Rage. Nothing but rage and mild confusion.


Dead Rising

( You know, it really surprises me how many awful games begin with the letter D.) Just look at the evidence: Devil Survivor...uh...Demon Sword wasn't that good...Dig Digs: Dover Da Doad Dacing. OK, that joke didn't turn out as well as I thought it would, but you know what sucks more than that joke? Dead Rising. I realize the shit I'll get for posting this, but Dead Rising really does suck. It's probably the most unintuitive and most frus...still, the game's pretty damn frustrating.
 
And ugly. Normally, I'd dive right into the story, but this game is probably one of the ugliest and most unsettling looking games I've ever played. Keep in mind that I've played games like Pac Man and Half-Life. I realize that this was an early Xbox 360 game, so the fact that the technical side of the graphics play only a small part in the ugly on display just makes my point that much stronger. It's hard to capture in words, so let me show you a picture. Just look at it. The beady, lifeless eyes; the head with more fat than a cow's body; the mouth...the fucking mouth. All of it gets worse when you realize that such a dirty, scummy, sleazy look applies to the one guy you're controlling the entire time. Add motion to it, and things suddenly go from unbearable to "I honestly hate how Dead Rising looks". That's also hard to capture in words, so here's a video, along with a phrase: KYLE GASS HAS BREAST PHYSICS. KYLE GASS HAS BREAST PHYSICS. KYLE GASS HAS FUCKING BREAST PHYSICS. So if the regular characters are that fucking ugly, then the zombies have to be terrifying monstrosities that would convince somebody that there is no god, right? Eh, not really. You see them so often and from such a distance that they invoke less terror and more....apathy? Does English have a word for "I don't give a shit"? I was honestly more horrified when I dressed up Frank in kiddie clothes than I was of any of the zombies lurking around the mall.
 
 Oh god, I'd gladly play Mega Man Legends and endure its unrealized gameplay and almost perfect voice delays over this frustrating piece of crap.
Careful readers will note that my last sentence made Dead Rising sound like a cheap Dawn of the Dead rip-off. Rest assured that Capcom thought of this problem and directly addressed it by placing a box on the cover stating "this isn't Dawn of the Dead, just a cheap knock-off." Don't believe me? Let me set things up: not-so-local journalist Frank "I swear I've heard your voice somewhere" West flies into Colorado for the story of his life. Then zombies happen. He has to survive at least three days before he can get away from zombies happening. But it won't be easy. In those three days, he must endure as many bad movie clichés as Capcom could stuff into this game. He must face such gems as "angry black guy in a business suit", "government cover-ups", "bald military guy with face scar of ultimate evil", "stupid plot holes", and "being completely useless to the actual plot." Yea, this isn't exactly the most well constructed plot, and it becomes painfully obvious when you find out what's causing the zombie outbreak: a bee virus thing. I know that that's stupid and makes no sense, but you know what's more of that? The justification: apparently, the government was developing this so they could turn people into zombie cows (odd, because death is never required to become a Dead Rising zombie) and sell them as meat. I think. It's explained once and very poorly, but I can't imagine it ever being not stupid. Between this and Dino Crisis' "let's rip open a hole in time because OPEC sucks", I'd say that Capcom doesn't know how to justify scary things. I would, but then I'd remember Resident Evil, which is kind of the root of the issue. Look, guys, I know that you don't want to play the "biotech company develops zombie virus" too much, but it just makes the most sense, especially when you look at the alternatives.
 
Speaking of Resident Evil, I'm pretty sure that this is a retooled version of one of those abandoned Resident Evil 4 builds. After all, how else can you explain the crap controls? For example, being a photojournalist, you can take pictures of things throughout the game. It doesn't do much, and it's easier to forget than my last blog, but none of that is very important (probably because of the forgetting point). What I wish to illustrate is this: to use the camera, you hold down the left trigger and move the right analog stick; try moving that left one, and Frank will move about, forgetting that Dead Rising isn't a first person shooter. If anything, it's closer to a (bad) third person shooter, at times. Care to guess how you aim? Hold down the right trigger and move the left stick. Do you have any idea how confusing this is in the beginning of the game? It's all exactly the opposite of anything you'd ever expect, and for no reason. It's not like I can lop off a zombie's head and simultaneously take a picture of it. Although that would be cool, it would probably result in tons of zombie bites...maybe. I added the "maybe" because you can shake off zombies by making frantic, plastic clicking noises with the left analog stick. This may sound completely average, but remember that this is the Xbox 360. See that huge button to the right of the left analog stick? Prepare to hit that A LOT during your zombie make-out sessions, and prepare for the game to come to a grinding halt every single time this happens.
 
