How do you handle holding your temper?

Today I feel kinda bad at myself. I usually try to keep an up beat attitude, but I just got depressed and angry at my current situation. I was having a conversation with a lady I know at the gym. I was talking with her about some of my personal issues, and then she started to preach to me about having faith in god. She kept going on and on to the point I got irritated. I told her god never done anything for me and I don't believe he exists. Then she felt the need to say if I don't have faith in god, then he won't have faith in me and won't help fix my problems.

So I got abit upset and yelled at her, but then I calmed down and apologized afterwards. She was just trying to make me feel better and I took it the wrong way. Now I feel bad and I usually just workout to clear my head, but today I didn't feel like it. I almost felt the urge to smoke again, but I haven't smoked sense I was 18. I didn't want to kick back the old habit and fuck up my body. So I ended up just laying in the bathtub for hour, and even now I still feel like shit.

48 Comments
48 Comments
Posted by Video_Game_King

The same way I handle all my emotions: keep that shit to myself and let it fester within.

Posted by Kaiserreich

Sounds like she was being preachy instead of offering any helpful advice I would've gotten upset at her too. I would've just told her I'm not religious and dropped the conversation.

Posted by billyhoush

Yeah, just shut it down and walk away. People get the message and you don't look like a bitch that loses his cool over nothing.

Playing video games is my main coping mechanism.

Posted by oraknabo

@falserelic said:

Then she felt the need to say if I don't have faith in god, then he won't have faith in me and won't help fix my problems.

Tell that to Job.

Posted by falserelic

Sounds like she was being preachy instead of offering any helpful advice I would've gotten upset at her too. I would've just told her I'm not religious and dropped the conversation.

I'm usually the type of guy that doesn't get easily upset, but when people keep pushing me about something, even when they know I'm not in a good mood. Then I might end up losing my cool.

Posted by Missacre

So what if someone talks to you about God? Are you really that spiteful that you won't let someone else talk about their beliefs? I'm not religious at all, but when someone offers to pray for me, or wants to talk about the bible or God, I sit and listen. It's just common courtesy, and you might make a new friend. I'm sorry to say this, but OP's post seems a lot like Reddit-tier edgy atheism, you know, the people that make us all look like dumbasses.

Getting back on topic, I'm usually pretty passive about things. I usually won't let them bother me. Yes, I see the irony. I just had to say something. Other than that, I don't really let things bother me if I'm not dealing with them directly.

Posted by falserelic

@missacre said:

So what if someone talks to you about God? Are you really that spiteful that you won't let someone else talk about their beliefs? I'm not religious at all, but when someone offers to pray for me, or wants to talk about the bible or God, I sit and listen. It's just common courtesy, and you might make a new friend. I'm sorry to say this, but OP's post seems a lot like Reddit-tier edgy atheism, you know, the people that make us all look like dumbasses.

Getting back on topic, I'm usually pretty passive about things. I usually won't let them bother me. Yes, I see the irony. I just had to say something. Other than that, I don't really let things bother me if I'm not dealing with them directly.

How does that make me look like a dumbass?

She was the one to keep preaching to me, after I told her I didn't believe god. I respected her beliefs and didn't question her like she did me...

Posted by jimmy_p

If people of religion offer you thier positive energy it's probably best to receive it. No need to start arguing about black and white things like if theres a invisible man up in the clouds

Edited by falserelic

@jimmy_p said:

If people of religion offer you thier positive energy it's probably best to receive it. No need to start arguing about black and white things like if theres a invisible man up in the clouds

I just didn't like when she kept going on about it. Especially when I just wasn't in a good mood. Hell I use to pray to god all the time when I was younger, but it seems like my life only got worse. Then I just got to the point where I felt like he never existed, and that I was just praying to some guy that was never real.

Posted by Missacre

@missacre said:

So what if someone talks to you about God? Are you really that spiteful that you won't let someone else talk about their beliefs? I'm not religious at all, but when someone offers to pray for me, or wants to talk about the bible or God, I sit and listen. It's just common courtesy, and you might make a new friend. I'm sorry to say this, but OP's post seems a lot like Reddit-tier edgy atheism, you know, the people that make us all look like dumbasses.

Getting back on topic, I'm usually pretty passive about things. I usually won't let them bother me. Yes, I see the irony. I just had to say something. Other than that, I don't really let things bother me if I'm not dealing with them directly.

How does that make me look like a dumbass?

She was the one to keep preaching to me, after I told her I didn't believe god. I respected her beliefs and didn't question her like she did me...

I didn't say YOU were the dumbass, I was saying your post LOOKED like Reddit shit, the people that visit that r/atheism shithole.

