Claude...life, death and some video games.

I wrote this for some friends of facebook and me. Mostly it's just a reflection of the last six months after my wife's death. I thought I would share with you guys. 
 
On May 9th, six months ago, I lost my wife of almost twenty years to a stroke. Her health had been failing throughout the years as thirty years of Lupus had taken its toll. As her journey in this life came to an end, mine was ready to begin, anew. I had no idea how her death would effect me. The repercussions of our relationship still live strong in me and bring me many mixed emotions. Ours was a complicated relationship, one of lovers, partners, care giving and best friends. After Mary died, I did what I had to do to make sure my bills were paid. I did other things to make my space more mine, but she's everywhere still. I smell her. I see her. I hear her. Mary Glen was a towering presence in my life. Sometimes, I was afraid to come out of her shadow, other times, I wished to break free of her influence. I'm free now. I have no choice but to be.  
 
Through the joy of a great friendship renewed and being seen through a looking glass they call Skype, I saw how I was also destroying my own body. I quit smoking, chewing tobacco, started exercising and eating healthy on a regular basis back in June and July. I've lost almost 30 lbs. I've got a job, temporary, but it seems it will become permanent. My life is mine. It's all mine. I can't go back. The last fantasy of a life that I clung to is dead. 
 
I wish to do plays and play in the theater. But I have bills to pay, for now, but my life is far from over. I will play the play again. I will act out. I will be. 
 
I'm good. I'm getting better and will grow to be an individual beyond that which I even knew. The second half of my life is just beginning.  
 
For you, my video game loving brethren.
 
I still play video games, but what do they all mean anymore. I play them now because I did in the past. I still haven't found that one that has caught my attention, especially after my wife's death. I just play them to play them. Dishonored was cool, but seemed like it ran its course for way to long. I'm playing Assassin's Creed 3 now and it seems like an interesting game with a bunch of stuff I could give two shits about. Maybe Hitman will do the trick. As it turns out, I'm not getting a Wii U as of now, so fuck it. Video Games.... I keep buying them, because that's what I do. Maybe a video game needs to find me. It happens. Keep on playing.
 
  

31 Comments
32 Comments
Posted by Claude

I wrote this for some friends of facebook and me. Mostly it's just a reflection of the last six months after my wife's death. I thought I would share with you guys. 
 
On May 9th, six months ago, I lost my wife of almost twenty years to a stroke. Her health had been failing throughout the years as thirty years of Lupus had taken its toll. As her journey in this life came to an end, mine was ready to begin, anew. I had no idea how her death would effect me. The repercussions of our relationship still live strong in me and bring me many mixed emotions. Ours was a complicated relationship, one of lovers, partners, care giving and best friends. After Mary died, I did what I had to do to make sure my bills were paid. I did other things to make my space more mine, but she's everywhere still. I smell her. I see her. I hear her. Mary Glen was a towering presence in my life. Sometimes, I was afraid to come out of her shadow, other times, I wished to break free of her influence. I'm free now. I have no choice but to be.  
 
Through the joy of a great friendship renewed and being seen through a looking glass they call Skype, I saw how I was also destroying my own body. I quit smoking, chewing tobacco, started exercising and eating healthy on a regular basis back in June and July. I've lost almost 30 lbs. I've got a job, temporary, but it seems it will become permanent. My life is mine. It's all mine. I can't go back. The last fantasy of a life that I clung to is dead. 
 
I wish to do plays and play in the theater. But I have bills to pay, for now, but my life is far from over. I will play the play again. I will act out. I will be. 
 
I'm good. I'm getting better and will grow to be an individual beyond that which I even knew. The second half of my life is just beginning.  
 
For you, my video game loving brethren.
 
I still play video games, but what do they all mean anymore. I play them now because I did in the past. I still haven't found that one that has caught my attention, especially after my wife's death. I just play them to play them. Dishonored was cool, but seemed like it ran its course for way to long. I'm playing Assassin's Creed 3 now and it seems like an interesting game with a bunch of stuff I could give two shits about. Maybe Hitman will do the trick. As it turns out, I'm not getting a Wii U as of now, so fuck it. Video Games.... I keep buying them, because that's what I do. Maybe a video game needs to find me. It happens. Keep on playing.
 
  

Posted by TooWalrus

I want to be in the front row of that play, sir!

Posted by Claude
@TooWalrus said:

I want to be in the front row of that play, sir!

I'll pay for your ticket.
Posted by dungbootle

I'm sorry for your loss. Glad to see you are doing well and are taking initiatives to improve your own health. Best of luck.

Posted by EVO

Sorry to hear that, dude. You should really play Journey if you haven't already. It will hit you hard, but it will be a beautiful experience that will make you remember your wife in all the right ways.

Posted by frankfartmouth

Nice blog man. Hope your game finds you, or whatever it is that's out there for you.

Posted by Claude
@EVO said:

Sorry to hear that, dude. You should really play Journey if you haven't already. It will hit you hard, but it will be a beautiful experience that will make you remember your wife in all the right ways.

You know, I should break down a buy a PS3. I've missed a lot of cool games on that machine. Maybe those games would like to find me.
Posted by EVO

@Claude said:

@EVO said:

Sorry to hear that, dude. You should really play Journey if you haven't already. It will hit you hard, but it will be a beautiful experience that will make you remember your wife in all the right ways.

