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#1 Edited by falserelic (5320 posts) -

(Strange question I know, but I'm just curious of other peoples opinions.)

Anyway, lets say that person never really goes out his/her way to make any social contact with anyway. Would you find that person to be completely weird or just awkward to be around with.

Online
#2 Edited by DeadpanCakes (790 posts) -

"Hey that person's just like me"

And if it was just us two, I'd try to talk to them, but if there were other people around I'd probably just be the person everyone feels awkward to be around.

Oh, but let me add that, if the person seems like they have reason to be quiet, I probably wouldn't bug them. I'm observant enough to know when somebody is busy or just doesn't want social interaction, but I assumed from the way you phrased the question that the individual in question desired social interaction (probably a dumb assumption, I know.)

#3 Posted by TruthTellah (8517 posts) -

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

#4 Posted by EpicSteve (6471 posts) -

It depends on the context entirely. It could be a specific group that person is out of their element with. Some people are also just boring.

#5 Edited by FluxWaveZ (19307 posts) -

I would think that person is like me. I would not attempt to communicate with them.

I'm usually the person that makes situations awkward partly because of me being quiet.

Also, this makes me remember how in high school, a lot of people disliked me because they thought I thought I was superior to them because I rarely spoke. This seems to be common, with some idiots linking a quiet person to a perceived feeling of superiority.

#6 Posted by alwaysbebombing (1538 posts) -

That they are an introvert, and I wouldn't make an effort to hang out with them as I know that isn't what they want.

#7 Posted by CaLe (3910 posts) -

Probably a serial killer.

#8 Edited by TheManWithNoPlan (5217 posts) -

I'd think they like their space, respect them and leave them be.

#9 Posted by Aerobie (101 posts) -

I probably just wouldn't think of them at all.

#10 Posted by SteadyingMeat (1110 posts) -
#11 Posted by falserelic (5320 posts) -

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

Online
#12 Posted by TruthTellah (8517 posts) -

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

Sounds like you're asking less about a kind of person and more about you specifically.

You've brought up issues with socializing before, and from the way you talk about yourself, it sounds like you believe you are socially awkward and wonder if others think that's okay. I believe many people can relate to issues with social awkwardness, myself-included; so, it isn't that strange. It's just another thing you have to face in life, whether you want to change or come to accept it as part of you.

Either way, it sounds like you are uncomfortable with this part of you; so, maybe it's something you want to face. What others feel about it matters little; what matters is how you feel about it.

#13 Posted by JasonR86 (9604 posts) -

I'd think the person is shy, that I'll have to carry the conversation at first and maybe for a while, but that the person will open up eventually. I used to be that way but I had to change to do my job as a therapist and now am more outgoing in my personal life. Sometimes.

#14 Posted by kerse (2100 posts) -
#15 Posted by Video_Game_King (35981 posts) -

Sounds like my kind of people. (Of course, by using "too", you've already swayed the discussion.)

#16 Edited by medacris (642 posts) -

I stay quiet a lot of the time, online, and off, for a number of reasons:

  • I do not believe that people agree with me on most things. I feel embarrassed and ashamed as a result of my opinions.
  • I do not think most people care about what I have to say, or have any interest.
  • I do not look or intentionally act creepy, but people have told me I am (partially because I am too quiet).
  • I have been told "get away from me, you are too ugly, you make me sick," so I dislike being seen.
  • I worry I am uneducated on any issue the others want to talk about.

I might hang out with them, or at least attempt, or I might leave them alone, depending on what I thought they wanted. I know not all introverts are introverts by choice, but rather, by necessity, and might actually be lonely.

#17 Posted by ViciousBearMauling (897 posts) -

I'd tap at their shell a couple times, trying to get them out, but if they refuse, then i'll leave them be. I like conversation and I believe that everyone kinda WANTS to talk. Social interaction can be really great for a person. I can also understand people who are just not up for it.

#18 Posted by UlquioKani (1025 posts) -

I'm that guy in my group of friends. I've nearly completed my first year of university and I've made one friend so far. I just don't mind being on my own. A lot of the things I like to do, I do on my own. I don't find those people weird or uncomfortable to be around. Plus that person probably doesn't give a shit about how others feel around him/her.

#19 Posted by believer258 (11629 posts) -

Some people are saying that they wouldn't bother them because "they know the quiet person just wants to be alone". Sometimes, the problem is the exact opposite - they want somebody to talk to, they just don't know how to introduce themselves or how to hold a conversation and really need a push in the right direction. If someone is being continually quiet - say, in a classroom or something - maybe it's worth saying "hello" and trying to hold a conversation everyday? It's tough and awkward but sometimes that's all the person needs.

