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WTB One More Game for Trifecta of Destruction

By jakob187 June 26, 2009 20 Comments

After weeks upon weeks of playing whatever games are here at work for some hearty achievement points (which led to me actually enjoying Soul Calibur IV for some reason), I've finally been able to get my grubby hands on two games that I've been waiting all damn year for: Red Faction Guerrilla and Prototype. Now, if there's one thing that makes jakob187 happier than anything when it comes to video games, it's having lots of freedom and the ability to blow tons of shit up. Between Red Faction Guerrilla, Prototype, and Battlefield Bad Company...I think my trifecta of destruction is now completed. = D

Like Uncle Montell says, this is how we do it!

Red Faction Guerrilla is quite the technical powerhouse to behold. GeoMod 2.0 and the backpacks in the multiplayer mode take what could've been a generic third-person shooter and turn it into a great game worth dumping some hours into. The single player campaign takes place in an open-ended sandbox version of Mars, and you'll easily find yourself getting distracted from your missions because of what I like to call "Ooh Shiny Syndrome". There's tons of "collectibles" to destroy in the world, so even when you're just going from here to there, you'll still be able to get preoccupied very easily. The multiplayer is where the game really shines, though. I have to thank Volition greatly for giving me the ability to destroy the silo/tower/building that those railgun snipers are sitting in. There's a great sense of pleasure and joy in crushing your opponent under the weight of concrete and rubble. While the standard deathmatch and team deathmatch are present, the modes that offer the best bang for your buck are Damage Control (think Domination from Call of Duty 4), Demolition (where designated members of each team have to destroy as much shit as possible), and Siege (which plays a bit like the multiplayer of Battlefield Bad Company, only much smoother). All in all, fans of any good multiplayer game should seriously give Red Faction a try, but it's sad to know that this game will be yet another niche multiplayer title in the vein of Lost Planet or Far Cry 2...even though it should be recognized more than that.

Is that an extended multi-tendril Devastator attack...or are you just REALLY happy to see me?

Back at the end of 2008/start of 2009, a lot of us in the community made some lists of our most anticipated games for 2009. In my list, there was a little game called Prototype that was slow on building up hype. Finally, the game is in my hands...and my hands are worn out from all the shapeshifting! The game has been wrongfully compared to Infamous over the course of the year, namely because they both feature open-ended sandbox environments filled with the ability to harness incredible powers. From what I can tell, that's where the comparisons stop. Prototype features a much more outrageous form of destruction, going so far as to actually flat-out PROMOTE laying waste to anything in your sight. The list of upgrades for your powers in impressively deep, and the abilities that you gain are a mixture of both extremely awesome and extremely hilarious. Seriously, how can you not guffaw when you plant a Flying Elbow Drop ala Macho Man Randy Savage from the top of the Empire State Building onto a bunch of poor saps down at ground level, sending out a shockwave that gets everyone screaming like crazy and running around in panic? To top that off, you've got a ton of stuff to do in that game. I'm about 10 hours in already, and I've still got a LOT of side missions to tackle, which means that this one will be getting rented a couple of extra times at LEAST! The most impressive thing about the game to me? The way New York is portrayed. I've heard a lot of people complaining about the city, saying that it's undetailed and never feels very populated. To those people, I have to ask "what the FUCK are you smoking"? Cars line the roads just like you would find in New York at any point of the day. I specify day because I can't recall for the life of me if I've noticed any form of day-to-night cycle in the game. Maybe that tells you a lot about the strength of the actual GAMEPLAY, as I just haven't had time to notice all the shit going on in the background! Too much killing to do, not enough time. Needless to say, I just can't think of any better way to spend your gaming time than wreaking havoc in NYC against the shady military elites and the infected citizens. = D

In non-gaming news, I've gotta say that Death is working some hardcore cases this past week or so. To hear about the passing of Ed McMahon coming so soon after Conan taking the throne of The Tonight Show gave me a heavy heart. Alongside Johnny Carson, he helped create one of the best comedy duos in TV history. Next, Farrah Fawcett. Hopefully, she'll finally be able to find some peace from her suffering. Finally, and obviously, there's Michael Jackson. Say what you want about him, but he's the muthafuckin' King of Pop for a reason. Off The Wall, Thriller, Bad, Dangerous, HIStory...anything that man made turned into gold because of his incredible talents. I still feel that "ABC" by Jackson 5 is one of the greatest songs ever written, simply because if you can't get down whenever that song comes on wherever you're at, then something keeps you from being human. I wish the best for their families, and hope like Hell that this completes the typical "celebrities always die in multiples of 3" quota. = /

That's it for now. I'm going to break 25K gamerscore tonight, so I'll probably celebrate by watching a movie naked on the couch while eating Cheetos...or something. = /

20 Comments

jakob187's E3 Top 3 "I Want It Now" Picks

By jakob187 June 6, 2009 28 Comments

Call it "missing the days of giving out Best Of Show Awards" or whatever, but E3 is always a time where it's nice to reward those who offered a great showing. However, I have no rewards to hand out this time. Instead, I only have words of praise. So what are the three games that I'm most psyched about from E3? I can guarantee that no one could list them off from the top of their head, and it probably doesn't match almost ANY of y'alls picks.

If Brink can graphically look like this concept art...then HELL YES!

