Born in the Eighties 63: Exit Stage Left

I haven't posted one of these here for a while. But a lot has changed in a year, and we are still going strong. Thought some people might want to check us out. At least 2 people on reddit like the show sometimes!

Episode Link (Streaming Player)


Jon talks about a co-worker with an odd dream. Tyler lays out his future plans as a stand up comedian and chats about bad movies. Yeah… Battle Royale is …. just…. o.k. Lance explains how basically the autobots committed genocide in the third transformer movie. Jon is mistaken about Tone Loc, and everyone plans what could be the greatest movie of all time…. not.


Born in the Eighties 25: The Fall of Video Games 2011

Jon and Adam talk video games for the holiday season of 2011. Casey Kasem’s spirit inhabits Jon, and the hot new band “Roll Control” sings the hits. Adam ponders how pee filled water balloons are filled, and everyone talks a lot about video games. At some point Jon robots out, and Adam confesses his bi-halo-curiousity. And a warning, the dragon will fall on you! Stay tuned after the ending music for the shortest full podcast ever.

Available streaming here!


Born in the Eighties 24: The Mysterious Benefactor

With Jon’s battle with a cold subsiding, the guys decide to record an episode. Jon and Adam jaw about building computers, and being the sickest ever. Talk turns to T.V. where Adam and Jon head back to a classic cartoon for the ages. Reboot!!!! Then talk turns to other shows that are being watched in the death apartment, (Mad Men, Buffy, Angel) until the unspeakable happens. The mysterious benefactor and Adam activate Dark Jon, and the podcast takes a turn.

Streaming player on my website!


5 Things I learned from reading “The Amazing Spider Man” Issue #1

"I am a fancy boy!"

1. Peter Parker is clearly too old for high school
This one hit me the instant I looked at the first page.  No other thoughts, nothing. I was dumbstruck.  I know he is supposed to be spider man and all, but this guy looks like he bench press 200lb, and then do my taxes afterward.  No wonder he is considered a social pariah.  I would assume the reason why everyone treats him so badly at school is not because he is a nerd, but because they think he is a Narc.  It’s like… every other time you talk to the guy he tries to slip into the conversation how swellthe movie “Reefer Madness” is, or how he is so excited about waiting for marriage to have intercourse. Sweater-vests, giant glasses, lab coats?  Hell, he isn’t even trying to hide the fact that he is either a Narc or a sexual predator, in this panel here, he actually calls the other students “kids”.  I am thinking if the whole Spider Man thing hadn’t happened, Peter would have met his end in his late 30’s, after having a tearful ulterior-motived “lunch” where he expressed his love to a girl he had a crush on in high school, only to find out she had been happily married for the last 15 years.  2 weeks later, an unsuspecting mailman found him dead hanging from the rafters in his basement with a plastic bag over his head, and his pants on the floor, David Carradine style. You can thank your lucky stars that radioactive spider poisoned you, and granted you a personality Peter.

They said it was strong enough for a man!

2. Spider man seems to have some horrible under-arm web secretions
Apparently, when fashioning his costume, Peter didn’t get the message that spiders don’t generally cover themselves with their own webbing.  Seriously, bad move Spidey.  You cannot imagine how many flies and pigeons get stuck in there after a day swinging around the town peeping on people.  Maybe this is a side effect from the spider-ification?  When Peter uses his spider powers he emits some sort of secretions of web from his underarms?  Gross, useless, unnecessary and weird looking.  He originally put those extra webbings on because people were confused on who he was supposed to be.  I am sorry, I didn’t understand the whole web thing Peter, only your entire costume is covered with a web pattern, and your name is “Spider-man”. God the people in his city are stupid.

Proving that if you are loud enough, someone will listen.

3. J Jonah Jameson has complete command over the FBI
I mean, talk about a complete and utter douchenozzle.  Spider Man goes out of his way to save Jameson’s son’s life when the NASA flight he is piloting goes awry, and he still finds a way to blame Spiderman for something.  After the rescue operation that he and a military official give the thumbs up to, Jameson cries foul.  He complains about how Spiderman stole the spotlight away from his precious, incompetent son!  And how Spiderman broke into an Air force base and commandeered a jet for the rescue.  Talk about a grade A dick.  Just wait, it gets worse, apparently in the Spiderman universe, if you bitch loud enough at a press conference, you can control the FBI to send a warrant out for someone’s arrest.  No need for probable cause or evidence, you just need to say some stuff in front of a camera, and the FBI leaps into action to heed your call.