 This guy seems to have the right idea about Dead Rising. After all, having played through this terrible game, I can say that it feels exactly like being stabbed in the face, especially right in the eyes.
I'd say that this game lives on its momentum, but that would be a blatant misuse of language. It would be more accurate to say that this game frustrates you with its momentum. About every few seconds, Otis will chime in about the latest survivor he spotted. Normally, I'd ignore this point, but for some reason, Dead Rising absolutely hates multi-tasking. It's either "kill zombies" or "listen to Otis"; you can't have both. Try having both, and Otis will call you a rude asshole for interrupting me. Oh, excuse me for the most grievous faux pas of having my face gnawed off by a FUCKING ZOMBIE. However, once you learn some manners and listen to Otis, you realize that in addition to completing the tightly packed story missions, you have to rescue a shitload of survivors. You know what this means: zigzagging across the mall like it's Heavy Rain. There's just one problem: you're escorting survivors the whole way. It's pretty hard to call them survivors, because they'll do everything in their power to make sure that they die. They'll jump right into a zombie horde and expect you to rescue them, only for you to forget that friendly fire is a thing. Want to escort them by hand? OK, you can only do that for a few survivors, but whatever. There are greater problems, like how you can't form a human chain of them, or how they slip away so much you'd swear that they just had a lard snowball fight, or the objective arrow. It's in conspiracy with the survivors, because it will plunge you into the least safe route ever: the Leisure Park route. In addition to zombies, you also have to evade some escaped convicts. I guess the government is competent enough to enforce a military lockdown, but not very good at quelling an oddly well-timed prison riot, or protecting their own damn military vehicles. That last part will be the source of much frustration as they kill you and your survivors again and again and again. Want some revenge? Too bad. Not only is it really hard to kill them, but when I looked up possible ways of killing them, I found out that they regenerate anyway, possibly as one last fuck you from the fine people at Capcom. So why rescue the survivors anyway? Besides experience...uh...an annoyingly chatty safe room, I guess?
 
Normally, this would just be a random piece of crap gameplay feature, but then the save system enters and fucks things up worse than the graphical artist. Or the writer. Or the guy in charge of localization ( congratulations for doing exactly the opposite of what Devil Survivor did!). Or the guy in charge of the save system. Yes, the save system fucks up worse than the guy who made the save system; that's how hard it sucks. I imagine some of you are wondering what makes it suck so hard, so allow me to explain: first, only one save is allowed at any time. You want to experiment or try multiple playthroughs? Go buy another game, you asshat. You'd think that having one save would actually make the saving process streamlined, but Dead Rising just excels at failure, so you still have to select where your save is and then tell the game that you want to overwrite it. I know that it doesn't sound very tedious, but jumping through these hoops for the billionth time in a row gets pretty frustrating after a while. Speaking of frustration, there's no checkpointing or auto-saving of any kind. Combine that with limited save points, survivor stupidity, and an apparent stigma for saving (something about leaderboards and rankings and some other odd not-multiplayer shit), and it's easy to see how I called this game a frustrating pile of crap no less than six times already.
 
But now it's time for a change of pace. I've spent the last 1700ish words bitching about how much this game sucks, so how about I talk about the positives? Well, the game does a very good job of putting you on edge, but I'm not sure that Capcom intended that, so fuck it. That's not good. What's something genuinely enjoyable about Dead Rising? Oh, I know: the weapons. I know that earlier, I gave the game shit for how you use weapons (why is the watch the only thing that's analog?), but the actual weapons are pretty cool for one reason: everything is a weapon. It's amazing how many ways Frank West can kill a zombie with nothing but soda cans (why not just drink them to restore health?), CDs, and a human hand. Add on top of this myriad of ways you can use each item to kill zombies, and it's easy to see why there are so many of the damn things in the first place: target practice. I'd say that it's the best 3D beat-em-up I've ever played, but there are several things wrong with that statement. First, I don't think I've played any 3D beat-em-ups outside this game. Second, Dead Rising sucks. Imagine if you threw Dawn of the Dead, Majora's Mask, and The Problem Solverz into a giant blender. Top it off with a bit of Navi and all the streamlined ease of any Windows operating system, and you have Dead Rising.
 

Review Synopsis

  • It's essentially a really bad action movie populated by unholy demonic monsters. And zombies.
  • You know what would be awesome? If somebody combined the charm of Navi with the fun of Knuckles Chaotix. No? Exactly! I don't know why Capcom thought that.
  • But at leas the weapon system is good, right?...Right?
 
 
 
 
What, the huge wall of text wasn't enough? Fine, here's a video explaining my opinion on that piece of crap.
  
  

Spriggan Powered

( Your guess is as good as mine.) I looked up what a Spriggan was, and according to Wikipedia, it's a Cornish wood fairy. I guess the robots are powered by burning gay Englishmen? Then again, it could also be based on a manga about the Cold War, but I don't remember flying mechas in the Cold War. Trust me, I remember a lot of weird stuff from that time. OK, I've been bullshitting you guys; the game isn't as confusing as the name is, but do you have any way to make this game sound interesting?
 
Don't misunderstand me and think that I don't like the game. I like it, but I realize that it's hard to get you guys enthused about the word "spriggan". Hell, there's not even any interesting story bits to find in this game. Here's all the story you get: you're a robot, there are robot-ish things flying around. These other robot-ish things must die, preferably in some type of explosion. Also, there's a rival robot who refuses to die until the end, and only after a lengthy monologue in Japanese. Why did I say "in Japanese?" Oddly enough, because the rest of the game is in English. Granted, there isn't much text outside the ending, but it's all in perfect English. Since when have SNES games been this import friendly? And since when has an SNES game looked this good? It looks less like something you'd see on the SNES and more like the Saturn. How did they stuff that much detail into the game? Don't believe me? Again, I direct you to a screenshot. Now imagine that in motion. Hell, why imagine it? Just watch that shit. Unfortunately, the video doesn't capture one of the cooler parts of the game: the Sonic 3-esque continuity between levels. I know that it's a minor touch, but it adds quite a bit to the game...for the three levels where it's used. For some reason, it just tapers off halfway through the game, probably because the developers couldn't figure out how to transition from the sky to space. The hell, Spriggan Inc.? Still pretty awesome, though.
 
 JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THIS GAME!!!
I'd say that the game's fairly unique, but it isn't. So why would I say that? Two words: dodging bonus. Every time you dodge a bullet by a couple of pixels, the game gives you a little tech bonus. It's a cool twist, since it transforms the game from "EVERYTHING MUST DIE, FOR I AM THE ROBOT HITLER" to "weave in and out of bullets like you're playing a bullet hell shooter." Too bad it isn't a bullet hell shooter. I'd call it a bullet heaven shooter, but I think Cho Aniki covered that fairly well, so I guess this makes this game a bullet Purgatory shooter? Bullet limbo? If it was truly bullet heaven, the entire game would just be about three bullets on screen at a time, and that's only true for the first half of the game. The rest of the time, it's actually a fairly standard shooter, full of bullets and power-ups and stuff. In this mode, you can even get hit by bullets! What happens then? Assuming you didn't activate your "I suck at a core gameplay mechanic/boss battles only" shield button, you just get thrown back into the fray with one level lost on your tier of power-ups. Actually, that's the perfect way for a shooter to handle death, even if you won't see it a lot. You have humbled me, Spriggan Powered. Time to get my revenge on you and your weird name.
 
Quick question: what's a shooter without decent weapons? Simply put, Spriggan Powered. I don't even have to get into the weapons themselves to know that they're not that good. Just look at the controls: no automatic turbo. Why do shooters do this? What's that I'm hearing about charging? That's just less time I spend shooting things. The only time you can pull shit like that is on the Turbografx-16, and that's only because five people have ever heard of the damn thing. And then you get into the weapons, and things get mildly disappointing. You have two that shoot like crazy, and two that spread out a bit. OK, there's more to them than that, especially when you charge (is that supposed to be the reason?), but it's amazing how similarly they all behave. Hell, they all have the same problem, too: everything is too damn small. It's really amazing that I'm able to kill anything with a gun that takes up less space than a pixel, but amazingly, it's possible. I know that I've complained about shots that are way too huge in the past, but there is a middle ground. It's called Spriggan Powered. Wait, I think I lost my point in that last series of sentences. Was it that this game is really pretty, but aside from one cool twist, it's just a regular-ass shooter? Actually, I think it was that the weapon system isn't really fleshed out, but let's pretend that it was that other thing, because I don't have much more to say about Spriggan Powered.
 

Review Synopsis

  • This game looks as amazing as Dead Rising is ugly.
  • Dodging bullets is good, even if there aren't a lot to dodge.
  • Oh, there's a weapon system. It's not that good.
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Posted by Video_Game_King

Dead Rising

( You know, it really surprises me how many awful games begin with the letter D.) Just look at the evidence: Devil Survivor...uh...Demon Sword wasn't that good...Dig Digs: Dover Da Doad Dacing. OK, that joke didn't turn out as well as I thought it would, but you know what sucks more than that joke? Dead Rising. I realize the shit I'll get for posting this, but Dead Rising really does suck. It's probably the most unintuitive and most frus...still, the game's pretty damn frustrating.
 
And ugly. Normally, I'd dive right into the story, but this game is probably one of the ugliest and most unsettling looking games I've ever played. Keep in mind that I've played games like Pac Man and Half-Life. I realize that this was an early Xbox 360 game, so the fact that the technical side of the graphics play only a small part in the ugly on display just makes my point that much stronger. It's hard to capture in words, so let me show you a picture. Just look at it. The beady, lifeless eyes; the head with more fat than a cow's body; the mouth...the fucking mouth. All of it gets worse when you realize that such a dirty, scummy, sleazy look applies to the one guy you're controlling the entire time. Add motion to it, and things suddenly go from unbearable to "I honestly hate how Dead Rising looks". That's also hard to capture in words, so here's a video, along with a phrase: KYLE GASS HAS BREAST PHYSICS. KYLE GASS HAS BREAST PHYSICS. KYLE GASS HAS FUCKING BREAST PHYSICS. So if the regular characters are that fucking ugly, then the zombies have to be terrifying monstrosities that would convince somebody that there is no god, right? Eh, not really. You see them so often and from such a distance that they invoke less terror and more....apathy? Does English have a word for "I don't give a shit"? I was honestly more horrified when I dressed up Frank in kiddie clothes than I was of any of the zombies lurking around the mall.
 
 Oh god, I'd gladly play Mega Man Legends and endure its unrealized gameplay and almost perfect voice delays over this frustrating piece of crap.
Careful readers will note that my last sentence made Dead Rising sound like a cheap Dawn of the Dead rip-off. Rest assured that Capcom thought of this problem and directly addressed it by placing a box on the cover stating "this isn't Dawn of the Dead, just a cheap knock-off." Don't believe me? Let me set things up: not-so-local journalist Frank "I swear I've heard your voice somewhere" West flies into Colorado for the story of his life. Then zombies happen. He has to survive at least three days before he can get away from zombies happening. But it won't be easy. In those three days, he must endure as many bad movie clichés as Capcom could stuff into this game. He must face such gems as "angry black guy in a business suit", "government cover-ups", "bald military guy with face scar of ultimate evil", "stupid plot holes", and "being completely useless to the actual plot." Yea, this isn't exactly the most well constructed plot, and it becomes painfully obvious when you find out what's causing the zombie outbreak: a bee virus thing. I know that that's stupid and makes no sense, but you know what's more of that? The justification: apparently, the government was developing this so they could turn people into zombie cows (odd, because death is never required to become a Dead Rising zombie) and sell them as meat. I think. It's explained once and very poorly, but I can't imagine it ever being not stupid. Between this and Dino Crisis' "let's rip open a hole in time because OPEC sucks", I'd say that Capcom doesn't know how to justify scary things. I would, but then I'd remember Resident Evil, which is kind of the root of the issue. Look, guys, I know that you don't want to play the "biotech company develops zombie virus" too much, but it just makes the most sense, especially when you look at the alternatives.
 
