Twitter has been my home for a couple of years now - it's a handy tool for stalking game developers, that's most definitely for sure; I think we're all a little curious to see what swears @davidscottjaffe comes out with on a regular basis, or perhaps see what new crazy photographic gems @therealcliffyb has posted. Heck, one of my greatest achievements recently is being followed by The Hoff himself. Nono, maybe this is my greatest achievement. Hmm. I have embraced the Twittersphere and enjoy what it brings to me every day. Alas, Twitter is also the first place where I learn of the deaths of beloved celebrities. I may feel immune within my digital bubble of information, but out there - that place some of us oggle from behind double-glazed windows - real shit is happening.

On Thursday 23rd June 2011, Peter Falk sadly passed away. This seemingly-immortal actor played one of the greatest TV detectives in the history of television - Lieutenant Columbo. The show enjoyed a huge run and is testament to the character that Falk portrayed - there wasn't a scene where Columbo had to put on a pair of water skis and jump over a dangerous fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body (thank you, Wikipedia.) I have seen the countless re-runs they air on television - even the one where you would think the guy committed the perfect crime - murdering someone in a swimming pool with a huge block of ice? Genius. Columbo solved it though. He solves every crime. He takes no shit.

Alongside the sad news of Mr. Falk's passing, another item also appeared within that neverending textual waterfall of information. It was an IGN piece regarding the development processes behind LA Noire - Why Did LA Noire Take Seven Years To Make? After I panned and scanned through the article noting the more prominent yet sadly unsurprising aspects of game development mis-management, two things occurred to me.

• Brendan McNamara sounds like the worst person to be positioned in the development of videogames.
• LA Noire would be a much better game if you played Lieutenant Columbo.

I mused over the second point more than the first. Some choice tweets were written regarding the matter, then I thought about it some more. LA Noire would be a much better game if you played Lieutenant Columbo. For a start - realistic raincoat cloth simulation. Columbo doesn't move that quickly, but trust me - the gaming world will appreciate this small detail. You can cruise around the streets of 70's LA in his trademark Peugoet 403 Convertible, possibly with his dog (named, yep, Dog) as a handy companion in finding clues. Interrogations? The many, many shows of Columbo had these in spades - not just that, the opportunity to use "Just one more thing..." as a dialogue option is too tantalising to ignore. It could be up there with the Ace Attorney "Objection!" exclamation - satisfying in both execution and resulting reaction.

Columbo also never carried a gun. This is probably the most interesting aspect of having a Columbo-inspired LA Noire game. Guns are kind of clichéd these days when it comes to videogaming; games are generally shunned by the populace for not being able to stick a pistol to a dude's visage and blow it into many fractured, normal-mapped polygons. A gun-less Columbo would mean the player would - fuck! - have to use his brain a bit more to figure out those crimes. No longer the option is allowed to solve puzzles the easy way. Those puzzles, the crime scenes of Columbo Noire could well be based on the many numerous cases Columbo has solved over the years - and yes - we would be able to play that level with the huge block of ice and the swimming pool. Get those guest stars on board too! Nothing excites me more than trying to force a hyper-realistic videogame avatar of William Shatner confess to murdering his blackmailing ex-lover. (Thank you, IMDb.)

Team Bondi had their chance and they blew it - Peter Falk's now solving crimes beyond the pearly gates. They could have enticed him into their studio, motion captured the crap out of him and recorded many, many lines of dialogue including several iterations of "One more thing...". The great man's gone now... it makes me kind of sad that there's no way Peter Falk could ever be captured with LA Noire's patented facial performance capture technology; a lookalike just wouldn't cut it.

Then again, Brendan McNamara probably isn't a Columbo fan.

Twitter has been my home for a couple of years now - it's a handy tool for stalking game developers, that's most definitely for sure; I think we're all a little curious to see what swears @davidscottjaffe comes out with on a regular basis, or perhaps see what new crazy photographic gems @therealcliffyb has posted. Heck, one of my greatest achievements recently is being followed by The Hoff himself. Nono, maybe this is my greatest achievement. Hmm. I have embraced the Twittersphere and enjoy what it brings to me every day. Alas, Twitter is also the first place where I learn of the deaths of beloved celebrities. I may feel immune within my digital bubble of information, but out there - that place some of us oggle from behind double-glazed windows - real shit is happening.

On Thursday 23rd June 2011, Peter Falk sadly passed away. This seemingly-immortal actor played one of the greatest TV detectives in the history of television - Lieutenant Columbo. The show enjoyed a huge run and is testament to the character that Falk portrayed - there wasn't a scene where Columbo had to put on a pair of water skis and jump over a dangerous fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body (thank you, Wikipedia.) I have seen the countless re-runs they air on television - even the one where you would think the guy committed the perfect crime - murdering someone in a swimming pool with a huge block of ice? Genius. Columbo solved it though. He solves every crime. He takes no shit.

Alongside the sad news of Mr. Falk's passing, another item also appeared within that neverending textual waterfall of information. It was an IGN piece regarding the development processes behind LA Noire - Why Did LA Noire Take Seven Years To Make? After I panned and scanned through the article noting the more prominent yet sadly unsurprising aspects of game development mis-management, two things occurred to me.

• Brendan McNamara sounds like the worst person to be positioned in the development of videogames.
• LA Noire would be a much better game if you played Lieutenant Columbo.

I mused over the second point more than the first. Some choice tweets were written regarding the matter, then I thought about it some more. LA Noire would be a much better game if you played Lieutenant Columbo. For a start - realistic raincoat cloth simulation. Columbo doesn't move that quickly, but trust me - the gaming world will appreciate this small detail. You can cruise around the streets of 70's LA in his trademark Peugoet 403 Convertible, possibly with his dog (named, yep, Dog) as a handy companion in finding clues. Interrogations? The many, many shows of Columbo had these in spades - not just that, the opportunity to use "Just one more thing..." as a dialogue option is too tantalising to ignore. It could be up there with the Ace Attorney "Objection!" exclamation - satisfying in both execution and resulting reaction.

Columbo also never carried a gun. This is probably the most interesting aspect of having a Columbo-inspired LA Noire game. Guns are kind of clichéd these days when it comes to videogaming; games are generally shunned by the populace for not being able to stick a pistol to a dude's visage and blow it into many fractured, normal-mapped polygons. A gun-less Columbo would mean the player would - fuck! - have to use his brain a bit more to figure out those crimes. No longer the option is allowed to solve puzzles the easy way. Those puzzles, the crime scenes of Columbo Noire could well be based on the many numerous cases Columbo has solved over the years - and yes - we would be able to play that level with the huge block of ice and the swimming pool. Get those guest stars on board too! Nothing excites me more than trying to force a hyper-realistic videogame avatar of William Shatner confess to murdering his blackmailing ex-lover. (Thank you, IMDb.)

Team Bondi had their chance and they blew it - Peter Falk's now solving crimes beyond the pearly gates. They could have enticed him into their studio, motion captured the crap out of him and recorded many, many lines of dialogue including several iterations of "One more thing...". The great man's gone now... it makes me kind of sad that there's no way Peter Falk could ever be captured with LA Noire's patented facial performance capture technology; a lookalike just wouldn't cut it.

Then again, Brendan McNamara probably isn't a Columbo fan.