Would You Watch This Movie?

Soabunchofstupidpeople kinda farted out a movie plot (if you can call it that) that would involve the talents of Billy Zane, John-Rhys Davis, Denise Richards, and greatest living actor, Nic Cage.

Cage plays the seemingly innocent philanthropist who stumbled upon a group of artic monkeys (not the band) that have slowly been on the road to extinction (yes I know these mammals don't fucking belong there in the first place). Nic Cage then proceeds to hire a group of experts (which are the rest of the cast) to help him plan out a strategy to save these monkeys. Little do they know that Nic's true intentions (which are slowly discovered by the experts bit by bit) involves using a device to freeze the world over in an extreme attempt to bring these mammals back from the brink of extinction.

Oh and then the final act involves Cage undergoing surgery to become "closer" to his admired species and the rest of the science team are trapped in his ice base/lab and have to find a way to escape. Denise is probably the first to die.

So yeah, would you watch this movie?

Oh and before I forget, some chucklefuck thought it would be smart to allow others to compile plot ideas into a google doc. You can thank this guy if there's any sexual connotations found in that document.

I'll watch most things with Cage. Ever since his Con-Air, Face-Off and The Rock run, I'll so see anything with him...at least rent it. I thought Tupac was a decent actor too. Really liked Gridlocked and Above the Rim.

I would totally go watch it!

You had me at "Cage"

@Colourful_Hippie: Definitely not. It sounds way to cheesy, which I'm sure was the goal anyways. He should be a convict who happens to be on an airplane when it gets taken over by the rest of the convicts. That would be a great movie.

I can't help but bring the sexy everywhere I go.

God damn, yes.

Yeah, I probably would. How could I miss the chance to see Cage after monkey surgery?

That sounds glorious.

What is this an why am I linked to it?

@Lord_Xp said:

@Colourful_Hippie: Definitely not. It sounds way to cheesy, which I'm sure was the goal anyways. He should be a convict who happens to be on an airplane when it gets taken over by the rest of the convicts. That would be a great movie.

No monkeys, no sale.

@Enigma777 said:

What is this an why am I linked to it?

I'm still giving the cops your address when they come for me.

No, because of the final act stuff, and because Cage is already mad when they come. I would see the movie if it goes something like that:

First 30 minutes - Cage finds the monkeys and get the crew(Which consists of more than the three guys), they study the monkeys and some of them disagree on what they should do with the monkeys(What would be the focus of the research, for example). Meanwhile, we get to see Nicolas Cage and his relationship with the monkeys.

Next 30 minutes - Cage's relationship with the monkeys start to get creepier, as he convinces the crew to do what he wants under the proposition of saving the monkeys. He talks about an abandoned project of a device that can greatly diminush the temperature of an area, to the point where they can recover the lost habitat of the monkeys. He also talks about a failed medicine project that tries to heal genetic diseases through radiation(Altering the DNA enough to the point where it becomes normal again.).

After the first hour - The projects are being realized, and Cage starts admiring the creatures to an insane point, where he actually tries to kill a scientist because one radiation experiment had gone wrong. Some of the crew start to leave, they start questioning the mission, and if they should trust Cage after all, when a scientist tries to approach him and question the decision he's been making, it's Cage Rage time.

One hour and twenty-five minutes - Cage kills the man, locks the scientists in his lab, and tries to use the freezing device while hunting his crew. He also frees the monkeys in the lab to make things more interesting. When he notices he is going to die because of the temperature, he tries to enter the radiation machine...

One hour and forty-five minutes - Mutant Cage hunts the rest of the scientists when they are trying to escape, some of them die because of the temperature. Cage hunts and kills every single scientist, but he notices he can't escape the lab and save the monkeys. The monkeys get pissed and kill him while the temperature is still getting lower and lower...

Two hours and five minutes - Cut to military crew trying to find any survivors. They find the lab and eventually enter it, to find out that every monkey froze. Zoom to a monkey. He moves his finger.