In third place, we've got Brink. Nothing was shown from the game, but given Splash Damage's reputation with Wolfenstein Enemy Territory, as well as the big talk coming from the developers, it sounds to me like the kind of shooting game I've been praying to play for a while now. The idea that single and multiplayer gameplay has to be so separated has always baffled me, especially when you take into account that a game like Call of Duty 4 uses map locales plucked from the single player mode to make up its multiplayer maps! Click on that "big talk" link a couple of sentences back and you'll get the whole lowdown.

Destruction seems to be my general theme for E3...

Second place is going to Homefront, which again, is all big talk at the moment. Nonetheless, anyone who has seen gameplay footage or the demo from E3 seems to have nothing but praise for the game. The idea of this "Drama Engine" keeping trouble so close to you and drawing you into these intense moments seems like a much-needed change of pace from the "the danger is over there, so I don't need to worry about it too much" mentality that many FPS games seem to have nowadays. The trailer looks damn awesome, and the fact that John Milius is writing the script means we should also get a quality story. My only issue is that the game doesn't feature multiplayer from what I'm to understand. This is an odd move, given that Kaos is known for their work on the Desert Combat mod for BF1942, as well as their multiplayer for Frontlines: Fuel of War.

...but when it looks this good, who can honestly complain?

So which game has me more psyched than anything right now? Well, all I can say is that I now understand what GamePro saw in this game: Split/Second. Now, there are games that LOOK cool...and then there are games that will definitely BE cool. Split/Second falls into the latter. Granted, some of this excitement may be due to my avid love of racing games (also see: GRiD, Colin McRae Rally, GTR, PGR, etc). Nonetheless, the premise of Split/Second ALONE sounds awesome: dynamically allow players to change the track and mess with the other racers, as well as offer a game that redefines HUD usage but still looks amazing and handles its visual style well. So far, everything I've seen (including this excellent gameplay look from G4) has me wishing that next year would come around already. It also makes me want to pick up Pure and check it out, as I never really bothered with it.

There you have it, folks. Short, sweet, and to the point. Check out more on all three of the games at their Wiki pages, and let's hope that none of these flop into non-existence or mediocrity, as they look like three promising original IPs.

How about you guys? Obviously, we're all looking forward to the sequels, but what ORIGINAL IPs are you looking forward to playing from E3?

28 Comments

Railway Spike Guns Do NOT Automatically = Awesome

By jakob187 June 5, 2009 6 Comments

I've been facing a strong state of insomnia lately. It's currently 8:37PM CST Friday, and I've been up since 10:00PM Thursday. While I've pulled longer times of being awake (and I'm sure you guys have as well), there's a lot of stuff that is leading to this issue.

The first is personal issues, namely moving back in with my parents for a month or two. Why? Well, a couple of reasons:

Not having to pay rent means I can focus all of my money into my car and my upcoming vacation, planned for the 10th to the 16th...going to Ohio for cooler climates and a family reunion
My mother is having foot surgery on the 19th, so someone will need to be around to help her while my dad and brothers are out of the house for work and such
This gives me a chance to dedicate MORE money into my car and other necessities at the moment. I was able to get work done on my car just fine before, but it wasn't at the pace I wanted to get it done at. Without paying rent to my parents, it means that I'm able to put more money into it without having to worry about real life for a month or two.

I know. It's sad that a 27-year-old is living with his parents. Too bad. Sorry if you don't agree. Not like it'll be for very long.

The second is, of course, achievement whoring...so on to the games, folks:

This week, I decided to hit up a couple of games that looked intriguing: Damnation and Wheelman. What do I think?

Terminate Damnation. The album name now has new meaning for me.

Well, I haven't even unlocked a single achievement from the story in Damnation, and I don't want to. That game is barely playable. The basics of the game: it's an attempted Gears clone without a cover system, while trying to inject the platforming elements you would find in something like Prince of Persia without the fluidity. It also tries to offer a multiplayer that relies heavily on verticality and standard match types (deathmatch, team deathmatch, and CTF are the only ones I found on there...and I only found three other people that were playing). Basically, the game is tragic. There's almost no hit detection unless you are point blank with a shotgun, the graphics are constantly plagued with pop-in, glitches abound everywhere to the point of multiple Xbox reboots being necessary, the platforming controls feel stiff and unresponsive. The worst part of it all: it could've been at least a mediocre game with a better budget and a little more polish time. The story, about some dood named Lord Prescott trying to turn America into New America - The Empire, could've been expanded and treated properly. It's RARE that we see ANY games placed in the Civil War time era, and yet here was a PERFECT chance to offer up something interesting. Instead, it was wasted.

My biggest problem with the game, though: they have a railway spike gun...and because of the lack of decent hit detection, you barely hit anything with it. Even when you do, the physics engine is so weak that it can't even TRY to rival the Hammerhead from F.E.A.R. 2. Sure, F.E.A.R. 2 has a higher budget, but they could've AT LEAST tried to have ONE awesome thing happening in this game.

Damnation isn't even worth achievement whoring, folks. It's a miserable game for miserable people. Even $20 is too much for it.

I also picked up a copy of Wheelman, the notoriously delayed Vin Diesel project. How's that one?

Despite Mark Vincent's rather bland stare, the Unreal Engine 3 renders a good level of subtleties in the cutscenes.

