My Opinions Matter & You Should Know What I Think.

Hey I'm Chad. We just met and by 'met' I mean your eyes serendipitously wandered down into the comments section of a video or article on the internet and you've read a blurb I wrote detailing my thoughts and feelings about said video or article. What luck! Now you know how I feel about this reboot of an old PC game franchise turned FPS or the remake of a little known cult 70s horror film! I'm a pretty big fan of the older stuff, I just wish people would leave that stuff alone. Wouldn't we all be better off if people didn't try to tamper with the classics and get their grubby hands of change on things? Advancements in medicine? Pshh, who needs it? What's wrong with the 'ol stand by of chicken soup and illness sucking leeches? Oh man the automobile? No thanks, I'll just use these getaway sticks called legs, they've never failed me before except for that time when I fell out of a tree peepin' on the widow next door. But I'm losing the plot here, let me find it again.

If you're going to read someone's comment on the internet it should be mine. My opinions are unique and fresh and I have many facets to my comment writing. Here, let me show you using this article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm

Unnecessarily Cynical

Ungh, the dowry he had to pay was only $50? The goat must not have been a good fuck. Totally not worth getting caught and being forced to marry it. He should have fucked a gazelle, something with class. Lame.

Hyperbolic/Navarrocism

That is THE WORST THING EVER that this guy would engage in coitus with a goat. But it sure is THE BEST THING, LIKE, EVER that he was forced to marry the goat. *Nervous laugh/facial twitch/forced reference to Nic Cage*

Staunchly Defensive for no Discernible Reason

Wow, it is a human being's RIGHT to force him or herself on an animal. Love works in mysterious ways, and sometimes one of those ways is goat fucking. Just leave him alone please, let him be happy. Stop demonizing this goat rapist you vultures.

Cool Indifference

Dude fucked that goat and got caught and was forced to marry the goat he raped? So what? Who cares? I don't. Did Prometheus come out yet? Whatever.

Pointlessly Relating a Life Experience Despite Knowing Deep Inside That Nobody Cares

Oh man, that's pretty crazy. Reminds me of this one time during a family reunion about 3 years ago, it was time for dinner and everyone was at the table except for my uncle. We were all looking for him and then we heard these weird yelping noises from the barn. My cousin Jebediah made a joke about my uncle being a sick, dirty goat fucker. Turns out it was just my little sister Debbie lighting a Furbie on fire. Hahahahahaha, oh man.

Disguising a miniature lecture as a comment in a bizarre attempt at looking well informed even though you know people know you Wikipedia'd that shit

That's pretty crazy. Did you guys know that In many jurisdictions, all forms of zoophilic acts are prohibited? Others outlaw only the mistreatment of animals, without specific mention of sexual activity. In some countries, such as Denmark, bestiality is not outlawed. It is currently illegal in Canada, Netherlands, 34 U.S. states, Australia, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Turkey and Ghana. In the UK, Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 (also known as the Extreme Pornography Act) outlaws images of a person performing or appearing to perform an act of intercourse or oral sex with an animal (whether dead or alive). Countries such as Belgium, Germany, and Russia are somewhere in between: they permit sexual activity with animals, but prohibit the promotion of animal-oriented pornography.

Informing People That I was the First Comment

First.

Informing the Poster of the First Comment That he is an Asshole.

Fuck you man, no one cares. Gawd. I'm so mad about something so inconsequential. Arghhhh. Anyways, I too have no input on this article.

Those are just a few approaches to comment crafting that I've got going on at the moment. I'm working on a few new techniques that I just can't wait for you to read on the next article about something as world shatteringly important as video game "news" or the announcement of a new film. Make sure to @reply my comments! I get this delightful redirection of blood to my phallic vessel whenever a stranger on the internet has read my shit, and shit it certainly is.

30 Comments

Laughed at for my Relationship Thread in a Video Game Forum.