Speaking of Resident Evil, I'm pretty sure that this is a retooled version of one of those abandoned Resident Evil 4 builds. After all, how else can you explain the crap controls? For example, being a photojournalist, you can take pictures of things throughout the game. It doesn't do much, and it's easier to forget than my last blog, but none of that is very important (probably because of the forgetting point). What I wish to illustrate is this: to use the camera, you hold down the left trigger and move the right analog stick; try moving that left one, and Frank will move about, forgetting that Dead Rising isn't a first person shooter. If anything, it's closer to a (bad) third person shooter, at times. Care to guess how you aim? Hold down the right trigger and move the left stick. Do you have any idea how confusing this is in the beginning of the game? It's all exactly the opposite of anything you'd ever expect, and for no reason. It's not like I can lop off a zombie's head and simultaneously take a picture of it. Although that would be cool, it would probably result in tons of zombie bites...maybe. I added the "maybe" because you can shake off zombies by making frantic, plastic clicking noises with the left analog stick. This may sound completely average, but remember that this is the Xbox 360. See that huge button to the right of the left analog stick? Prepare to hit that A LOT during your zombie make-out sessions, and prepare for the game to come to a grinding halt every single time this happens.
 
 This guy seems to have the right idea about Dead Rising. After all, having played through this terrible game, I can say that it feels exactly like being stabbed in the face, especially right in the eyes.
I'd say that this game lives on its momentum, but that would be a blatant misuse of language. It would be more accurate to say that this game frustrates you with its momentum. About every few seconds, Otis will chime in about the latest survivor he spotted. Normally, I'd ignore this point, but for some reason, Dead Rising absolutely hates multi-tasking. It's either "kill zombies" or "listen to Otis"; you can't have both. Try having both, and Otis will call you a rude asshole for interrupting me. Oh, excuse me for the most grievous faux pas of having my face gnawed off by a FUCKING ZOMBIE. However, once you learn some manners and listen to Otis, you realize that in addition to completing the tightly packed story missions, you have to rescue a shitload of survivors. You know what this means: zigzagging across the mall like it's Heavy Rain. There's just one problem: you're escorting survivors the whole way. It's pretty hard to call them survivors, because they'll do everything in their power to make sure that they die. They'll jump right into a zombie horde and expect you to rescue them, only for you to forget that friendly fire is a thing. Want to escort them by hand? OK, you can only do that for a few survivors, but whatever. There are greater problems, like how you can't form a human chain of them, or how they slip away so much you'd swear that they just had a lard snowball fight, or the objective arrow. It's in conspiracy with the survivors, because it will plunge you into the least safe route ever: the Leisure Park route. In addition to zombies, you also have to evade some escaped convicts. I guess the government is competent enough to enforce a military lockdown, but not very good at quelling an oddly well-timed prison riot, or protecting their own damn military vehicles. That last part will be the source of much frustration as they kill you and your survivors again and again and again. Want some revenge? Too bad. Not only is it really hard to kill them, but when I looked up possible ways of killing them, I found out that they regenerate anyway, possibly as one last fuck you from the fine people at Capcom. So why rescue the survivors anyway? Besides experience...uh...an annoyingly chatty safe room, I guess?
 
Normally, this would just be a random piece of crap gameplay feature, but then the save system enters and fucks things up worse than the graphical artist. Or the writer. Or the guy in charge of localization ( congratulations for doing exactly the opposite of what Devil Survivor did!). Or the guy in charge of the save system. Yes, the save system fucks up worse than the guy who made the save system; that's how hard it sucks. I imagine some of you are wondering what makes it suck so hard, so allow me to explain: first, only one save is allowed at any time. You want to experiment or try multiple playthroughs? Go buy another game, you asshat. You'd think that having one save would actually make the saving process streamlined, but Dead Rising just excels at failure, so you still have to select where your save is and then tell the game that you want to overwrite it. I know that it doesn't sound very tedious, but jumping through these hoops for the billionth time in a row gets pretty frustrating after a while. Speaking of frustration, there's no checkpointing or auto-saving of any kind. Combine that with limited save points, survivor stupidity, and an apparent stigma for saving (something about leaderboards and rankings and some other odd not-multiplayer shit), and it's easy to see how I called this game a frustrating pile of crap no less than six times already.
 
But now it's time for a change of pace. I've spent the last 1700ish words bitching about how much this game sucks, so how about I talk about the positives? Well, the game does a very good job of putting you on edge, but I'm not sure that Capcom intended that, so fuck it. That's not good. What's something genuinely enjoyable about Dead Rising? Oh, I know: the weapons. I know that earlier, I gave the game shit for how you use weapons (why is the watch the only thing that's analog?), but the actual weapons are pretty cool for one reason: everything is a weapon. It's amazing how many ways Frank West can kill a zombie with nothing but soda cans (why not just drink them to restore health?), CDs, and a human hand. Add on top of this myriad of ways you can use each item to kill zombies, and it's easy to see why there are so many of the damn things in the first place: target practice. I'd say that it's the best 3D beat-em-up I've ever played, but there are several things wrong with that statement. First, I don't think I've played any 3D beat-em-ups outside this game. Second, Dead Rising sucks. Imagine if you threw Dawn of the Dead, Majora's Mask, and The Problem Solverz into a giant blender. Top it off with a bit of Navi and all the streamlined ease of any Windows operating system, and you have Dead Rising.
 

