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#1 Edited by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

So i was with my girlfriend 6 years. I bought a house and lived in it with her the last 4 years. About a year ago she broke up with me and joined the army. (no reason given other than she just wanted to go) well she got kicked out the army and came back here. I already have a new girlfriend so needless to say it made things weird. I explained it to my new girlfriend and we agreed to let her stay in my house for a few months until she could get her own place.

shes in the process of getting a new apartment now. But she is always angry at me and today especially very rude and disrespectful. She tells me she wanted to still be my best friend. I cant be her best friend. I cant do that. I was in love with her for 6 years. She doesnt fucking understand why not. She gets mad because i stay the night at my new girls house to avoid being home with my ex.

Today when i said she had one more month to be out she started crying and ran into the room and locked herself in blasting music. What the hell.... i even asked her if she wanted to be with me when she first got back. She said not at all in a romantic way. (i wasnt gonna go back with her but i needed to know before i let her move back in)

I feel like most people wouldnt of even let her stay with them at all. Im trying to be nice and help her out but shes freaking out on me because im not her friend now.

am i in the right about being angry at her today? Was i really wrong to give her a month deadline after being back 2 months already? I dont get it. I honestly feel like ive done mroe than most people would do. What the fuck does she want from me?

oh and yes it is very difficult because i still have very strong feelings for her. But my new girl treats me amazing and i would never leave her for an ex.

edit: to make this have any video game in it at all i will say that since im home a lot now without a girlfriend here in the house ive been playing a ton of league of legends. kinda enjoying that.

#2 Posted by SgtGrumbles (1024 posts) -

You've done way more than you really should have already, move the deadline up to a week.

#3 Posted by teh_destroyer (3566 posts) -

I hope you hi-fived her face while you were at it.

#4 Edited by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@teh_destroyer said:

I hope you hi-fived her face while you were at it.

hahahahaha nah. i mean as far as being dumped who knows, maybe i deserved it. its all the shit about her thinking i should still be her friend and help take care of her now that is killing me.

@ModerateViolence said:

You've done way more than you really should have already, move the deadline up to a week.

my new girlfriend is thinking of moving in with me. (her lease is up and i need a roommate to help pay bills) but she wont be in until august 1st. so im giving her til mid july to be out. but today especially im feeling your idea.

#5 Posted by Thepyromaker (20 posts) -

No I think you've done everything a reasonable good nature man can do. It seems more like your ex is just really confused on what she wants and what you can give. Sounds like her problem and she might want to see a psychiatrist or something. 2 months is plenty of time to find a new place, especially if she is working.

League if pretty fun, unless the servers are imploding like today. XP What is your favorite champ? I've been enjoying Maokai recently.

#6 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@Thepyromaker said:

No I think you've done everything a reasonable good nature man can do. It seems more like your ex is just really confused on what she wants and what you can give. Sounds like her problem and she might want to see a psychiatrist or something. 2 months is plenty of time to find a new place, especially if she is working.

League if pretty fun, unless the servers are imploding like today. XP What is your favorite champ? I've been enjoying Maokai recently.

She works full time. at a job i got her by the way.... working at my dads company.... argh....

yea i cant log in to league today :( making me sad. id say my favorite champ if i had to pick one is ziggs. but ive been going solo top with nidalee lately and doing fairly well. im low elo though. like 900.

#7 Edited by Snipzor (3317 posts) -

Seems like a tricky situation I would never want to get into, and I'm quite partial to support roles. I mean in League, of course. Or a fancy bit of ad carrying, I can vary from ridiculously good to absolutely horrid. Anyone know what the deal is with the servers now?

#8 Posted by Thepyromaker (20 posts) -

I would just keep the deadline you have and just keep being the good person you are. I have yet to get the ziggs man, but I did recently pick up Ezreal, and he is always a good time. I can't say I have the best ELO either, but I do enjoy my lol. I do prefer Dominion over Summoners Rift though. Added me on Lol if you want. Username: Thepyromaker

#9 Posted by Pezen (1596 posts) -

You have been more than resonable. She should get her own place ASAP, for everyone's sake. Fuck, I am not sure I would be as generous as you have been. Especially not if I had met someone new.

