Vinny's life if Giant Bomb never happened: Dave Snider edition.

By Dalai March 10, 2010 5 Comments

In some parallel universe there is a world exactly like ours, identical in every conceivable way. Well, expect for one thing. After the whole Gerstmann-gate thing faded away, Jeff Gerstmann and Ryan Davis decided against creating a new video game website in favor of other endeavors. Our world has Giant Bomb, the world's greatest internet destination... their world does not. So in this other world, the people we know as the Giant Bomb staff live completely different lives. And that means alternate Dave's life goes in a completely different direction. 

At the time of Jeff's firing, Dave was working at Whiskey Media and was making progress on making Comic Vine one of the best sites for all your comic needs. In 2008, Dave helped in the creation of Giant Bomb, a website about board games. Unfortunately the lack of traffic to Giant Bomb hurt Whiskey Media's bottom line and filed for bankruptcy in 2010. Dave, seeing the writing on the wall, left Whiskey Media and pursued his dream of becoming a lumberjack. Asked what made him leave Whiskey Media for the lumber industry, he Tweeted, "I totally loved that Sawmill map in TF2 lulz!!!1! http://.bit.ly/wU4isL." Dave moved to Manitoba and became a freelance lumberjack stating that "There just aren't any freelance lumberjacks out there anymore... if there was such a thing." He traveled the vast Canadian forests using the power of his beard and biceps and clear-cut 45% of Manitoba's wilderness over a weekend. He was hailed for saving the lumber industry in the province, but criticized for ruining the lives of hundreds of loggers who were laid off because of Dave's high rate of efficiency. The following year, he left Manitoba for Alaska where he illegally cut down nearly all of Denali National Park over the course of a day. The National Park Service forced Dave to replant the entire park and pay a $700,000 fine. Dave was also banned from logging anywhere in the United States and Canada followed suit banning him from doing business in the country in fear of his return. 
 
With no job and nowhere to go, Dave turned to drugs and alcohol... again. He became addicted to painkillers, cocaine, and video games. He spent his final hours in a Travelodge in Novato, CA where he overdosed on Dragon Age: Origins 3. Dave Snider died at the age of 38. He was buried in his favorite cape and U.S. Senator Drew Scanlon proposed legislation to rename Denali National Park in his memory. Instead, a memorial was dedicated to him on Mt. Dan Beard. 

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