Review Synopsis

  • It's essentially a really bad action movie populated by unholy demonic monsters. And zombies.
  • You know what would be awesome? If somebody combined the charm of Navi with the fun of Knuckles Chaotix. No? Exactly! I don't know why Capcom thought that.
  • But at leas the weapon system is good, right?...Right?
 
 
 
 
What, the huge wall of text wasn't enough? Fine, here's a video explaining my opinion on that piece of crap.
  
  

Spriggan Powered

( Your guess is as good as mine.) I looked up what a Spriggan was, and according to Wikipedia, it's a Cornish wood fairy. I guess the robots are powered by burning gay Englishmen? Then again, it could also be based on a manga about the Cold War, but I don't remember flying mechas in the Cold War. Trust me, I remember a lot of weird stuff from that time. OK, I've been bullshitting you guys; the game isn't as confusing as the name is, but do you have any way to make this game sound interesting?
 
Don't misunderstand me and think that I don't like the game. I like it, but I realize that it's hard to get you guys enthused about the word "spriggan". Hell, there's not even any interesting story bits to find in this game. Here's all the story you get: you're a robot, there are robot-ish things flying around. These other robot-ish things must die, preferably in some type of explosion. Also, there's a rival robot who refuses to die until the end, and only after a lengthy monologue in Japanese. Why did I say "in Japanese?" Oddly enough, because the rest of the game is in English. Granted, there isn't much text outside the ending, but it's all in perfect English. Since when have SNES games been this import friendly? And since when has an SNES game looked this good? It looks less like something you'd see on the SNES and more like the Saturn. How did they stuff that much detail into the game? Don't believe me? Again, I direct you to a screenshot. Now imagine that in motion. Hell, why imagine it? Just watch that shit. Unfortunately, the video doesn't capture one of the cooler parts of the game: the Sonic 3-esque continuity between levels. I know that it's a minor touch, but it adds quite a bit to the game...for the three levels where it's used. For some reason, it just tapers off halfway through the game, probably because the developers couldn't figure out how to transition from the sky to space. The hell, Spriggan Inc.? Still pretty awesome, though.
 
 JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THIS GAME!!!
I'd say that the game's fairly unique, but it isn't. So why would I say that? Two words: dodging bonus. Every time you dodge a bullet by a couple of pixels, the game gives you a little tech bonus. It's a cool twist, since it transforms the game from "EVERYTHING MUST DIE, FOR I AM THE ROBOT HITLER" to "weave in and out of bullets like you're playing a bullet hell shooter." Too bad it isn't a bullet hell shooter. I'd call it a bullet heaven shooter, but I think Cho Aniki covered that fairly well, so I guess this makes this game a bullet Purgatory shooter? Bullet limbo? If it was truly bullet heaven, the entire game would just be about three bullets on screen at a time, and that's only true for the first half of the game. The rest of the time, it's actually a fairly standard shooter, full of bullets and power-ups and stuff. In this mode, you can even get hit by bullets! What happens then? Assuming you didn't activate your "I suck at a core gameplay mechanic/boss battles only" shield button, you just get thrown back into the fray with one level lost on your tier of power-ups. Actually, that's the perfect way for a shooter to handle death, even if you won't see it a lot. You have humbled me, Spriggan Powered. Time to get my revenge on you and your weird name.
 
Quick question: what's a shooter without decent weapons? Simply put, Spriggan Powered. I don't even have to get into the weapons themselves to know that they're not that good. Just look at the controls: no automatic turbo. Why do shooters do this? What's that I'm hearing about charging? That's just less time I spend shooting things. The only time you can pull shit like that is on the Turbografx-16, and that's only because five people have ever heard of the damn thing. And then you get into the weapons, and things get mildly disappointing. You have two that shoot like crazy, and two that spread out a bit. OK, there's more to them than that, especially when you charge (is that supposed to be the reason?), but it's amazing how similarly they all behave. Hell, they all have the same problem, too: everything is too damn small. It's really amazing that I'm able to kill anything with a gun that takes up less space than a pixel, but amazingly, it's possible. I know that I've complained about shots that are way too huge in the past, but there is a middle ground. It's called Spriggan Powered. Wait, I think I lost my point in that last series of sentences. Was it that this game is really pretty, but aside from one cool twist, it's just a regular-ass shooter? Actually, I think it was that the weapon system isn't really fleshed out, but let's pretend that it was that other thing, because I don't have much more to say about Spriggan Powered.
 

Review Synopsis

  • This game looks as amazing as Dead Rising is ugly.
  • Dodging bullets is good, even if there aren't a lot to dodge.
  • Oh, there's a weapon system. It's not that good.
Posted by Guided_By_Tigers

Yeah, I hated Dead Rising too.

Posted by ArbitraryWater

Oh geez. You are going to get some crap for Dead Rising, even though I entirely agree with everything you have said about it. It's a game where murdering hordes upon hordes of zombies isn't that fun because of how bad the controls feel, and the rest of the game consists of really, really, really bad boss fights, glorified escort missions, and for a while at the beginning, constant regrinding of levels so you can have a decent sized inventory. Oh, and the save system. The save system. Needless to say, I never finished that game. I never finished DR 2 Case Zero either, and that was a fairly small package of that series' gameplay too.

