If someone asked you to give a reason why they shouldn't kill you

...What would you say?

This is a scary theoretical situation that I have lost sleep over and I can't really come up with a good answer. And the guy asking it would be pretty disgruntled so the old "But I have a wife and kids!" would never work.

And I have a feeling this wouldn't work either...

I would say..."Bring it!"

Sounds like a good time to me.

Do it. Pull the trigger. Come on bitch! Shoot me! KILL ME!

What a morbid topic.

uh, I'd ask them why they wanted to kill me in the first place?

If I die, I'm fucking haunting you.

Man this is pretty dark (I'm talking about the thread, although I suppose it would kind of work as a response to your question as well).

I never tasted cantaloupe!

I'm not going to entertain my would be killer with a response to that.

*Yodels*

"Today is a good day to die!"

I would fake a stroke.

@BraveToaster said:

I'm not going to entertain my would be killer with a response to that.

Are you saying that I'm going to kill you?

If someone wanted to kill me for no apparent reason i don't think there is anything i could say that could save my life. So i wouldn't give my would be killer the satisfaction of begging for my life.

@ItBeStefYo said:

@BraveToaster said:

I'm not going to entertain my would be killer with a response to that.

Are you saying that I'm going to kill you?

I'm saying that anyone who asks me that before they kill me isn't going to get a response.

Tell my wife "hello".

I'll blow you.

Probably nothing, I'd feel so far removed from the situation if it came out of nowhere.

Dude I was just gonna ask you if you wanted to light one up with me :|

It you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

I'd give them Xander's yellow crayon speech from Buffy.

Wait! You, I've seen you before. You're the one from my dreams...

Who will feed my puppy back home?

@Brodehouse said:

I never tasted cantaloupe!

Yep, we have a winner.

"You'll never find the treasure without me."

@Brodehouse said:

I never tasted cantaloupe!

Honeydew's the money melon.

If you're at the point where you are begging them for your life, you might as well just bum rush them and see what happens. If my chances for survival were that slim I would rather go down trying to save my own life than pleading with them to let me keep it.

"I'm pregnant." The fact that I'm a man probably wouldn't help my case though.

I agree with Hunter, fuck that if I ain't about to go down doing something, anything and straight up dying even after begging I got to much pride for that lol.

I would say "if you kill me, you become me"

That should scare anyone off from wanting to kill me.

"YOLO MOTHERFUCKER"

That will also be on my tombstone

"I'm not worth it"

Going straight for the "is it worth the risk?" is too complicated. Just saying you're not worth it would hopefully make them stop and ask you what the fuck you're talking about, then explain that killing you is not worth whatever legal reprecussions there might be and that they can get whatever they want from you without killing you. This does entail completely surrendering yourself to the other person though, but if you value your life over anything else that's what it takes.

I'd like to think that I would kill them first so this type of situation would never happen to me, but I guess I would just haunt their ass after death. That's the best I got.

"If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Not really.

"You shouldn't kill me because if you'll do you'll go to prison." would probably be my real answer. If that doesn't work, then I'm screwed because I have no good reason why someone shouldn't kill me.

Provided I don't lose my shit and am so stunned, scared or simply surprised that I can't properly react at all in the first place - take that piece of shit out as quickly and thoroughly as I can. Punch to the throat, kick to the balls, stab the eyes or use a solid weapon if one is available.

That would be a realistic reaction. As for the abstract question: of course there's no real, grand reason why one shouldn't kill anyone that one is capable of taking out in the first place.

I never tasted cantaloupe!

I would start talking in Parseltongue.

Then they'll be so surprised that I'll be able to run for it.

You hug your mother with those murderous hands?

Your clothes gonna get bloody.

I'd grit my teeth and say something like "If you let me live I'll CONSIDER not coming back to haunt you and and all your descendants for all time."

Wait a minute, is that youtube clip in the OP a sequel to Don't be a Menace? Are you shitting me?

@ItBeStefYo said:

And the guy asking it would be pretty disgruntled so the old "But I have a wife and kids!" would never work.

Dammit, my first go to was "I'm about to be a father!"

I'll probably run full kilt at the guy and try and tackle him. I've got pretty good core strength and I'd feel more comfortable trying to wrestle him than trying to reason with him.

I'd likely try and use their moment of hesitation to kill them.

''Because if the roles were reversed, I know I wouldn't kill you.''

"If I die I'll explode into a shitload of paperwork"

I would say nothing. Just give them the finger and the 'kissy' face.

@SomeDeliCook said:

Wait a minute, is that youtube clip in the OP a sequel to Don't be a Menace? Are you shitting me?

Don't be a menace was a parody of Menace 2 Society was it not?

Tell them I was live streaming everything that was happening. Everyone on the internet would see the guy killing me. Tell them I have a camera in my glasses. Maybe it would buy me just enough time for an opportunity to open for escape. Haha.