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I Played Duke Nukem Forever--Was It All A Dream?

I can't tell if anything is real anymore, but in case I'm actually writing this story right now and am not trapped in some sort of dream prison, Duke Nukem Forever actually exists. And I played it.


 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
Rumors about upcoming video games are always weird to deal with. Even when you hear something and know it to be true, you usually don't know enough of the how's and why's to piece it all together. The Duke Nukem Forever/Gearbox rumors went around for a bit, and earlier this week we had them all but confirmed to us via a series of winks, nods, and knowing glances. But even once I knew that Gearbox was really going to be announcing a Duke Nukem game at PAX, I had no context... and in a tale as long and convoluted as Duke's, context is everything.

We'll look to get that context later on during an interview or two here at the Penny Arcade Expo. But in the meantime, Duke Nukem Forever is a video game, and it's being shown here in playable form via a two-level demo that sets its tone right out of the gate by putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss." Duke's not one to disappoint, so it looks like he'll go for as long as you hold down the trigger. The rest of the bathroom is also a good throwback to the interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D: the soap pump works, the sinks all function, and the mirrors are totally functional... except for the part where they're all horribly cracked.

I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and
I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and "head" right now, but you get the idea.
This first sequence quickly turns into an updated re-creation of the boss fight at the end of Episode 3 in Duke 3D. After running around some tunnels and locker rooms (where you'll be able to draw on a dry erase board using the left analog stick), you'll head to a football field and fight a large Cycloid boss. He's not especially tough, but it's meant to be a prologue. After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights, the scene pulls out, revealing that the prologue takes place on a TV in Duke's mansion, and he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies. Classy.

From there, the demo transitions to something labelled "level 15." It opens with a driving sequence, putting Duke behind the wheel of a monster truck. If you spent any time digging through the different leaks that sprung out in the wake of the game's previous "death," you've probably seen some of this section already. After the truck runs out of gas, Duke hops out and continues on foot. This sequence appears to have been put in to let players try out a variety of weapons, including a rail gun--which seems great for shooting pig cops in their pig cop faces--and the shrink ray, which works as advertised, allowing you to stomp out tiny enemies after you blast them. The classic Duke shotgun also makes an appearance. The shooting is handled console style, with the left trigger used to aim down the sights of the gun and the right to shoot. Though the demo stations were set up with 360 controllers, the game was actually running on PCs.

Or maybe it was all some sort of beautiful dream? The notion of Duke Nukem Forever somehow continuing to be a product that now, perhaps more than ever, looks like it's actually going to be released in stores as a product you can purchase with money is extremely hard to wrap my mind around. But that's the plan. Unless this is the world's most expensive and elaborate prank, Gearbox is working on Duke Nukem Forever right now and is looking to release it in 2011 on PC and consoles.

Always bet on Duke?
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

360 Comments

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ajamafalous

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Edited By ajamafalous

What engine is it running on?

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WhiteBrightKnight

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I will not believe this game is actually coming out until it's sitting in my 360.
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fisk0

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Edited By fisk0  Moderator
@ajamafalous:
Probably Unreal Engine 3, I've also heard it's possibly a very modified Unreal Engine 2.
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TackleMeElmo

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Edited By TackleMeElmo

No Caption Provided
ALWAYS bet on Duke.
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HypoXenophobia

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Edited By HypoXenophobia

In paragraph 4, "weapons" is mispelled. 
 
Beyond that, I'm surprised that it's playable. I wonder how much of the end game will remain in 3D Realms original vision.
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jakob187

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Edited By jakob187

Jeff has played Duke Nukem Forever.  Who wants to touch? 
 

I SAID WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH HIM?!

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Hyde_PL

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Edited By Hyde_PL

I cant't believe they're actually releasing it. But there's no way it'll live up to the expectations.

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MetalBaofu

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Edited By MetalBaofu
@Hyde_PL said:
" I cant't believe they're actually releasing it. But there's no way it'll live up to the expectations. "
I get what you mean, but I would think that the expectations are pretty low considering how long it has been and how much of a joke it has become.
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Majinken

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Edited By Majinken

I'll probably buy this purely for the novelty of it, but I'm surprised how DUKE the game looks. Feels like a piece of history. I gladly welcome more ridiculous shooters and deficiencies in bubblegum.

