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5 (28) 4 (138) 3 (48) 2 (7) 1 (6) 3.8 starsAverage score of 227 user reviews
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Well I'm a fish out of water here... 0
Writer’s note : This is anything but a professionally-written review. If a job hunter asks for samples of my writing for any kind of job, may they not stumble across this. NHL 09 : The latest installment of a franchise that does not like me.SD-DEFICIENTStory : With the Leafs falling out of playoff contention, Mats Sundin was the focus of numerous trade rumours as the February 26 trade deadline approached. On February 25, he stated that he would not waive the no trade clause in his contract. He s...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Mischief. Mayhem. 0
Wario Land : Shake It!! : A 2D platformer based on the gimmick that the main character can shake any object he can grasp, effectively making it a knockoff of…Mischief Makers : A 2D platformer based on the gimmick that the main character can shake any object she can grasp. Except the shaking aspect is better implemented, and it’s a good deal more easy on the wrists since you’re just mindlessly pressing buttons to shake instead of the whole damn controller. But I won’t waste too much time crying a...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Fable 2 gets quarantined 0
Fable 2 : An action/RPG hybrid from a developer best known for not really keeping promises. Fable 2 gets off easy as the only broken promise here is the lackluster co-op play.Story : A revenge plot involving an evil man who killed your sister trying to summon evil magic for a grand scheme. Nothing we haven’t seen before in these kinds of RPGs, though the solid voice-acting makes up for it in part. Fable 2 works best when it’s relishing in its decidedly British sense of humour, which you’ll pick ...
1 out of 2 found this review helpful. -
If a cross-dressing tree falls in the woods... 0
Guilty Gear 2 : Overture : Some kind of bizarre attempt to create a new kind of strategy game.Story : So thousands of years ago there was this big war between humans and this race of monsters that may or may not have relevance in the later plot, but probably does since the game shoves this backstory down our throats some two or three times in the opening sequence. From what I was able to gather, there are beings from an alternate dimension that are causing chaos and series mascot Sol Badguy is s...
0 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
The most light-hearted 9/11 joke ever 0
World of Goo : A structure-based puzzle game where the player erects long objects by taking a lubricant-like substance and forming it in a matter that makes it hard.Story : Something about an evil corporation and their grand scheme, and a whole lot of “goo balls” that seem to have nothing to do with this grand scheme. The cutscenes, which look like some kind of cross of Emily The Strange and a stoner Flash cartoon (but I guess that’s what you expect from this kind of game) are pretty neat. But m...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
A 2D platformer with sinister arthouse intentions 0
Braid : A 2D platformer with sinister arthouse intentions. Story : A young chap named Tim made some kind of mistake and is trying to rescue a princess from some kind of monster……or that’s what you’re led to believe. This game takes a Killer7 approach to game design in that not everything is what it seems, rather that there’s some kind of hidden truth behind all of these goomba-stomping levels. Braid reminds gamers that the potential for storytelling in video games is nowhere close to fully tappe...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Lambs to the slaughter 0
Viva Piñata : Trouble In Paradise : A gardening game on the Xbox 360. The biggest new feature in this game is online play, and I shutter to think of the racism a game about piñatas inspires on the bigot breeding ground that is Xbox Live. Story : Professor Pester hates happy things, and has begun a crusade against happy things by waging a very subdued war on pinatakind. Along the way, he destroys some kind of database of marginal importance and you’re asked to rebuild it. Well, you don’t have to,...
1 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
The Air combo unleashed 0
Star Wars : The Force Unleashed : An action/adventure game based on the Star Wars universe where players control an all-too-powerful dark Jedi knight, capable of incredible feats beyond anything seen in any of the movies. I’d rather not say that this makes Luke Skywalker and such seem like pantywaists in comparison to this “Starkiller” chap, and instead just say that your belief is going to be rather suspended, even by the standards normally held by the bizarre fiction that is Star Wars.Story : ...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Kirby comes out of the closet! 0
Kirby Super Star Ultra : An “expanded” edition of the Super Nintendo pseudo-compilation, Kirby Super Star.Story : Actually, Kirby Super Star is a series of smaller adventures, each one based on either saving the world or saving food. I’m not going to criticize a story aimed at kids of being uninspired so it is what it is. This Nintendo DS version adds computer-generated cutscenes in spots to tell the stories, and while I like this addition for “Revenge of Meta-Knight” as a means of documenting i...