Hey guys, I've been having some relationship troubles recently and decided that I would ask complete strangers on the internet for advice because I don't have any close friends that I can talk to about it. Actually my problem has nothing to do with a relationship, its the lack thereof. But now I've even more distraught and hurt than when I got rejected. When I took my issues to an internet forum I did not receive any help at all. No advice, no words of wisdom, no strategy that culminated in a public performance of an acoustic Coldplay song sung in public that would surely win the heart of the girl I pined for. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, nil. Instead, the only thing I received was mockery. Insults and harsh words were shoveled onto me adding on to the weight of the heartbreak that I had already been carrying for the last 3 years (I've been in love with this girl for 3 years btw). I was shocked and appalled. I was kicked when I was down and salt was poured on my wounds. I guess I was foolish for expecting better from a community more concerned about the score for a shitty block climbing puzzle game.  
 
Anyways, here is a screenshot of my relationship advice thread:  
 

 Bigger: http://i51.tinypic.com/2jamed5.jpg 
        
Do you guys think that it was fair the way I was treated? It was nothing but mocking, death threats and insults being hurled at me. I honestly think that I deserve better than that. I thought that I could find a community of like minded individuals on the internet who would back me up and give me some genuine advice about my situation. I guess that was too much to hope for. I'll never make another relationship advice thread again, and neither should anyone else.    
141 Comments

Shadowy Cabal Podcast - Ep 15 - Not On Rails

I was on a podcast with Peter Molyneux

 
   
Host Jazz once again grabs hold of the wheel and steers the conversation through L.A Noire, inFAMOUS 2, Frozen Synapse, X-Men: First Class, Super 8, Thor and a Russian Ezio. He's joined by the last one out of a party, TurboMan, perpetually drunk Irishman Deadglove and Sliders aficionado HS21.  
 

  
 
Ask us a question for the podcast at   www.formspring.me/HS21        
Download the podcast here. (Right Click -> Save As)  
34 Comments

Video Games Don't Teach You Real Life Skills. Part 1?

L.A Noire

 
   
L.A Noire, a big budget adventure game set in 1940s Los Angeles where the main gameplay mechanic is sussing out which suspects are lying to your face and which ones are telling the God honest truth. After knocking down a few cases in homicide I felt like I had developed a keen sense of perception allowing me to tell when a person is or isn't lying. I was excited to take these new found skills and apply them to real life interactions with people whose faces didn't creep me the fuck out. Actually that's not always the case when talking to someone in real life, one of my co-workers has this weird snaggletooth and an eye so lazy it looks like its lounging in a hammock the way it sways back and forth, back and forth.  But anyways... 
 
I was at the grocery store buying a stick of butter, a pound and a half of beef bouillon cubes and a box of Fruit Roll-Ups for a recipe I've been meaning to try. During my trip through the store a fairly attractive woman walked up to me in the toiletries aisle where I was looking for my stick of butter. She had short, red hair, bright, green eyes and was wearing a red summer dress which showed off her slender figure. As far as attractive women go she was both attractive...and a woman...so that was a fitting description.  She approached me with a smile and can of sliced pineapples in her hand.  
 
"Excuse me, could you tell me what the expiration date on this is? I left my glasses at home" she asked me. I immediately called bullshit and saw her little act for what it was. Left your glasses at home? Yeah right, then how'd you notice my stunning good looks from across the store? Want to buy a can of pineapples? Puh-leeze, women can't open cans, she's not fooling me. This was clearly an attempt to flirt with me so that she could ask for my number before she left the store.  
 
 Like this but with shorter hair and a can in her hand instead of a stupid jug of water.
 I looked her in the face and studied her.
 
[A] Truth
[X] Doubt
[Y] Lie
 
 
.... I looked at her face, the way her eyes moved, the creasing of her forehead. Her face had 'lust' written all over it. She didn't care about the expiration date. What she really wanted was me. 
 