I'm enjoying it. When you first start out, the game is rather boring and drab. The story feels very much like a dry Hollywood blockbuster flick, aka "half of Vin Diesel's movie catalogue". Therefore, he feels right at home playing the badass Milo Burik...if that's his real name. There's something about Romanians and some Dominicans and Spanish gangs not liking each other, and you are constantly moving in-between them to stir up tension, but really, the game is about side missions. I'm not kidding you when I say that the main story of the game features less missions than the amount of side missions available in the game...and there are only, like, 70 side missions. Granted, they all follow one of the same five or six archetypes (insomnia leads to memory loss, I think...find the irony in that statement...), and only about three of those are truly fun to play. There's an achievement for getting an S rank on all the side missions that's worth 100 points, so I'd probably be done with all the missions completely and such now if I hadn't been restarting the races and missions over and over again to try and grab an S rank. lol Damn my competitive nature... Overall, the game's controls are a bit stiff, but it's whatever, because you're basically just crashing into tons of shit the whole time. I'll say this much: vehicle melee should be standard in almost every racing or vehicle-based, and aimed shots and cyclones are pretty much fucking amazing. Other than that, it's basically a Teen-rated version of Grand Theft Auto in Barcelona with Vin Diesel and a bunch of people saying "tits" a lot more than most games do. Achievements are fun to get, so long as you are okay with getting frustrated as fuck from the aggressive AI.

And with that, I bid you all a "Game Over" until next week...

6 Comments

Catching Up With The Past

By jakob187 May 30, 2009 7 Comments

When the Xbox 360 first came out, I was still Editor-in-Chief over at BonusStage.com. Unfortunately, we were such an indie site that we couldn't get any love or free Xbox 360 consoles from Microsoft at the time, which meant we had to buy one if we wanted to review next-gen games. I wasn't made of money, so I never got one. Once Lansharx got Xbox 360 consoles, that's when I started playing the thing.

This means that I missed out on a good number of quality titles from launch until about two years ago. While I was at Best Buy the other day picking up my 7th copy of Tool's Ænima (which pretty much means that I listen to that CD far too much over the course of any given year), I noticed that they had some new bins up near the registers. One was marked 15% off, another 20% off, and the third was 30% off...along with a $5.00 movie bin. Apparently, they realized that Wal-Mart's discounted prices on backstock items is a great way to push product out the door and make some room on your shelves. lol

The 15% off bin had Warriors Orochi 2, which I'd love to play...but not for 15% from $50.00. The 20% off bin held Soldier of Fortune Payback...which I don't even think is worth 20% off $4.00, let alone 20% from $40.00. The third, however, held a winner: Condemned for 30% off of $19.99. What a fucking deal. Sure, I could've gotten cheaper used at Game Crazy, but this was brand spanking new...so I knew it was going to work fine without scratches and all that shit. Plus, ya know...those Reward Zone points add up after a while. = D

Ethan Thomas, brought to you by Matt Parkman. = D

Therefore, I just recently...as of this week...started my first playthrough of Condemned: Criminal Origins. While the graphics are considerably outdated by the standards of "next-gen" games nowadays, the atmosphere of the game is absolutely unparalleled!!! The level of darkness really bugs me...which is exactly what it SHOULD do. There is a good sense of dread through the whole game so far. More than anything, though, it's a great change of pace for me. Between playing Terminator Salvation (which is crap but the 1,000 points keep calling my name), X-Men Origins Wolverine (which ain't great, but the combat is fucking sweet), Bionic Commando (which was awesome from start to finish and I'll pick back up eventually for the rest of the achievement points), Need for Speed Most Wanted (which I'm revisiting so I can remember what a GOOD Need for Speed game is like)...well, it's nice to go through a game at a walking pace without guns most of the time. The puzzles in the game...you know, the parts where you collect evidence...aren't really that tough, which saddens me a bit, but there is a visceral feeling that gets your heart pumping with that melee combat!!!

I also went out and rented Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena. Back to that BonusStage.com thing for a minute...

When I was running BonusStage, I had gotten tapped by Disney to write a freelance article for their website movies.com (which I believe is now owned by Fandango). The article was running the week that Ang Lee's Hulk was released, and they wanted a top 10 list of the best movie-based video games ever, as well as the five worst ones. Needless to say, I was happy with the list that I gave them...as well as the $200 paycheck they sent me for the article. My #2 game was LOTR: The Two Towers. My #1 game was, hands down, Escape From Butcher Bay. In contrast, my #1 worst game ever was Fight Club...and despite whatever you may say, it's an indisputable fact that Fight Club IS the worst movie-based game ever made.

I told you that story to get to this...

Riddick teaching Ben Affleck how to look blind

Revisiting Riddick so far has been extremely exciting and frustrating. I didn't make it too far into the game yet, as I basically got my ass handed to me on Hard difficulty. I didn't remember the game being that fucking tough, but I'm glad it is. Unfortunately, you can tell that the graphics are nothing more than retextured Xbox graphics, as there is a TON of wirework coming through the textures and shading, as well as a lot of pop-in...and even a couple of glitches. I grabbed a guy to snap his neck, and the guy wasn't even in my arms. He was just standing there still, then fell to the ground. After he hit the ground, I made the motions of snapping his neck. Yeah...definitely glitchy. Nonetheless, it was refreshing as Hell to get back into that world, as I've been a massive Riddick fan since I first saw Pitch Black back in college...err...tech school. Hopefully, I'll get to sink my teeth into that a bit more sometime this week.