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Gabriel

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Edited By Gabriel
@ectoplasma said:
" @Arne said:
" Anyone else looking forward to the collectors edition dual layer blu-ray disc "Behind-the-scenes look at the development of Duke Nukem"? "
LOL! "
If they did a collectors edition with shit like that in there, that game will sell a lot.
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dagas

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Edited By dagas

I bet it will be a competent shooter, but not much more. Duke is all hype anyway. It was cool in 1996, but in 2011...I don't think so. Although some would say that babes and badassness doesn't go out of style. I'll stick to my 21st century franchises though.

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KillaMaStA

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Edited By KillaMaStA

this is why you always bet on Duke

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kamikaze_tutor

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Edited By kamikaze_tutor

@Jeff Gerstmann
"After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights" 
 
Don't you mean eye? I hope the color palette is more than what's been shown.

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LordCrom

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Edited By LordCrom

BOOM!  *Money hits the table*  "Bet it all, bet it all on DUKE!
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PillClinton

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Edited By PillClinton

so now GT5 can officially take its place, right?

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MachoFantastico

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Edited By MachoFantastico

This article is a dream. It does not exist. 

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GrahamMaster

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Edited By GrahamMaster

Inception.

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ptc

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Edited By ptc

Is ALL that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?
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GagnarTheUnruly

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Edited By GagnarTheUnruly

Great, they're finally making a modern game in a franchise of mediocre shooters whose selling points were toilet humor and mysogeny.   This garbage is part of the reason the gaming industry still gets no respect.
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CraigAA1028

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Edited By CraigAA1028

NO, the universe in imploding. Everyone run! No...STAY AWAY....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO *poof*

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timeshero

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Edited By timeshero
@GagnarTheUnruly: People like you who take everything so damn seriously are why we get no respect.  It's Duke Nukem.  Give it a rest, stop whining.  If you don't like it, don't buy it.  It's that simple. 
 
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Raineko

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Edited By Raineko

Why should there be a big expectation. I mean people can´t really believe that it will have 500 hours play time. 
 
I think it will be awesome just blowing aliens into particles.

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AngelicRampage

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Edited By AngelicRampage
@GagnarTheUnruly: u must be thinking of another game because all the Duke Nukem games have sold well, why do u think it became such a hit franchise? o i know... ur probably a kid who has never played a Duke nukem game in ur whole life and know nothing about it, or a second posibility could be that your too young to understand the ADULT and MATURE humor the game has to offer
 
Go play COD nub
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GagnarTheUnruly

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Edited By GagnarTheUnruly
@AngelicRampage: 
 
That's the first time I've ever heard Duke Nukem be described as adult and mature.   I was in high school when Duke Nukem 3D came out.  I played it at my friends house and I know what it's about and who it appeals to.  At the time it felt edgy enough to justify its vulgarity, but it was still a crappy game and the 'thrill' of shooting pig-cops and rescuing pixelated strippers wore pretty thin pretty fast.  Now I'm older and more mature and I really can't stand the franchise, let alone understand why there's sill a lot of fanboyism for the IP among people who probably should've moved on a long time ago.  I think the games media needs to look past thier nostalgia and call a spade a spade.
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SBYM

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Edited By SBYM

Takin' out a loan and selling all my stuff. Y'know what I'ma do with all this sweet cash? I'm takin' it to Vegas and bettin' all that shit on DEWK.

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Battsey

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Edited By Battsey

FYI; That's the Cycloid's eye you're kicking out the field after you beat the boss, not its tounge!

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zanzibarbreeze

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Edited By zanzibarbreeze

I like the question at the end there:

Always bet on Duke?


