanks took more than 1 hit, which is not at all what I remember from the little I played of Battlefield 2.

Will buy: Mass Effect 3 on the pc

Ubisoft: or Mr. Methamphetamine's wild ride

  • Rayman Origins looks kinda neat and Michel Ansel is a rogue Shakespearean thespian.
  • Driver: San Francisco, honestly, I was kind of hoping for an explanation for the whole coma, mind-jacking cars thing they talked about before, but alas, it was not meant to be.
  • Far Cry 3 or man, why didn't anyone else try to get out of these shitty ropes?
  • Brothers in Arms: Furious Four so they managed to cross Borderlands and Inglorious Basterds, though sadly it seems like there is distinct lack of Til Schweiger.
  • I'll confess to knowing nothing about the Adventures of Tintin: The Game or otherwise, and I went and ate during the overlong Future Soldier thing.
  • Glistening french ladies in heels! Oh, and TrackMania 2, I guess.
  • The guy who makes those Raving Rabbids games looks like that was what he was born to do.
  • Rocksmith lets you plug in any old guitar you have and play along with the tab, but the short glimpse of the interface doesn't look very appealing.
  • We're still making those Just Dance and Your Shape things!
  • Oh fuck, who cares about the rest of that shit, when you've got an old and grizzled Ezio wrecking shit? Okay, so the flamethrower was ridiculous, man, I can't help but want to see how they follow up what goes down at the end of Brotherhood.

Yeah, totally buying Assassin's Creed: Revelations

Sony

  • Starting the show with the shows topper probably wasn't the best move. The lighting and water in Uncharted 3 look amazing.
  • In other news, they still make those Resistance games.
  • They're going to HD-ify and 3D-ify the psp God of War games, they were both pretty good, but I think I finished both in under 5 hours. Same treatment and collection for Shadow of the Colossus / Ico.
  • Kobe didn't call anyone a faggot while playing NBA2k12, not even in Italian. I would've known!
  • Nice job, Jeremy
  • inFamous 2, where fire lady is bad and ice lady is good. It's hard to get too hyped up that's going to be on my doorstep TOMORROW.
  • I hear Starhawk is going to have an actual campaign mode, unlike the ps3 rendition of Warhawk. I can only hope bizarre fmv is involved. At least cluster missiles are, at any rate.
  • The art style on that Sly Cooper game looks pretty fantastic, though I've never played one, personally
  • Dust 514 links into the economy of EVE online somehow, all I know is a lot of ISK is at stake.
  • Ken Levine showed up and said maybe they'll do some Move crap with Bioshock Infinite! Well, that and there's going to be a free copy of Bioshock on every Infinite bluray.
  • A bunch of crap about the new portable, the Vita, the most surprising part involved the price point being Uncharted, Ruin, Modnation Racers, LittleBigPlanet 2 and Street Fighter x Tekken. Ruin also stole the transfarring thunder, without any printed out powerpoint slides whatsoever.

I'll buy Uncharted 3 for sure, and inFamous is on the way. The Vita is a tough call, since I know how much I play with my other portables, but I can't deny the desire to want to at least get my hands on one. I'll have to append this to include nintendo tomorrow morning.