In the meantime, however, both Condemned and Riddick have to wait an extra day. Tomorrow, I am moving out of my apartment and back in with my parents for a few months. My mother is going to be having surgery in a couple weeks for her Achille's tendon (just thinking about it makes me remember the scene in Child's Play, and my feet are wretching in "AHHH" right now), and I'll be going on vacation starting June 10th for a week to visit my dad's family for a reunion. I haven't been to Ohio in about 20 years, so it'll be a much needed break from the Texas heat and the hussle-bussle of the city. After that, my dad might be getting laid off in July, so there will be much needed stuff to be done around the house while he is job hunting. Hopefully, though, by mid August, I should be in my own place, and all will be right in the world. = D

'Til next time, folks...

7 Comments

Drag Me To Hell: Hellaciously Awesome!

By jakob187 May 29, 2009 49 Comments

Am I the only person who actually puts two spaces between a colon and the next word, as proper English intended? Just curious...

Anyways, Frobro had started a topic sometime this week or last...or whenever...asking people if they were going to see Drag Me To Hell, the new movie from Sam Raimi. On that thread, I had spoken about how I was willing to see the movie, but I had little to no confidence in its quality due to it being a PG-13 "horror" movie from Sam Raimi. The last time that Sam Raimi was involved with anything labeled "PG-13" and "horror" was when Ghost House (his production company) brought ho-hum Ju-on to America as The Grudge. = /

Yesterday, my brother said that we should see the midnight showing of Drag Me To Hell for my birthday, while I felt we should go see the midnight showing of Up. Nonetheless, he won out solely because I KNEW Up was going to be awesome regardless. We got to the theatre, and a measly 40 people or so were joining us for the evening. My confidence was still fragile.

Then the opening title card from the old school Universal movies popped up. This raised it.

Within the first five minutes of the movie, I was confident that I was going to fall in love with the flick.

By the end of the movie, the muscles involved in laughing were sore and I could barely speak because I was so out of breath. My ears felt like they'd been raped by a decibel level of 11 due to Raimi turning the mixes up DRASTICALLY LOUD...and without it, Drag Me To Hell would've been a lesser movie.

Everything about this movie screams "EVIL DEAD" without the chainsaw arm or the massive bloodshed. The humor is twisted and gross but also playful enough that while an evil spirit is beating up on Alison Lohman, you can't help but laugh...and think about how hard it must've been to keep a straight face through all of the things she endured. At least a third of the movie seems to be dedicated to seeing what they can put in Alison Lohman's mouth. Between bile, maggots, barf, half an arm, and everything else...I'm pretty sure that Alison Lohman is immune to all forms of disease at this point!!!

Those scared by the PG-13 rating need to know that while there isn't a lot of GORE in the movie, nor BLOOD (except for one scene that was one of the funniest in the entire film), what you will find are incredibly well-timed jump scares galore, as well as the same sense of humor that made us love Evil Dead so much. The old lady in the movie is SERIOUSLY one of the most tormenting and hilarious characters possible, essentially taking the place of Ash's evil hand from Evil Dead II.

I honestly cannot praise this film enough. I've NEVER had this much fun at the theatre, as everyone in the audience was participating and talking amongst each other the entire time. Seeing this movie is like going to a great party. It's not only worth the ticket price, but it's worth repeat viewings on a regular basis.

49 Comments

UFC and Ground Beef: Both Involve Pounding

By jakob187 May 26, 2009 23 Comments

THIS IS A LONG ONE, FOLKS, BUT IT'S A TWO-FOR-ONE SPECIAL ON BLOGS TODAY!!!

My boss walked in with a copy of UFC 2009 Undisputed last night, and of course, I just had to jump in on that action. I had little to no interest in the game at all until I saw the Quick Look here on Giant Bomb, and the excitement that Jeff had for the game is seemingly infectious. I mean, just LOOK at how many people are playing the game and commenting on it, right?

Here's the conclusion I've come to: I need to hang up the gloves while I still have the ability to use my arms. That game is B-R-U-T-A-L! I went through the tutorials a good three or four times on each lesson, just to make sure that I knew what I was doing. I played through the majority of the career, just to make sure I knew what I was doing.

Once you hit the online...you don't have any CLUE what you are doing!!! This could be directly relative to the lack of matchmaking in the online mode, as I was fighting against level 28s and 41s and 49s and 63s, and every now and then, I'd find a level 1 or 7 or 5. Needless to say, even the level 1s were stomping my ass. There only seem to be three players of choice: Lyoto Michida, Rampage Jackson, or Forrest Griffin. Rarely do I find someone playing as Dan Henderson or Rashad Evans...or hell, even Chuck Liddell. In case you didn't notice...I'm playing mainly in Light Heavyweight.

Maybe that has something to do with it - the weight class. Nope! I tried out Welterweight as well, and I got rocked for the most part. So what am I doing wrong here? I go in for the submission, and I KNOW my button mashing skills rock the socks off anyone I've ever played online or off. I rarely lose when button mashing is involved. When I get the takedown, it usually results in being automatically reversed, and I can't reverse it myself (despite my character obviously doing everything he can to get out of it, struggling all the way). The ground and pound gets me like crazy.

I'm also trying to figure out how the seemingly random KO system works. I had a guy playing at Lyoto, level 1, that delivered a step kick followed by a head kick, and the match was over! OVER!!! Now, I've played as Lyoto...and I haven't had that happen exactly. I have, however, beaten the computer in less than 20 seconds (check the achievements when they update) without grappling (again...), but that was just with a simple "run in, pound the shit out of the dood's face, and head kick him FTW". It felt VERY luck based when it happened...no skill required. I've had this kind of thing come across online as well.

