It wasn't supposed to happen like this. My plans for Tokimeki Memorial were very different back then. Oh, how I wish I could relive those naive days. "Dating sim? That would be the perfect venue for my snarky pictorial prose." But then....something happened, and....I think it's best if I just show you. Join me as we map my spiraling insanity.
I'm a man who loves his puns.And then I get to decide somebody else's birthday, because...I have no goddamn clue.(I didn't think I could get into a top school, but luckily, I made it in.) And it was here that I realized that this is essentially a very talkative Persona alternative.That smile....that dumb, "I'm in on it, aren't I?" smile....it's gonna get to me."So, you.....".....I just can't look at that face without cracking up each time. DAMN YOU, KONAMI! DAMN YOU AND YOUR MIND GAMES!(Uh-huh. Let's both do our very best.) "Shiori, did you put a box of tacks on my seat? Like, the actual box of tacks? And without any tacks in it?" "I don't know. *giggle*"(Oh, the ceremonies are just starting. I'll meet you later. My mom's coming.) There are only two options for what this girl's mom is like: a hyper-positive genki girl who farts rainbows out of every orifice, or a beaten down, utterly depressed woman who long ago lost the ability to put up with this upbeat daughter of hers.For whatever reason, the most sinister "Konami action game" music plays as soon as this guy appears.(Uh...well....(Man, not this guy, again...)) Aw hell. He's "that guy". That asshole who never quite gets that you want nothing to do with him. This oughta be fun.(Well, is that right....Could you tell me what she's like?) "Well, she has this absolutely adorable smile. Cutest thing you'll ever see. It's like she took the most amazing shit of her life, but she doesn't know what poop is."Or maybe he's gonna be my romantic rival, given how the translation's something like, "Sounds like a strange idea, but I'll go with it." Who the hell knows?"....I just wanted to know what her personality's like, man. How did you even find out her blood type?"(Mmhm, and her measurements?) OK, that settles it. He's the asshole friend from before, but with a hint of sleazy pervert who won't know what to do when he's fired from his job pumping gas in ten years.And this guy....I don't know what's up with him. He reverse blinks (I had to slow the game way the hell down to get an open eye) and he constantly has a headache. Then again, given the characters we've encountered so far, I can't really blame him.(But there are a lot of cute girls at this school. Let's do our best.) "At what? Getting good grades or getting with the ladies?" "................................................"AH! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? NEXT SCREENSHOT. NEXT SCREENSHOT.(Sorry. Did I keep you waiting?) "How could you keep me waiting? Schools stick to predictable schedules. In fact, aren't we in the same class or something?"(N, no. It's not like that. What are you doing here?) "It isn't safe here, Shiori. This really suspicious looking orange-haired kid tried talking to me earlier, and he wanted to know your measurements and your blood type and all of these other things. Then he was possessed by a demon and.....Listen: we need to get out of here FAST." "..........What?"She's explaining a rumor she heard. That rumor? That there's a giant fucking tree in front of the school. All while effing Ahriman is hot on her tail."I had not yet noticed this large tree on the campus. You were wise to alert me to it, Shiori."