#20 Posted by Slag (3989 posts) -

@falserelic:

No that's normal for a lot of folks, I'd just assume they have social anxiety or are very shy.

I'd make an effort to be friendly to them and if their body language is receptive I'd just continue to do that. If they give off "leave me the eff alone" vibes, I'd leave them alone. Bottom line is I'd give them an opportunity to establish how they'd like to communicate or not communicate.

You don't have to talk a lot to communicate your feelings. Some people don't have much to say verbally but still find ways to relate you know?

Online
#21 Edited by freakin9 (1098 posts) -

If you are like that... ok obviously you are like that, not exactly a subtle question... then it's ok to be honest about it. And no, not in the, oh, I hate everybody, woe is me. But you can be anti-social, but also sociable. Lots of people aren't really comfortable around people, and it's ok to point that out openly, there's a lot of people who don't like being around the life of the party, and like a more laid back circle of friends.

#22 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1631 posts) -

...

#23 Posted by bigjeffrey (4774 posts) -

I'd let them do their thing

#24 Edited by SoldierG654342 (1735 posts) -

@cale said:

Probably a serial killer.

I'm not super talkative (though I'm not nearly as quite as I used to be since I started working at an amusement park), and I've been accused of being a serial killer, a school shooter, and autistic (exacerbated by my somewhat limited range of facial expression), among other things. I'm a very patient person, almost to a fault, but that shit is pretty much the only thing that'll raise my temper.

The only thing you should assume about a quite person is that they don't talk a lot. Unless you are interested in getting to know them, you don't have any social obligation to talk to them, or try to break them out of their shell, or whatever. Because despite your good intentions, you are (sometimes not so subtly) implying that there is something wrong with them, and that's a poor way to start a relationship with anyone. Sometimes people just don't want to talk, and in the case of shy people, having social interactions foisted upon them is just about the last thing they want or need.

You do you, and let them do them, and learn how to deal when your paths cross.

#25 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (745 posts) -

They're trying to fake their own death.

#26 Posted by falserelic (5320 posts) -

@falserelic said:

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

Sounds like you're asking less about a kind of person and more about you specifically.

You've brought up issues with socializing before, and from the way you talk about yourself, it sounds like you believe you are socially awkward and wonder if others think that's okay. I believe many people can relate to issues with social awkwardness, myself-included; so, it isn't that strange. It's just another thing you have to face in life, whether you want to change or come to accept it as part of you.

Either way, it sounds like you are uncomfortable with this part of you; so, maybe it's something you want to face. What others feel about it matters little; what matters is how you feel about it.

I kinda accepted that it's apart of me, but at the sametime I don't want it to be. I'm 21 and ever since the 10th grade of my high school years I've never been the same. Its funny how some events in the past ended up affecting me in the future. I only have two friends, but hell I hardly talk to them. One lives in Canada and the others lives back in Detroit. I spent pretty much my years since High School stuck in depression and by myself. It was only two years ago where I broke out of it and now I'm looking to change.

I've changed physically compared to how chubby I was back in High School, and now I want to change mentally. Though that's proven to be alot harder for me. I've gotten so a custom to it that breaking out of it is hard. Anyway, I don't let people get to me at work. Though there's this one girl at work that can make me feel awkward. She's kinda cute and outgoing, but everytime I walk pass her or see her I get a weird vibe.

Its only her that makes me feel like that, it feels like she wants to say something. I started up a conversation with her before, but I felt so out of place.

Online
#27 Edited by Generic_username (591 posts) -

@falserelic said:

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

I have to say, people going out their way to "make me smile" with the added comment of me not seeming too happy is something that frustrates me quite a bit.

I have chronic anxiety issues. I have no intention of sharing that with a coworker or classmate I only know in that context. If I don't look happy, it's because I'm not, but nobody wants me to actually tell them that. They just want me to say "oh, really, I'll change that!" and then be all smiley like they are.

Nothing wrong with not being like those guys, I say. Nothing against them, but if they're incapable of understanding social anxiety as anything but "that person needs cheering up" then I doubt I'd ever really relate to them on any meaningful level, anyway.

#28 Posted by Video_Game_King (35981 posts) -

Sometimes, the problem is the exact opposite - they want somebody to talk to, they just don't know how to introduce themselves or how to hold a conversation and really need a push in the right direction.

There's, like, an entire story arc in Katawa Shoujo that says otherwise.

#29 Posted by MannyMAR (405 posts) -

I guess I'd be that quiet guy. I do it mainly because I take militaristic approach to all kinds of engagements, i.e. I like to survey the "battlefield" before I act.

So while you may think I'm being aloof, it's more that I'm analyzing everyone in the room and making note of likes and dislikes. That way when I do strike up a conversation I know who to talk to and what to talk about.

