I was out at a party in a bar. I was hitting it off with a girl. I bought her a drink. She was a little drunk. She was all over me, rubbing my leg. Her place was around the corner.

You know what I did next? I left. To go to a friend's house and play board games. True story.

Why did I do that? Why? I do a lot of strange things which I don't fully understand, but this truly takes the cake. The job is halfway done. And something stops me. Maybe she's too drunk. Maybe I know it's just lust. Maybe it's too soon. But why should that matter?? I'm a hot-blooded male created to stab everything that moves with my... handle of power ? Why would I stop myself from doing the inevitable? I didn't get her number, will probably never see her again.

Why do I keep myself miserable. And usually I know my primal purpose and why I've done such a thing, but in this case, I have no idea why. It's not like I'd have been doing anything wrong. I just said "Done" and walked off. Why? Maybe deep down I knew I'd probably have screwed it up anyways.

I didn't even ENJOY myself that much at my friend's house. It all makes little sense. It's safe to say I'm a tortured soul. I try to do everything right and I'm miserable. Even when I'm not doing anything wrong, I feel like I am and deny myself.

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*Cry*