I wanted to play a video game and I looked at my library of games. I didn’t want to play any of them. I couldn’t think of a game I wanted to play. This depressed me. I just was in my room without something to do and no idea what to do with myself.
I was dealing with that exact same feeling for a long time until very recently. I would usually have a couple of burn-out periods every few years, but for the last two years or so I was so burnt out nothing would hold my attention. I would sit, staring at my library for hours, wanting to play a game, but having no interest in any of them, I was getting more and more anxious as time went on because I just couldn't understand why I couldn't just have fun anymore. I'd go out, but a great game that was recommended a bunch of times, pop it in, play maybe an hour or two, and stop. I would feel drained every time I tried and even trying to take a brake by reading or watching movies didn't work, they couldn't hold my attention at all either. Drawing, music, running, lifting, swimming, nothing helped in any way. I was about as depressed as you can fucking get, I couldn't enjoy anything anymore. That all changed about a week and a half ago.
Most of the time, the only thing that would hold my attention was browsing the internet. Having had video games as a big part of my life, I usually just read news and forums about games even if I couldn't play for 45 minutes of one at a time. I stumble upon some news that Xenoblade Chronicles X was going to be done by 8-4, and sorry 8-4, but they don't have the best track record when it comes to localization. I don't support changing a developer's vision for their game in any way, so even if all they did is change character ages it's still not something I can get behind. Long story short, I remembered I had bookmarked a guide for learning Japanese a few months back and decided, what the hell, I've got nothing going on anyway and those SNES colored buttons on Japanese N3DSes are awesome, I'll give it a shot.
Now I know all the hiragana, dakuten, and actually learned the combo hiragana today after about ten minutes of studying. I'm actually having fun again, my brain releases dopamine every time I get the pronunciation or strokes of a character right, something it hadn't done in months. I've been able to play 17 hours of Shadowrun Dragonfall this week when two weeks before I couldn't get past the tutorial. I feel like I stumbled upon some magic cure, all on a whim I had. It's going to take me a long time, at least a year or two to even be considered literate, but I plan on importing games raw and maybe even starting a fan-translation group if fate wills it.
This response is really damn long and there's no real moral to this story, I just feel fucking awesome and am enjoying myself with games for the first time in ages. If you guys ever find yourself so down in the dumps it feels like rock bottom, just say fuck it and try everything you can get your hands on. You'll be surprised how random the thing that gets you back out of it can be.
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