I am an expert on the female community.
By HS21 115 Comments
I consider myself fairly knowledgeable when it comes to certain topics such as music, movies, how not to get spotted when following someone home etc. However, I think that the area in which I am most well versed in is the understanding of women and things relating to women. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "Who does this magnificent bastard think he is? What makes him think he knows more about the fairer sex than the next guy?". Well you skeptical sonofabitch, consider this:
That's right, I am THE number one contributor to the Girl page, thus making me an authority on the subject. Now I feel like at this point someone reading this might have angrily ripped off their shirt and started screaming at their monitor, "That's a fictional character! You can't even begin to pretend to know ANYTHING about real girls, let alone women! GIRL isn't even anatomically correct! Gawd!" Angry, and now half naked poster, you're right. I can't pretend to know any real facts, I DO know them. Allow me to drop some knowledge for a moment:
Women are bad at :
- Sports
- Stand Up Comedy
- Not Crying At Work
- Overcoming The Glass Ceiling
Women are good at :
- Making Rational Decisions
- Looking More Attractive Than You In Your Own Clothes
- Not Living Off Ramen Noodles & Kraft Mac and Cheese
- Walking In Heels
Understandably, there might be some female members of the Giant Bomb community that will take offence to my claims that I understand them so easily. You might argue that all people are unique irregardless of gender and that I can't just paint a few bullet points worth of information on an entire gender and assume that it all applies, if at all. They might even think that this humble blog post is borderline sexist and irrefutably offensive. To them I say:
You have breasts, you've already won.