the double standards in romcoms

So, i just watched crazy stupid love with Steve Carell(who is the only reason i cared to watch it at all). It was a standard romcom(similar to the few others i have seen and what i heard from word of mouth/internet).

So I guess spoiler warning but honestly does anyone really care?

Steve Carel's wife CHEATED on him, and the whole movie, he is the one who has to make it up to her? and he looks like the jerk when everyone finds out he started sleeping around? But she is the reason for all this, and she is the adulterer. Also, she cheated so why does he leave the house? shouldnt the one who commicted the act be penalized? I mean she has a job.

I dont think i ever saw her even look sorry for what she did.....

Now, the reason all this bothers me is because in media, i like to flip roles. If this movie was about the Steve Carel cheating on his wife, he would be the bad guy immediately. If she slept around, then everyone would say "you go girl, show that man he cant cheat on you!" And the whole movie would be the wife deciding to forgive Steve. I understand what a double standard is, but i feel some of this seriously affects the real world and i want to know where this comes from or if people truly accept this as ok.

Also if you dont believe me, watch some music videos with female singers, the most recent one i remember is the one with Rihanna applauding some dude for begging well?

People watching flicks with people like Steve in it are only funding what you seem to hate.
 
My boyfriend cheats on me and he's gone and forgotten in a day.
If I decide to sleep around I expect him to do the same and I won't come begging.
 
It's called growing up, controlling yourself and accepting consequences.
Also, its a movie, in real life people don't do that kinda stuff, they just give up or make forum threads about it.

Also, she cheated so why does he leave the house?

@mutha3 said:

@super2j: Man, that sounds retarded. That being said....
@super2j said:

Also, she cheated so why does he leave the house?

Who's house was it?

come on this is hollywood of course it was his.

My favorite trope is treating the husband and father like a prick (or even cheating on him), because he's always busy working. Particularly offensive, since everyone places so much emphasis on a man and his home, car, clothing, income, job title, and the security and stability he's able to provide by working every day of his life until he dies and all the money he has saved goes toward caring for his wife for the next five or twenty years after his death. Not only is it offensive on a human level, but it's offensively stupid as an unimaginative and over-done go-to for every television show and movie plot. Worse, that isn't the end of it. In the end, the male always "learns his lesson".

I can't stand romantic-comedies for a number of reasons. One of these reasons is the solid, rigid 'gender roles' that reinforce tired, cliche norms that, I hope at least, are rare in modern times (but these shitty movies with these shitty gender roles keep being made so I don't know).

Hey dude you're right.

Romantic comedies (well, the vast majority of them) suck and you should watch something else.

I think the movie is more his wife cheated on him and doesn't give a shit, and he spends the movie trying to rekindle whatever they had. It's not like he did something wrong, but he still loves her and wants her to know that. Maybe.

Thats how it works, but if you really want to be enraged look at the other section on this page.

@mutha3: oooooh you got me in that one, i guess i should have said it was Both their homes, i guess it was a slip of the tongue.

@DrPockets000: but then what happens if she gets bored again?

@super2j said:

@DrPockets000: but then what happens if she gets bored again?

Then Steve Carell switches back into DRAMA MODE

Romcoms aren't made for thoughtful people.

That's nothing... 40 Days and 40 Nights has the male lead getting raped by a woman, and he has to apologize to his wife and beg for her forgiveness because he was "unfaithful" to her.

I never thought about this while I was watching the movie, but immediately afterwards this occurred to me and I thought it was really weird. She cheated on him because they weren't being very romantic, and he leaves to live in an apartment, and then he learns how to be a swinger-type-dude who sleeps with something like nine women in the next few weeks and then when she finds out about it she flips shit and he gets embarrassed. It seemed really, really dumb. The point of the movie seemed to be about true love prevailing and stuff, but that bit nagged me.

I'm thirsty enough that I'm actually drinking water right now. I find that more odd than a double standard in a rom-com.

@super2j said:

@kashif1 my god, some of those reports are intense. Thx for showing me that

Your welcome. On a lighter note there is a difference of four hours between when I posted and when you responded. Did tvtropes trap you that long?

@kashif1 said:

@super2j said:

@kashif1 my god, some of those reports are intense. Thx for showing me that

Your welcome. On a lighter note there is a difference of four hours between when I posted and when you responded. Did tvtropes trap you that long?

One does not simply walk into tvtropes.

It's strange how many Romantic Comedies are neither romantic nor funny.

I never noticed that when I seen it. I still think it's a pretty good movie though.

Because of this thread I did a lot of research.

http://www.zimbio.com/The+50+Most+Infamous+Female+Teacher+Sex+Scandals

@DG991 said:

Because of this thread I did a lot of research.

http://www.zimbio.com/The+50+Most+Infamous+Female+Teacher+Sex+Scandals

On that site there's a poll question that asks, "Should female teachers be punished as harshly as male teachers who have sex with their students?"

My God. Luckily, the leader to the poll question is 'yes' at a measly 54% (should be 100%) but still. The fact that that question was even thought of as being a good, thought provoking question to ask blows my fucking mind.

@JasonR86: Yea.

Event though I know there should be no difference in punishment, it still seems worse to me if a male teacher did this to a girl of the same age.

I also think it is interesting that most of those women are not ugly.

Either way, double standards do suck pretty bad.

I'm fairly certain the man usually moves out in real life situations like that when children are involved. It's how it happened with my parents: mom cheated, dad moved out. The reasoning (accurate or not) is that kids are almost always better off with mom in a divorce, therefore making mom move out would unfairly punish the kids as they would also have to move out.

@Branthog said:

My favorite trope is treating the husband and father like a prick (or even cheating on him), because he's always busy working. Particularly offensive, since everyone places so much emphasis on a man and his home, car, clothing, income, job title, and the security and stability he's able to provide by working every day of his life until he dies and all the money he has saved goes toward caring for his wife for the next five or twenty years after his death. Not only is it offensive on a human level, but it's offensively stupid as an unimaginative and over-done go-to for every television show and movie plot. Worse, that isn't the end of it. In the end, the male always "learns his lesson".

Fuck, that's in every fucking movie too. God I hate that.

@DG991 said:

Because of this thread I did a lot of research.

http://www.zimbio.com/The+50+Most+Infamous+Female+Teacher+Sex+Scandals

On that site there's a poll question that asks, "Should female teachers be punished as harshly as male teachers who have sex with their students?"

My God. Luckily, the leader to the poll question is 'yes' at a measly 54% (should be 100%) but still. The fact that that question was even thought of as being a good, thought provoking question to ask blows my fucking mind.

Nope. There aren't. Cheating on someone usually comes as a result of mistreatment, neglect, and distance within a couple. Spoilers, but in Lost in Translation, BIll Murray cheats on his wife, but because they have grown so far apart, he isn't really depicted as a villain. Yeah, it was a dumb thing to do, and the final nail in the coffin of their relationship, but I felt more of a disappointment in Murray's character, instead of outrage and disgust.

Even then, in Crazy Stupid Love, Steve Carrell is seen as kind of a douche for sleeping around in a sort of act of vengeance. Julianne Moore had an affair with a man she knew and cared about, whereas Steve Carrel was just straight-up womanizing, something his wife didn't think he was capable of.

True, some romantic comedies are bad, but that doesn't mean that all films addressing love without a more lighthearted nature are awful wish-fulfillment for women. Take a look at (500) Days of Summer or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.