ENDINGS CREDITS WITH VANILLA ICE.

There you go. Fuck the typos, it's 1 AM in here and i'm tired.

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

OMG someone show this to @Alex.

@Atlas said:

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

You really think Nic Cage is clueless as to why people love him?

as long as each monkey is played by Andy Serkis.

@Atlas said:

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

I was disappointed to see this was actually not a real movie. Assholes.

The important question is: Who composes the soundtrack?I was thinking maybe take it a little further back with some Ennio Morricone. I feel like his compositions can bring out the best in this political horror/love story.

Dammit! Why was this thread not tagged with a spoiler warning!?

Billy Zane, wow, is he even still alive?

I just bought tickets for me and my friends to watch this opening at midnight!

And thus it begins. God help us for what we have done.

Straight to video it was dead last week.

@Claude said:

Straight to video it was dead last week.

It lives on in our hearts. Our hearts.

On top of everything else...this is a cool runnings sequel right?

Hmmm I've seen this image before in another thread sans text......

Absolutely not.

@N7 I think we should just leave the music to Hans Zimmer.

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Probably.

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Sounds like a distinct possibility. That's what we put the google doc there for. If you want, go and write the scene.

@MikeGosot said:

No, because of the final act stuff, and because Cage is already mad when they come. I would see the movie if it goes something like that:

First 30 minutes - Cage finds the monkeys and get the crew(Which consists of more than the three guys), they study the monkeys and some of them disagree on what they should do with the monkeys(What would be the focus of the research, for example). Meanwhile, we get to see Nicolas Cage and his relationship with the monkeys.

Next 30 minutes - Cage's relationship with the monkeys start to get creepier, as he convinces the crew to do what he wants under the proposition of saving the monkeys. He talks about an abandoned project of a device that can greatly diminush the temperature of an area, to the point where they can recover the lost habitat of the monkeys. He also talks about a failed medicine project that tries to heal genetic diseases through radiation(Altering the DNA enough to the point where it becomes normal again.).

After the first hour - The projects are being realized, and Cage starts admiring the creatures to an insane point, where he actually tries to kill a scientist because one radiation experiment had gone wrong. Some of the crew start to leave, they start questioning the mission, and if they should trust Cage after all, when a scientist tries to approach him and question the decision he's been making, it's Cage Rage time.

One hour and twenty-five minutes - Cage kills the man, locks the scientists in his lab, and tries to use the freezing device while hunting his crew. He also frees the monkeys in the lab to make things more interesting. When he notices he is going to die because of the temperature, he tries to enter the radiation machine...

One hour and forty-five minutes - Mutant Cage hunts the rest of the scientists when they are trying to escape, some of them die because of the temperature. Cage hunts and kills every single scientist, but he notices he can't escape the lab and save the monkeys. The monkeys get pissed and kill him while the temperature is still getting lower and lower...

Two hours and five minutes - Cut to military crew trying to find any survivors. They find the lab and eventually enter it, to find out that every monkey froze. Zoom to a monkey. He moves his finger.

ENDINGS CREDITS WITH VANILLA ICE.

There you go. Fuck the typos, it's 1 AM in here and i'm tired.

Fuck, I clearly done goofed for not hiring you on as an extra writer.

@Atlas said:

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

Why do you still exist?

@TheHT said:

as long as each monkey is played by Andy Serkis.

Perfect

@N7 said:

The important question is: Who composes the soundtrack?I was thinking maybe take it a little further back with some Ennio Morricone. I feel like his compositions can bring out the best in this political horror/love story.

I'm tied between him and Hans.

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Yes, but there's a debate on whether her death should be during or right after.

@Claude said:

Straight to video it was dead last week.

Nic Cage just doesn't bring the crowds like he used to.

@Doctorchimp said:

On top of everything else...this is a cool runnings sequel right?

