Namco Bandai Sees Your Rage Over Ivy's Breasts, Raises You One Spiky, Misshapen Voldo Crotch [UPDATED: Or Not]

UPDATE: Joystiq claims this is fake, as the Voldo image is taken from a SoulCalibur IV promotional shot. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it isn't. If it is, then I officially rescind my "touche" to Namco Bandai and remain annoyed at their blatant boob usage. That said, whoever cooked this up should be hired by Namco Bandai to do all their Japanese advertising from here on out.

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Perhaps you're already aware of recent grousing among those sensitive toward the use of women's ludicrously over-sized breasts to promote various video game entertainments in regards to a recent SoulCalibur V advertisement which featured an almost comically brazen close-up of series regular Ivy's gigantic boobs. For those unaware of the just-mentioned advertisement and subsequent outrage, here is the ad in question.

Assuming you are now appropriately outraged because of boobs, I now direct your attention to the other ad publisher Namco Bandai recently posted (then quickly removed) from the game's Facebook page. Perhaps as a direct follow-up to the outcry from those who saw the objectification of the female form as crass and lazy, the publisher then posted the below nightmare fueling image of other series regular Voldo, AKA the weird S&M bendy guy with the knives and the hypnotically transfixing codpiece.

Apparently the translation of the text across Voldo's discolored, fetid-looking stomach reads "curious?" How's that for a Monday morning boner groaner?

In direct response to Namco Bandai's Voldo ad, I simply say "touche." While I do think the blatant Ivy boob-leering in the original ad wasn't in particularly great taste, I can certainly appreciate a company that can look a controversy directly in the eye and thrust out its spiky, disquieting man-crotch as a response.

In direct response to the sure-to-happen influx of comments complaining that this is "not news," I'd like to point out that it's early January and nothing of value is really happening right now. Also, having just returned from vacation, I was just so anxious to get back to writing for you guys that I just up and grabbed for the first heaving man-crotch that crossed my desk. Yes, I know how that sounds, and no, I don't plan to correct it.

Seriously, I missed you guys.

(Thanks to PlayStation: The Official Magazine's Anne Lewis for sending this my way. May your trauma be swiftly forgotten.)

Ha!

Woop woop!

This is friggin' hilarious.

Thats not news.

Voldo Cricket 2012 coming soon.

"That seems lie a weird thing for Patrick to say?"

*Written by Alex Navarro*

Oh, ok then, continue.

Aw YEEEEEYUH

I just up and grabbed for the first heaving man-crotch that crossed my desk.

You may have been hanging with Rorie a bit too much, mate.

Kidding!

That's awesome!

I'd like to see more news like this.

What better way to start off the new year in gaming?

What's Monday without an inappropriate amount of heaving man-crotch crossing your desk?

I love you Alex.

Well played.

Wait, that was Ivy in the other ad? Looking at it now, she looks like a particularly slutty Cat Woman. (Or maybe I've played too much Arkham City.)

You can invade my nightmares any day, Voldo.

Ow.

Alex knows how to put the man-crotch in Monday!

This may not be news, but I am so glad that it exists.

Oh, Japan :)

Good story Alex, welcome back.

Patrick, write about whatever you want...AND DROPKICK NUT PUNCH THE LOSERS THAT COMPLAIN IN THE FACE!

@jakob187: Alex wrote this.

But he's right, PATRICK, YOU WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I would rather nothing than this.

Haha, thanks Alex, I needed a good laugh. Welcome back!
 
2012 in games, ya'll.

This calls for the animated .GIF of Joffrey clapping.

Can always count on Alex for the longest news titles on Giant Bomb

Well, this is... huh.
 
In SC2 I would play Voldo just to see the sheer terror and confusion on my friends' faces when they lost to a chalky, homicidal gimp assassin.

Thank you, Patrick. And I mean that from the very depths of my soul.

@Lockeyness: Alex... wrote the article...

You know what?

If they're willing to go this crazy, I'm in. Just fucking go nuts with the boobs. If this brings us ad campaigns with a dude's BDSM-clad, spiky crotch, I'd say the tits aren't as big as they should be.

I approve of this response.

Geez, Alex, first your unapologetically vitriolic box office article on Screened, and now this? And on a Monday morning in early January no less! Pace yourself, sport, or you'll run out of fuel before the equally, if not more groan-inducing return of E3!

Erm, nice package?

Hey Guys! Aren't these JAPANESE ads!?!

Everything's coming up Voldo!

I thought they were reigning in the character designs with this one? Guess not.

Meh, Soul Calibur isn't very good so I don't really care either way. Clearly they realize that too if this is the kind of ad they're putting out.

"It's January, you guys. This is what the news looks like." Goddammit, I laughed far harder than I should have.

Dem women's be getting objectified in game advertizing again! How dare companies use full-proof time proven strategies to sell their products, the fiends! Seriously though it was a pretty sleazy poster, but now that everyone has bitched and moaned about it more people are now aware of SC5, which was kinda the whole point from the start so... yeah.

Spiky man crotch is why I LOVE MONDAYS!

Alex, never change.

look a controversy directly in the eye and thrust out its spiky, disquieting man-crotch

From the man who brought you Turgid Minotaur Cock, Alex Navarro everybody.

I am curious about Voldo's codpiece. How does it stay on? Wouldn't it still hurt if he got kicked in the nuts? How does a blind man find such a weird wradrobe piece?

Touche indeed.

Well played Namco.

I am offended by spikey man crotches.

Haha boner groaner. Good one.

I like to see that the Japanese do have a good sense of humor sometimes. Bravo

@MisterMouse: Whoops... That's what I get for not paying attention. I guess it just sounded like a Patrick article. That sounds like a slight, but I swear it isn't!

Sorry, Alex. Thank you even MORE!