Rants about Fallout 3

"I'm looking for my father, middle-aged guy, have you seen him?"

This summarizes the extent of "roleplaying" you will do during conversations in Fallout 3.

Now, if someone; anyone walked up to me on the street and asked "I'm looking for my father, middle-aged guy, have you seen him?"
"middle-aged guy?"
No.
Let's try that again;
"middle-aged-guy"
How many characters in Fallout 3, does actually represent a "middle-aged-guy"?
I'm not going with specific numbers here, but that's ALOT of people.

That summarizes dialouge in Fallout 3.
Yes, sure there's alot of people, having "alot" to say.
But that sentence summarizes all dialouge.
Crap.

The game-world then?
I mean, you have the "whole" D.C. to wander about.
Well, it so happens that D.C. is covered, literally with "encampments" and "villages" and other "random" places to visit.
There are huge bridges, huge burned down-skyscrapers, abandoned houses, schools and what-have-you-not.
That would all be great, were it not for the fact that the game-world of Fallout 3, was made by seemingly the same idiots, trying to create the dialouge.
The buildings in Fallout 3 are exactly the same as that dialouge-phrase; generic.
That would be a-ok, considering the fact that this is a "huge open-game-world", but if you ever try to enter a building, which seems to be nearly intact, you will soon find that (insert random percentage-here) doors does not open. Sure there are doors and sure there are boarded up-windows and sure it does look "intriguing", but no. You can NOT enter.
Try bringing down the console and type "tcl" (toggle-clipping-mode), which gives you the ability to "fly", then look down on... ooohhh let's say; Tenpenny towers.
What do you see?
A big hole.
A big nothing.
A roof?
No.
Nothing.
Same goes for all major buildings which are taller than the average super-mutant.
They have no roof.
There are no ladders.
And "there are no roofs".

While this would not bother the "casual-gamer-who-only-wanders-where-Bethesda-wants-them-to", the "rest of us", who actually want to explore will be severely limited to entering the generic-buildings, which contain nothing of interest, except if you're lucky and find.... "a metal-spoon" or "a can of beans".

The buildings that you CAN enter, consist of load-zones. God forbid that there would be even the slightest possibility of entering a house, by simply opening the door and blasting everything inside and then smoothly run away for cover.
No.
You are loaded into a completely different zone. It is not even on the world-map (if you look at it in the editor or (once again) "tcl" your way around.
This is (of course) done so that everything will run smoothly on your computer/console.
But it completely breaks immersion.

There are PLENTY of items to find. Everything from a simple "iron" to "forks".
These items have one purpose. The "rock-it-launcher"
Yay. I can shoot forks.
My gratitude is endless.

The AI (or lack there-of) makes up for interesting encounters.
My first play-through, I was at level 2.
I quickly made my way downtown-DC and encountered Super Mutants.
HOLY CRAP! They're HUGE!
AND they have MINIGUNS!
I myself was armed with a 10mm.
BUT
Since Super-Mutants have a brain the size of.... a Bethesda-story-line person, all I needed do was; jump into cover: Super-Mutant empties magazine: Jump out from cover: VATS: Aim for head: Kill.

That's how you deal with any and all encounters throughout the game.

The enemy won't even have a chance to repell, since you are using VATS and if you have only 3 shots, rest assure, eventhough you're only level 2 at LEAST 1 of them will hit straight in the head.
Depending on distance? Yes. But not very much so.

The raiders (being one of the most prominent enemies you will encounter) are again showing the brilliance of what a Bethesda employee considers Artificial Intelligence.
I have looked at it through the editor (GECK) and they mainly have one (1) purpose in life: to kill you whilst die trying.
They do this, by simply charging at you.
This would all be fine, should this be your generic NES-System game (oooh let's say... Super Mario Bros 1), but in this time, day and age, where games like Gears of War, FEAR, Crysis and oooooh so many others have proven that Artificial Intelligence is NOT something to be taken lightly, Bethesda (once again) proves that monkey's with typewriters would come up with basically the same results.

The story-line then?
"I'm looking for my father"
"I'm looking for my father"....
Curse you Star Wars; "Luke, I AM your father"
Ever since the first time I booted up the game, I thought to myself.
No f***ing way.
I am NOT looking for my father.
But lo and behold; your father has the solution to all the problems of the wastelands, he has found a way to purify water!!!! (surprise!!!) and his research must not fall into the wrong hands and it is ooooh so important that he purifies the water since (ouch) you get 1+ rad from wading/swimming in it and you get up to 8+ rads for drinking it.
Oh woe is us, woe is us.