Edited by falserelic

@missacre said:
@falserelic said:

@missacre said:

So what if someone talks to you about God? Are you really that spiteful that you won't let someone else talk about their beliefs? I'm not religious at all, but when someone offers to pray for me, or wants to talk about the bible or God, I sit and listen. It's just common courtesy, and you might make a new friend. I'm sorry to say this, but OP's post seems a lot like Reddit-tier edgy atheism, you know, the people that make us all look like dumbasses.

Getting back on topic, I'm usually pretty passive about things. I usually won't let them bother me. Yes, I see the irony. I just had to say something. Other than that, I don't really let things bother me if I'm not dealing with them directly.

How does that make me look like a dumbass?

She was the one to keep preaching to me, after I told her I didn't believe god. I respected her beliefs and didn't question her like she did me...

I didn't say YOU were the dumbass, I was saying your post LOOKED like Reddit shit, the people that visit that r/atheism shithole.

My bad..

Posted by Dagbiker

I think im in a unique position, because I have had and still do have a lot of dificulty reading peoples emotions I have basicly turned emotions into a science. soI often never get emotionaly invested in things. and often, too often torn humans into math.

Posted by leebmx

You should have beat her into a bloody pulp and stood over her unconscious body screaming, "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW BITCH," until the police came and dragged you away.

Or just listened politely and left. I don't know. One of those two anyway.

Edited by RedLoopz

I too am such a stupid guy. I dont explode at everything. But its usually my reactions(to family members-mainly sister,father,mother). A lot of the times I wish I wouldnt react as I did and I wana change it, but I just cant seem to.

Also to OP: I also fucking hate thse people who say all that God sh*t, I don't care what any1 says god isnt real deal with it. And he never helped any1. So stop spreading some religious BS. I know a lot of people might be mad at me now and may response to me to disagree with me, but as long as there is no visual proof of God I refues to believe in God.

Posted by JZ

Don't be jackass smile and knod

Posted by believer258

Have you mentioned a lack of faith to her beforehand?

Pretty much anything you'd have said could have been interpreted offensively, but it might have been best just to say "I'm sorry, I don't believe in God" in the least dick-ish way possible.

As for me? I do have a temper, but I try my best to hold it in and respond decently, but firmly. I've been a real asshole - not just a person who jests at other's expense, a real asshole - because of my temper and man, it sucks.

Posted by Intro

I would have ended up telling her roughly the same thing, however I would not raise my voice or start yelling. People make me angry, but I just smile, nod and move on. I don't care what others think for the most part.

Posted by falserelic

Have you mentioned a lack of faith to her beforehand?

Pretty much anything you'd have said could have been interpreted offensively, but it might have been best just to say "I'm sorry, I don't believe in God" in the least dick-ish way possible.

As for me? I do have a temper, but I try my best to hold it in and respond decently, but firmly. I've been a real asshole - not just a person who jests at other's expense, a real asshole - because of my temper and man, it sucks.

I should have told her before hand, but at the sametime I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable around me. I didn't want to get mean towards her, but at that moment my mind wasn't in the right place.

Posted by JasonR86

@falserelic:

What I try to do is stay aware of my emotions throughout the day. That way when they change I'm at least aware of it before I'm overwhelmed. Then I try to think about what is making me react this way, if it's reasonable to react that way, and what I can do to change it. Because ultimately I'm the only one who gets to dictate my emotions and I get to decide when and how they change and develop.

Edited by falserelic

@jasonr86 said:

@falserelic:

What I try to do is stay aware of my emotions throughout the day. That way when they change I'm at least aware of it before I'm overwhelmed. Then I try to think about what is making me react this way, if it's reasonable to react that way, and what I can do to change it. Because ultimately I'm the only one who gets to dictate my emotions and I get to decide when and how they change and develop.

For me I've been having a certain problem in my life for years now. It's not something I'll discuss on the forums, but it had an impact on my life and I truly regret it. There's days where I just get extremely depressed and stressed out. Sometimes I try not to think about the past, but it makes me wish I've done something different when I was younger.

Posted by myketuna

The same way I handle all my emotions: keep that shit to myself and let it fester within.

I only do this with anger, but I've found it's effective.

Although, now I also talk myself through the situation (in my head) and that seems to help pretty well.

Posted by Metric_Outlaw

@dagbiker said:

I think im in a unique position, because I have had and still do have a lot of dificulty reading peoples emotions I have basicly turned emotions into a science. soI often never get emotionaly invested in things. and often, too often torn humans into math.

Is that a Silence of the Lambs quote?