#30 Edited by freakin9 (1098 posts) -

Being unsure about life when you are young is normal. Even if you say you are ok with how you are, it might just take some time before you are more comfortable in your own skin and really know who you are. Nothing should feel like a rush.

You can certainly have a fine life without a large circle of friends, but it's unlikely you'll enjoy life unless you can find the right girl(or guy) in your life.

#31 Edited by TruthTellah (8517 posts) -

@falserelic said:

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic said:

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

Sounds like you're asking less about a kind of person and more about you specifically.

You've brought up issues with socializing before, and from the way you talk about yourself, it sounds like you believe you are socially awkward and wonder if others think that's okay. I believe many people can relate to issues with social awkwardness, myself-included; so, it isn't that strange. It's just another thing you have to face in life, whether you want to change or come to accept it as part of you.

Either way, it sounds like you are uncomfortable with this part of you; so, maybe it's something you want to face. What others feel about it matters little; what matters is how you feel about it.

I kinda accepted that it's apart of me, but at the sametime I don't want it to be. I'm 21 and ever since the 10th grade of my high school years I've never been the same. Its funny how some events in the past ended up affecting me in the future. I only have two friends, but hell I hardly talk to them. One lives in Canada and the others lives back in Detroit. I spent pretty much my years since High School stuck in depression and by myself. It was only two years ago where I broke out of it and now I'm looking to change.

I've changed physically compared to how chubby I was back in High School, and now I want to change mentally. Though that's proven to be alot harder for me. I've gotten so a custom to it that breaking out of it is hard. Anyway, I don't let people get to me at work. Though there's this one girl at work that can make me feel awkward. She's kinda cute and outgoing, but everytime I walk pass her or see her I get a weird vibe.

Its only her that makes me feel like that, it feels like she wants to say something. I started up a conversation with her before, but I felt so out of place.

Sounds more like you've acknowledged it instead of accepting it, and that's okay. I used to be a bit more awkward with socializing, but I decided to change that. Frankly, it's okay to be as you are, but it sounds like you want to change it like some of the other changes in your life.

Ultimately, you can't worry too much about how other people think about quiet people. You've got to change for yourself, not for what it will mean for anyone else.

#32 Edited by falserelic (5320 posts) -

@generic_username said:

@falserelic said:

@truthtellah said:

@falserelic: To be honest, that doesn't really make sense. heh. I mean, if someone was so quiet that they never went out and had social interaction, how would I or anyone else view or respond to them at all?

Inherently, if you're saying someone is "too quiet", you do think it's a bit weird for them to be so quiet. But there's nothing wrong with being a quieter person than the norm.

It's understandable, but at work I've been getting into some weird situations with people. For starters I'm not very sociable, and I don't really know how to engage into a conversation with someone well. Some people at my job thinks I'm weird, and some of my co-workers would go out there way to make me smile, people say I don't really come across as being happy.

I have to say, people going out their way to "make me smile" with the added comment of me not seeming too happy is something that frustrate me quite a bit.

I have chronic anxiety issues. I have no intention of sharing that with a coworker or classmate I only know in that context. If I don't look happy, it's because I'm not, but nobody wants me to actually tell them that. They just want me to say "oh, really, I'll change that!" and then be all smiley like they are.

Nothing wrong with not being like those guys, I say. Nothing against them, but if they're incapable of understanding social anxiety as anything but "that person needs cheering up" then I doubt I'd ever really relate to them on any meaningful level, anyway.

Alot of times I'm not happy either. I seem to dwell alot on things that happened to me in the past. I know people would say just move on, but since I made a bad choice in the past now I'm experiencing the consequences for it. When people ask if I'm happy I pretend that I am, but it shows that I'm not. People say I look very angry, and my mom says I look so mean that I seem non-approachable.

Online
#33 Edited by Fredchuckdave (5327 posts) -

@fluxwavez: For my part I'm an extremely boisterous asshole who makes it apparent that everyone is quite clearly dumber than I am; and for some reason people like this. They appreciate honesty I suppose; which I deliver in droves.

Quiet people are very easy to manipulate so I like them. Essentially the less of a verbal response to stimuli one is given the easier it is to determine what is a tell and what isn't. Also it's incredibly simple to dominate any conversation including one normal person, myself, and a quiet person; thus winning any potential argument.

#34 Posted by Slaps2 (158 posts) -

I AM too quiet. People DO think I'm weird.

#35 Edited by Generic_username (591 posts) -

@fredchuckdave said:

@fluxwavez: For my part I'm an extremely boisterous asshole who makes it apparent that everyone is quite clearly dumber than I am; and for some reason people like this. They appreciate honesty I suppose; which I deliver in droves.

