1. Crash Bandicoot
Seriously? This was Sony's sort-of-mascot for a while? And he's still the lead on Xperia Play? Did I miss the memo where somebody explained why I should give a shit about this character?
Fuck you, Knuckles. No one likes you. You're like the soft serve to Sonic's ice cream sundae. Go shine my shoes, bitch. Do something useful with yourself.
In the words of California's most beloved governor, in his most beloved role: "What the hell are you?"
4. Kid Icarus
Aren't you supposed to be dead? Hell, you're more like the proto-typical dumb-ass teenager than a protagonist. Maybe if you spent more time listening to your dad and less time peppering eggplants with arrows, you wouldn't have fallen into the damned ocean. (Where did you get that bow anyway?)
5. Bad Dudes
Where are your credentials, sir? Am I to take this supposed "badness" of yours at face value? Balderdash!