Quick Look: 5 Star Wrestling

Hmmm

This looks like some real garbage.

You fucked up! You fucked up! You fucked up!

Ah yes, the old "smell my fingers which have been in my butt" submission hold. A true classic.

this is it... we are through the looking glass folks

More like MINUS 5 STARS! wrestling, amirite?

Am i wrestling?

It never works when I do it.

WE WANT RUSEV

British game about american wrestling what amazing idea

I love america music its exactly what I hear and see when watch wrestling in its full ridiculous nature.

AMERICAH

more like 1 star wrestling, right? right?

You don't even need to do a proper review for this game as the score is in the title!

Makes Yuke's not look like total shit so good job on that.

The Deer God does not approve

First up, making games is hard, guys. Second, this looks terrible.

Now I know what to expect at PAX!

I just lost it at 19:00

Time for some wrasslin, I am getting into the WRASSLIN business!

This is like The Asylum presents wrestling.

HYPE DELIVERY, FRESHEST BEAT

This is a good reminder that making video games is actually really really difficult. From the developer's blog, they originally intended for this game to come out in the summer of 2013. So it was delayed nearly two years and still came out like this.

Crazy. Yes 3D games in particular are very hard. Especially sports type ones with tons of animation challenges involved. The animations in modern sports games are super impressive to me.

I saw this at PAX and was actually kinda interested in this. I hope this ends up being decent.

Also the fake Randy Orton theme in this game is amazing

https://soundcloud.com/5-star-wrestling/ready-to-rage-5-star-wrestling?in=5-star-wrestling/sets/5-star-wrestling-sound-track

Making games is hard.

I really like the idea of rewarding "putting on a good match" instead of just "beating the piss out of the AI". Shame it had to be wasted on such a rough product.

At last it follows the grand tradition of wrestling games having some of the funniest glitches, though. One of my favorite things to do in the 2K games is setting up a TLC match, because it fucks with the AI and physics to an amazing degree.

I'VE SEEN INSIDE MY HEAD A VISION

NEVER THE OUTCOME YOU'LL BE WISHING FOOOR

Ouch, this looks real bad. Suddenly WWE 2K15 doesn't look so bad... hell that game sucked balls.

The match scoring reminds me of the original Smackdown games which would rate your PPV's. It was pretty neat.

Never look at a wrestling game and go "it can't be that bad"

There was an awesome Fire Pro game that came out (that had some stuff kind of like that, where the goal was more to follow directives like "have an exciting match" rather than just win, as well as backstage/company management stuff. Unfortunately it only came out in Japan. I know a guy was working on a translation at some point but I don't think it was ever completed.

I'll just leave this here

that hair vs mask match thing was amazing holy shit

I figured this was early access and then a trophy notification appeared..

As an e-fedder I would have thought Dan would be in favor of it rather than dismissing it outright. It combines wrestling and writing, two things that Dan seems to enjoy in varying capacity.

But this game looks like hot garbage.

So how often have wrestlers been punched through the floor so far? That's an actual thing, right?

Yes, making games is hard, but that doesn't excuse releasing something like this at nearly double the price of something like Hotline or Spelunky and thinking that's ok.

Seeing how good this looks, I wonder if Dan or Jeff have ever tried the wrestlinggames that MDickie produces.

That game is actually pretty decent, especially on my ipad. TONS better than this garbage.

The only redeeming quality of 5 star wrestling is we get 30 minutes of solid Jeff/Dan wrestling talk! The hair vs mask stuff at 23min was epic lol

I'm gonna make sweet love to him. FROM THE BACK

That slap sound is hilarious. I can't stop laughing at it, and I don't know why!

There hasn't been a hot piece of shit quick look in a bit, and the fact it's Jeff n Dan playing a horrible wrestling game makes it all the better. TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS?!!?!

just when I thought there could not be anything worse than actual wrestling......

How the fuck was Gregg Hearty Vs HarVee Dee not a 5 star match? The sinking through the ring spot alone was, as Micheal Cole would scream, "One of the greatest moments in the history of 5 Star Wrestling!!!!".

I will get this game if the developers pay me 25 dollars.

$25? That's $5 bucks a star. Best value!

MINUS FIVE STARS

Is this even legal? I guess it probably falls under some parody law or something.

Oh my god, fake Randy Orton's theme is incredible.

Now that is a proper shit show