0 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
Will have you smiling from ear to ear. 0
No More Heroes : An action game for a more crass generation.Story : For the first time since the Pokemon trainer decided to capture and manipulate wild animals for fame and fortune, we have a main character who’s goals are unjust and selfish, remain unjust and selfish to the end, and he’s all the more admirable for it. Travis Touchdown wants to become the top ranked assassin in the world, not to save the world from evil or exact revenge for some deceased family member(s), but to justify buying h...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
It's the game based on the movie based on the comic book 0
Iron Man : The video game rushjob adaptation of the summer blockbuster motion picture. Story : Like most movie-to-game adaptations, the plot here is an incoherent mishmash of cutscenes that assumes that the player has seen the movie, leaving the rest of the world to be confused and force them into paying money to see it to make sense out of how this series of events is happening. And really, the only movie-based games that can get away with this are Lego-based.Playing Iron Man on the Xbox 360, o...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Soul Calibur 4 is solid but has its heart in the wrong place 0
Soul Calibur 4 : A Medieval-themed fighting game. Or at least a medieval-themed fighting game with the camp-value turned all the way up. Oh, and there’s Yoda thrown in there for some reason. Story : So we can now confirm that "A long time ago in a galaxy far far away" was simply referring to 1500s Europe. Or at least an alternate dimension of 1500s Europe where the nutrition of the general population was different enough to make their women significantly more endowed and the men look significant...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Bondage 0
Ninja Gaiden 2 : An action adventure game where players control a bondage-clad ninja warrior and get immersed in a world where DD is considered pitiful endowment for a woman and demons and cyborgs work side-by-side to eviscerate you. Story : Ninja warrior Ryu Hayabusha goes on a revenge/save the world quest against some sort of empire-like evil that attacked his home village and is attempting to revive an ancient lord of hell. Along the way there’s some overly-endowed female character that doesn...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
A long-armed promotional tactic 0
Bionic Commando : Rearmed: A remake of the 2D side-scroller Bionic Commando, a game that earned notoriety more for its need to be different for the sake of being different than anything particularly memorable or great.Story : Some kind of Nazi faction is building some kind of ancient weapon, all the while kidnapping the ingeniously named soldier “Super Joe” and you, the player, control the equally well-named “Rad Spencer” on his journey to rescue him. For what its worth, the dialogue is more int...
0 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
Put your head between your knees and CRY as the world ends 3
The World Ends With You : A Japanese Role-Playing Game where fashion-aficionados battle supernatural demons in a fight for their unappreciated lives. Story : Neku is a world-loathing lonely boy who, despite presumably having rich parents based on his attire, hates the world, himself and the general idea of being alive. One day he finds the world littered with demons and himself unable to communicate to most actual people, and has seven days to accomplish a series of tasks laid out for him by som...
1 out of 6 found this review helpful. -
Can almost guarantee it's better than Sonic Chronicles 0
Why am I reviewing a 12-odd year old SNES game? Well it came out a few weeks ago to this day on the Wii Virtual Console and I promised that I’d attempt to review every 2008 release that I spent an adequate amount of time on, so here we go. It certainly dominated any free time I could’ve used to play newer games, and killed the possibility of me being able to adequately review Mass Effect, proving that simplicity and charm can put the most epic, big-budget, blockbuster RPG experience of the moder...
1 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
Mario Death Kart Wii 1
Mario Kart Wii : A not very realistic racing game where assorted Mario characters compete in races riddled with weapons, traps and too many weapons.Story : In 2012, the Mushroom Kingdom economy collapses and life for everyone is not the same. Once a NASCAR champion, Mario, (Jason Statham), hits rock bottom and spent several years in prison. His life was improving and changing for the better after meeting and marrying Princess Toadstool (Janaya Stephens) and having a baby girl. Then the steel mil...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Mario battles Dr. Manhattan 0
Super Smash Bros Brawl : Some kind of fighter/platformer hybrid where players control a variety of characters from Nintendo’s past and battle each in some kind of King of the Hill-style of cartoon combat. Along the way, Nintendo will pat itself on the back a lot throughout the game. Story : Oh yes, this one has a storyline, based in the new single-player campaign “The Subspace Emissary.” Apparently, the Nintendo mascots were engaging in some kind of friendly tournament popular enough to sell out...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Rock out with your Cock out 1
Your favorite band, after years of solid rock albums, worldwide touring, partying and hotel smashing, decides that they need to evolve or mature their sound. Therefore, they produce some “experimental” albums (probably with some kind of jazz influence) and alienate most of their fanbase. Eventually, the band realizes the error of their ways and produces an album similar to what got them so popular in the first place, one that’ll probably involve Rick Rubin. That comeback album is what Mega Man 9...