#10 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5416 posts) -

You should have never gotten yourself into this situation in the first place. You don't let an ex move back in with you when you're in a relationship with someone else. You need to kick her out before this gets worse, as all she's doing is manipulating you.

#11 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8698 posts) -
@ModerateViolence said:

You've done way more than you really should have already, move the deadline up to a week.

This.
You're already showing her more kindness than most would, either she gets her act together or you kick her out.
#12 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@Thepyromaker said:

I would just keep the deadline you have and just keep being the good person you are. I have yet to get the ziggs man, but I did recently pick up Ezreal, and he is always a good time. I can't say I have the best ELO either, but I do enjoy my lol. I do prefer Dominion over Summoners Rift though. Added me on Lol if you want. Username: Thepyromaker

i really want to buy EZ but he costs 6300 and by the time i get there i always want the new champs.... i just bought draven. waste.

@CharlesAlanRatliff said:

You should have never gotten yourself into this situation in the first place. You don't let an ex move back in with you when you're in a relationship with someone else. You need to kick her out before this gets worse, as all she's doing is manipulating you.

thats what everyone says. i knew i shouldnt of. but god damn this spot in my heart shes filled for the past 6 years.

@Pezen said:

You have been more than resonable. She should get her own place ASAP, for everyone's sake. Fuck, I am not sure I would be as generous as you have been. Especially not if I had met someone new.

yea my new girlfriend wasnt happy about it. but she said she trusted me. and its going well with her still. especially since i basically just complain about my ex.

#13 Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff (5416 posts) -

@tunaburn: Yeah, it can be difficult. It may not seem like it now, but it really would be better for you to get rid of her immediately. Get her completely out of your life and focus on your new relationship. You'll be happier for it.

#14 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@CharlesAlanRatliff said:

@tunaburn: Yeah, it can be difficult. It may not seem like it now, but it really would be better for you to get rid of her immediately. Get her completely out of your life and focus on your new relationship. You'll be happier for it.

i know i know... gotta think about the long term. but sometimes when the short term really sucks its hard to see past it.

#15 Posted by Origina1Penguin (3501 posts) -

You are totally right to give her a deadline to move out. The way she handled it sounds pretty childish. Unfortunately she probably is not well-adjusted (judging from the little info given) and will continue to cause drama for you until you push her out of your life. If she isn't paying documented rent or financial aid of any sort, you can legally just remove her possessions from your home and have the police remove her if she refuses to leave at any time. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

#16 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7079 posts) -

Sounds like you're the best ex in the world. You don't owe her anything. Stand firm but also don't be a dick about it.

#17 Posted by SexyToad (2760 posts) -
#18 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre said:

Sounds like you're the best ex in the world. You don't owe her anything. Stand firm but also don't be a dick about it.

thats basicaly what im trying to do

#19 Posted by TheHBK (5475 posts) -

@tunaburn: I wouldn't be angry at her. What I always tell people in understand someone, for better or worse. She is trying to manipulate you and I completely understand your situation. She has to understand there is no way you can ever be best friends with her, not after how she left you, and what she wants now, just to be a friend. It would be unfair to you and your new girl to treat the ex above and beyond what you would your girlfriend. Also, 1 month is more than generous. It is not hard to find an apartment quickly, places are ready to move in the next day. Understand that the anger you experience is her winning. She wants a reaction out of you. Also understand that there is something wrong with her and that you cannot be the one to help her. She needs to dig herself out and this kick in the ass might be what she needs. She left you high and dry with no explanation, the army kicked her out and that itself should be a red flag and now she is doing this to you. Get her out, move and on and know that she is not the person you loved because that person would not have put you through this. Also, let your new girl know that you appreciate she isn't a totally fucked up bitch and that this whole episode makes you appreciate her that much more. Cuz I have no fucking idea what kind of awesome girl would even be ok with an ex living at your house.