You know, I should break down a buy a PS3. I've missed a lot of cool games on that machine. Maybe those games would like to find me.

Do it. There's tons of must-have games on the PS3. But honestly, Journey alone is worth buying one for. If you do decide to buy one make it soon as the servers won't be around forever, and what makes that game special is playing it with someone else.

Posted by Tru3_Blu3

I may have not met you in person Claude, but I bet you're truly a good man.

Keep it up, bro.

Posted by Bigandtasty

Sorry to hear that you have suffered such a tough loss. 20 years is slightly less than my entire life.

Hope you keep going strong and show those other motherfuckers what it's all about.

Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG

There are a bunch of good games on the PS3.  Maybe you should wait it out for another year because I can see a really big price cut after they announce new consoles.  

Posted by Claude
@Bigandtasty said:

Sorry to hear that you have suffered such a tough loss. 20 years is slightly less than my entire life.

Hope you keep going strong and show those other motherfuckers what it's all about.

It all comes down to what other mohterfuckers do with their lives. If I need a change, change the motherfucker to other and reboot.
Posted by Sparky_Buzzsaw

@Claude said:

@TooWalrus said:

I want to be in the front row of that play, sir!

I'll pay for your ticket.

I'll be the dude in the back row. The creepy guy, with the hat and the overcoat, the one you're not quite sure if he meant to walk into a theater or a XXX show. Awwwwww yeah.

Moderator
Edited by GetEveryone

I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes, and I can understand that being a caregiver takes its toll. The relationship with your wife must have changed pretty drastically.

Saying that, if I lost my girlfriend (of 6 years, not quit 20) - I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself. You seem to have grabbed life, which is fantastic. I just don't understand how.

Keep on keeping on, buddy.

Posted by Claude
@Sparky_Buzzsaw said:

@Claude said:

@TooWalrus said:

I want to be in the front row of that play, sir!

I'll pay for your ticket.

I'll be the dude in the back row. The creepy guy, with the hat and the overcoat, the one you're not quite sure if he meant to walk into a theater or a XXX show. Awwwwww yeah.

That guy gets a limo. Or put in jail. Take your pick.
Posted by Swoxx

Hello Giantbomb, that's Claude. He's here to stay motherfuckers.

I love you Claude.

Posted by Tylea002

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE THEATRE.

Let's do this.

Posted by Village_Guy

<3 We love you Claude.

You are truly an awesome individual, I hope you stay being awesome!

Online
Posted by dudeglove

I'm game if I get to bang your co-star.

Posted by nomorehalfmeasuresdoctor

If you want too, keep playing Assassin's Creed. The game may be wildly inconsistent with its first 4 to 8 hours being one long tutorial for players who have never played an Assassins creed game before. Which is weird because all the actual great moments in the game were made for people who have played through all the games. I'm rambling now all I'm saying is that there are some great moments throughout and some good thought worthy conversations in there. It's not the complete package but very few things in life are enjoy what you can from it.

Posted by Jeust

The bestest (sorry for the engrish) of luck to you. Keep on doing what you love!

Posted by Fallen189

I would definetely throw up the devil horns with you and a beer, and rock out. You rule, dude.

Posted by MEATBALL

Really sorry to hear about the rough times earlier in the year, Claude, I'm glad to hear that some positive things have gone on since then.

I really love AC3, btw, but it seems most everyone else thinks it is tripe.

Posted by Bollard

@Claude said:

@Bigandtasty said:

Sorry to hear that you have suffered such a tough loss. 20 years is slightly less than my entire life.

Hope you keep going strong and show those other motherfuckers what it's all about.

It all comes down to what other mohterfuckers do with their lives. If I need a change, change the motherfucker to other and reboot.

Truth.

I wish you all the best duder.

Posted by emem

Once again a very touching and inspiring post. Keep on going, man.
 
When it comes to games...I only really loved games that have not been praised by critics lately, with the exception of Journey and Dark Souls. I don't know if that's your problem as well, but I feel like a lot of games get kinda ruined by my own expectations (hype as well) and by the fact that I have played so many of them over the years that it's hard to get really excited for a remake of a remake or yet another sequel. But there is also the point that, when we are in a bad place, we welcome games as a distraction, an escape from reality, and when that is no longer the case the way we experience games probably changes as well? So many different factors that play into it, but at the end of the day none of it really matters... there will be amazing games in the future and we will love them! Actually I hope this will be one of those games.
 
There are some real gems on the PS3, I think it's a good investment for the exclusives alone and The Last of Us looks quite promising as well.

Posted by Hizang

I had a Crab soft toy when I was little called Claude.

Posted by Ravenlight

Never not voting E: Other Motherfucker

Best wishes, duder!

Edited by Gizmo

@Claude said:

I still play video games, but what do they all mean anymore.
Posted by TooWalrus

@Swoxx said:

Hello Giantbomb, that's Claude. He's here to stay motherfuckers.

I've heard he loves his god damn Wii?

Posted by Lies

Sad to hear it Claude. You marriage lasted almost as long as I've been alive. That's something to cherish.

Glad to see you're getting along. I'm sure it takes a while and I'm sure it's tough but I'm also sure you'll come through it with a smile for the good times and some ridiculous comment or video ;)

Keep at it.

Posted by xJollyx

Hey, it's TheJollyRajah. I don't know if you remember me. I can't seem to log into my old account. Anyway... I'm very sorry for your loss.

Posted by LikeaSsur