As a Christian sometimes I can get a bit preachy and defensive myself. She made a mistake by pushing you too hard. You made a mistake by losing your temper. It's okay though. Everyone makes mistakes and anger is a totally acceptable emotion. It's important to learn what will trigger your outbursts and either avoid them or use the anger in a more constructive manner (put it towards working out or something). It's also important to accept your mistakes and forgive yourself.

What helps me when I'm angry is that I vent. If you have someone close to you you can just talk to them about how you're feeling. If you don't have access to that then a mirror or an empty chair works as well (it feels weird at first but it works pretty well).

Getting extra sleep is very important too. Your brain continues to work through a lot of your problems and emotions as you sleep. Extra sleep also helps by lowering our stress levels and helps us to process emotions better.

I hope this helps!!

Posted by Ben_H

I am a very level-headed person (I literally haven't got truly mad at something in years. I used to have anger issues but got over them. I'm Bob Ross levels of relaxed now) but when I get frustrated or annoyed I run on the treadmill. When I am in a good mood I usually do 10 minute miles but when I am mad I do 8 minute miles. Going faster makes me focus on running rather than whatever is bugging me and by the time I am done I feel way better.

Posted by Jay_Ray

The same way I handle all my emotions: keep that shit to myself and let it fester within.

And make sure it stays within with plenty of alcohol.

Posted by JasonR86

@falserelic:

I'm sorry to hear that dude. What I always tell clients is to focus on what they can control and try to put everything else to the side until they are better able to address them. I also tell them that's easier said than done. But it's nice to keep that in mind when emotional so that you can have reasonable expectations for yourself. I do this in my own life often.

Posted by falserelic

@jasonr86 said:

@falserelic:

I'm sorry to hear that dude. What I always tell clients is to focus on what they can control and try to put everything else to the side until they are better able to address them. I also tell them that's easier said than done. But it's nice to keep that in mind when emotional so that you can have reasonable expectations for yourself. I do this in my own life often.

Thanks for the advice. I'll try not to think about it much, and just focus more on the positive things going on in my life.

Posted by Hamst3r

@falserelic: Next time it happens, I'd say to try to shut down the conversation as quickly as possible. Don't even let her get a word in about it. "Nope. Stop right there. Just stop. Don't even start. I'm not interested in hearing it." and be persistent about it. No need to yell or get uppity, just say it like it is.

Posted by falserelic

@hamst3r said:

@falserelic: Next time it happens, I'd say to try to shut down the conversation as quickly as possible. Don't even let her get a word in about it. "Nope. Stop right there. Just stop. Don't even start. I'm not interested in hearing it." and be persistent about it. No need to yell or get uppity, just say it like it is.

I won't let it happen again, she just caught me at a bad day.

Posted by bemusedchunk

Discharging a firearm into the air helps.

Posted by Fredchuckdave

I don't get angry; simple enough. Being impulsive is a good way to fail miserably.

Posted by JasonR86

@fredchuckdave:

You are going to eat those words soon enough. Talking like that is about the best way to jinx yourself.

Posted by pompouspizza

@falserelic: You probably could have handled it in a more polite way, but I don't see any reason you should feel like shit. Everyone has bad days, don't beat yourself up about it mate.

Edited by falserelic

@falserelic: You probably could have handled it in a more polite way, but I don't see any reason you should feel like shit. Everyone has bad days, don't beat yourself up about it mate.

She's usually a nice lady to me and we talk alot at the gym. So me lashing out just wasn't right I just felt like a huge asshole afterwards.

Posted by Simplexity

It is impossible to make me angry, I don't know why, how or if that is a good thing (it probably isn't) but that's the way it is.

Posted by falserelic

It is impossible to make me angry, I don't know why, how or if that is a good thing (it probably isn't) but that's the way it is.

Everybody has a breaking point even the nicest of people. It just takes something that can really set you off.

Posted by Video_Game_King

@jay_ray said:

@video_game_king said:

The same way I handle all my emotions: keep that shit to myself and let it fester within.

And make sure it stays within with plenty of alcohol.

Don't even need the alcohol. I just do it with vitriolic projection.

Edited by Dookysharpgun

It seems like, since you're suffering from depression, she wasn't being any help at all, and added fuel to the fire. You have every right to react that way, everyone and their mother knows that when it comes to depression, it's not about them, it's about the person who feels that way. And if everyone and their mother doesn't know, then they should be told. She was in the wrong, believe it or not, for offering up a suggestion without actually listening to you. Even worse, it was a blanket suggestion that doesn't actually take into account anything that you say. My advice would be to find a good friend who'll listen to you, that's the key.

As for me? Letting all that anger and rage out is the healthiest thing I can do. Bottling it up only leads to more problems and everyone is allowed to be open and honest about how they feel. Even if that involves shouting. Which I have done. Though not much. I prefer the slightly dulled and aggressive tone that really forces someone to listen.