#20 Posted by Jace (1092 posts) -

@tunaburn: Man, I couldn't do as much as you've already done. The month deadline is more than fair. Anyone can move in a month. Remember, she's the reason that she's in this situation. It isn't your responsibility to try and keep it together for her.

#21 Posted by BraveToaster (12590 posts) -

She has no right to be mad at you, she just expected you to be a sad little puppy in case she ever needed you in the future. It tore her a bit when she realized that you moved on to something better, and she wanted to regain that control she once had. You're not wrong for giving her a deadline; you're way nicer than I would ever be to a woman who just up and left me. That deadline is appropriate, especially given the circumstances with your new relationship. If she's acting that way, there's no telling what she might pull to break up your current relationship. Your ex sounds spiteful and petty. Also, you have to fuck up pretty bad to get kicked out of the military, so that should be another indicator to stay the heck away from her.

#22 Posted by spartanlolz92 (511 posts) -

you've done more than enough.

she sounds conflictedand i think is regretting the choices that she made.

good game bah dont worry about the elo mines in the 900s aswell it's more indicative of how bad your luck is with teammates. Had a guy on my team try out a hereo for the first time in ranked and another guy picked eve to troll -__-

#23 Posted by SmilingPig (1337 posts) -

If you want to move forward, you need to burn your bridges. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who has an unresolved prior relationship.

#24 Posted by Bigheart711 (1253 posts) -

@tunaburn: Yes, it was okay to be pissed off at her in that situation. Just kick her out of the house (If the neighbors haven't already since she was blasting music) and move on with your new girlfriend. I bet that'll do it.

#25 Posted by Hizang (8532 posts) -

You should have sex with your new girlfriend in front of your old girlfriend, just to show her how you feel.

#26 Posted by Rattle618 (1463 posts) -

I will give you the gift of truth:

- That woman wants your babies.

- She has no business living there.

- Your current girl sounds pretty awesome being cool with all this shit, so dont be an idiot and get rid of the lunatic already.

#27 Edited by MikkaQ (10284 posts) -

You've done way more than most would, and giving them a month deadline after two months of free livin' is more than generous.

I don't think I'd have let them back in the first place. She should have made her own arrangements. Although I am a dick, so... there's that.

Also your current girlfriend sounds like she has saintly patience, so you know... recognize that.

#28 Posted by Harkat (1102 posts) -

@tunaburn said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

Sounds like you're the best ex in the world. You don't owe her anything. Stand firm but also don't be a dick about it.

thats basicaly what im trying to do

Keep doing that.

#29 Posted by Poppduder (460 posts) -

Why not just have 2 girlfriends? On sure they'd both agree to that.

#30 Edited by Do_The_Manta_Ray (648 posts) -

@tunaburn: Put your hand on her shoulder; oh, hold on, let me actually read the thread. Okay, now that memes have been given their due, allow me to express my rather brutal opinion; you let yourself get walked over once and hey, look at this, you're doing it again.

Why on earth would you allow her to live at your place in the first case? This woman treated you like yesterday's garbage; you obviously sacrificed much and more to be with her, and you are once again, exceeding any and all social limits for what history or kindness dictates you should do for a fellow human being. Ask yourself if she does anything for you, or simply does things to you; because it sounds like she's messing up your life to degrees and degrees, and this is her means of thanking you for an incredible act of kindness that most people, myself included, would never commit. If you ask me, it honestly sounds like you're a very nice guy; a very insecure, nice guy. Look at what this woman is doing; she's creating rifts between you and this new girlfriend of yours, someone who you say yourself is amazing to you. Why would you jeopardize what you have with her for someone who gave you a literal rendition of "These Boots Were Made For Walking" using your canvas as her canvas.