Truer words have never been spoken, future serial muderer.

4. Spiderman has an awful habit of peeping on people through windows.
Not only has Petey P imagined doing this, he ends up spying on people through their windows all of the time.  It happens twice in this issue, not counting the time Peter fantasizes about doing it, but I am worried about this becoming a habit.  With great peeping powers come great responsibility Peter.  What would Aunt May think of you spying on your neighbors? Oh wait, that is right, you know what Aunt May thinks because you spend all of your time spying on her anyway. I am sure when she arrives, Spidey is going to spend a lot of time hanging out over Mary Jane’s windows.  Maybe this is the explanation for those under-arm web secretions?  If he doesn’t watch out, he might end up blind.

Pretty sure that is just a Spider-web

5. Web “Powers”
Well, apparently Stan Lee thinks that his readers suffer from some brain chemical deficiency, because at the end of the issue, there is an explanation of how Spiderman can use his web in amusing and marginally useful ways. I would like to let you know that this issue in no way had any recap on the origin story of Spiderman, (From the Amazing Fantasy series). Rather than providing a nice little recap of the origin story, they manage to put together a little infographic about all of the “cool” ways Spiderman could use his web abilities.  How about you start off by telling me how he even shoots out web from his hands?  I can’t remember if in this series he has actual webs come out of his arms or not. (I suppose those disgusting secretions are a clue)  I get all of the different Spider-mans origins confused.  I blame Tobey Maguire, somehow this is all his fault.  This chart thing is freaking hilarious, it goes from plausible to downright ludicrous in no time flat. We start out with some basics, A shieldor a parachute, and even a net!  I would think that the net is really just a run of the mill spider web, but whatever.  Then, just in case you were thinking that Spiderman was actually useful, we got this…Skis, that is right, spider-web crafted Skis… you buy that?  Huh? Audience, you buy that?  Stan Lee thought you would.

You buy that?

   This is re-posted from my website.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Drinking Game

This is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Drinking Game.  This game is for the original run of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon that aired in the late 80s to early 90s.  You will get drunk, you will have fun, and you might die.  We at will not be held liable for anyone’s death caused by this game.  Time to get your freaky mutant turtle drank on.

One Drink

1. When a Pun is said.  Not a bad joke (there are many), but an actual pun.

2. Pizza is the favorite food of the turtles, drink one when they eat pizza, the drink is double if the pizza is a horrible Michaelangelo recipe.

3. “Cowabunga” is said.  If Shredder says “Cowabunga”, finish your drink.

4. Vern from Channel 6 news is a whiny douche, drink up when he belittles April O’Neil.

5. Shredder gives Bebop and Rocksteady a hard time, raise your glass and drink when Shredder makes fun of his running crew.

6. Irma is the spinster secretary at channel 6 news, when she mentions man-troubles, drink.

7. The 4th wall has broken!  They seriously do this all of the time.

8. What is that April?  You got a scoop about a monster in town?  Oh wait, your camera was broken somehow?  DRINK!

9. That is a terrible disguise, but everyone seems to buy it.  Drink when someone gets away with a pathetic disguise.

2 Drinks

1. Holy crap, the technodrome actually invaded the city!  And I thought it was still on cinderblocks underground.

2. Splinter decides to drop some “Ancient Japanese Wisdom”.

3. Leonardo says “Turtles Fight with Honor”

4. The utterly useless Blimp part of the turtles airship is destroyed.

Website Link, complete with hilaribad turtles cosplay photo.

Born in the Eighties 8: Let Me Sexplain That to You

A teacher dresses up as Mark Twain but forgets to wear the pants, Jon’s 5th grade music class induces a Vietnam flashback. Ninjas break into cars, and get chased away by guidos weilding guns.  A modern re-telling of “Top Gun” would be flawed fundamentally, though U.S. Military planes have kick ass names. In Rural America, everyone drinks and drives, while attempting to elude the cops.  We discuss the Mechanics of getting a blowjob whilst walking, and how  awesome sticking your torso out of a sunroof is. Ghost ride an ATV dirty, and become a living god, meet Jack Hardcase, NBC CEO and remember, Patricia is the worst female name.    

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BITE 2: David Tennant Squashing 3 Small French Bulldogs

In this episode, Atlantis is discovered, and we find out that Mrs Neptunia is a bit of a Bitch with a capital B.  Mercury causes the death of thousands of puppies, unwittingly.  Cock shotguns are invented and distribution of such weapons is foiled by the police.  We also reply to Miss Anita Sayed.

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