Posted by Guided_By_Tigers
@ArbitraryWater said:
Oh geez. You are going to get some crap for Dead Rising
Everyone gets crap on the internet. Especially on video game message boards.
Posted by ArbitraryWater
@Unknown_Pleasures said:
@ArbitraryWater said:
Oh geez. You are going to get some crap for Dead Rising
Everyone gets crap on the internet. Especially on video game message boards.
Well, yeah. Obviously. But Dead Rising is a game that people actually like despite how ass-backwards every single aspect of it is, and it's actually high profile unlike the myriad of obscure NES/SNES era platformers and sidescrolling shooters that VGK has a steady diet of blogging about.
Posted by mylifeforAiur

Before the inundation of angry users arrive, I'd just like to say that I share your sentiment/s for Dead Rising.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@ArbitraryWater
 
*reads your paragraph, just nods head in agreement* I'd try to defend the boss battles, especially since I don't think I covered them, but all I remember of them was "go up to this guy and whack him with a katana over and over again." So yeah, they suck.
 
@Unknown_Pleasures said:
Everyone gets crap on the internet. Especially on video game message boards.
Trust me, I know. I'd link to explain why, but I think we know why that's a bad idea.
Posted by Claude

I thought about playing Dead Rising, but that feeling passed like a good poop. That game does not seem made for me. As for Spriggan Power, the dodging mechanic you mentioned reminded me of the Burnout games for some reason. Weird. Oh well, nice blog King.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Claude
 
It doesn't seem to be made for anyone, really. Who could enjoy that game?
 
Odd. Now that I think about it, the dodging mechanic reminds me more of FRIM in Test Drive: Unlimited 2.
Posted by AhmadMetallic

Good thing i never played Dead Rising 1 then.. I did play the sequel, and i thought it looked nice and controlled great. Not too frustrating either 
 give it a try!  
 
Oh and i lost your links for the AC-related blogs of yours, link me again preez? I feel like reading about Altair

Edited by ApertureSilence

Why are you citing Pac Man and Half-Life as examples of bad looking games? Are you high?

EDIT: Turns out I'm the idiot for not clicking the OPs links. Hilarious.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Ahmad_Metallic
 
So they actually improved for Dead Rising 2? I'd play it, but there are several things preventing me from doing so, like how I don't own it.
 
Really? Here.
 
@MurderByDeath
 
Did you click the links? Wait, you copy/pasted them into your response. Click them, because they explain A LOT.
Posted by Mento

Mirroring the Dead Rising thing. Didn't mind the restarting so much (I sorta liked it as a feature in Dragon Quarter), just the horrible interface and the endless escort missions. They needed to change a lot for the sequel to work, but couldn't in case they alienated those who enjoyed the first one. So the psychopath fights and escort missions remained. I wonder if the format is just inherently broken.

Moderator
Posted by Video_Game_King
@Mento said:
They needed to change a lot for the sequel to work, but couldn't in case they alienated those who enjoyed the first one.
Who would that be, again? Everybody who's commented on this blog has admitted that the game sucks.
 
@Mento said:
I wonder if the format is just inherently broken.
It probably is. Again, annoying escort missions+ridiculously strict schedule+black Navi=bad game.
Posted by ApertureSilence

@Video_Game_King said:

@MurderByDeath: Did you click the links? Wait, you copy/pasted them into your response. Click them, because they explain A LOT.

Sorry, I take it all back. That was fantastic.

Posted by yoshimitz707

I liked Devil Survivor.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@yoshimitz707
 
I hated it more than Dead Rising.
Posted by Twitchey

I liked Dead Rising. But I can see where your frustration comes from, the save system made me do a lot of missions again and again.

Posted by benjaebe

I enjoyed Dead Rising. The save system was atrocious and it was literally unplayable until I got a high definition TV, but it had a certain "I can just run around and kill zombies with ridiculous weapons" charm to it. And as one of my first 360 games (the other being Need for Speed: Most Wanted), it was really impressive and kind of justified the hardware to me to have so many zombies on-screen at once. It had it's blatant faults and wasn't for everyone, but it's still one of my favorite games on the system.

The sequel was better in a lot of ways but I'm still holding out for Off the Record since Frank was a much better main character.

Posted by Pyrgz

for so much promised vitriol there sure isn't a lot of promised vitriol

don't worry i got this

hey you, video_game_baron, yeah you! dead rising was good, okay? i'm fucking telling ya right here it's good ya limey shit! get the fuck out of my office

Posted by Video_Game_King
@benjaebe
 
Although wouldn't the "there are so many zombies" hardware benefit wear off once you encountered the one-save limit hardware disadvantage? How can you go from memory cards to one save? Also, wouldn't the same benefit wear off once you encountered your first survivor?
 
I take it that you're saying that the Dead Rising 2 protagonist is even more useless to the plot than Frank West was to Dead Rising 1's plot.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@Pyrgz
 
Yea, it seems that the comments soon devolved into this, only with Dead Rising controversy instead of drugs:
 
  
Posted by yoshimitz707

@Video_Game_King said:

@yoshimitz707: I hated it more than Dead Rising.

I don't understand why. It's a turn-based strategy game with an rpg battle system and has cool story.

Posted by benjaebe

@Video_Game_King said:

@benjaebe: Although wouldn't the "there are so many zombies" hardware benefit wear off once you encountered the one-save limit hardware disadvantage? How can you go from memory cards to one save? Also, wouldn't the same benefit wear off once you encountered your first survivor? I take it that you're saying that the Dead Rising 2 protagonist is even more useless to the plot than Frank West was to Dead Rising 1's plot.