There's a very old saying that goes "if you can't love yourself, then how could you ever love another?", and I think that this is what the situation is all about. A lacking sense of self-worth. Look what everyone else on the thread has said; boot that bitch out of the door. Sure, she had a major influence on your life at a point and was a great part of your past, but now you're effectively allowing that past to change your present and possibly impede your future. Your new girl, for what it's worth, sounds pretty bloody amazing; to trust you even when you got another woman, your damn ex of all things, living with you. You are putting her through stress with this, you are effectively making things harder for both of you. And again, let me ask, for what?

Move on, dude. You gave her a dead-line; kick her out. She gets to stay with her family, with one of her friends, with whatever. It is not your responsibility, nor is it anything you should feel bad for. Infact, you should probably feel like the dumbest saint walking and talking.

To clarify, my good man; I think you are probably one of the nicest people I've heard of, but I think letting her in was among the dumbest things I've heard of. You deserve better than that, go ahead and recognize that fact, and try to be happy with this new girlfriend of yours. Such a thing doesn't come along often, so you should cherish that, as opposed to keep the past in your wardrobe, literally.

Edit: Sorry if I was a bit harsh, man; but "nice guys" have got to learn to stand up for themselves. I know from experience what manipulative women can do to your way of life, and the one thing that'll get you through that is self-worth and confidence. And one last, bloody thing; best of luck, duder!

Edit - Edit: By the way, just noticed your avatar; gotta' love that film. Seen Wes Anderson's new film "Moonrise Kingdom" yet? If not, you certainly should.

#31 Posted by theguy (796 posts) -

I think you're current girlfriend is taking a shitty situation very well. I would be pissed, very pissed. Maybe I'd manage to be cool with it for a while but months? I wouldn't tolerate it for long. You're doing the right thing. Don't ruin what you already have, your ex is being unreasonable. All those old feelings for her? Eliminate them, if that's too hard, act as if you have. If you should feel bad about this at all you should feel bad for making your current girlfriend put up with it.

#32 Posted by Dexter_Morgan_ (314 posts) -

Is she hot?

Anyways... it sounds to me like you care for her deeply still, but this weird triangle thing is only going to confuse your GF and mess up anything good you might have. It's best that she leaves immediately.

#33 Posted by Oldirtybearon (4728 posts) -

@tunaburn: It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but keep firm dude. If you feel like you need your current girlfriend present when it comes time to kick the woman out (it sounds like this'll happen), don't hesitate to call on her for that. It sounds like she's got a hell of a lot of patience, and I'm sure she'd understand that you need someone in your corner to make that incredibly hard decision. I get, and I'm sure your girlfriend gets, that on some level you still care for your ex. We all do, to some degree. Just keep holding steady and you'll get through this hump.

Oh, and don't forget to give your girlfriend the biggest damn hug once it's all over. You treat that woman like a queen for having to deal with this crap. Make sure she knows she's appreciated. Not to say it's your fault by any stretch, but most women, in my experience, would've already broken things off already. That would've left you with a crazy ex-girlfriend who is emotionally stunted. Your current girlfriend sounds like a keeper, is all I'm saying.

Good luck, bro.

Online
#34 Posted by Irvandus (2877 posts) -

You're being way nicer than I would have been. Good on you.

#35 Posted by TheHT (11155 posts) -

why did she get kicked out of the military?

i can't tell if her reaction says something else is going on or if she's just being childish. does she react like that often, in addition to being rude to you without provokation? if so, i agree with the others, you two need to be apart so you can both move on with your lives. it seems like a weird reaction to someone not being your best friend, but as far as crazies go, i've been lucky enough to not meet any.

3 months to find a place and get back on her feet is absolutely fair. are you solely paying for the place?

#36 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@TheHBK: you are right about everything you wrote. my new girlfriend is awesome and fully trusting. its crazy.

#37 Posted by BRNK (307 posts) -

I'm going to add to the chorus of folks saying "stand firm". Honestly, you've done too much for her already. If you and your new girl haven't talked about this directly and honestly, you should do that ASAP. No matter how great she is, she's definitely going to need to get some feelings out and be reassured that you're into her, especially considering the way you've bent over backwards for this other woman that you have serious history with.