2 out of 2 found this review helpful. -
Book your own dinner date between murders. 0
Grand Theft Auto 4 : A city-based action game comprised mostly of shooting things, driving things and driving over things, combined with the immigrant experience. Story : Niko Bellic has immigrated to Liberty City on brother Roman’s promise of living the American dream (and other reasons) only to realize that Roman is in debt to bad people. Fortunately, Niko has military training and a very dark past, and after his initial guilt trip of his first murder and crime (which completely undermines the...
6 out of 9 found this review helpful. -
A cute cash-in on Ledger's dark performance as a serial killer 0
Lego Batman : An action/adventure/co-branding venture game based on, or rather satirizing, the Batman universe by making every character and object composed of Legos.Story : There’s a breakout at Arkham Asylum and every Batman villain that matters (and 2 or 3 that don’t) manages to escape, banding together into 3 groups with vile plans for Gotham City, and only Batman and Robin can stop them. Being that this is a Lego-themed game and thus Legos aren’t capable of thirsting for vengeance or having...
0 out of 2 found this review helpful. -
Recommended by default of just being a mini God of War 0
God of War : Chains of Olympus : An action game set in a vengeance-driven version of Greek mythology, where the player controls a black, white character named Kratos, the gods’ personal army-slayer. Story : Actually a prequel to current God of War games, Chains of Olympus (which doesn’t actually have anything to do with any sort of “chains of Olympus” and is presumably some kind of metaphor for Kratos being the gods’ personal bitch) depicts Kratos back when he killed whatever gods Olympus told h...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Rock Band 2 gets liquor-proof. 0
Rock Band 2 : A rhythm game where you and up to 3 others manipulate plastic toy controllers to match the colours scrolling down the screen in unison all the while imagining you’re part of Journey.Story : The storyline of the game I guess would be the “Band World Tour”. You create a band and its members, and work your way from playing small venues to stadium sellouts and fame and fortune. Well that’s what the game tells you at least, at the end of the day, it’s a glorified repackaging of the norm...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Who else remembers "Revolution X"? 1
Guitar Hero : Aerosmith : A rhythm game where the game orders players to press coloured buttons at the precise right moment the game tells you to. To cover up the oppressive nature of this practice, the game plays rock music in the background to make the player feel like a rebel. This instance of false empowerment focuses on being themed after AEROSMITH, the supposed biggest rock band of all time, though players won’t know that playing this game since half the songs in the damn game aren’t their...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Once apon a time, people cared about Kurt Angle 0
TNA Impact : (or if you want to be more precise, TNA iMPACT! I guess) A wrestling video game based on the promotion trying to be the second-rate knockoff…or rather the “alternative” to the WWE. Story : Yes they’ve conjured up a rather bizarre story for this one, and it feels like it came right out of the imagination of Vince Russo. A wrestler named “Suicide” ignores threats to take a fall and wins the World Heavyweight championship, despite having terrible attire and the attitude of a jerk that ...
1 out of 1 found this review helpful. -
Devil May Cave Under Pressure 0
Devil May Cry 4 : An action-adventure game where players control one of two practically identical clones of each other and slaughter an army of demon by way of using your giant sword to fling them in the air and either jumping in the air to slice them some more or juggling them in the air with bullets from your gun. Story : Peaceful Sunday mass at the nearby sacred order of monks is interrupted by longtime Devil May Cry protagonist Dante, who murders their leader in cold blood and proceeds to en...
0 out of 0 found this review helpful. -
Spore has an odd way of putting a smile on your face. 0
One could make a case for the Civilization games having the greatest storyline in gaming, or at least the greatest of the “choose your own adventure” type storyline in that they let the player control history of a global level by dictating the development and actions of a single nation. It looks like Maxis is opting to one-up the Civ games by dictating the course of history on a galactic level by manipulating the evolution of an entire species, none of which remotely look like a human being, bu...
1 out of 1 found this review helpful.
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