Unprofessional Fridays: UPF - 03/11/22

The vibrating eggs are just a little outside of my budget.

With our Tenga Eggs combined, we are INCEL!

CHAOS

Jason the eyepatch looks fucking awesome

Stranger of Paradise looks so goodholy shit.

@fear_the_booboo: I... don't think we were watching the same video.

Even allowing for a baseline level of FF ridiculousness (which admittedly isn't my thing, but ymmv) this looks like all the worst excesses of that series distilled down into one demo. Endless, pointless cutscenes! Obtuse gameplay mechanics! Fucking dreadful voice acting! Yikes-o-rama.

The eggs look like Farnsworth's suppository.

@el_blarfo: You're absolutely right on all fronts, just that I enjoy the cheese so much and it's rare that a big budget game can get away with this level of weirdness anymore, or it tends to be self-aware and is annoying about it.

It looks like a disaster, but a beautiful one to me.

Strange of Paradise is like Square gave whoever was responsible for getting stuff like The Quiet Man and Left Alive out the FF name and it's glorious.

Listen with all due respect to Nathan From Texas - fuck Nathan From Texas and also bless, fellow SH fan.

@fear_the_booboo: Fair enough! Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Jason <3

Strangers of Paradise's cutscenes feel like someone trying to imitate S-E cheese but on a budget and without the actual talent. The opening CG video is alright, at least.

All the new stuff is nice and all. Especiqlly pit and run for the hills.

But nothing beats a good UPF. Jason‘s completely unhinged games are amazing.

Stranger of Paradise seems astonishingly bad... I'm a big fan of Nioh and liked that first demo back in June, but when I played this new demo the game actually seemed to have regressed from where it was at E3, IMO. I had the game pre-ordered, but canceled it. I'll probably still pick it up down the line, but I'll wait for a half-off sale.

Maybe the craziest part of the portion they showed is when the three guys get together for the first time, and then it cuts to black text that said they needed to first "prove themselves by slaying several infamous monsters..." and then "Several weeks have passed since that day... Now, our three heroes return triumphant, their quest complete." I mean... fucking seriously? None of that is playable? Why the hell did you even bother saying it, then? Talk about next-level terrible writing. There's some "so bad it's good" to be had from it, I suppose, but mostly it just seems bad, period.

@atheistpreacher: I just finished the Demo myself. It's the most baffling product. It's ugly, the combat is trash, the writing is sub-toddler level, the characters are all totally unlikable, the pacing issue you mention with the whole "got prove yourselves....off-screen and then come back 2 minutes later to start the game" thing sort of keeps happening as it seems like anything that would provide context to anything is exactly what was cut out. This looks like a total train wreak and as such I don't think it's gonna be so bad it's good. I think it's gonna be so bad it deserves to be studied. Maybe I'm gonna be wrong, but if this demo really is the first few hours of the game, and as the save carries over i must assume it is, then this is just.....it's existence doesn't make sense.

@tartyron: I would argue that the combat isn't actually trash, though it seems less compelling than it did nine months ago... partly, I think, because they significantly tuned down the difficulty, even on the highest setting. I remember it being tough but fair on the normal setting previously, I had to really buckle down and pay attention to the game's various combat mechanics to make it through that first level, but for this demo I breezed through it on hard.

It seems they felt pressure to reduce difficulty even on the high setting to accommodate the Final Fantasy crowd who aren't used to tough Team Ninja action games. So there's some interesting systems there, but the game doesn't push you hard enough to fully engage with all of it. The reason I'm willing to give it a shot at half price down the line is that there's enough promise in the combat to still be intriguing to me if the difficulty starts to ramp up as you progress. Maybe it will and maybe it won't.

But yeah, it's definitely ugly and it definitely has terrible, terrible writing.

shoutouts to fred

@fear_the_booboo: Every cutscene in this game puts the biggest, dumbest grin on my face. I can't wait to play this.

The German word for "egg" ("Ei") is actually commonly used as a synonym for "testicle". I got a good chuckle out of "Is your egg vibrating, as well?"

Wow, Stranger of Paradise looks rough. But, Have a Nice Death looks awesome! Looking forward to playing it once it's out of early access.

I love the tone of Stranger of Paradise. I get why some people don't, but it's putting the biggest grin on my face. This dumb chaos-hating MFer makes friends with some random dudes over their vibrating eggs, and interrupts elaborate monologues because he doesn't give a damn about the details (saw someone online said "he's hitting the 'skip cutscene' button himself"). For what it is I think they kinda nailed exactly the approach it needed. FF1's story is a very simple old-school tale, trying to adapt that into a rich narrative would require a lot of added detail, so instead they leant into the silly simplicity of it. I'll take that over them trying to be too serious about it.

@fear_the_booboo: game looks like trash. And is embarrassingly lame.

