Girlfriend Issues... And a psychic. Just missing the donkey.

I think you should get revenge by putting her in a grey, windowless room and beating her to death.

Okay, as I've posted in my OT, here's a continuation of the plight that is my failed love life: 
 
Well I went over to see my girlfriend today, hoping she'd calmed down and come to her senses. Lord knows she wasn't going to come over to my place incase I HAD in fact painted a grey room overnight. So, I pressed the buzzer to her apartment, and when she answered she told me to go away in a psychopathic-like voice. Apparently she hadn't calmed down. I kept buzzing because I needed to talk, and then something hit me on my shoulder. It was one of my f*cking shoes! She was throwing all of my stuff out of the window. My favourite shirt was slowly floating into the middle of the street. Lucky no one was driving through so I was able to save it. Man, so lucky all my good stuff like the xbox and computer and personal stuff was at my place, and it was just clothes she was firing down at me! 
 
Well I told her in the manliest voice I could to stop what she was doing, but I was pretty upset, because now I'd been dumped for no f**king reason and she was adding insult to injury by tossing my stuff out a window. She told me to piss off. I started to gather my stuff and I was so pissed by then that I started yelling up at her that she was psycho, and added in the story about her believing a stupid psychic, in the hopes her whole apartment block would hear. She had gone inside so I was about to go when this guy comes out of the lobby doors and comes up in my face. 
 
"You've done enough to her friend" he says in one of those annoyingly calm voices. This guy was f*&king dressed like a pirate (or some other kid of fantastic entity), I kid you not! You cannot make this shit up! I was starting to get really pissed now, because I'd had enough of third parties being entered into our relationship. Thinking he was just a friend, I asked him what he knew about it. It bloody turns out this dick was the psychic! This was the guy! I was furious. And he was so bloody calm, like a manipulative kind of calm. He just kept saying for me to go. 
 
Now I'm not one for violence. And I felt like hitting him and slowly grinding his ugly face into the concrete, but I didn't. I still love her, so if this was what she wanted, I'd leave. As I turned to leave the psychic guy says in a smart way "Bye!" and when I turn around he starts smirking. So I punched him. It was only the second time I'd ever hit someone, the first being when I was 10 in a playground, and it really hurt my hand, but let's just saying he wasn't f**king smiling any more! As soon as his lip started bleeding, I felt immediately guilty and tried to help him, but he ran off inside. Then a moment later my girlfriend says she's called the cops. I decided to stay because I'm not one to run from my responsibilities. Plus I kinda wanted to be a martyr so she could see how miserable she'd made me.
 
Long story short, I spent an hour talking to the cops, giving my statement. It helped my cause that she threw a shoe at me so in the end, the cops let me off with a warning, but told me to leave. They let me get the rest of my stuff, and then I left. 
 
So I was in a pretty bad state and have been crying on the phone to my mum (who doesn't run to mum when something like this happens?) all night. However, my girlfriend turned up about 2 hours ago to talk. Just for you guys, I asked if she wasn't scared that I was going to murder her in my house. She kind of said in a serious voice, "Well it's a risk I have to take". Oh my God riight? The conversation gets better: 
 
Her - "Look I want you to know that I forgive you for what you did, but I cannot be with you any more." 
Me - "What did I f**king do? What have I done to deserve this" In a calm way of course! Or not... 
Her - "Look, you know what you've done". 
 
I'll abbreviate a bit because it took early an hour to get out of her that I had in fact cheated on her. Several times. According to the psychic. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was being dumped because a psychic told her that I'd kill her and had cheated on her, all without me doing anything. I loved her with everything, I'd never do that to her! I honestly feel like I'm in the Twilight zone with a bunch of f**king crazy people. After trying to convince her that I hadn't, ever, ever EVER cheated on her, I told her to GTFO. Pretty much in those words as well. She is probably the most retarded person I know. You can't reason with someone who believes that shit. 
 
I don't know what's going to happen, but that's pretty much where we left things. i'll keep you posted. Please tell me this is all some kind of cruel joke?    

I'm probably just going to leave for a day or two before even trying to sort things out. So far I haven't been able to convince her I'm not going to kill her and I haven't been to convince her that I haven't cheated on her. She thinks she's completely justified and that I actually have done what I've done. Or going to do. At a complete f**king loss... I have got a friend I can talk to here though. She said I could come over tomorrow to talk. She never liked my girlfriend so I can at least have a bitching session with her.

Did you tell her that the "psychic" is just using her?

" @Liminality: I honestly don't know what the psychic is doing. He may be trying to get in on the action with her, but then again, he must've been really convincing (or maybe my girlfriend is utterly insane and I'm just not seeing it!) to get her to believe the things he's said. He may just be a douche trying to mess with her, but they've been friends for a while apparently. He might just not like me, but I've never even met him, or at least I don't think I have. Besides I'm really nice to everyone I meet unless they're assh*les. "

Did you yell "Predict this!" at the psychic just before you punched him? That would have been awesome. But yeah, dude is totally stealing your girlfriend, who is clearly a moron.

