Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck. Me.

Hello, gentle reader. I forget how long it has been since my last blog, and, though I could, I will not check. Because fuck that shit. I run this show, and fact checking is for dopeheads and crackpots. Here I try to recount some of the notable games that I've been playing, mayhaps with some commentary, while fighting against my primal, instinctual, base and so very, very dirty urge to use the passive voice. Is, am, was, were.

As this blog post resides in the prenatal stages of development (I don't know what that word means, but I have a general sense of what it implies so I will not look it up. I see words, not as definitions in a dictionary, as a collection of ideas and implications) I do not yet know if I will have everything I played in this and a collection of mini reviews, or if I will break them up into smaller but more focused chunksicles. You, my reader, already know what I do but to me, the author, it remains a mystery, making the composition of this post as much an adventure for me as reading it a linear journey for yourself. Does it still count as active voice if I just omit the is, was, am or were without actually changing the sentence?

To begin this future tale I must jump to the past, to the revisioning and retooling and reresolutionizing of the classics ICO and Shadow of the Colossus in glorious HD. Though I purchased, on original morn of distribution, this collection for the joy of replaying SotC in glorious 30 frames per second, let me instead focus myself upon the preceding sequel, ICO. This being my first experience with the game, having been, till now, driven away by the odorous cover pictional of the Playstation 2 game.

ICO

Yo, ICO is pretty awesome. A game of atmosphere seldom matched, playing ICO is much like walking through an empty museum, silently observing the relics of that which once was, totally alone so long as I forgivingly forget the ever vigilant security cameras that watch my every move until I must smack them apart with a wooden stick. Only Amnesia truly matches and surpasses the feeling of aloneness.

Though the game does not truly isolate you; the character Yorda accompanies the horned boy (Ico?) by way of AI manipulation yet assisted and guided by the player character eye eee you. The execution of this prolonged escort quest, an archetype universally reviled, left me enjoying the company of Yorda and fearing for her safety. The sudden shot of dread that accompanies that gasp when left in another room alone for too long can be easily compared to the total terror the grunts in Amnesia can instill.

Though, as in all things, when brought to its stress point the game's flaws stand all too clear. I played this game not exclusively for the joy of it but also to sate my need to collect trophies; such a neccessiate will cause much of the pain I feel in the games I discuss. I need the platinum trophy! Some of the time, not always. Not usually, actually. Really, I rarely feel compelled. This time I did!

Every game, I feel, has it's tide breaker. It's beach jetty. The rock that the masses smash against, leaving only the twisted clinging like so many barnacles. Gears has its “Seriously...” achievement, MGS4 its Big Boss emblem. Etcetra. Whether or not I go beyond the call of patience and sanity to S-Rank a game depends on whether I feel I could best its tide breaker. I saw ICO's Castle Guide and I saw victory. Woe be to me and my folly.

Castle Guide: Complete the game in two hours. My first attempt upon the game lasted a paltry five and change. I saw the challenge and thought it completable with ease. It is not. The level of perfection and precision required dashes any illusion. The amount of time devoted to research and speed run videos transforms those two hours into a 10 hour commitment. All things must be just so; the space where you stand in one moment determines your success or failure in the very next. A sinking feeling of loss and grief enveloped me as I observed by times slip farther and farther from the targets. This trial taught me how much Yorda, deceptive ally and vile siren, hates me. Me. ME! Personally, and she hates you, benevolent reader, though perhaps not. Perhaps upon you she smiles. But not me, clearly only scorn and contempt characterize any thought spared towards my bothersome existence. Only then can I explain her behavior. The way she looks at a clear jump and shakes. The way she walks not runs from the incoming danger. The way she puzzledly looks at my outstretched hand as I plead, pray, and beg to jump, jump, please just jump! Jump, holy shit just jump! Jesus Christ just jump you dumb fucking bit

Zip, done, and out the window whoosh. All done, all gone. Harmony, harmony oh love perseveres and prevails in this soul. Please, play ICO, an experience all ought to have. But do not as I, and ignore the tide breaker. It is a battle not worth fighting. Though that didn't make the victory any the less sweet.

I played more games than ICO, however. I replayed SotC. It's SotC. I'll talk about it some other day as I have other topics to discuss. On the topic of loneliness and absurd achievements and caps lock titles, I played a little and then a lot and then I fucking conquered LIMBO. Another game with another atmosphere, this one more obviously comparable to Amnesia. I like that game. I will continue to draw comparisons to it. Maybe.

LIMBO

LIMBO employs a dark and oppressive atmosphere and in a way I find it similar to ICO in that both games involve guiding a defenseless little girl through the perils of a hostile world. Except in ICO you control a strong, virile young man with a stick, and in LIMBO you are the little girl. I know that the character in LIMBO is a boy, but fuck your specifics. It's my blog and I'll confuse genders if I want to!

LIMBO, another puzzle game and here you have no companions, no false friends. Silence and isolation are the only things to greet you, and given time you will even mourn the death of the spider who has so antagonized you.

LIMBO, too, has a tide breaker, one that I, again, felt capable of defeating. Know that this all took place before my odyssey with ICO. No Point In Dying: Complete the game in one sitting with no more than five deaths. For the uninitiated, you die a lot in LIMBO. The challenge, then, to not die as much tempts and entices. Much prep work went into it. I played through once not caring when I died but noting, in writing, the circumstances and chapter. I practiced each death scenario, painstakingly outlining each jump, each puzzle. And then, the attempt. Attempts. Plural. I tried many times, never succeeding. Often by the time I make it to the hotel sign I will have lost 3 of my 6. Morale rested at the nadir. Even the bombcast could not lift my spirits and calm my nerves.

Eventually, frustration and despair gave life to the final strategy. If I could not beat the game on my terms, I would destroy it on its own. While in LIMBO I would do as spiders do. I resolved to out angst LIMBO.

In my ears. On infinite loop. God damn if I did not make it to the final, most difficult puzzle with only one death. Another minute and three more deaths and I achieved victory. You, do not doubt the power of any music!

The difference, I feel, between Castle Guide and No Point In Dying lies what determines victory. Castle Guide, being a speed run trophy in a game that relies on escorting an AI, depends on the competency of the AI. Player skill can be largely negated by Yorda suddenly deciding to let go of your hand, forcing you to needlessly fight more of those shadow things. No Point In Dying, however, needs player skill and only player skill to be achieved. Both games require a total mastery of the mechanics and puzzles of the game, but the circumstances of ICO made Castle Guide into the more frustrating experience. Again, I would not recommend that particular cheevo.

This text document balloons in size, so I must now cut it here. Next time I will revisit my time with Skyrim him and (fuck me, fuck me!) S-Ranking Final Fantasy XIII. Thank you.