When you have a roster of stock-piled UFC characters, and you KNOW the stats...it's just a little more than surprising that someone can nail you with a couple kicks, a takedown, 6 hammerfists or so, then it's KO...but when you try to do the SAME EXACT THING to another opponent, and every hit lands...they just get right back up and pummel you with head kicks...EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE BLOCKING THE FUCK OUT OF THEM!!!

So...I don't know. I'm not saying that I think I should win EVERY fight...but I am saying that there were fights where I honestly believed I should've won. I don't expect to beat someone who is level 63 and one of their titles is "Perfect Ground and Pound". lol Nonetheless, I do believe I should be winning when my opponent has almost no stamina left while I'm rockin 75% stamina, and I've been laying into him the ENTIRE ROUND...but he gets one lucky little kick on me and it's KO. The randomness of it all just doesn't suit me very well.

With all that said...I'm going to complete the career modes on all the difficulties and achievement whore what I can out of it, then know my role and stay offline. = D

AND NOW, ON TO GROUND BEEF

Last blog, I mentioned that I would lay the smack down on you fools who think you know something about ground beef (and hell, I may have already written up some form of report about ground beef on this site before...fucked if I know). Do you really know what's going on here? I don't think so!!! Therefore, I'll make it plain and clear: the type of ground beef you are using will dramatically change the flavor and taste of your food, as well as the consistency of your meal. What does all that mean? Well...

From what I've noticed over so much time, people always seem to use the WRONG ground beef. Why? Well, ignorance plays a big part in it. Many people just aren't aware of what they are buying. With the economic recession hitting us hard, I feel this is a perfect opportunity to keep you from buying that 73/27 for your burgers because it's cheaper. Now, what do all the numbers mean and such?

73/27 = 73% meat, 27% fat content. When cooked to "well done", fat content will actually reduce by up to 7%. Fat content is important, however, as it helps to encase the flavor from your seasonings and the natural flavor of dead cow. = D

Without further ado, here is a simple bullet chart of what types of ground beef there are, and what you should be using them for.

73/27 - This is the cheapest ground beef you can find, and anything lower than this is worthless for ground beef. The main use for 73/27 is simple grounded browning beef that would be added to a mix for pasta sauce, the classic Southern dish "Shit on a Shingle", or other forms of "mix ground beef with _______" usage. You NEVER want to use this for making your hamburgers, as it will cook down a ton from all the fat content in it (27% mixture, mind you, of fat). Therefore, that massive burger you just pounded out...will simply become a puny appetizer.
80/20 - This is personally my favorite form of ground beef. Why? When cooked to "well done", the fat content is the perfect level for keeping the flavor of your seasonings. You will want to use 80/20 for skillet-based burgers mostly, but you can also use it for enchiladas, Chili Bears, and other Tex-Mex/Mexican dishes. It also works for ground beef, but using it in pasta sauces might give too much meat per portion of sauce.
85/15 - You like to BBQ? This is the beef you'll want to use when you are grilling. Since fat drains when your burger is cooked, this means you'll get a decently lean burger without messing your grill up too much. You might be saying "but Josh, BBQ is all about the flavoring more than skillet cooking it". You are ABSOLUTELY right. However, if you are using a PROPER grill (and I'm not talking about that propane pussy bullshit either...more like an old fashioned oil drum with two Harleys pipes for smoking your shit), you'll be able to keep all that flavor in your burgers by simply pounding your seasonings in with your beef. Don't overdo the seasoning, however, as salts will break down the beef content and leave you with more fat. Therefore, keep the seasonings light and let the grilling bring the flavor out for you.
93/7 - This would be baking beef, ladies and gentlemen. Many people believe that it's perfect for making burgers because it's super lean. However, you'll usually find yourself with a burnt outer crust if you make a burger with it, as there is no fat for the burger to sit in. You'll find, however, that using 93/7 for something like a meatloaf works MIRACLES. Other than that...well...93/7 is pretty much useless in my eyes. = /

Now what about seasonings? How do we season these things for an incredible flavor? Well, that's usually up to you. However, here's a couple of my personal favorite seasonings:

Montreal Steak Seasoning - STEAK SEASONING ON A BURGER? BLASPHEMY!!! Not so, my dear friends. This is actually an incredible way to pull some zest out of your burger's natural flavors.
Mesquite Seasoning - Being that I'm from Texas, this is a necessity in EVERYTHING we cook, but it's especially important to make sure you use the Mesquite seasoning in light portions...because the taste is VERY big. If you are grilling, just use real Mesquite, though.
Italian Seasoning - I know it sounds weird, but adding a small amount of Italian Seasoning will give it a slightly airy feeling, while enhancing the flavors of your other seasonings.
Cumin Seed - You CAN use this in your burgers, but honestly, you'll want to save this for dishes like enchiladas, tacos, meatloaf, etc (and it works great in a rub for ribs, too). I prefer using ground Cumin seed, but if you want them whole, that's perfectly fine as well.
Guy's Seasoning - THIS is my secret weapon. Guy's Seasoning is an all-around meat seasoning that works great for rubs, sprinkles, ground beef, and more. Mix it it in with some Mexican seasoning for your enchiladas, and I guarantee they'll taste like Heaven. In case you are wondering, I assume Heaven tastes like going down on Holly Valance. Mix it with your burgers, and I know you'll find not only an increase in flavor, but an increase in hair on your chest. = D

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT!!! Now you know everything you need to know about ground beef. Hopefully, this will keep you from destroying the single greatest dish on the planet (that would be burgers).

As a side note, why are they called hamburgers? That's because they originate from Hamburg, Germany, you fools!!!

