I remember back when I was younger, how psyched I was to get home from school because maybe, just maybe I had gotten Caesar 3 in the mail. I remember getting it three days later, being just as psyched that day as the days before. Then not being able to play it for three days because I had to live with my Grandparents for the weekend. I remember that as it was yesterday. I should be able to say that, but I cannot.
 
If you thought this would be a blog about Caesar 3 you are mistaken. This is a blog about life. And how weird it is. 
I am not old seeing how I am only 23. But sometimes I feel that my life so far have been... wasted. Or rather, lost. That I am just living for the moments now and those who are to come. My memory is the reason for this feeling. I forget things way faster than what I think is normal. Sure, I can remember a crapload of stuff from games, where to go to meet Jesus in Fallout 2 for instance, but my life I forget. Things that have happened, things I have done, things I say. I vaguely remember that story about Caesar 3 up there, but it feels like a movie I saw ages ago. Not a part of my life. My life is gone. Forgotten. 
 
The thing is, I cannot remember if I was always like this. If I have been forgetting my life all my life. It might have happened when I fell and broke my back. I did hit my head that time, maybe that also jarred my memory. Worsened it. Or maybe I just forget things faster than normal people. And I find that to be sad. 
 
I cannot remember my first day at school. I cannot remember what I was as a person back then. I cannot remember my first game, not vividly. I think it was Doom. Might have been Super Mario Bros. And a year from now I won't remember this.  
 
What brought me to think about this was Blade Runner. Yes, I didn't see this movie until recently. A few days ago actually, but I honestly cannot remember the exact day... Batty's last words really got to me when I realized all my moments are already gone. No-one can remember these moments for me, and I have lost them forever. I haven't done anything special with my life, but still... it is my life. It is special for me. 
 
Maybe I am lucky. Maybe this is my secret to being happy. 'cause I usually am. I enjoy this ride that is life, I just wish I could remember the past turns. And my past experiences, lost as they may be, have still shaped me to be who I am. I know I have changed drastically the past five years, so it's not like it has all gone to waste. But still... 
 
" I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will  be lost in time... like tears in the rain... Time to die. " 
 
I toyed with the idea of cross-posting this on the forums or whatever you call it, even though it has little to do with gaming. Then I thought, "why not? If people ridicule me for doing such a thing, I'll forget about it pretty fast" 
So I have, and I did so solely to see if someone can relate. If someone has thoughts and opinions on this. Or if someone really wants me to write a blog about Caesar 3.