Mega Man 10
( No, no, I'm not gonna make that joke.) It's too obvious, even for me, and Penny Arcade's done it before. And Capcom, right at the beginning of the game. That's how stupid this joke is, so no number jokes. We all know Roman numerals, OK? Good, let's get this thing started. Actually, I don't have any idea how to start this damn blog, which is odd, because that's probably what happened with Capcom whilst they were making this game. That would certainly explain a lot of things, like the plot of this game.It's the year 20XX, the porn industry has completed their takeover of all world governments, and Mega Man's about to kick more ass. Why? Well, after Mega Man 9, a robot virus started spreading around the world of Mega Man Land. This isn't a computer virus that enslaves you to nudists through porn or anything like that (even though that'd be INCREDIBLY appropriate, given the circumstances), but more like a human virus which just gives every robot on Earth the flu. "It must be Wily!", you think to yourself, quite proud of making such an obvious observation. You're right, but you're not supposed to know that yet, since Dr. Wily decides to help you find the cure. Of course, in addition to the obvious plot twist, he brings with him several plot twists. For example, the cure: he has it, knows how to make it, and (SPOILER) leaves a fuckton of the damn things behind at the end of the game. Where the hell were these before, and why didn't Light at least use the first one to make that many? And while we're on the subject, why am I fighting Robot Masters? It's not like they have the cure or anything, and it's not like Mega Man needs a cure (he's half human; he became a robot during the Commybot Uprising of the same year), so we're left so many plot holes that you'd think Dan Brown shot the script with a minigun.
Especially when the guy's easier than your date immediately after the high school prom. Not even with his weakness (that actually makes things worse, in this case); turns out that as soon as you flash your Mega Buster, he's ready to take it all off. Just like how all the other bosses, when given the right weapons, see the fight as an opportunity to practice their yoga positions, starting with Downward Facing Ass Handing. Isn't that the one thing I've been complaining about for the past 38 Mega Man games or something? Why, Capcom? Why didn't you use this as an opportunity to fix some of the flaws with the games before this? All I see in that regard is that you can switch weapons without pausing, but you'll usually pause anyway, unless you're a fan of getting things shot in your face. If that's the case, then you know yourself better than I do, apparently, since this game will kill you so often that you'd think that you were in a Freaky Friday remake starring Brad Shoemaker. However, I wouldn't call the game hard, since it implies several things that this game isn't. For example, hard implies that there's some satisfaction to be had at the end of it, and....OK, it sometimes does have that "look at how awesome I am" feel to it. But you know what else it lacks? A sense of legiti.....shit, it has that, too, but only through the old school part. Without it, memorization and reflexes become nothing more than words that echo silently in your mind as you yell at the screen for being "so fucking cheap." It isn't cheap? But you know what it is? Easy. You get infinite continues, giving you infinite tries at bosses which you either kill on your first go or after your 94th continue. Going in a somewhat different direction than you'd think, I give this game the Appropriate Length Award, since the blog has as many paragraphs as the game does hours of gameplay.
Review Synopsis
- Old school is fine and all, but keep in mind that this is the 21st century. Do 21st century things to it.
- Roboenza? Come over here so I can punch the stupid out of you.
- Still, pretty satisfying, what with the challenging part and everything.
Sticking with the theme I've established, this one's pretty obvious: My god, what the hell has happened to your world?
Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter
( What the hell could be nerdier than this game?) Other than the music. Just look at this game: superheroes in tights shooting webs at anime fighters shooting fireballs with the snap of each finger. The only thing needed to complete this trifecta (it's a trifecta now, I made it one) would be if Gollum put on the One Ring and, as a special move or whatever, shot about 9001 fan fictions at his enemies. That's it. Nothing gets nerdier than "crossover fighting game" unless it involves half naked midgets in jewelry. I wish I had a link for that, but I don't want to be banned from everything.
For example: the entire game. It's just your typical Capcom fighter with a slight paint job of Marvel characters slapped on. Of course, this means that it's quick, accessible, and fun to play, but the same can be said of every other Street Fighter, can't it? The only thing I noticed being different was that the cast was slightly less balanced. It's still nicely balanced, especially with what I'm going to say later, but some characters, like M Bison and Zangief , are so awkward to use that you might as well call them Adobe Flash. Notice how neither of those guys were Marvel characters. I did that for a reason: all the Marvel characters rock. I found this out during the Hero Battle mode, something I played to fool myself into thinking that the arcade version wouldn't matter. Didn't last, though, since it's the same game, but instead of the usual rank of fights, you pick two characters and try to kill everybody on the opposing team. Sounds unique, right?
WRONG! There's one major problem I found with this (and, by extension, the game in general): you can't switch characters on the fly. What the hell, Capcom? You offer us a fighting game where you can carry two characters to battle, and you won't even allow us to switch characters mid-battle? Now all they do is jump into the fight, punch your opponent, and then disappear back to their own universe, dickishly leaving you to fight a 20 foot tall Darwinian. So they're essentially extra moves you can forget about, especially since I never found that summoning these characters used the same moves. I think. I don't know, I suck at fighting games. Which is odd, since I was able to build up super high crazy combos. That's the only thing I can think of that separates this game from Street Fighter Alpha or.....umm.....Darksiders, or whatever the hell it was called. Oh, Darkstalkers! Anyway, the only thing separating that from this is the combos. They're satisfying in their 30s, but you can also get that from Killer Instinct, which also has a stoked announcer. But the one in Marvel Super Heroes is far more stoked, so I have to give it the Shaun White Award for Epic Stokage. That's what he says, right?
Review Synopsis
- It's pretty much any Capcom fighter anywhere.
- Multiple characters in battle sounds cool; only one character actually fighting does not.
- The fact that the Saturn version fulfills my wishes only makes me angrier.
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