I don't usually do this (review films or post user-reviews in a blog), but after re-watching the sublime 2005 monster schlock that is Feast... I dunno, I just had the urge to gush out the enjoyment I had. And considering the state screened.com has unfortunately found itself in (though I've still posted it on there anywhoo), I decided to post it on here. As a blog, rather than sticking them on my status par the course. Which already feels somewhat egotistical and like I've now opened up the flood gates for all sorts of rampant criticism and belittlement and the tears and--OK, well first things first. I'm not a very good writer, and I'm not exactly aspiring to be one either. I just enjoy writing up user-reviews as a way to better contain my thoughts, and should people read or even recommend (which I have an astonishing amount for my GB user-reviews for some reason), then all the better!

Feast is a monster movie; it's a ''one crazy night'' movie; it's also nothing that exactly pushes forward either of the sub-genres. But at the same time, Feast manages to turn certain conventions on its head and will keep even genre die-hards guessing as to who and when certain characters will have their entrails ripped out. It's almost like a comical documentary about our conceptions of the 'horror movie cast', but one that is made well within the bounds of what it is commentating towards.

Directed by John Gulager, who has continued on with two sequels--which I haven't seen yet, but considering the highs Feast manages to reach, it can only go down?--Feast pays homage to many of the typical cliches and tropes found within this sort of movie, and... doesn't exactly parody said tropes and cliches, but rather twists them around in a humorous fashion. This is a movie that is self-aware--featuring many winks and even a few nods here and there--yet conventional, and is a completely competent, no great, ''one crazy night staving off a horde of monsters'', movie.

The story begins paying host to the cast of archetypes (I mean that quite literally; all characters are under a specific title such as ''Hero'' and ''Beer Guy''), creatively pausing the scene to give a brief run-down of a character, complete with a fun-fact and an estimate on how long they'll live. But the estimates are... pretty unreliable, to say the least. The best part of the movie is forever knowing that anyone can die (well, not literally, but you get the drift). And die people do, in appropriately gory fashion.

The plot is wafer-thin, but it's nonetheless an awesome premise and one that is executed well here. Basically set around a small tavern in the middle of nowhere, monsters seemingly appear from wherever and begin an assault on the tavern, all just so they can fill up their tummy tum tum. And that's quite literally it; windows will be boarded, barricades will be built, and cleavage will be on display. What works is the details; alongside the brilliant introduction, the writing is rather witty across its 86 minute running down, and the direction does a fine job in eliciting both laughs, scares, tension, and even sorrow when the movie occasionally calls for it. Gulager is perhaps a little too liberal with his use of the shaky cam during the most hectic scenarios, but that doesn't get in the way of pouring the gore to the top of the glass. One moment where a poor soul loses an eye definitely stood out.

The acting is about on-par with the writing, and while this isn't exactly the kind of movie that demands much, the sharp writing goes hand in hand with a largely competent set of players, including Judah Friedlander as Judah Friedlander, Henry Rollins as a pretty funny motivational speaker called ''Coach'', and Balthazar (seriously) Getty as the poster-boy redneck, ''Bozo''.

The overall pacing is pretty tight, never letting the movie linger for too long without moving onto something blood-filled or crazy. And even when it does linger, the characters and the dialogue are so enjoyable that I was perfectly fine with actually getting to know these people. The 'creatures' themselves are largely generic, however, but the kills they'll commit and those teeth do enough to let you know they're to be feared. Though again, Feast perhaps falls back onto the shaky cam (while clearly in play because of the budget) just a wee too much. Things don't become outright disorientating like the worst offenders, but other tricks such as clever camera angles, shadows or something could of been put to better use to help keep the monsters fearsome while still avoiding to put them in any full body shots. Regardless, Feast's sole environment manages to look pretty good, most notably when the Tavern's power runs out and the backup generator dips the place into an orange hue. The moment when the sun begins to beam through the windows was well done too, giving the impression that God himself was welcoming the survivors into his embrace right out of the Hell they endured. Cliched as the metaphorical Hell they were stuck in, but damn did it still feel gratifying, like I myself could almost feel the radiating warmth.

Feast is a simple movie within a relatively simple sub-genre, but what makes it impressive is for how different it still felt as I was watching it. It's without a doubt one of the better monster movies you can find coming from this century, and despite the budget, Gulager manages to display a surprising degree of quality against the still strong quantity of blood and guts. Tasty.

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Also I recently watched 'Seconds Apart' too (gone on a blu-ray binge, buying all kinds of horror movies), which is rubbish. Oh, and 'A Tale of Two Sisters', which was... pretty good, but I'm not in the camp who appear to adore that movie. There was only one truly scary scene, and it fell back on the asian-horror mother of all cliches with a woman whose face is completely covered up by her long, dark hair. The psychological part was great at least; I loved the performance of the step-mother too, especially the dinner scene when she's recalling a 'funny' story. I dunno what it is, though... I feel like it may be one of those movies that I'll appreciate more once I re-watch it down the line.