[Y] Lie 
 
I leaned forward, "Drop the act", I knocked the can out of her hand and she turned to watch it fly through the air, land on the floor and roll away loudly down the aisle, pineapple juice slowly leaking and leaving a trail of fruity deliciousness as it kept on rolling. "Just admit what you want", I said as I put my hand on her breast. Another look flashes across her face, this one was definitely not a look of lust. I felt a sharp pain flash across my shin. After kicking me she spits in my eye then aims her shopping cart at me. Already putting all my weight on my other leg to ease the pain she rams the shopping cart into me and I easily fall over.  
 
An hour later I was sitting on a chair inside a police station. I found myself on the other side of the interrogation. I could see the way the detective asking me the questions was studying my face. I told him how the woman came on to me and that when I refused her inappropriate sexual advances she attacked me out of spite. I told him that I was the victim here and that they should release me and arrest her. Once I finished telling my story he put his little notebook away, he was about to make a judgement call based on my statement. 
 
[Y]Lie 
 
He was good. 
61 Comments

MMO

Never tell your password to anyone.
=(e)=™ Neku: hey
=(e)=™ Neku: help me
=(e)=™ Neku: plox
[AiF] HS21: what is it blackie?
=(e)=™ Neku: mmo
=(e)=™ Neku: need a good one
[AiF] HS21: What kind of class do you like to play?
=(e)=™ Neku: any
[AiF] HS21: It'll help us narrow down a good MMO if you tell me how you like to play
=(e)=™ Neku: action-y
=(e)=™ Neku: and with badass armor early on
=(e)=™ Neku: really badass
=(e)=™ Neku: epic
=(e)=™ Neku: early on
[AiF] HS21: How about the Die Hard MMO? Its an action orientated MMO and you get some really good armour. If you play on the McClane faction your starting gear is bare feet and its armour rating is so good that you can walk on broken glass.
=(e)=™ Neku: lol..
=(e)=™ Neku: wut
[AiF] HS21: Not interested? Lets pick another MMO. Tell me what you want out of an MMO
=(e)=™ Neku: nice armor
[AiF] HS21: Then you don't want the Playboy MMO, there's hardly any armour options in that game. Its known for being an especially hard game since you're not even able to wear clothes let alone armour on specific missions. Those missions include "Photoshoot", "Centerfold", and "Lose 10 dignities".
[AiF] HS21: It does turn the conventional MMO trappings on its head though since a lot of quests ask you to lose X number of items instead of getting X number of items.
[AiF] HS21: In WOW you might need 10 boar skins. In the Playboy MMO you might need to lose 10 pieces of clothing.
=(e)=™ Neku: link?
[AiF] HS21: http://www.playboy.com/girls/coeds/
[AiF] HS21: Its been 11 minutes. Still browsing?
=(e)=™ Neku: im bored
=(e)=™ Neku: nothing 2 play
=(e)=™ Neku: no MMO
[AiF] HS21: Titanic MMO? One faction is The Titanic, the other is the iceberg. Iceberg is OP right now, you should probably wait for a patch.
[AiF] HS21: Its been 12 minutes....
[AiF] HS21: You're playing the Playboy MMO right now aren't you? Except instead of massively mulitplayer you're playing single player. And instead of a mouse and keyboard its your penis.....
=(e)=™ Neku is now Busy.

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Shadowy Cabal Podcast - Ep 12 - Billy Wesker

I was on a podcast with the Buseys

  
Where has this podcast gone? Multitasking extraordinaire and host Jazz continues to cling to sanity but just barely. He's joined by slightly miffed HandsomeDead, weekend confirming TurboMan and dimension shatterer HS21. Emails music was created by our very own duder Tebbit. Its a long one this week. 


    

Ask us a question for the podcast at  www.formspring.me/HS21       
Download the podcast here. (Right Click -> Save As)  
64 Comments

Need Help : )

Never tell your password to anyone. 

