(I speak, of course, of the game in this blog's video.) And which game would that be? Super Mario 64. I know what you're going to say. "Wait a minute, I caught you! Super Mario 64 was r-" Just shut up. Shut up, right there. You put more emphasis on the Super. And the 6. Because this iteration of the game is superer. Er. In all honesty, though, I wish this was a real game that I had beaten. Why? Because then I wouldn't be playing crap all the time. Crap like Soldier Blade. No, that's not fair; the game is good, if a bit on the easy side. I usually start things off by mentioning the story, but that won't work this time, mainly because story matters to shooters as much as you do in general. This game is a bit different, but not by much. There isn't much story, but there is structure for a story. I know it sounds confusing, so I won't dote on it for too long. In fact, this sentence ends that and begins the section on weapons. There are three weapons: laser (which is not total crap this time), standard gun, and wide shot. You can power them up and/or store them for later use, which allows you to use a super duper kamehameha-esque move later on. Everything about it so far is pretty good. The controls are good, the graphics are excellent, and for some reason, the music reminds me of Castlevania. But wait, I forgot the difficulty! This game is incredibly easy. I mean incredibly easy. You can tape down the fire button and never let go of the damn thing. There are a high amount of enemies on screen at any given time, sure, but your weapons have a stupidly wide range (even if it isn't the wide shot), and most enemies die with one hit. The health system doesn't help, even if it does sound like an improvement. Rather than dying immediately, you just go down one level on the power-up scale until you hit the base power-up. One more hit, and you're dead. Again, sounds great, but this makes the game incredibly easy, especially since collecting power-ups replenishes your health. I died a few times, but that didn't hinder me at all. Hell, the game threw lives at me like it was freaking Mardi Gras! Bosses are also easy, mostly due to the aforementioned reasons. They're beaten easily, using up your kamehameha-esque power-ups doesn't hinder you, and you're bound to have enough lives to survive ten of these guys. Sure, the game picks up the difficulty by the end of the game, but the damage is done. The game was too easy, ruining what could've been a much better game. So I give it the Krod Mandoon/Aneka Relationship Award. Yes, I watched Krod Mandoon. And I loved it. CHECK THE UPDATES.

But you know what I hated? I'll give you a hint: it was a Genesis title. No, not that one. I've already explained why that game is awful. I'm talking about Chakan: The Forever Man. As explained by the title, you play as Chakan, the bastard son of Ranger Smith and Sally who can live forever. How did he get this way? Well, he challenged Death to a fight and won. So he already fits into the Sega line-up of unimaginable badasses, like Sonic and the owl from the latest NiGHTS. However, after gaining immortality, he soon found out that living forever sucks. So he finds a way to kill himself: kill a bunch of bad guys. How does that get him dead? I don't know. The point is that this game has an interesting concept, story, and direction. What does it do with that? Not many good things. You get to choose which levels you play, and while that sounds good in theory, it quickly gets ruined by trial and error gameplay. Certain levels require certain spells or weapons to proceed, meaning you have to die, go back to the central hub, and find out where the hell that one weapon/spell is. Hell, one of the first levels you can choose has the balls to pull this off! Not even Kefka could be that sadistic! Back to the weapons, you have the swords, the oddly-hard-to-use-hammer, the useless scythe thing, the "grappling hook," and the also useless axe. As you can see, the only useful ones are the swords, the hammer, and the grappling hook; all others are meant to gather space. Same goes for the spells. You collect potions throughout the game, and certain combinations create certain spells, like healing (this is the only way to do so), super jump, invisibility/invincibility (really, the same thing), and weapon upgrades. That last one's crap, though. They only affect the sword, they're all the same, and the only benefit is projectile weapons. They don't do more damage than your regular swords, so what the hell's the point? I don't really need help with the combat, though; the bosses are either hard (not often) or repetitive (very often). Most of them fall prey to predictable patterns like, "jump, jump, duck, dodge, roll, roll back, hit, repeat." This even carries over to the final boss, who's ridiculously easy if you have any of the aforementioned projectile spells. Speaking of which, the ending is a bummer, but what did you expect? The main character wants to die, of course it'll be a crapfest. This isn't Terranigma. So what's there to like about Chakan? Well, as I said, the concept is cool. Compared to other games of the time, this game was deep, dark, and....some other D word. The music is also...OK. Not good, not bad, just OK. The rest of the game is mediocre, mainly due to a lot of flaws that aren't much on their own, but add up. So I give it the Should Listen to its Protagonist Award. Now that brings up an interesting point: what reason would a video game character have to kill themselves? Seriously, is life t-

Chakan said:

You think it's that easy, being a video game character?

Being a video game characteris harder than you think. There's a lot of things we have to deal with.

Oh yea? How often do you have to deal with stupid fanboys?

And what do you think happens when people don't like our games? Just look at Sonic.

Really?....Well then, I guess I'll give him a few reasons. *runs off to beat the hell out of Sonic*