John Candy plays the clueless security guard.

Nicolas cage as misguided psychopath is a thing of the past, I believe. The farthest off the deep end he's gone lately was Bad Lieutenant, that I can recall. @MikeGosot: seems to have a better idea, but I'd probably kill Cage in the radiation c hamber and end the movie there.

I guess I'll be the guy to say it.

This is stupid.

I mean, I guess I would out of absurdity's sake if it weren't widely regarded as totally boring, but this is not a funny Nic Cage joke.

@McGhee said:

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Sounds like a distinct possibility. That's what we put the google doc there for. If you want, go and write the scene.

The google doc is closed up just in case you know, someone highlights all then presses delete.

...maybe I should unlock it then.

@TooWalrus said:

I guess I'll be the guy to say it.

This is stupid.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

@McGhee said:

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Sounds like a distinct possibility. That's what we put the google doc there for. If you want, go and write the scene.

I could write a hell of a sex leading to death scene if you guys really want it.

Now they're droppin' and yellin' it's a tad bit late...

I guess GB is now fanfiction.net?

@Colourful_Hippie said:

@McGhee said:

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Sounds like a distinct possibility. That's what we put the google doc there for. If you want, go and write the scene.

The google doc is closed up just in case you know, someone highlights all then presses delete.

...maybe I should unlock it then.

Oh, I thought you'd left it open for other people to edit, but there is no way for you to save its current state or something?

I will happily make it the first movie I have torrented in almost 6 years, that's for sure

@Veektarius said:

Nicolas cage as misguided psychopath is a thing of the past, I believe. The farthest off the deep end he's gone lately was Bad Lieutenant, that I can recall. @MikeGosot: seems to have a better idea, but I'd probably kill Cage in the radiation c hamber and end the movie there.

Yeah it makes more sense, but you still need to show what happens to the monkeys and the people. If that happens to Cage, i would make the monkeys kill most of the crew except the one that leads them to the exit of the lab.

@Colourful_Hippie: I don't blame you, just call me for the next project.

@Colourful_Hippie:

I have only one thing to say about that "movie"

SPOILER WARNING: Click here to reveal hidden content.

.

@McGhee said:

@Colourful_Hippie said:

@McGhee said:

@StarvingGamer said:

Does Denise Richards have sex right before she dies? I need to know what kind of move this is.

Sounds like a distinct possibility. That's what we put the google doc there for. If you want, go and write the scene.

The google doc is closed up just in case you know, someone highlights all then presses delete.

...maybe I should unlock it then.

Oh, I thought you'd left it open for other people to edit, but there is no way for you to save its current state or something?

I don't use google docs that much so I have no idea.

@ZeForgotten said:

I will happily make it the first movie I have torrented in almost 6 years, that's for sure

You're too kind.

@Coombs said:

@Colourful_Hippie:

I have only one thing to say about that "movie"

SPOILER WARNING: Click here to reveal hidden content.

.

Yeah, working on the plot did make me really happy.

@Atlas said:

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

He's won an Oscar, dude. And he's great in Bad Lieutenant, Kick Ass, and especially Adaptation if you want a more subtle performance.

Dude's got acting chops and his own style, just he picks the worst movies some times and doesn't bring his A game all the time. Kinda like Robert De Niro.

@AssInAss said:

@Atlas said:

You people are weird.

I know Nicolas Cage fandom is based in irony, but seriously, why does this dumb joke still exist?

He's won an Oscar, dude. And he's great in Bad Lieutenant, Kick Ass, and especially Adaptation if you want a more subtle performance.

Dude's got acting chops and his own style, just he picks the worst movies some times and doesn't bring his A game all the time. Kinda like Robert De Niro.

Cage has been taking on a lot of roles because he's been basically broke and as for De Niro he's just cashing in the checks. That guy has stopped giving a fuck a while ago.

@Colourful_Hippie said:

Denise is probably the first to die.

I'm in!