The beggars, whom are very well placed outside the "major cities" can't drink any more "irradiated shit", so give them pure water and booom. KARMA++++++++++
Kill them and booom. KARMA---------
Wow. Truly an achievment.
So that boils down to;
I go into Megaton; kill every living being (except for children, whom are the incarnations of Christ, thus invulnarable), then plunder their supplies for pure water, go outside and lo and behold, there is the beggar; I give him all my water and... I AM the savior.
My karma goes up. Aaaaall the way up (depending on amount of water)
Tadaaa.
Sure I'm a good guy; I gave him water!
*sigh*

So exploring the "subways" of D.C. then?
Wow... Just... wow....
Bethesda actually managed to create dungeons in a post-apocalyptic-wasteland.
Note; DUNGEONS.
Where does that come to mind? "Dungeons and Dragons".
So I have my dungeons, where's my "insert generic Orc here"; oooh there he is; now re-incarnated as... A ghoul.
The "tunnels" (hereby refered to as what they are; dungeons) are cluttered with land-mines, raiders and rats as well.
Truly makes for an interesting cast.
There is of-course the occasional turret, which will try to wipe you out, but before it can even start blinking you go; VATS!
The dungeons in Daggerfall was the highlight of Bethesda's dungeon-crawling.
In Morrowind they were narrow, but still interesting at points. (ie. Dwemer ruins)
In Oblivion, they were a chore. Mixed up with; Oblvion-Escapades, where you would crawl through other-looking dungeons, still generic.
So what made Daggerfall's dungeons the best out there?
Because they were;
A) Random.
B) HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.
C) Made in a time, where people were still impressed by Eye of the Beholder and Lands of Lore.

And in true Bethesda style, we have (since Daggerfall) the "go kill rats" quest.
This, I hope is an ironic homage to their earlier games. Because a "rat-killing-quest" in this time and age... Is NOT ok.

The variety of weapons, you say?
Well, you have what every other shooter has.
A "not-so-wide-arsenal-at-your-selection"
Just more ammo.
God forbid that the casual-gamer would run out of ammo.
Oh and of course you have the Fatman.
Which shoots mini-nukes.
Yes.
Nukes.
Hmmm...
Let me rephrase that.
The Fatman, shoots miniature Atomic Bombs.
But don't worry.
As long as it lands ten feet away from you, you won't get harmed.
Nukes.
Need I say more?

The BB gun, is of course only there because it has been there since "Wastelands" and has continued it's uselessness throughout the series.
Yay.

There's plenty of cars still around; nuclear-powered cars.
Which has not exploded, during the immense bombing of D.C.
Nope.
They are nuclear, but they are still standing there.
Juuuust standing there.
Oh and they go "BOOOM" if you shoot at them.
Impressive.
A BB gun pellet can blow up a nuclear bomb, but other nuclear bombs could not.
Once again, why are you using monkeys, to compensate for your lack of logic, Bethesda?

The NPC's then?
They have no personality. No unique appearences (considering what faces you can create with the GECK, I am very surprised that they only used the-in-game-editor, to create the same generic-looking faces).
They are dead.
Sure it's the wastelands, but come on...
Bittercup is a splendid example of this.
Our protagonist is 21 years old, she is about 16.
Now I KNOW that all you "not old enough to play, but mum bought me the game anyways" want to have some sort of "interaction" with her.
But no.
She says a bunch of stuff of how not fitting in and then you can "choose" to be nice to her and... she'll give you "stuff"
There are prostitutes (at least one) and YES!!!! YOU CAN SLEEP WITH HER!!!!
Note; Sleep.
Note: With.
Note: Not SEX. Not ON TOP.
Sleep. With.
And oh yeah... she keeps her clothes on.

One of my favorite parts of the game, is however not in the lack of AI, nor character interaction, nor "exploring".... Nooo.. My favorite part is; Invisible walls.
So what "are" invisible walls, you say?

Well... I stand behind a ruined wall and lo and behold, there is a crack in it. A quite large one. Actually it's more like a big hole.
I carefully "aim" down the sight (Ironsight??? No way) at my designated target. Fire.
Nothing.
Why nothing?
Because there's an invisble wall, where there should be a hole.
Compare this to STALKER, where I shoot people through tiny cracks in the floor (if I'm upstairs) and you get the point.
NO, Casual gamer, you are NOT allowed to shoot from behind cover. *slaps on fingers* BAD!
You HAVE TO jump OUT from cover and VATS, THEN shoot.
Why?
Monkeys.

Soooo.. I'm downtown D.C. and in front of me is a large pile of rubble.
Remnants of a "once great building".
Behind this rubble is the place I need to go.
I can of course walk around the whole place and spend an hour finding the path Bethesda has chosen for me, OR I can climb the rubble(?)
No.
When I do climb the rubble (having altered my jump-height), I find that there is nothing behind the rubble.
Nothing?
Nothing.
A big empty space of... Nothing.
A hole in the world, you might say.
As with the lack of roof-tops, there is a lack of world-space.
In the middle of D.C.
I (once again) "tcl" my way through and find that these "sky-scrapers" are only there for show.
They are not buildings. They are walls. Hiding.... Nothing.

