(And welcome back to this weird little feature.) Last time, I introduced the feature and the cast for this game, and that was it. Absolutely nothing else happened, mainly because I spent too much time introducing the feature. So with that out of the way, gameplay's sure to come, right?

Well, not at first. I find myself dropped in some magic inn or whatever. I wasn't really paying attention, but that's not important. What is important is that all of my characters fall prey to the influence of Banthor. What do I mean by that? They start looting things like crazy. It gets so bad that Banthor eventually begins complaining about being too weighed down with loot. One quick load later, and I explain to every single last one of them that they are actually buying things from the chests. I guess the vomiting treasure chests from Dragon Quest got tired of beating people up and decided to become businessmen. So what's their response now? "Let's go shopping!" I leave them alone for twelve minutes and come back to this:

• Sexyface himself, rocking some sort of odd S&M look.
• Neutralio is just confused by the affair. Should he be developing opinions on this?
• Issril, shown in the Fan Service model.
• Falior glares at me in anger. I'm sure you can see why.
• Banthor. This must have been when they ran out of money. Or perhaps Bushwald Sexyface is taking charge. Hard to tell.

So after a quick fashion montage, Falior sees an easy target in Bushwald Sexyface's exposed testicles. Fearing for his life, Sexyface dashes off into a nearby portal, not realizing that all the party members involuntarily follow suit. So now the game begins proper, with the Mayor of Greyhawk Land (it hasn't been clear on that yet) wanting some bandits cleared out of a nearby village. Issril wanted to speak, but Falior jumps at the opportunity and...gets reined in by game mechanics. Before he can do any actual damage, the game warps to Hommlet with an FMV not available on YouTube. This is when a little boy named Kent walks up to the party of freaks and decides that now is a perfect opportunity for some exposition. Apparently, this town has a badger infestation, but that does not worry him. Hell, the kid wants to be a badger. (Notice my lack of capitalization. That's there for a reason.) Uh.....

Onto the town! Our adventurers set out to find a quest, which is actually pretty difficult. Eventually, they somehow settle on a tiny tailor who's sad about not being able to join the army. The group dashes off to the militia leader to try to convince him that the tailor should join. Bushwald fails in his attempt, but Issril succeeds. That doesn't stop Sexyface from taking credit for it, though. Asshole. But the quest is complete! On to the next quest. But first, a drunk interrupts the party. Neutralio stares at him dumbfounded, for reasons I understand not. It is at this time that Issril spots a herder. The first thing on her mind? "He looks hot. I should hit on him." Unfortunately, the herder thinks she has a dick, so it's not gonna work out. Besides, he's a 'Nam vet and Issril fucking hates sheep, so I don't think this would have worked out too well. Neutralio doesn't hate them, though, so he's taking charge of this quest....by picking nearby flowers. I'm sure he's just stuck on the drunk thing from before. However, it turns out that the flowers are quest macguffins, so good for him. Blah blah blah, Sexyface proposes a night stake-out. Issril spots a threat to the sheep, and surprisingly talks the shit out of it. Turns out some kid's killing the sheep because the mafia something something. Does Issril care? Of course not! She'd like to see the sheep choking on their own lungs, but experience was had, so I tell her that it's worth it.

Having prevented the death of some fucking sheep, Banthor, of all people, remembers why they came here: to talk to the Mayor/Elder/Whoever. (I suspect she just wishes to destroy the best stuff first. So be it.) And so they do that, finding some more exposition in the process. Turns out that it's been snowing in Hommlet (odd, because the closest I came was a storm of butterflies), which obviously means that EVIL IS AFOOT. Even though the evil was pretty much eliminated a long time ago. Odd, but the adventurers have no choice but to go with it. And by "with it", I mean "to Moathouse." That's where the evil is. So, it's finally off to tackle the main game proper, right? (I'll save that for the next installment.)

(And welcome back to this weird little feature.) Last time, I introduced the feature and the cast for this game, and that was it. Absolutely nothing else happened, mainly because I spent too much time introducing the feature. So with that out of the way, gameplay's sure to come, right?

Well, not at first. I find myself dropped in some magic inn or whatever. I wasn't really paying attention, but that's not important. What is important is that all of my characters fall prey to the influence of Banthor. What do I mean by that? They start looting things like crazy. It gets so bad that Banthor eventually begins complaining about being too weighed down with loot. One quick load later, and I explain to every single last one of them that they are actually buying things from the chests. I guess the vomiting treasure chests from Dragon Quest got tired of beating people up and decided to become businessmen. So what's their response now? "Let's go shopping!" I leave them alone for twelve minutes and come back to this:

• Sexyface himself, rocking some sort of odd S&M look.
• Neutralio is just confused by the affair. Should he be developing opinions on this?
• Issril, shown in the Fan Service model.
• Falior glares at me in anger. I'm sure you can see why.
• Banthor. This must have been when they ran out of money. Or perhaps Bushwald Sexyface is taking charge. Hard to tell.

