sunjammer's flower (PlayStation Network (PS3)) review

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  • sunjammer has written a total of 16 reviews. The last one was for Destiny

A miserable tech demo experience

Just grit my teeth throughout, and i haven't swore as much at a game in a long long time, at least not for these reasons. 
To me, Flower is an awkwardly motion controlled conflict-free Pacman with generic (though technically impressive) visuals, INFURIATING soulless self-help-tape soundtrack and attempts at creative narrative that challenge on the level of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon episode. It asks little to no skill of you (which is fine), and throws you into a constant collectomania chore or ticking off flowers to paint the world in brighter colors, coupled with generic audio cues. The completionist in you will hate it for the awkward controls and slow pace as you wrest the fucking flower blob thing around to get that ONE flower you missed, only to have the game decide you've done enough and yank you off to where it next wants you to go.
Imagine a laggily motioncontroller pixelhunt that has no problem yanking you off against your will because it wants to show you some more fucking windmills or particle effects. All the while you're forced to listen to ambiguous generic synthesized guitars over generic pads and there is no fucking emotion to anything. It's a blank slate of a game that throws a ton of particles around and expects you to be hypnotized by it. I was hypnotized into a seething rage and a wish to go punch Jenova Chen and his magical theory of fun right in the face area. Don't even get me started on the whole "it's a poem in game form" bullshit. I love poetry. This, if it's poetry, is poetry written by someone really fucking bad at it.
Surely we've grown past this kind of piss? Are we to accept a challenge-free game with lazy pretensions at art because it's "poetry"? Aren't we allowed to call a horse a horse and identify BAD poetry? Fuck it, I'm going to make a game where you're a bubble traveling through water and you join other bubbles to make bigger bubbles and you reach for the sun and WOW IT'S SO PRETTY AND oh no i hit the surface and i burst, and now i am nothing. Sadness fills me.  This was an experience to cherish.
Fuck that formula, and fuck this game.

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