@sebmal: big ups to fred for fredding it up

speaking of high-stress dates: on our second date, my partner and I got hopelessly lost in the woods. We were walking for about two hours, and then we started hearing gunshots and realized there were hunters doing their shoot things. It was very stressful, but we also learned that our problem-solving styles are very similar and their drive to get things done was balanced out very nicely by my laid back energy. It was one of the better dates I've ever been on, 2/10 do not recommend.

Oh, to live in a world where the phrase "I want to kill Chaos" is viewed as being completely normal and an actual thing one can do.

I've come to terms with the fact that I basically have the exact opposite taste of Jess in games, but what the absolute fuck was that game she brought? Some rape basement shit? What the fuck?! Who would think that's ok?

Low-rent Paul Walker-ass mfer

So are they ever going to go back to putting more quick looks in front of the paywall?

I understand differing opinions but I always forget how low most of yall are on hollowknight and it catches me off guard every time. That game is excellent, Jan should play it.

Lizard Lady vs the Cats sure is... something.

Lizard Lady vs the Cats is in that Itch Ukraine Bundle. You can help Ukraine AND get a GOTY contender at the same time!

1. Jess's games are always unsettling. Especially the creepy and sad one in this episode. Some lady locked up in a basement is not my jam.
2. Jess's streaming setup needs to be dialed in.

@hurricrane: Yeah, the last few Quick Looks have been out there on YouTube. Such as Gran Turismo, Babylon's Fall, WWE 2K22, and even Elden Ring.

They took a lot of criticism for their "Lost Ark" quick look from a UPF, which was rightfully so. Since it was total crap, and didn't really focus on the game, but they all just talked over it like a regular UPF, since it was UPF, and not a "quick look". Hopefully that crap is done with.

Jess, I usually enjoy your weird taste in games but the implied r*pe escape room game might've been a bit much (especially without warning). That was a bit upsetting, kinda glad it didn't work tbh.

@atheistpreacher: It's jumping around story-wise to showcase different levels and plot beats. I thought that was obvious in the demo thou maybe they need to make it more apparent. You get to play that in-between section yourself in the real game...im sure they won't just jump around and not tell you the kingdom your in, background lore, etc. But why would they waste time in a demo were people just wanna get the feel of the dark souls light gameplay. I think it answers itself given I see tons of comments online stating how they had to skip cutscenes and rush cause they weren't patient enough to play. Maybe just having the dungeon and no story would have worked better but I'm sure they wanted to show off their graphics or plot.

And you're sure about this? You've seen it for yourself? Because the fact that the demo lets you carry over progress to the main game makes me think they aren't skipping anything. Why would they let you play later levels and then you get to the main game and have to go backwards to see content you missed by playing the demo?

I appreciate Jess's quick apology there. It takes character to admit so publicly to being rude.

Good on ya', Jess

I honestly don't know whether it's Final Fantasy which changed, or me.

But that series is just... nothing to me now. And I cannot begin to relate with Twentysomething Me who thought the series was amazing.

Fair point. Maybe they skip all the story since it's just the story of another FF game, ff1 or 4. I know the dark knight, (give me leeway) I played long ago on GBA, was some sorta chaos thing or something and they had warriors of light. It seems like a weird decision for the uninitiated to skip it and just say they went on that journey from that other game go play that but I guess they decided it was a good idea... I assumed cause like you the plot was too jumbled for me and FF games arent known for just skipping plot beats, they'll show you long cutscenes like say a mgs game. Who knows. The reviews seem positive. I liked the gameplay that said they could improve the framerate unless I'm not supposed to play it on ps4 in the same way you can but you'd be better off playing games on a beefy pc vs say your older 5-year-old gfx card. Anyway, the gameplay seems fun for me cause I like a nice dark souls light... the difficulty is a bit too easy but I think it's good since this should be selling to a more mass-market than games like dark souls (used to appeal to). I can see people also not liking the gameplay and finding it convoluted/clunky. Something about its charming me more than FF15 which I bounced off of once I got a bit into the open world even though I wasn't hating the story as much as others or the characters (besides the main one.) I'll give the game a fair shake.

I map L1 to jump in Apex Legends. Think Lizard Lady was onto something

Has anyone the site played Death's Door for content? Or can anyone point me to when they talk about it? The premise of Have a Nice Death reminded me a lot of it. Or... I could make use of the database on this site...... blehhhhhh lol.

Hmm so reading these comments, should I be skipping Jess' section? Or?

I own all the Pinball FX3 tables on Switch, except for the brand new Indiana Jones Williams table. I'm hesitant, because it's $15 for the 1 table, versus $10 for 3 tables like the other Williams tables, but also because Zen Studios is making a revamped Pinball FX game platform, which apparently your old FX3 tables won't transfer to the new game platform, so that's some real bullshit.

Fuck, I'm a young teacher who can't shoot pool for shit.