The Dark Souls of Shit
Sexy Hiking manages to occupy the same emotional, cultural, and, perhaps most important, personal space in the zeitgeist of games as underground classics like Dwarf Fortress, Rogue, and The Three Stooges (Digitally Remastered Edition). The very first obstacle in the game--a massive tree, dwarfing the player-controlled character and his simple hammer with it's impenetrable oaken shaft and jutting branches--can leave one stuck for a good 10 to 15 minutes as they cope with the inevitable futility of the universe and, indeed, the entirety of the gaming medium. If one addresses games through this perhaps warped but ultimately factually sound lens, then Sexy Hiking can be seen as the zenith of what we as humans have achieved with this interactive medium.
Like the opening shot of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, in which the familiar image of two planets are quickly subverted by the horizon of another, followed by a space pursuit in which one ship is made mostly of round shapes and another--clearly the antagonist--made entirely of sharp angles, the very first shot of this poetic masterpiece tells one all they need to know about Sexy Hiking. It may require some thinking, but anyone that spent time studying Dostoevsky's great works should be able to pick up on what Sexy Hiking is laying down. Your player character is simply a head and a pair of legs, with a detached pair of gloves handling a small hammer. This image alone communicates the central themes in Sexy Hiking; much like the monstrous Grendel, the character (henceforth dubbed Hikey) has had his arms removed in a manner similar to castration--he can no longer physically interact with the world before him. However, what he does have are disembodied hands literally handling a tool--Hikey's member now wielded by an outside force. This represents how the common hiker, in the pursuit of sexiness, has become detached from common conceptions of masculinity and is left entirely to the outside world's control.
The ways the player can interact with their environment in a tactile way is, befitting of the growing indie genre, also central to the game's themes. Much like Gone Home, in which your method of interaction was investigating various objects after you were told explicitly not to, you'll soon find your main method of progress requires using your hammer--again, Hikey's castrated penis. You can use the arrow keys to walk back and forth, but there's no way to jump without literally slamming your hammer into the ground, or literally fucking the dirt. While using the arrow keys and mouse is highly unwieldy and teaches you to not rely on your own two legs and an outside force to control your sense of self, this takes a back seat to the good ol' fashioned dirtfuckin'. In Greek mythology, Gaia was the goddess of the Earth, and the mother of all things. By symbolically copulating with the Earth, the utter frustration of loss of masculinity is expressed in a Freudian incestual relationship. Like American Psycho or Fight Club, the lack of self-expression as dictated by outer society leads only to anger and destruction. Not to mention the first obstacle, the massive tree, is a clear phallic symbol that makes all the more clear Hikey's own penis envy.
The anger inherent to Sexy Hiking's central theme is represented by the end goal being a massive, wildly spinning, angry face. The incredibly difficult method of controlling Hikey and the explicitly clear phallus envy themes in Sexy Hiking make it a clear candidate for Game of the Year of All Years.
I played some Sexy Hiking and I started drinking and i havent stopped and that was three hours ago hold on theres still some mountain dew and vodka left in this jar uh sexy hiking is fucking shit, i get that its a joke but its not a funny one. id rather eat my nails than play more sexy hiking
