Games for Future Dictators of the World

Troubled times make great opportunities for political careers. Economic suffering is a primary cause for revolutionary action and aspiring dictators should be capitalizing on the present woes affecting the global economy. With the world suffering its greatest crisis since the Great Depression, now is the time to begin that climb to the top, and these games will help you.

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  • Maybe you want to upstage your opponent legitimately. And knowing how to run a clean and legitimate democratic campaign is a widely accepted way to upstage an opponent. And by "legitimate" and "democratic" I mean hire a bunch of sneer mongers to brandish you opponent as a child molester and drug addict and buy every think tank you can afford to rig your election.

  • Once you get into power you're going to need to know manage your resources. Not only that but you need to know how to prey on the proletariat's suffering from hyper-inflation, ration queues and poverty. Or you could just buy yourself a bunch of limousines and furnish your palace with ivory and gold.

  • Again you're going to need to understand the importance of diplomatic relations and trade. It is extremely important to know how to trade resources and technological advances to support your new nation. Also remember to always have a couple units of pikemen and knights because they're the best units to combat helicopters and tanks.

  • Nukes, you're probably going to use them at some point so you might need practice. And remember nuclear weapons don't result in any long standing environmental and ecological repercussions. Nor do they result in the global world condemning your aggressive actions. Instead they're just really cool to look at from a distance. Oh and the Russians are always plotting against you every minute of your rule, remember that also.

  • Want to know the best way to take over the world? Find a way to clone Hitler and give him a giant robotic machine to wreck havoc amongst the populace. Watch out though as this plan seems to have the tendency to result in exploding heads.

  • Because when you're down and out the stupidest and most outrageous plans are the best ones. Also if you're going to get beat go down guns a blazing, but try not to get beat by an annoying girly man because that would suck.

  • If there's one thing you need to know before you start your own dictatorship it's this: the Americans will destroy you if you piss them off. It doesn't matter if they send in Duke Nukem, Solid Snake, or Rad Spencer; if you piss off the Americans you are going to get killed.