Though I liked Chuck, the fact that he can be easily replaced with Frank West shows how integral he is to the plot of DR2. I just find Frank to be more entertaining since he's kind of a douche.

The one save limit wasn't really a hardware disadvantage since it was a design choice (for some reason.) For me, it didn't make the number of enemies, huge amount of weapons or the size of the mall any less impressive. The survivors are useless and can be tedious to escort, but the game is so broken that there are some ways to make things easier on yourself when you have to deal with them. Finding the shortcut in the Wonderland Plaza bathroom saves a ridiculous amount of of time escorting survivors, and using Adam's mini-chainsaws in conjunction with a few books makes keeping survivors alive easier with weapons that almost never break and do large amounts of damage.

The game just had a certain charm for me. It was broken, unfair and somewhat poorly designed (seriously, who thought infinite mode should slowly drain your health if you don't eat food? Just give me a sandbox to explore), but overall I enjoyed it.

Posted by ArbitraryWater
@yoshimitz707 said:

@Video_Game_King said:

@yoshimitz707: I hated it more than Dead Rising.

I don't understand why. It's a turn-based strategy game with an rpg battle system and has cool story.

Now you've done it.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@yoshimitz707
 
Two of those things are useless facts, and one is just plain wrong. "Let's microwave Tokyo", "you can summon demons through the Internet", "Cain is a ghost who thinks God hates Vegans", and "these death clocks are completely useless in every way" are not good plot points.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@benjaebe said:

The survivors are useless and can be tedious to escort, but the game is so broken that there are some ways to make things easier on yourself when you have to deal with them.

How?
 
@benjaebe said:

Finding the shortcut in the Wonderland Plaza bathroom

Oh. That didn't make things easier, since survivors still couldn't take care of themselves, they still got caught on stupid shit, and it was stupidly easy to miss that shortcut (turning the ride off wasn't part of the mission, and Adam did say that it was keeping the zombies away...).
Posted by owl_of_minerva

It's a somewhat clunky (until you get used to it) and very difficult game in a way that many of Capcom's games are - Mega Man, Monster Hunter, Lost Planet, etc. However, I didn't have that much of an issue with the controls after a while and it's quite easy to build up a reasonably high level very quickly using the car in the parking lot method. The game will definitely kick your ass until a sufficient level is reached. Otis and escort missions are indefensible though, I agree that they're absolutely terrible because Otis prevents you from fighting back and the survivor's AI is abysmal. Fortunately this is fixed in Dead Rising 2, where the AI is rather more self-reliant.
As for the story, I think you missed the point somewhat. Frank is meant to be an asshole and somewhat sleazy anti-hero, and the story is self-aware and cynical about itself. It's entertaining, cheesy, and stupid but that's not necessarily without its value. Conspiratorial narratives as such are often stupid.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@owl_of_minerva
 
Wait, you could just drive the damn thing around? Even if I knew that, I feel it would be very limited, since (I think) you can't get to the car before the bomb mission, and (I know) you can't get it after the military comes in.
 
It is? I didn't see a lot of self awareness. It just seemed to play every cliché in an unironic way completely lacking in sarcasm or awareness. The closest it came was when it parodied both Internet nerds and the kid who poured lighter fluid on his crotch and set it on fire. Even then, though, it was kinda lame.
Posted by Twisted_Scot

I really enjoyed Dead Rising after I learned to just piss about for the first few play throughs till I leveled up enough to go for the story. Im the only one of my friends that did enjoy it as they all played about 1 hour and gave up :)

Posted by owl_of_minerva
@Video_Game_King: You can access it once you go outside. You head to the parking lot down that long alley, hop in the red car, drive it into the nearby exit, and then drive to the left until you find a van. Kill zombies with red car, hop into van, exit back out and rinse repeat. I got the "zombie genocide" achievement that way, which took ages. I was in the 40s level-wise after that. You don't need to go that crazy though, it's easy to get to ~30 quite quickly if all you want is to become more survivable. It is definitely a game that demands you fail and restart at least once, and becomes kind of easy once you get to mid to high levels. Blending mixed drinks is another way to make the game a lot easier.
 
As for the self-awareness, I don't know how you could've missed it. The game plays it straight for some of the time, but the psychopath cutscenes, the reveal that the terrorist attack was due to Americans and their lust for eating meat resulting in zombies, etc etc. reveal that it is definitely not a game that takes itself seriously.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@Twisted_Scot
 
Wait, you can ignore the story? The game gave me a bunch of shit when I tried that; it said "great, you just fucked up a major story event. Feel proud of yourself?"
 
@owl_of_minerva
 
So to have fun in this game, I have to grind a bunch until I get to level 40? That's The 7th Saga! That's not really good game design.
 
