By allgrinzz 0 Comments
Finally got around to listening to the podcast. I've been avoiding it, not quite sure why. Maybe I didn't want to put the finality on his death, like listening to the podcast would cement that he's gone. Maybe it was the fact that I still want this to be a hoax, that Ryan is pulling some amazing Kaufmanesque stunt, attempting to rival one of the greats of comedy. Hell, maybe I'm worried I will forget. I really really really don't want to forget him.
I don't have all the attatchments a lot of people do, I'm introverted, have 1 actual friend, unemployed, 32 year old "almost" college student (funds ran out) and here is a man who has done so many amazing things, who was a bright spot for me for so many years, gone, and I don't want to lose that yet.
I haven't stopped looking at twitter for 2 days, I keep checking to see what new Ryan moments are there, or what the family and friends have said, what the crew has said. These people mean so much to me and I've never met any of them. I don't understand the attachment I have but it's there, and it hurts. I've been reading all I can about him, others moments, how they felt about him, trying to keep his memory alive as long as I can. Hell, my saints row character now "IS" Ryan Davis, who I'm going to be taking into Saint's Row 4, cause I think he might have wanted it like that. Maybe it's a little creepy, or a little off, but I can't go more then an hour without breaking into tears again thinking about something wonderful from Giant Bomb, or from the crew with Ryan. I knew so much about him from all he shared on the cast, always so open about his life and what was going on. All the crew I get that feeling off, they let us in and invite us to their lives as we go about our own.
Maybe that's it, that I feel like I knew this amazing man Ryan Davis, but never got to meet him, even once. I feel that I've missed out on something amazing, something incredible, and now any chance to be a part of it is truly gone, out of my grasp. It scares me a bit, knowing how quickly or suddenly or unexpected this could happen. He's 2 years my senior, happy and living an amazing life, and poof, just gone.
I don't want to lose this bright spot in my life, as cliche as it sounds, I'd kill for the big red phone right now, being able to call up and talk... I missed my opportunity the first time, I don't want to miss it again. I'd love to meet the entire cast of the Bomb, at least once, if only in passing, to exchange greetings or tell them all how much they mean to me. I doubt it'll ever happen, considering distances, money and all of the above, but yah. One can hope can't he...
Anyways, maybe I can start to move on a bit now, Podcast is in the books, and it tore me up from start to finish, but I enjoyed it as well. It was well done, and I can hardly imagine their pain if mine is this bad right now. Much love to Giantbomb staff, Jeff, Brad, Patrick, Vinny, Rorie, Drew, Alex, Dave, You guys are amazing, thank you for this website, thank you for your time, and thank you for giving so much over the years. I hope to meet you all someday, so I can tell you in person, but for now all I can do is write this.
I have so much more to say, but I can't simply put it into words anymore without shedding more tears.
Thank you Ryan, for everything, already missing you.
(and even more so now that "What I got" Subline section of saints just hit)