Flashin' them Purps
Though it occupies the same open world, gang story genre as the Grand Theft Auto series, Saints Row: The Third almost shares more in common with an episode of WWE Raw than it does with Rockstar’s seminal franchise. Besides the actual wrestling moves available in combat, it is implausibly gaudy and brutally violent, but a key difference comes across quickly. It presents itself with a swagger, a smirk and a nod if you will; Saints Row knows how stupidly impossible all its missions are, especially as you’re sent hurtling out of an airplane for the umpteenth time, but it does so with such unabashed charm that lacking narrative, elementary enemy AI, and general roughness are overcome for nearly a dozen hours of play. Volition has done this one right.
In Saints Row: The Third’s fictional city of Steelport, gangs of luchadores roam freely, virtual reality ala Neuromancer tangibly exists, and more often than not helicopters serve as the main mode of transportation. Police try their best to keep the gangs at bay, but they’re just a minor distraction, a mere blip on the radars of the gangster demigods that run the city. Enter The Third Street Saints, the previously Stilwater-bred bunch of ne’er-do-wells stocked with an overabundance of weapons, fanfare, and good old fashion chutzpah. Players control “The Boss” of the Saints, a figure bend on taking the gang to the top of the crime syndicate ecosystem through a hail of bullets and explosions.
Absurd is a word to describe most things players can do in Saints Row: The Third. Clotheslining a rival gang member after dropping 8000 feet off the side of a skyscraper, only to then call in a troop of reinforcements that consists of grenade hurling ninjas isn't even the height of the weirdness that somehow becomes natural after a few hours. Hulk Hogan, Burt Reynolds, and Tara Patrick all contribute their voices to main characters, and the radio stations blast everything from classical music, perfect for aerial assaults, to Adult Swim talk shows. This game. Is. Weird.
Before falling into The Third’s vacuum of insanity, you’ll get a taste of what is to come from the character creator. The available customization is anatomically comprehensive, and tweaking every option from top to bottom made me feel attached to my Boss in an otherwise absurd world. With that being said, there are plenty of options that could easily turn the sense of closeness into more absurdity. Want to make a green skinned, subhuman freak that talks in zombie voice? Why not? In fact, Saints Row encourages it.
Playing Saints Row: The Third evokes triumph, goofiness, and power, a deep contrast when compared to Grand Theft Auto IV’s attempts at drama and moral quandary. You’ll mow through hundreds, if not thousands of competing gang members with the greatest of ease, and nearly every adverse action—base jumping, driving on the wrong side of the road, headshots, near crashes, etc.—is rewarded with “Respect” (read: experience points). Speed and ease of accomplishment complement these tasks to get players into the action with little to no resistance. For example, hijacking a car is already a quick task, but holding down the sprint button to perform a flying leap through the windshield—again, professional wrestling’s influence cannot be understated here—makes it a two second affair. Yeah it’s impossible to hijack a car this way, but in the insane world of Saints Row it makes sense, and from a design perspective gets players to their goal in a more stylish and satisfying way.
Like most other open world contemporaries, Saints Row features plenty of side missions in addition to a main story line, all of which add to your Respect points and money reserves. Through the core narrative, you’ll do at least one of each type of side activity, with dozens more littering the city. Most of them, like Trail Blazing—driving a flaming ATV that blows cars to smithereens at the slightest touch through checkpoints—are silly fun that will earn you more scratch and Respect to upgrade weapons, health bars, and various other support abilities, but several side mission categories aren’t ones that you’ll want to play twice.
Little micro-objectives also pop up frequently during normal play. Deploying a parachute always makes a base-jumping landing mini-game notification appear, jumping on a car’s hood can lead to a car surfing balancing act, and photo opportunities on street corners all are unobtrusive acts that add to the collective Respect pile. They are always optional and never require much of a time commitment; serving to fill out the world and never let players grow bored.
For all its excitement and bombastic moments, Saints Row: The Third’s main story structure is weirdly disjointed and doesn’t make much sense—and not in the same “We know this doesn’t make sense, but it’s fun” way that the developers followed with the combat and character creation mechanics, but in a “What the hell is going on?” one. There are far too many cutscenes that break things up and I often felt like some plot was simply cut out or skipped over by them. Thankfully, the humor, dialogue, and mission scripting—the content of the story—all coalesce into unmitigated lunacy and silliness that keeps things interesting in the otherwise erratic structure.
Most of your time spent in Steelport revolves around blowing things up, and Saints Row: The Third is a pretty good third-person shooter. Almost every weapon and vehicle in the game is upgradable, but even at the base level feel snappy and effective. Saints Row quickly introduces helicopters, sleek sports cars, and even predator missile systems into the mix, giving a wide repertoire of destruction to players. From the pistols to SUVs, everything has a use for the entire duration of the game, with certain strengths for specific situations. There are also some semi-secret weapons that I purposefully went out of my way to use. Sure, some aren’t the most effective choice, but more silliness made my experience just a little bit better.
Even though the guns are all punchy and powerful—and explosions are a given for every mission—the opposing law breakers and enforcers to use them on don’t put up much of a fight. Rival gangs stand around just waiting to be shot, and the only advantage they have is sheer numbers. True, Saints Row does derive much of its strength from letting players act out a gangster power fantasy, but the AI’s lack of finesse is still disappointing.
Like Volition’s Red Faction Guerrilla, Saints Row: The Third hardly ever manages to keep a stable frame rate. Also like its terrorist simulator cousin, a great sense of scale and space permeates Saints Row, but fine details are all but lost amongst the intense verticality. Character models lack much of the same expression that the voice actors put out, the usual amount of open world pop in makes an appearance, and glitches frequently rear up. Nothing game breaking ever surfaced during my playtime, just irksome quirks and bizarre occurrences. Your tolerance of such things will vary, and I didn’t find any bugs to be too obstructive.
When I finished Saints Row: The Third I felt pretty satisfied. Your enjoyment hinges on how much you connect with the humorous dialogue, crazy missions, and solid action mechanics and it’s entirely possible that some won’t be able to get past the technical flaws and narrative goofs that bedevil this release. If you can forgive those, then you’ll be treated to a specific brand of crazy that is an oddity at worst and like a gleeful daydream at best.