I saw those scenes, and it seemed to take itself pretty damn seriously. I'll give you the psychopaths, but it didn't exude a "laugh, you bastards!" tone when Dr. Barnaby told me about the zombie cow bug virus thing. Everybody seemed to be taking things seriously, unless you count me, the asshole in a dress and a horse helmet. That's as close as the story moments come to being humorous and not serious.
Posted by ZeForgotten

I had a lot of fun with Dead Rising back in the day, save system was terrible though. The sequel is great though but if you're that quick to dislike Dead Rising for just being the same over and over again then maybe stuff like Dead Rising 2: Case Zero and Case West is more for you

Posted by Video_Game_King
@ZeForgotten
 
That's not the main flaw. The main flaw is that I'm failing over and over again because of the game's stupid bullshit. Why can't I manually load a save? Why can't the survivors defend themselves? Why are the Japanese tourists speaking English, even though it was just established that they don't understand the language? Why couldn't they iron out these major gameplay flaws?
Posted by laserbolts
My buddy owns dead rising. I remember playing it for about 2 hours and realizing I just wasn't having fun. Fuck dead rising.
Posted by Evilsbane

Dead Rising is one of my favorite 360 games, first game I even bought for the system so I disagree, 2 was ok..not continuing the story (Which I thought was good DR was never trying to be serious) for 1 sucked a lot of the fun for me but those games are about one thing "Shops with weapons to kill zombies in fun/interesting ways" the end.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Evilsbane
 
But it's hard to enjoy killing zombies like that with all the surrounding bullshit. I can understand wanting to flesh out the game and give it more substance with missions, but why do they need to be so packed together and frustrating? Just give me a GTA-esque hub and the tools I need to kill zombies. If Dead Rising 2 does that, then awesome. Dead Rising 1 didn't, so it sucks.
Posted by ZeForgotten
@Video_Game_King: What would a Capcom game be if it wasn't without flaws? I see what you're saying though but instead of maybe playing Dead Rising 2 if you were thinking about getting that (it's a way better game and at least optimized x10 compared to the first) you might wanna just play Case West and Case Zero. Most people seem to enjoy those two since they're just about the right amount of Dead Rising they could take before getting bored.
Posted by chrissedoff

fuck dead rising

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Evilsbane
 
But it's hard to enjoy killing zombies like that with all the surrounding bullshit. I can understand wanting to flesh out the game and give it more substance with missions, but why do they need to be so packed together and frustrating? Just give me a GTA-esque hub and the tools I need to kill zombies. If Dead Rising 2 does that, then awesome. Dead Rising 1 didn't, so it sucks.
 
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King: What would a Capcom game be if it wasn't without flaws?
Better?
Posted by Guided_By_Tigers

The save system is what ruined Dead Rising for me, its broken.

Posted by Evilsbane

@Video_Game_King said:

@Evilsbane: But it's hard to enjoy killing zombies like that with all the surrounding bullshit. I can understand wanting to flesh out the game and give it more substance with missions, but why do they need to be so packed together and frustrating? Just give me a GTA-esque hub and the tools I need to kill zombies. If Dead Rising 2 does that, then awesome. Dead Rising 1 didn't, so it sucks.

I agree it would have been an easier way but.. one of the things that defines DR for me now is how balls to the walls crazy it is, its fucking hard in good and bad ways for me though there was only one way you could play DR1 and not get pissed, New game-Get to level 12- Restart from there the game felt balanced and since you have had a few hours with the weird time stuff for missions you have a better idea what to expect, its far from perfect but I don't know despite all the pieces being kinda broken they fit together in some..weird fucked up way. And no DR2 is DR1 with better Survivor AI and chose to focus on Weapons rather that photos, which makes the game more fun but if you disliked the jive of DR1 enough to start attacking the art style it just might not be up your alley.

Posted by ZeForgotten
@Video_Game_King said:
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King: What would a Capcom game be if it wasn't without flaws?
Better?
Maybe, but it wouldn't get people to talk about it as much as people usually do when a Capcom game is out and people go "OMG, this game is sooo dumb and controls like yadayadayada" .. 
Posted by Yanngc33

Duke nukem forever starts with the letter D

Posted by Guided_By_Tigers
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King said:
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King: What would a Capcom game be if it wasn't without flaws?
Better?
Maybe, but it wouldn't get people to talk about it as much as people usually do when a Capcom game is out and people go "OMG, this game is sooo dumb and controls like yadayadayada" .. 
Personally I would rather play good games then talk about flaws in mediocre/bad games
Posted by crusader8463

I came expecting people talking about Rage when I came in here...

Posted by ZeForgotten
@Unknown_Pleasures said:
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King said:
@ZeForgotten said:
@Video_Game_King: What would a Capcom game be if it wasn't without flaws?
Better?
Maybe, but it wouldn't get people to talk about it as much as people usually do when a Capcom game is out and people go "OMG, this game is sooo dumb and controls like yadayadayada" .. 
Personally I would rather play good games then talk about flaws in mediocre/bad games
Good for you, I do enjoy me some flawed games. Dead Rising being one of them, Fallout 3 and New Vegas too. There's a bunch of weird games with some annoying flaws that are still a ton of fun to play
Posted by Video_Game_King
@Yanngc33 said:
Duke nukem forever starts with the letter D
I wish people would shut up about that game until I play it. I understand why you'd want to talk about it, but still...
 
@Evilsbane
 
It was mostly hard in bad ways. There's not a lot of challenge in escorting survivors through sparsely populated zombies, but add a group of instant death convict assholes to the mix, and now you have me reloading saves over and over again because of that one bullshit factor.
 
No, they really don't fit together. It's less like a Transformer held together by gum and paper clips and more like somebody just gathered a bunch of broken electronics into a pile and decided to call it Optimus Prime. Wait, I forgot what the hell I was talking about.
 
I disliked it enough to start jiving about the art style? What? Oh, I didn't like the art style. That was pretty much the first thing I noticed, though. Long before the bad AI and fucking Otis, I noticed how ugly the game was, and not even on a technical level.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@ZeForgotten
 
But Fallout 3 was actually an OK game.
Posted by Guided_By_Tigers
@ZeForgotten: Good for you, I enjoyed flawed games too.....I just prefer playing them rather than complaining about their flaws like some people do. (not saying you are one of them just in general)
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