Quiet people are very easy to manipulate so I like them. Essentially the less of a verbal response to stimuli one is given the easier it is to determine what is a tell and what isn't. Also it's incredibly simple to dominate any conversation including one normal person, myself, and a quiet person; thus winning any potential argument.

I've actually found loud people to be pretty easy to manipulate, too, I think it has more to do with intelligence than anything else. I mean, the more a person says, the easier it is to analyze their behavior. And as someone who rarely wants to dominate a conversation, having a louder person there to take the spotlight is usually a plus. It keeps my own required level of speaking at a minimum, meaning that if I stay my usual quiet self, people don't tend to see it as awkward in that situation.

I may be socially awkward, but there was a period of my life where I could get just about anyone to do what I wanted.

I consider that a low point for me, though.

#36 Posted by LordAndrew (14424 posts) -

You just described like 50% of the people here. I'm pretty quiet most of the time, until you manage to break my shell and get to the nougaty center. An I weird? Probably. Am I a serial killer?

#37 Edited by Fredchuckdave (5327 posts) -

@generic_username: It should go without saying that a stupid person is easier to manipulate than a smart person, but a loud smart person is incredibly difficult to predict but a quiet smart person usually does extraordinarily similar things to other quiet smart people. Now I'm sure there's ridiculously smart people that are quiet and difficult to manipulate but the chances of ever encountering one is like 1 out of 200,000. I wouldn't count on it happening in your lifetime. No reason to worry about wildcards and aberrations. I don't actively manipulate people I simply derive a certain amount of situational power from understanding them; for if it ever becomes necessary I should be able to do that.

A big reason forum trolling is so fun is because of all the people that are quiet in actuality and attempting to be more outgoing online but failing at basic reasoning along the way.

#38 Edited by Neonie (419 posts) -

I've never gone out of my way to make social contact. I've never kept or gone out with friends (I've had some in passing for very short periods of time.) I was disliked in school a lot because I never talked to anyone and had people try to fight me because it pissed them off.

So I'm actually other way around. I find people who go out of their way to be social completely incomprehensible. Loud people who laugh a lot annoy the shit out of me.

#39 Posted by Sergio (2047 posts) -

@cale said:

Probably a serial killer.

#40 Posted by Fredchuckdave (5327 posts) -

@neonie: You must be horrified by the bombcast then.

#41 Posted by Generic_username (591 posts) -

@generic_username: but the chances of ever encountering one is like 1 out of 200,000.

I'm going to take that as a complement.

Man, you'd think this kind of overconfidence would allow me to talk to people with ease, but no.

#42 Posted by Fredchuckdave (5327 posts) -

@generic_username: Oh there's a lot of people that think like that, that's not who I'm talking about though. The number of people that think they're smart is probably around 90% of the American population; just goes along with high self esteem and how our society functions. The number of people that actually are smart is probably around 5%, give or take. The number of people who think they're ridiculously smart is like 10% or so, and the number that actually are is probably around 0.0005% as mentioned. Hell a lot of the people in this thread might cop to the same thing; that's how common these sorts of people are. Put simply, it won't happen. There are no peers that are easily accessible and the societal definitions of such things vary quite distantly from reality. Chances are a fair number of the useful people on the planet are presently starving to death, for example. How many of them have resources, I wonder? 1? 2? 0? That's the hope for humanity.

#43 Posted by crithon (3075 posts) -

Basically the story of the people whom I grew up with until they annoyed me to the point where I moved on. Everyone changes in their own way, sometimes it's booze, sometimes it's improving their work, sex with a paid escort, and others it's traumatic experience. I try not to judge them, because they need their space.

#44 Posted by TruthTellah (8517 posts) -

@fredchuckdave: I'm torn between whether you're often playing a terrible character or are really this way. Sometimes you seem alright, but I can't quite understand how you can rationalize a lot of what you say.

I don't think a person like the one you present is what this thread is really about. @falserelic seems like a decent guy that is just trying to better understand himself and how others feel.

#45 Posted by Generic_username (591 posts) -
#46 Posted by ch3burashka (5004 posts) -
#47 Posted by Blu3V3nom07 (4151 posts) -

Its whatever with them, I guess.

Present them the bombcast, see results. And chocolate goes a long way.

Online
#48 Posted by Karkarov (2980 posts) -

What would I think of someone who is too quiet?

Number one there is no such thing as "too quiet", people can be as quiet or loud as they want. That's their business not mine. Number two I would think.... "Hmmm they are very quiet."

#49 Posted by TrafalgarLaw (1036 posts) -

I would give him three belts to wear, ask him to cosplay Squall Leonhart and try to transcribe his inner monologue.


#50 Posted by ajamafalous (11845 posts) -
@cale said:

Probably a serial killer.