By Claude 32 Comments
I wrote this for some friends of facebook and me. Mostly it's just a reflection of the last six months after my wife's death. I thought I would share with you guys.
On May 9th, six months ago, I lost my wife of almost twenty years to a stroke. Her health had been failing throughout the years as thirty years of Lupus had taken its toll. As her journey in this life came to an end, mine was ready to begin, anew. I had no idea how her death would effect me. The repercussions of our relationship still live strong in me and bring me many mixed emotions. Ours was a complicated relationship, one of lovers, partners, care giving and best friends. After Mary died, I did what I had to do to make sure my bills were paid. I did other things to make my space more mine, but she's everywhere still. I smell her. I see her. I hear her. Mary Glen was a towering presence in my life. Sometimes, I was afraid to come out of her shadow, other times, I wished to break free of her influence. I'm free now. I have no choice but to be.
Through the joy of a great friendship renewed and being seen through a looking glass they call Skype, I saw how I was also destroying my own body. I quit smoking, chewing tobacco, started exercising and eating healthy on a regular basis back in June and July. I've lost almost 30 lbs. I've got a job, temporary, but it seems it will become permanent. My life is mine. It's all mine. I can't go back. The last fantasy of a life that I clung to is dead.
I wish to do plays and play in the theater. But I have bills to pay, for now, but my life is far from over. I will play the play again. I will act out. I will be.
I'm good. I'm getting better and will grow to be an individual beyond that which I even knew. The second half of my life is just beginning.
For you, my video game loving brethren.
I still play video games, but what do they all mean anymore. I play them now because I did in the past. I still haven't found that one that has caught my attention, especially after my wife's death. I just play them to play them. Dishonored was cool, but seemed like it ran its course for way to long. I'm playing Assassin's Creed 3 now and it seems like an interesting game with a bunch of stuff I could give two shits about. Maybe Hitman will do the trick. As it turns out, I'm not getting a Wii U as of now, so fuck it. Video Games.... I keep buying them, because that's what I do. Maybe a video game needs to find me. It happens. Keep on playing.