Always bet on Duke?
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Everyones_A_Critic

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@Zaapp1 said:
" The first horseman of the Apocalypse... "
This game will be out a year before 2012. Coincidence? I think not.
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smfE

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Edited By smfE
@John117 said:
" I'm buying this regardless of how it turns out, I've got to be able to say that I purchased Duke Nukem Forever in my lifetime. "
This so freaking much ! Having the final DNF box in the hands wow ! I don't think i will be able to comprehend the feeling that this would ever happen.
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librarianmike

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Edited By librarianmike

If they can just focus on big explosions and solid action, I'm all for it. I don't think innovation is anyone's motivation to play a Duke Nukem game. Yay!

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Legendary

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Edited By Legendary

 wepaons eh? Anyway I hope it looks sick. I watched the 2001 trailer and man, I was surprised on why they didn't release that game. It looked sick.

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vaiz

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Edited By vaiz

To everyone bitching that Duke is childish and past its prime: 
 

No Caption Provided
Lighten up, Francis.
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Christoffer

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Edited By Christoffer

If Duke Nukem 3D was a tribute to the 80th action star... now is the perfect time to release the sequel. Movies like The expendables and Predators has proven that we who grew up in the 80ths have cash to spend and a void to fill.
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zombie2011

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Edited By zombie2011

I can see this game being a throw back to older shooters, like The Expendables was a throw back to 80's actions flicks.

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TomWhitbrook

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Edited By TomWhitbrook

Achievement Unlocked, Gearbox.

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TadThuggish

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Edited By TadThuggish
@punkxblaze said:
" To everyone bitching that Duke is childish and past its prime: 
 

No Caption Provided
Lighten up, Francis. "
Except that Duke Nukem Forever (and, as seen, NARC) exactly is the kind of game that people think will make them mature.  Nukem rides on appealing to 13-year-olds who wish they were mature, like the 14-year-olds, who wish they were like 15-year-olds,  who wish they were like the 16-year-olds, trying to be so focused on "adult" instead of "good".  Then, by the time psychological adulthood is finally reached, you don't care so much about looking "adult" anymore.  You don't need to prove it through sex and violence....you simply are, and that frees you to enjoy whatever you'd like, no matter what created-by-children social stigmas are attached.
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DoctorWelch

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Edited By DoctorWelch

Wait...nope, still dont care.

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Winternet

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Edited By Winternet

Wait. Does this means what I think it means? Nah, it can't be. Right?

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sparky_buzzsaw

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Edited By sparky_buzzsaw

I'm guessing fertility rates will jump 3,500% when this game ships.  Prepare yourselves, men, because once your woman gets a whiff of the Duke being balls deep in your console, there's no turning back.

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FlipperDesert

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Edited By FlipperDesert

Gearbox is either going to go bankrupt/burn down to the ground or the universe will implode upon DNF's release, like matter making contact with antimatter.

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Afroman269

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Edited By Afroman269

pics or it didn't happen

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tmthomsen

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Edited By tmthomsen
@Jeff said:

"After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights..."

 Dude, it was the eye.
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delta_ass

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Edited By delta_ass

Jeff, I think you kick the eyeball , not the tongue.
 
Unless they changed it from the ending to Duke Nukem 3D.

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Pop

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Edited By Pop

sounds freaking awesome! I wonder how high will the hype get, cause I'm not hyped, I still can't believe it, I'll probably hold it in my hand and say naah it can't be real.

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HydraHam

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Edited By HydraHam
@louiedog said:
" Is this confirmed for Xbox 360, PS3, and Phantom? "
phantom is still in development and is expected to release when the sony ninsegacast 720 releases
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Pkshields

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Edited By Pkshields

Everything I hear this game is older than Google, it blows my mind. At least Gearbox puts out games. They have released 17 games in one form or another since this game started development.

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Blitzer

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Edited By Blitzer

Can't fucking wait.

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AntonTroshin

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Edited By AntonTroshin

OMG!!!

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alwaysbeclothing

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Edited By alwaysbeclothing

"And that was three years ago! [...] Even if what he saw then looked good, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY LOOK GOOD NOW?  [...] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  [...] DUDE, NO WE WON'T! (see DNF soon)"
- Jeff G on DNF, a few years ago