Posted by mason20

Yes there could have been better ways to deal with it but with my experience with religious people (not all are like this I admit but I've meet very few who were) if you say you don't believe in their god they try harder to tell you to believe... Yes, sometimes it may seem rude or may even be rude to say you don't believe but sometimes you may have to be more vocal about it.

Hell I've had similar experiences with faithful people and I usually give them 10-15 mins. of politely saying I don't believe in god but if they don't get the message I'll speak my mind.

Yes some may think they are doing a a "good service" of telling one to believe in a jealous god but at the same time if they are willing to push their belief they should have the skin to realize that there are plenty of other gods. Better yet, be able to understand that one does not believe in any such fallacy.

I don't mean to be offensive to those who believe but if you push your belief than please understand the lack of any belief in any god.

Posted by StarvingGamer

I lost my temper once when I was in middle school. A guy shoved me from behind in the locker room because he thought I had shoved him first (it was actually some other asshole but he ducked out of the way to make it look like it was me). It wasn't the shove, but the injustice of the situation that caused me to become enraged. I picked him up and slammed him into a locker. I had never been violent towards anyone before.

Afterwards I was so shocked at my own behavior I lost it and cried for like an hour. I didn't know those kinds of demons were inside of me. From that point on I have kept all my emotions in neatly labeled drawers in my brain and I take one out whenever I feel it's appropriate to the situation. People have accused me of being a robot but I don't mind. It's better than the alternative.

Edited by Simplexity

@simplexity said:

It is impossible to make me angry, I don't know why, how or if that is a good thing (it probably isn't) but that's the way it is.

Everybody has a breaking point even the nicest of people. It just takes something that can really set you off.

I didn't mean to imply that I am a nice person, I am a jerk actually. However I just cannot get angry, I probably do have a breaking point but it has to be so extreme that it probably will never happen.

Posted by falserelic

I lost my temper once when I was in middle school. A guy shoved me from behind in the locker room because he thought I had shoved him first (it was actually some other asshole but he ducked out of the way to make it look like it was me). It wasn't the shove, but the injustice of the situation that caused me to become enraged. I picked him up and slammed him into a locker. I had never been violent towards anyone before.

Afterwards I was so shocked at my own behavior I lost it and cried for like an hour. I didn't know those kinds of demons were inside of me. From that point on I have kept all my emotions in neatly labeled drawers in my brain and I take one out whenever I feel it's appropriate to the situation. People have accused me of being a robot but I don't mind. It's better than the alternative.

I had alot of crazy events happen to me in middle school and high school. Back in middle school I had an embarrassing incident, and the people involved I hated them to the point I wanted them dead. I know that's a very cruel thing to say of me, but there's just some people I can't forgive even if I tried. Besides considering the fact they're gangmembers that wanted to beat me up.

Edited by Canteu

I guess I'm a bad person because I would have just laughed in her face, and she would have improved my day greatly.

Religion be crazy yo.

If I'm actually angry at something I just keep it inside, which doesn't last more than 30 seconds or so anyway. Generally it has nothing to do with anybody else, so why should they even know I'm angry, let alone take any shit from it?

edit: It is not rude to tell somebody you don't share their beliefs. In fact it's way ruder to tell people your beliefs and try to fucking convert them at every possible opportunity.

Posted by falserelic

@canteu said:

I guess I'm a bad person because I would have just laughed in her face, and she would have improved my day greatly.

Religion be crazy yo.

If I'm actually angry at something I just keep it inside, which doesn't last more than 30 seconds or so anyway. Generally it has nothing to do with anybody else, so why should they even know I'm angry, let alone take any shit from it?

For me I usually hold my temper unless otherwise. The only person that I know who can easily get pissed off is my father. He's an alcoholic, and quite afew times he beat the hell out of me over small things.

Posted by StrikeALight

I tend to just act the smug bastard. It works for me.

Posted by ThunderSlash

I feel like I'm at reddit.

Edited by Deranged

How do I control my temper? Ignore and move past things that would have generally pissed me off.

Posted by Davvyk

I generally assume the lotus position and hum the theme tune to Dr Who.

Posted by Jeust

I think the temper outbursts especially in these cases relate to touchy subjects. When someone speaks of something that bothers you, you feel more sensitive, and if you feel attacked, you are more prone to release your frustration in a harsh tone.

There is nothing wrong with it. Although it doesn't leave a good aftertaste.

People understimate the ability to simpathize and hear one another, trying to force others to accept and follow their personal solutions. When you're unconfortable you should ask politely to backoff.