=(e)=™ Neku: need help :) 
[AiF] HS21: whats up
=(e)=™ Neku: i have to fill out a form for the microchip for my dog
=(e)=™ Neku: and they need a name
=(e)=™ Neku: and im so stuck
=(e)=™ Neku: SO STUCK
[AiF] HS21: Kitten
[AiF] HS21: Eeyore
=(e)=™ Neku: im serioussssss
[AiF] HS21: fuck
[AiF] HS21: ummm
[AiF] HS21: Hound
[AiF] HS21: then build him a dog house and name it Baskervilles.
[AiF] HS21: Hound of the Baskervilles
=(e)=™ Neku: >__> 
[AiF] HS21: shit
[AiF] HS21: ummmm
[AiF] HS21: Adopt three puppies and name them all Mohican 
[AiF] HS21: kill the two you don't like
[AiF] HS21: name the last one 
[AiF] HS21: Last of the Mohicans 
=(e)=™ Neku: O__O
[AiF] HS21: crap 
[AiF] HS21: ummmm 
[AiF] HS21: Get your dog and make him wear leggings that have a lightsaber on each leg
[AiF] HS21: call him
[AiF] HS21: General Grievous
=(e)=™ Neku: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL 
=(e)=™ Neku: funny' 
=(e)=™ Neku: but.,
=(e)=™ Neku: im serious
=(e)=™ Neku: :)
[AiF] HS21: Name him Real so when you go to pick him up from places you can tell people
[AiF] HS21: I just got Real
=(e)=™ Neku: lolwut
[AiF] HS21: I'm spent
[AiF] HS21: You can dress him like a robot and name him Transwoofer
=(e)=™ Neku: wow
=(e)=™ Neku: epic
=(e)=™ Neku: but
=(e)=™ Neku: SERIOUSLYYYY 
[AiF] HS21: shit
[AiF] HS21: ok um
[AiF] HS21: You can give him an eye patch and cigarette and name him Solid Dog
=(e)=™ Neku: OMNGGGGGGGGGG 
=(e)=™ Neku: h;
=(e)=™ Neku: xctuyhlh'
=(e)=™ Neku: cgh;'fu'ud''
=(e)=™ Neku: ijhdas
=(e)=™ Neku: gkkgnsdg
=(e)=™ Neku: skgnskbgd
=(e)=™ Neku: aklwengs
=(e)=™ Neku: dgs'khgsa
=(e)=™ Neku: gsdgns
=(e)=™ Neku: hsfhlsfrg
=(e)=™ Neku: sf 
=(e)=™ Neku: glksfgkdfg
=(e)=™ Neku: kafhnkfnf 
=(e)=™ Neku: hansrdfh\ 
=(e)=™ Neku: sahgklnsdngej
=(e)=™ Neku: sidkc =(e)=™ Neku: asfkag
=(e)=™ Neku: penis
[AiF] HS21: I don't think penis would be a good name.
=(e)=™ Neku: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
[AiF] HS21: You can attach a little messenger bag on your dog and throw him over roofs and name him Faith
=(e)=™ Neku: i am going to come to your house and cut off your penis if you dont tell me what to name him
[AiF] HS21: shit my bad (weird fixation on penises though)
[AiF] HS21: um, let me think
[AiF] HS21: You could attach a big metal pole to your dogs back and send him outside in the rain
[AiF] HS21: you can name him
[AiF] HS21: InFamous    
=(e)=™ Neku: listen
=(e)=™ Neku: im going to come to your house cut off your tounge shove it so far down your throat it pokes your intestine it burts creating a blood fountain running down to your ball sack making if fill with blood and explode
[AiF] HS21: You could name him Kitten
=(e)=™ Neku: FUCK YOU 
[AiF] HS21: ?  =(e)=™ Neku: i.. 
=(e)=™ Neku: am 
=(e)=™ Neku: so 
=(e)=™ Neku: stuck 
=(e)=™ Neku: on 
=(e)=™ Neku: naming 
=(e)=™ Neku: this 
=(e)=™ Neku: FUCKING 
=(e)=™ Neku: DOG
=(e)=™ Neku: that I <3 
=(e)=™ Neku: but still 
[AiF] HS21: You can name him Milo and pretend you owned a Kinect    



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