" If she's dumb enough to believe the psychic, you're probably better off. "

" If she's dumb enough to believe the psychic, you're probably better off. "

So, I didn't read all the comments, but doesn't it make sense that the psychic was trying to get you out of her life so that he had a chance with her?
 
I mean, if that's the case, that's one sly motherfucker. And, sorry to say, but one guillible moron of a girl.

HAHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Shit bro. Great story. Your girlfriend is either incredibly stupid or a bitch. Probably both. I don't know how you can stand being held accountable for shit you haven't done. My best advice is to get over her fast.

i have a friend who had some serious relationship problems because his girlfriend had gone to see a psychic. all they do is manipulate people to make bad things happen. it does sound like this guy is just trying to take your girl though, but who can say, anyways i hope all goes well, and i hope to hear more about this because it is interesting to say the least

" Tell her you can't prevent destiny, and that the break up is your motive for killing her. Then go to a strip club for breakfast. "

" Tell her you can't prevent destiny, and that the break up is your motive for killing her. Then go to a strip club for breakfast. "

I feel sorry for that girl and her mental health. Her psychic friend probably wants to get into her pants, so good thing you punched him one!
 
I obviously don't know you so this may sound a little weird, but if everything you've said is true then I'm proud of you for making all the right decisions.
 
I hope you find someone else to be with, and soon!

Wow man, just....wow. I've heard some crazy shit, but that was just nuts. Hey, but hell yeah for punching the bastard in the face. He deserved it. Now just let him and your delusional ex-girlfriend screw each other's life over. You'll probably look back on this in a few years and be glad you got out.

why bother?! it's easier not to give a shit

Dude this girl is clearly an incredibly gullible moron, so hears what you do - you get any of your mates who have not met her yet to approach her and tell her that they are in fact a pyschic, they then tell her that it was all an evil scheme by pirate man and he is in fact the guy with the grey room and you are the only one who can protect her. Personally if she then came looking for my help i'd tell her to fuck off but hey ho whatever makes you happy

  So I was in a pretty bad state and have been crying on the phone to my mum 

Sick, brow.

Just be thankful you found out what a crazy broad she is BEFORE you accidentally knocked her up or married her. She's clearly not worth mourning, but if you play you cards right you can probably get the satisfaction of seeing her beg for you to come back. 
 
Tell this story to all of your friends and all of her friends and seem relieved and in disbelief that she is in fact that crazy. Make the point that since a week has gone by and she obviously hasn't been bludgeoned the "psychic" was obviously a fraud (make light of this)... Then, remorsefully reflect on the fact that she would sooner believe a horny pirate psychic than she would believe you. He obviously just wanted to break you up so he could fuck her... Keep making fun of her and don't seem like you would take her back. Get the point across to all of your social circle that your the victim and she's the villain and make her an outcast (without ever being too mean yourself). She will feel a need to be accepted by her friends again and the only one who truly hold the power to her forgiveness is you. Then you can be the one on top of the relationship. Just remember to always show a willingness to walk away 
 
((This is obviously kind of evil but WTF?! A psychic pirate?!!!))  

As a girl... I'm just sayin with all honesty... good luck finding one that isn't psycho!!!  I suppose you could include me, if you consider megalomania psychosis... 
 
I'm glad to know the story ended in your freedom!  Yay!

That's crazy man. Jesus. 
 
To be honest, it sounds like the  psychic just wants to get in her pants, and he is just trying to split you guys apart. And it looks like it worked. 

If your girlfriend is stupid enough to believe that shit then good riddance I say...

Fuuuuck dude! just read this and she is nuts! You should spend time "training" to be a psychic come back to her months later with a smile on your face and predict that the other psychic drove you two apart so he can sell her into romanian prostitution

Wow, you still punched someone at least, it wasn't her. That douche bag probally is trying to break up your girlfriend so he can be with her. I can't belive there is anyone as dumb as her tbh. You should let her know if that psychic ever started macking on her, it was all his plan to break you both up.

I don't think this story is true, but it is pretty funny. I laughed when you punched the psychic pirate, but I laughed even harder when you said you were crying on the phone with your mom on the other end. 
If I was with you ex, the relationship wouldn't last long. If a woman believes that unicorns are real then that's my cue to get the hell out ASAP.  She wasn't worth it; she should have trusted you over some douche dressed like a pirate.... you invested a year of your life to that relationship.  One thing that bothers me is when a guy is obviously trying to get into a woman's pants and she plays stupid stating that he's "just being friendly". Let her go, I'm sure that psychic pirate will kick her to the curb for another mentally unstable woman in no time.

I thought this post was going to be about consulting a psychic to see if a girl likes you.
 
Turns out this is way weirder.