'Til next time...

23 Comments

This Blog Is Brought To You By The Letters "Bionic" and "Wolvie"

By jakob187 May 22, 2009 15 Comments

WHAT A WEEK!!!

To start things off, I'm moving out of my apartment next week (the female roommate has become too much of a bitch to deal with), which is going to be a slight hassle. Why? Well, my birthday is next Friday, and while I never really do anything for my birthday besides sit around and feel old, this year is a bit different. My only days off from work are Wednesdays and Thursdays, but next Thursday...as a small b-day present to myself...I'm heading to Dallas to see the live amazingness of Gojira and The Chariot. I've seen The Chariot before, but I'm really only going for Gojira. \,,,/ Nonetheless, this means that I've got Wednesday to move out of the apartment...which is cutting things a bit thin and close to the collar. Oh well.

On the gaming side of life, I played through Bionic Commando and X-Men Origins Wolverine over the last four days or so. Well, Bionic Commando took the four days of time. My first playthrough was on Commando mode, the hardest setting, and it was definitely tough as nails. My game save tells me I clocked in about 12 hours play time on it, which I'm satisfied with. Some people have complained about the length of the game (lower difficulties have clocked in at about 6-8 hours supposedly). Honestly, for what the game has to offer...which is basically swinging and shooting...I think BC would've ended up feeling too repetitive and thin if the game were any longer. X-Men Origins Wolverine, on the other hand, took no time to blaze through...and while the game definitely has faults, it's just tough to not enjoy the Hell out of ripping doods apart. Granted, the whole time I was playing, all I could think about was "this isn't like Wolverine at all"...and everything that isn't the combat sucks more chode than a starving $2.00 hooker...but then I stopped giving a shit when I realized that this game might just offer more brutality than even God of War. Both of the games were damn well a satisfying experience for me.

I should be S-ranking Bionic Commando sometimes in the next week or two, and I'm hoping to at least get through the Hard mode and get a vast majority of the achievements on X-Men Origins Wolverine in the same amount of time. Right now, I'm just waiting for Blockbuster to get copies of UFC 2009 Undisputed in. = D

AND SPEAKING OF BIONIC COMMANDO:

TONIGHT IS THE BIONIC COMMANDO LAUNCH PARTY LOCK-IN AT LANSHARX!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

I'm already rockin' my Bionic Commando shirt (the logo on the front is complimented by the actual logo with the words "Bionic Commando" on the back), and I just signed up for the lock-in myself. Mainly, I just want more time to achievement whore on the Xbox I frequently play on. However, we've got 10 copies of the game in the store right now, and I'm hoping we'll have some crazy ass multiplayer matches tonight. I'll also more than likely start up on X-Men Origins Wolverine on Hard difficulty for some more achievement whoring action. Does anyone know if your character progress from a previous playthrough carries over or not? There were a lot of things I was in the process of finishing for achievements, but for some reason...I never actually ran across 2,000 enemies in one playthrough!!! Weird...

Next month, I'll be taking my first REAL vacation in my life. I'll be going to Perrysville, Ohio for a family reunion (my dad's side of the family), and I'm taking a week off to soak it all in. To boot, we recently found out that my grandmother has breast cancer and will be losing her breast in the next week or so. My feelings about that whole thing are a mixed bag. Personally, for as spiteful of a person and as little of a shit as she gave about her grandchildren over the years, I think she deserves this Fate. However, I feel bad for my dad throughout all this...because despite how bad both his mom and dad have treated him over all the years...it's still his mother, and I know that bond. However, the bright side of things is that I'll get to meet my two newest cousins, one of which is already born (little Sean, he's fucking adorable!!!), and the other is on the way (but he's gone breech, so right now, we're all hoping that things turn out okay for my cousin Sarah). I'll also get to revisit the place that I spent about 4 years of my childhood, and it's the first time in 20 years I've been back there. There's a lot that could go wrong and piss me off, but it's also out in the middle of nowhere...which I hear is an EXCELLENT kind of place for a vacation.

Anyways, that'll do it for this episode. Stay tuned next week, as we'll discuss the proper uses of different types of ground beef. Have YOU been using the wrong meat/fat ratios for your burgers? o.O The things you might NOT know could shock you...

(no, I'm not kidding...I WILL be educating you fools on ground beef next week...)

15 Comments

Achievement Whoring (or How Giant Bomb Has Me Back in the Saddle)

By jakob187 May 16, 2009 23 Comments

I'm no pro at achievement whoring. Look at a dood like Vinchenzo or even Gerstmann, and you'll find doods that really push out those points. Not only am I no pro, but I don't even have my OWN XBL account, persay. I play on a work account. However, looking down the list over at Xbox.com...I can look at the majority of the games on the list and know that I worked for those points. I played those games. If it says something more than 100 points achieved and it's not Halo 3...then I did it. I know that I did. Therefore, I feel confident enough to say that the 17k+ points on the lansharx54 account are mine and mine alone. If you feel so inclined, you can knock about 3-4k off of it, and I'll be perfectly fine with that.

Now, with this new achievement tracking system, it's given me a new reason to jump back on the 360 and start slammin' on some games. I had said in another thread that I hope this setup will get people to play some games that they normally wouldn't have tried, and I'm sincere in all respects when it comes to that. Why? Well, it has me looking at games that I normally wouldn't have given a chance.