So after a quick fashion montage, Falior sees an easy target in Bushwald Sexyface's exposed testicles. Fearing for his life, Sexyface dashes off into a nearby portal, not realizing that all the party members involuntarily follow suit. So now the game begins proper, with the Mayor of Greyhawk Land (it hasn't been clear on that yet) wanting some bandits cleared out of a nearby village. Issril wanted to speak, but Falior jumps at the opportunity and...gets reined in by game mechanics. Before he can do any actual damage, the game warps to Hommlet with an FMV not available on YouTube. This is when a little boy named Kent walks up to the party of freaks and decides that now is a perfect opportunity for some exposition. Apparently, this town has a badger infestation, but that does not worry him. Hell, the kid wants to be a badger. (Notice my lack of capitalization. That's there for a reason.) Uh.....

Onto the town! Our adventurers set out to find a quest, which is actually pretty difficult. Eventually, they somehow settle on a tiny tailor who's sad about not being able to join the army. The group dashes off to the militia leader to try to convince him that the tailor should join. Bushwald fails in his attempt, but Issril succeeds. That doesn't stop Sexyface from taking credit for it, though. Asshole. But the quest is complete! On to the next quest. But first, a drunk interrupts the party. Neutralio stares at him dumbfounded, for reasons I understand not. It is at this time that Issril spots a herder. The first thing on her mind? "He looks hot. I should hit on him." Unfortunately, the herder thinks she has a dick, so it's not gonna work out. Besides, he's a 'Nam vet and Issril fucking hates sheep, so I don't think this would have worked out too well. Neutralio doesn't hate them, though, so he's taking charge of this quest....by picking nearby flowers. I'm sure he's just stuck on the drunk thing from before. However, it turns out that the flowers are quest macguffins, so good for him. Blah blah blah, Sexyface proposes a night stake-out. Issril spots a threat to the sheep, and surprisingly talks the shit out of it. Turns out some kid's killing the sheep because the mafia something something. Does Issril care? Of course not! She'd like to see the sheep choking on their own lungs, but experience was had, so I tell her that it's worth it.

Having prevented the death of some fucking sheep, Banthor, of all people, remembers why they came here: to talk to the Mayor/Elder/Whoever. (I suspect she just wishes to destroy the best stuff first. So be it.) And so they do that, finding some more exposition in the process. Turns out that it's been snowing in Hommlet (odd, because the closest I came was a storm of butterflies), which obviously means that EVIL IS AFOOT. Even though the evil was pretty much eliminated a long time ago. Odd, but the adventurers have no choice but to go with it. And by "with it", I mean "to Moathouse." That's where the evil is. So, it's finally off to tackle the main game proper, right? (I'll save that for the next installment.)

Minus a drinking contest or two, that's pretty much the Hommlet experience summed up right there. Dull people with romance problems. Good luck with the Moathouse - it's tricky times with a level one party.

Hey, we both got our first parts out of the way. Now the judging can begin, by a committee of... wait, we never actually set anything like that up. Dancing contest?

@Mento said:

Minus a drinking contest or two, that's pretty much the Hommlet experience summed up right there. Dull people with romance problems. Good luck with the Moathouse - it's tricky times with a level one party.

Hey, we both got our first parts out of the way. Now the judging can begin, by a committee of... wait, we never actually set anything like that up. Dancing contest?

I am the committee. You both get a gold star. I guess I will judge it on overall blogginess, after you both have finished?

In any case, as evidenced by the screenshots, your party is even more gimped than Mento's. I'm not going to tell you how to advance this little adventure, but I'm just going to tell you that this game isn't going to take too kindly to a 3hp wizard, a fighter with a negative dexterity score, or a monk who is wearing armor (you see that -7 under "primary"? That's a -7. To hit). I mean, the game is hard enough as it is, even if you cheese the dice rolls in such a way as to get all 14s and above. Just trying to spare you from getting totally brutalized in the moathouse. Even if you have to do all those dumb fetch quests again.

You're gonna get destroyed with that party, son.

Man, GB has caught ToEE fever something fierce as of late. Dave must be so proud.

@ArbitraryWater: @Hailinel: Clearly you guys don't understand that VGK is going for a whole underdog thing here. Moxie isn't something you can measure with numbers and bonuses. It comes from the heart.

Hey, we both got our first parts out of the way. Now the judging can begin, by a committee of... wait, we never actually set anything like that up. Dancing contest?

Just trying to spare you from getting totally brutalized in the moathouse. Even if you have to do all those dumb fetch quests again.

@ArbitraryWater: @Hailinel: Clearly you guys don't understand that VGK is going for a whole underdog thing here. Moxie isn't something you can measure with numbers and bonuses. It comes from the heart.

@Praxis said:

Man, GB has caught ToEE fever something fierce as of late. Dave must be so proud.

This is basically my doing, as I gave them both copies of the game when it was on sale for dirt cheap. Now I have to live with the consequences. Interestingly enough, I've been going through another playthrough of my own with the new content version of the mod, and the two things I've been learning throughout have been: 1. The New Content actually makes the game easier because of all the experience and items it so freely gives. and 2. You know how in actual P&P D&D Paladins can become fallen over the tiniest little thing? That happens here too. Don't put a paladin in your party. Icewind Dale II does a similar thing, which is a bummer since in that game the best weapon can only be used by a pally.