This story is just so incredibly stupid; I just had to share.

So this morning, I get up for work. I'm up before everyone else in the house, so I quietly made my way to the fridge. I open it up to find some premo left over sausage just sitting there on a plate. Now, I love a good sausage, so I was all over those bad boys. I threw three or four of them in the microwave for a minute and chowed the fuck down. They were delicious. A little red on the side but hey, I like a rare burger, so what's a rare sausage!?

I got home from work and shortly after, I talked to my friend. Turns out those sausages I ate hadn't been cooked. Or well, I guess they had been cooked...in the microwave...for a minute...by me. My stomach hasn't caved in upon itself yet, so I'm entirely convinced that I'm god.

Anyone else ever pull off a total badass move composed of eating RAW MEAT!?

*note that I know that breakfast sausage is cured, don't take my fun away*