I've been sitting here at work for the last hour or two going back and forth between games to play for some achievement points. Hell, I stayed up here for 6 hours last night after work playing...yes, I'm about to say it...Sneak King. BEFORE YOU EVEN TRY TO JUDGE ME FOR THAT...I'm going to point out that getting an A rank on all the challenges in that game is not only time consuming, but there are some of the ranks that are genuinely tough on it. Also, for a game that only cost me $3.00, it's not that bad. = D Nonetheless, here's the games that I'm considering picking up or picking BACK up:

MX vs ATV Untamed - as it stands, this game has a TON of rare achievements, because apparently...none of you fuckers have played it! Neither have I. I've always enjoyed off-road games, and while this may not end up being the best game ever, I'm sure it'll provide me with some well-needed fun and challenge.
Battlefield: Bad Company - for some reason, I never finished hitting Rank 25 on that game (and I don't know why!)...and I quit playing the campaign mode because I kept getting frustrated with how long the Manic Lumberjack achievement took to get. Nonetheless, I'm going to be picking this back up and going through on Hard mode.
Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X. - the game's not exactly entertaining, but there's a ton of achievements to mine out of this one, because the Elite mode is...well...chump change. If you honestly can't beat the levels in this game on Elite mode, then please...put down your fucking controller, get a board, insert a nail, and persist to beat yourself bloody.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance - don't know why I never beat this fucker. Gonna have to do that now.
Civilization Revolution - this is a game that I've wanted to 1k for a while. The Game of the Week (as one of our faithful CR customers has told me) is the easiest way to pull all of these achievements off, as the map never changes. = D
Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe - I had beaten the MK story side of this, but I stopped playing it because I didn't get two of the achievements from playing through the story. Now that this problem has apparently been remedied, I'll be picking it back up. Also, for some odd reason...I never played through the Arcade mode. Man, I don't wanna have to deal with the 360 D-pad...but oh well.
Street Fighter IV - plenty of stuff to do on there, and all in due time.
LEGO Indiana Jones - it would seem a LOT of you fucks have 1k on this game, and I'm kinda pissed that I don't!!! Gonna have to change that ASAP. Also need to play through LEGO Star Wars and LEGO Batman. Anyone that wants to trash talk LEGO games, FUCK YOU! I enjoy the shit out of them. = D
Cabela's Big Game Hunter - .........WHAT?! The game has always intrigued me. It can't be THAT bad. Right? O.O
Assassin's Creed - I just couldn't take the repetition anymore...but now, it would seem that repetition could pay off. BWAHAHAHA!!!
Call of Duty (insert installment here) - I had started Veteran on CoD2, and never kept going. I've always wanted to 1k CoD2, CoD4, and CoD:WaW (fuck 3...multiplayer achievements can suck my dick)
Left 4 Dead - I've got, like, 770 or so from the game...but I need those Experts. Got some buddies coming up tonight...so we'll see how that goes. = D

Frankly, I could go on and on, but as you can see, ther are actually some games in there that I wouldn't have played otherwise (Cabela's, HAWX, MX vs ATV, Marvel). So, what about you folks? With the new achievement tracking system in place, have you considered popping in some games you wouldn't have bothered trying before, and if so, which games? Why?

To all the veteran achievement whores out there...and also to the ones that are just starting out...GAME ON!!!

23 Comments

Drama - It's More Than Just Plays

By jakob187 May 15, 2009 4 Comments

I hate drama. You? Probably. I turn 27 in a couple of weeks, and I've gotta say that the older you get, it seems to just keep stacking higher and higher. Gone are the days where you were worried about whether this girl liked you or you forgot to study for your test on Friday...

...or so it would seem.

I don't understand the fascination that some people have with continuing to live in a "high school mentality". Instead of taking blame and responsibility for their own actions, they will do everything possible to throw the blame on everyone else, as if they have some kind of reputation to uphold.

A couple of weeks back, I took a stance against all the liars, bullshitters, manipulators, etc in my life. I've always been too easy to take advantage of, and I've finally had enough of it. It's Spring Cleaning, and it means that my life is drastically changing from booting people out one after the other. First was a large group of people that I've realized I don't care much for hanging out with because I don't personally agree with some of their lifestyle choices (read: drugs and getting arrested). After that, I booted a "friend" of 12 years from my life after finally seeing all the lies and manipulation that was there. To be so blind for so long made me realize that I needed to start looking at my own life from outside of the box, much like I've told others to do in their own lives time and time again.

Now, as of today, I'm moving out of my apartment. One of my roommates is already moving out due to some family issues that need to be taken care of, and I wish him the best of luck. The other roommate...which some of you know who that is...I've just gotten flat-out sick of constantly being played out as the bad guy. It's one thing if I do something and I can take responsibility for it. It's another when I've done nothing wrong and that person's life keeps bleeding over into mine with negative consequences, repercussions, and continued bullshit. Unable to deal with confrontation, this person hides behind her keyboard and her MySpace, painting an image that she is a victim and everyone else is the bad guy. Many have gotten sick of it, and I'm the latest to be added to the long list.

So now is the moment where I have to realize that I've gotta move BACK in with my parents until I can find a place of my own. I should've known better moving in with a 20-year-old that refuses to live in the real world. Hopefully, I won't have to stay with my parents for long.