So how about companions? (ie. followers); well... there's Dogmeat and a cast of wannabe's that can agree to join you in your questing for your father.
Wow.
Dogmeat has the AI of... I'm not going to insult the canines, nor the monkeys here, so let's say... the AI of... A certain Bethesda Employee, trying to let the world know that Fallout 3 is the best there is!
He barks. And growls. And barks. And growls.
The followers for hire then?
Well, you can give them simple commands;
Use this and that tactic (ie. stay close, stay away)
Use this and that weapon (ie. close combat, ranged combat)
Do they have an interesting story of their own?
A purpose to which they are roaming these wastelands looking for.... "their" fathers?
No.
They are.... ... as with what's behind the walls of sky-scrapers in downtown D.C.; empty.
Will they heal you, if you're down? No.
Will they go where you tell them to? No.
Will they tell you anything of value? No.
Will they serve as cannon-fodder? Yes.
And not very good at it.

Fallout 3, is not made for the fans (Interplay's old logo comes to mind; "By gamers, for gamers")
Fallout 3 is made to make money.
Come on? That can't be it? You say.
No.
I was just kidding.
A good friend of mine loves his computer-games, especially UT2k4
He loves UT2k4, because he ONLY plays it at "novice" skill-level
He only plays it at novice, because he does not like to lose.
THAT is Fallout 3.
If you don't like to lose, buy it, for the love of Bethesda, BUY IT!
It's the perfect "couch-game"
Hey, you can even hook up your very own 360-controller to your PC and use that!
Perfect!
Now hook it up to the TV!
Perfect.
Now lean back, get some popcorn and grab a beer (or several, don't matter, you don't need to aim precise in this game, thanks to VATS) and enjoy.
But don't ever try to brag with your "achievment" of playing through the game.
It is NOT an achievment.
It is as much of an achievment as playing through the first level of UT2k4 on Novice and only dying once.
And if you think THAT is something to brag about, then you are surrounded by teenagers, whose parents won't let them play Counter-Strike.

What summarizes this multi(million?billion?) project then?
Is it Fallout?
Now, I am NOT a Fallout fanatic.
I have played through Fallout 1. Several times. I love Fallout 1, for what it is.
I didn't take too much liking for Fallout 2, nor tactics.
I have Fallout - Brotherhood of Steel and Fallout 1 and 2 in my bookshelf.
Brotherhood of Steel is the closest thing Fallout 3, will ever come to Fallout.
Alot of cursing, alot of nonsense "action" and a bunch of monkeys.
Shallow.
That is a word that can summarize so many things, but yet is so rarely used, since it is such a strong word.
Shallow.

I have played 700+ hours (probably more) of Fallout 3 and I have explored and I have modded (yes, I have made several mods for this game) and I have downloaded mods and I have tweaked and I have turned the game upside down and I have been replaying the whole story-line time and time again. I have done this game in every way possible.
And then finally, I came to the realisation.
This is not just NOT Fallout.
This is NOT an RPG.
This is NOT a shooter.
This is a joke.
Yes.
This is all a weird bizarre alternate reality where reviewers are actually praising what's behind those sky-scrapers.
Nothing.
This is a world, where "gamer's" are whom the company decides them to be.
This is a world, where "serious" reviewers get payed off, for writing good reviews, based on ONE (1) 30-odd-hours playthrough of the game, labeling it as "the greatest game of all time!"
This is the reality where skill means nothing and "achievments" on your Xbox-live account, proves how good a gamer you are.
This is the reality where monkeys have finally learned to type.
This is the world of money.
Money.
M-O-N-E-Y!

No.
If you TRULY want to prove your worth and TRULY want to impress your "gamer-friends", STOP playing UT2k4 on Novice.
Get yourself a copy of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. - Shadow of Chernobyl, patch it, install Oblivion Lost and Arsenal mods and play it through on HELL difficulty.
THAT's an achievment.
But most important of all; THAT's immersion.

Whether I will continue to make mods for Fallout 3 or not, only time will tell.

Fallout 3 has ALOT of potential.
ALOT!
With the GECK, us modders are able to change so many things about the game.
But it's the same thing as with a Barbie-doll.
No matter how much fancy equipment you buy for her, no matter how many clothes you have for her, she is still in-animate.
And always will be.

Is this a poem? Because they made paragraphs for a reason, but that sounds like a lot of complaints.
I use the words, "flawed masterpiece" for anything Bethesda does.

"Is this a poem? Because they made paragraphs for a reason, but that sounds like a lot of complaints.I use the words, "flawed masterpiece" for anything Bethesda does."

I must say, that's quite a rant. I especially liked how you wrote it in iambic pentameter.

"Is this a poem? Because they made paragraphs for a reason, but that sounds like a lot of complaints.I use the words, "flawed masterpiece" for anything Bethesda does."

"Death_Unicorn said:

"Is this a poem? Because they made paragraphs for a reason, but that sounds like a lot of complaints.I use the words, "flawed masterpiece" for anything Bethesda does."

Agree. No game can be perfect. In fact, some of my favorite games had alot of things wrong with them that made me hate the game at one point."