Hang in there, be honest, and focus on moving forward.

#38 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@BraveToaster:

you are also right. i didnt even think about it like that.

@theguy: yea i cant believe how well shes handling things.

@Dexter_Morgan_ said:

Is she hot?

id say they both are.

@Oldirtybearon:

i have already told her she is my queen. i thank her multiple times a day. i know most people wouldnt of done what i did. but most wouldnt be doing what my new girl is doing either.

@TheHT: shes still paying her half the bills now that shes back. she got kicked out the army supposedly because she "couldnt adjust to military life" thats the reason she told me they gave her.

she started being really weird once i told her i couldnt be her friend. she replied with "fine ill be out of your life as soon as possible" which didnt happen obviously

#39 Posted by ajamafalous (11964 posts) -

You've already been far nicer and more generous than I would've been. Honestly I'd say give her two weeks to find a place, because I'm afraid that by the time she hits the deadline she still won't have even looked for one. The last thing you want is that it's mid-July and she still isn't out yet, and then mid-July turns into August and your girlfriend moves in and she still isn't out yet. 
 
Also, her reaction was pretty childish.

#40 Posted by iAmJohn (6117 posts) -

She wants to get back with you and is throwing a tantrum because you're shooting her down. You're way in the right here, dude.

#41 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@Rattle618 said:

I will give you the gift of truth:

- That woman wants your babies.

- She has no business living there.

- Your current girl sounds pretty awesome being cool with all this shit, so dont be an idiot and get rid of the lunatic already.

hahahahahah very good way to put it!

@Do_The_Manta_Ray: i saw moonrise kingdom last night with my new girlfriend. damn that movie was good. wes anderson is good in general. and yea i know im that "nice guy" which is weird because i do professional cage fights and am in metal bands. but deep inside me im like a giant pussy. weird.

#42 Edited by Trilogy (2650 posts) -

Your new girlfriend must REALLY trust you to be living with your ex. I suppose that's a good thing. Anyway, here's the reality of the situation. Girls want what they can't have. It's pretty obvious that your ex got bored with your relationship and wanted to get away. Nothing about her actions are acceptable especially from a 6 year relationship. She at least owed you an honest explanation on how she felt. Honestly, I don't think I would of let her live with me if I were you. Especially not with a new girlfriend. It's just asking for trouble. It's understandable to still have feelings after 6 years for your ex but she doesn't seem to be on the same emotional page as you are. You should probably have a serious talk with her about everything. If she can't handle that by not locking herself in a room like a child then the sooner she's out of your house the better.

#43 Posted by ShadowConqueror (3050 posts) -

I've never been able to be friends with my exes, so you're already much more generous than me. Keep your deadline.

#44 Posted by me3639 (1753 posts) -

I saw "pissed at her" and "girlfriend" in the opening sentence, the answers is yes. 

Online
#45 Posted by tunaburn (1890 posts) -

@Trilogy: im hoping that the fact she trusts me this much means i can trust her just as much

#46 Posted by habster3 (3595 posts) -

You've done nothing wrong, man; she's just been handling this in a very immature, bitchy way. Give her the month, sure, but stand firm and kick her ass out if she stays past that point.

#47 Posted by InternetCrab (1504 posts) -

@SexyToad said:

GOD DAMMIT! BEAT ME AGAIN!

#48 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

Hey ya'all! Touch her shoulder!

#49 Posted by SSully (4169 posts) -

You are an idiot for letting her move in. That is completely unfair to your current girlfriend despite how much she trusts you and it also is just showing how little of a spine you have. It sucks she fucked up, but you owe her nothing. Get out of this ASAP before things get worse duder. Good luck.

#50 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4308 posts) -

As Trilogy said girls want what they cant have but I think that applies to people in general too.  You should kick her out soon before you start to develop even stronger feelings for her.  I understand why you let her stay at your place considering you lived with her for a long ass time.  But I agree with everyone who already posted, KICK HER OUT