When I first bought my computer, one of the things I was most excited about was the ability to play a good RTS. Finally, I would have a control set up that let me quickly and effectively control units. No longer would I have to get my RTS fix from Halo Wars which while fun, felt dumbed down compared to its PC counterparts. I was all ready to buy the PC version of Command and Conquer 3 (I played the console version before), but hesitated when I realized that Starcraft II would be released in three months. I’d always heard how great the first game was and how thousands of people were still playing it after 11 years. So I figured I’d hold off buying an RTS until Starcraft II was released that summer. Starcraft II eventually released alongside countless glowing reviews. This was the day I had been waiting for. After watching Brad’s video review, I visited amazon and closed the deal. Starcraft II was finally mine. For the first week or so, I stuck with the game’s excellent campaign; fighting that bastard Mengsk with my newfound hotkey abilities. After I watched the credits roll, I dived into the multiplayer. Unfortunately, the result was equivalent to me diving into an empty pool. 

 You see, Starcraft II’s campaign made me soft. Sure I used hotkeys and set spawnpoints, but I also liked to turtle. To me, there was no greater feeling than building up a gigantic army and obliterating the enemy. And while turtling works fine in the campaign, it’s practically suicide in multiplayer. Fortunately, it didn’t take me long to learn this. I stopped researching damage upgrades and started building units. I started sending probes and observers to check out what my opponent was doing. And I learned it was handy to keep a few stalkers at my base in case of a surprise attack. Soon enough, I started winning a few games. My win/loss ratio began growing and I finally saw what Brad saw in Starcraft II’s multiplayer. To see my time and effort paid off in victories trumped anything I experienced in the campaign. I wasn’t winning because I found a great place to spawn camp, or because I got lucky. I won because I was better than the other player, which made me truly respect Starcraft II’s underlying mechanics. Unfortunately, Starcraft II made me stressed. 

 As I started to get better at Starcraft II, I realized there were more things I had to keep track of. Soon enough, I got to a point where my hands couldn’t keep up with my thoughts. At that point I would feel physically uncomfortable. It’s the same feeling you get when you ask someone you’re interested in out on a date for the first time. Your heart beats faster, your hands start shaking, and you feel a little sick to your stomach. It isn’t a pleasant experience, but luckily asking someone out usually doesn’t take any longer than 30 seconds. Multiplayer games in Starcraft II on the other hand, can last quite a long time if you and your opponent are equally matched. Oftentimes I wouldn’t want to play more than two or three consecutive games because I would get so wound up. Listening to podcasts or music helped, but it was tough to take deep breaths while making sure every little thing was going according to plan. I was tired of being stressed out all the time, so I ended my Starcraft II “career”. 

 I uninstalled Starcraft and started on some games that I had been meaning to play but kept putting off. And to be honest, it was nice. No longer did I have to worry about being supply-blocked or keeping my gas and minerals low. I didn’t have to worry about micro-ing my army while simultaneously maintaining my production. Things were easy and I was having fun.

 I reasoned that I was always flustered because I fell back into one of my worst habits—over-complicating things. When playing Starcraft II, I would always focus on making sure I didn’t forget anything. And if I did forget something, then I became more stressed and played worse. For example, I would move my army to my enemy’s base, and fight his army. Then I would forget that my research had completed. Then I would forget to build a key building. Then I would realize my warp gates had been available for two minutes. 

 Then, while browsing the GB forums, I came across a topic with a video of Day[9], doing a feature he calls “Newbie Tuesday”. This involves him taking user videos and discussing how people who are new to Starcraft can become better players. At first, I was semi-reluctant to watch the video since most of the Starcraft II “help videos” I found involved the commentator saying something really obvious like, “Protoss players can destroy their enemies with Void Rays if their opponent doesn’t have any ant-air units.”   Well no shit. But I was surprised when Sean (Day[9]’s real name) actually described why things happened the way they did, and how to take advantage of the game mechanics in Starcraft II. Even more surprising was how entertaining he was to listen to. I had so much fun watching his videos that I began seriously thinking about re-installing Starcraft II. So I did.  

 A few days ago, I dug out my copy of Starcraft II and re-installed it. I was ready to use all the techniques I had learned from watching Day[9] and was ready to play stress-free. Unfortunately, things didn’t exactly go according to plan. While I re-learned the hotkeys soon enough, I still felt anxious. I still felt like I was fighting the game rather than my opponent. 

 Now we reach the present day. I’m still playing Starcraft II, but I’m waging a war inside my own head. Part of me wants to keep going, hoping that things will just “click” somewhere down the road. But the other part of me just wants to say “fuck it” and get back into Civilization V—a game that lets me put my feet up and stroke my non-existent beard as I ponder my next move. Or, I could replay Arkham Asylum. After all, you can never have too much Batman.