Next month, I'll be taking my first REAL vacation in my entire life. There have been two times where I took a year off from working and everything else to just sit back and try to straighten my life out (once was after the Hell that was college in Phoenix, AZ...and the other was to move with my dad to Brunswick, GA where he was contracting for GulfStream - and he's being laid off in July from that 5 year job). This time, I'll be taking a trip back to some of my roots, as I'll be visiting my father's family in Ohio (Perrysville and Mansfield to be precise). I'm hoping that the open country, fresh air, cooler climates, and change of pace might help me clear my head and forget all this stupid shit ever happened. It does mean that I have to end up seeing many people in my family that I could give a shit less for (minus a handful who I truly do care about). Regardless, I would - at this point - rather deal with those people than so many others here in my hometown.

4 Comments

Highlights Of Seeing X-Men Origins: Wolverine (SPOILERS)

By jakob187 May 2, 2009 22 Comments

This will be presented in bullet form, and hopefully I can keep things short and concise:

Awesome trailer for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool

That's about it. Now, in all seriousness, another set of bulleted stuff to point out why this movie is not only a travesty, but it's a fucking injustice!

Wolverine and Sabretooth are brothers. This is absolute horseshit. Even then...the way they go about this at the beginning of the movie is an even bigger load of horseshit.
Silver Fox's role in things: completely overplayed and overdone.
Deadpool: Ryan Reynolds was perfect for the role...and he's only in the movie for a total of 5-7 fucking minutes!!! It's a goddamn shame!!! Well, take that back - he happens to be Weapon XI, who is the big fight sequence at the end.
Weapon XI: Deadpool should NOT be Weapon XI!!! NO!!! Since they cut out all of Wolverine's Japan origins (but see the Easter Egg endings bullet for a little tip), he never had a wife and son apparently. His son, Daken, is turned into Weapon XI. To top it off...there was no Muramasa blade mentioned (which is the only blade that can decapitate and "kill" Wolverine). Instead, they just lead you to believe that adamantium can go through adamantium.
Wolverine has his memories erased by being shot twice in the head with adamantium bullets.
Gambit: *ugh* While my friend was going ga-ga over him, I couldn't help but sit there and say "why does he sound like a retard trying to do a southern accent?". That's when I realized that it was a lame attempt at a Cajun accent. My friend then got thoroughly pissed by the end of the movie because he never said "au cher", his catch phrase. She threatened to burn the theatre to the ground because of it. This is on top of the fact that the movie makes it look like Wolverine and Gambit knew each other at least decently before he loses his memory.
Weapon X Facility: First off, no...it wasn't at Alkali Lake. That really cheesed me off. Here's what makes it worse: this movie makes it out like Stryker had, at some point, captured most of the X-Men (Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Iceman, etc) when they were children to fuse all of their powers to Weapon XI. That's not all, because it gets worse than that: Professor X shows up after Emma Frost escorts them out of the base so he can take them all to the Academy. *ugh* What a headache...
The Easter Egg endings: The one that I saw was Stryker walking down the road after Silver Fox told him to walk until his feet bled...and then keep walking. It was lame as shit. The other ones include: Weapon XI finding his decapitated head through the rubble and making a hushing sound at the audience, and Wolverine drinking in a bar in Japan. Now, the first one was just dumb. The second one...eh. The third one leads me to believe that they are trying to acknowledge Wolverine's time in Japan...but regardless, they already fucked up the order of things.
Spectre: Will.I.Am was great in the role. Problem is, they didn't offer much development for him.
The Blob: The dood that played him was hilarious and excellent for the part...but again, underdeveloped.
I understand that this movie is called WOLVERINE...but don't underdevelop those two characters when they are shining.

Now that I'm done ripping apart only a handful of the massive inaccuracies that destroy the story - HOW WAS THE M-O-V-I-E? Well, not much better.

The CGI was HORRIBLE! There's one part where Wolverine is in a bathroom with his claws, and they looked TERRIBLE! They actually looked better in the FIRST movie!!!
So many movie cliches, cheesy dialogue, and poor acting quality from most actors. Given that Ryan Reynolds is no stranger to comic movies, as well as a proclaimed hardcore Deadpool fan, he did a great job of keeping the sarcasm and humor dry as Hell. Great job, and it makes me hope they'll forego the bullshit with Weapon XI and just make a Deadpool movie. Nonetheless, outside of the guy that played The Blob and Will.I.Am, everything was swirling down the drain. I blame the script more than anything, because even Danny Huston...who is a SUPERB actor (see 30 Days of Night)...was just wretched in the role.
The action sequences looked well-orchestrated and choreographed, but the editing was atrocious!!! Too much quick cutting leading into unnecessary expositions leading into quick cutting nonsense.
The dramatic scenes stunk to high Heaven with overacting. I've seen better drama on General Hospital, and that's nothing BUT overacting!!! At one point, Wolverine pulls out a roar while holding Silver Fox in his arms that you saw Brando do better in Streetcar. It was horrific. Simply horrific.
The story - outside of all inaccuracies - could've worked well for the flick. The problem is that things started off kind of smooth and moving along, but eventually, everything goes completely batshit nuts out the wazoo. This eventually leads into too many plot twists at once, and in the earlier stages, characters being completely forgettable (I shit you not, I JUST remembered Dominic Monaghan being in the movie while I was writing this bullet out!).

Overall, the movie...just...flat-out...sucks. It's no good. It's washed-up. X-Men III: The Last Stand deserves a goddamn Oscar compared to this filth. I've never been a fan of Wolverine personally (as I consider him one of the two worst superheroes ever, only being outdone by the legendary cop-out named Superman). Nonetheless, I somehow feel bad for him right now. Dare I say it? Yeah, I think I need to:

Maybe Uwe Boll could've done a better job.

22 Comments

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