By Video_Game_King 33 Comments
Trip World( First, you run out of games to beat.) I've been detailing this for quite some time, but do you know how hard it is to find a good game that doesn't have some huge title attached to it? No, you don't, since you've never had to play through shit like Trip World, hoping it'd be something decent. More often than not, it isn't, leading to the half-assed blog you see before you.
OK, maybe not totally half-assed; after all, there are some instances where the game just doesn't want me to review it. The story of this one, for example. All I have is " the intro sort of looks like Ninja Gaiden and Pokemon decided to get together." There's nothing else I can say on it other than that one dumb joke. I'd use it as a transition into the gameplay, but unfortunately, there's no mention of Kirby in there. "What does th-" *punches you in the gut* I'm surprised you didn't see either of those things coming. "See wh-" *punches you in the mouth* Shut up! I'm trying to say that this game is pretty much a rip-off of Kirby. Think abou-no, wait, that won't work, for several reasons. Anyway, it's a portable platformer where you fly through levels as a cute yet ambiguous animal thing with the odd ability to gain powers through eating random things. Only, you know, none of that is as good as Kirby. In fact, it's not even that good.
First, the flying part of this game. Remember how easy it was to fly in Kirby? Just inhale a bunch of air and that somehow makes you float. Not so in the world of Trip World. It took me a while to figure this out: fiddle around with the D-pad and the B-button a bit, and suddenly your character will be unable to move, quite literally making you a sitting duck. Only you're not a duck, you're a rabbit thing. But to avoid sitting, you have to press the A button to float about half a meter above the ground. So it's a shittier version jumping with an arbitrary limit on how far you can fly. I guess they didn't want it being too useful. Or useful at all. Wait, why am I complaining about this? It's not like there're any moments in the game where I'm required to use this poorly executed move.
If anything, I should be complaining about the power-up system! Remember how in any Kirby game ever (except for the first one, oddly enough), you could suck up enemies and gain their powers through dark Mayan rituals? Again, not present here. Instead, you eat random fruit and stuff that gives you a funny looking form that kills people through the power of your own shame. "-" No, just keep your mouth shut, OK? There's nothing wrong with any of that on its own. No, it needs help from the game, in that the power-ups kinda suck. Sure, they get the job done, but in a PC " every 80s cartoon ever" way, removing any sense of satisfaction to be had in killing things. Oh, and there's an arbitrary, invisible limit on how much you can use a given power-up, because apparently the game was too fun without it.
So I've spent the last four paragraphs barely ranting about this game, so is there anything good about it? In a weird way that will no doubt confuse your heads into a violent explosion, the game. I'm just going to assume your head has already exploded, so there's no way for you to talk, and even if it didn't, I HAVE THIS HUGE FIST WAITING FOR YOU. Anyway, I stand by everything I said, but none of what I said makes the game unplayable, like all the features in The Game Whose Name I Shall Never Mention. Everything still works, and it's quite easy to pick up and play; so much so that you can probably finish it in a single bus ride. That's about an hour; an hour of five levels, bosses easier than all the high school classes you took (idiot), and really good graphics/music. Other than that, nothing notable to say about this game. What, you want to say something, oblivious to how stale this joke has become? No, shut the hell up. I'm giving this game the Not on Giant Bomb Award. Why? Oh, you're asking for it now. * turns on fight music*
- Everything about this game is designed to make you want to kill your Game Boy.
- But you can't, because it's so easy.
- And it looks good! In short, this game is Sasha from Titan Maximum.
Man, I love a culture that gives you an excuse to punch somebody.
Disney's Magical Quest Starring Mickey and Minnie Mouse ( Second, you have to go back and essentially rebeat games you've already played.) Before I go any further, let me say that I played the one version I didn't do last time. Not that it matters; you'll be doing the same jokes you did last time, questioning why the hell you even wrote the blog. Hopefully, the people reading this blog will have as horrible a memory as you do, or, at the very least, they don't know how (or have the patience) to search through all the bl.....wait, what the hell was I talking about? Oh, right, Long F'ing Title Right Above Me.
*actually looks at title* Huh? What's that about Minnie? She doesn't do anything in this game; hell, you could probably play as Mickey the entire time if he wasn't such a massive prick. He's gone back to his favorite hobby: beating up Pete for no reason. He hates Pete so much, he dreams about it every night! I'm surprised Disney could create such a psyc-wait, no, I'm not. Actually, to be fair, Mickey doesn't get the golden asshole medal this time; no, that is an honor I bestow upon Goofy. (For the curious, the medal is a butt plug I spray painted gold. Make of that what you will.) You see, at the beginning of the game, Goofy finds fun in throwing a baseball right into Mickey's dumb face, somehow causing Pluto to leave. Maybe he thinks that he's next; maybe that was the signal to tell the other dogs that the war against man has commenced; maybe I'm just writing down whatever random ideas pop into my clearly insane mind. The point is that Goofy, instead of taking responsibility for his actions, just moonwalks away, only to come back later with the gayest thing anybody has ever seen ever (picture right).
Oh, that reminds me: the major gameplay twist. As if green tights and Dorothy's ruby slippers aren't already gay enough, Mickey gets his powers from what he's wearing at the time. For example, a leotard turns him into Nathan Spencer with all the badass sucked out; a turban gives him magical powers, somehow; the firefighter's outfit puts out fires (but again, is probably something you'd see in a Chippendales ( oh God...)); and going shirtless allows you to throw things, sort of. It's less of a throw and more like a half-assed chuck with a spin (no, I'm not gonna do a Chuck Norris joke), since everything Mickey throws has this odd tendency to go down. Yes, I know about gravity, you incredibly rude reader, but in most games, I've usually seen thrown objects traveling in either arks or straight lines; here, you pretty much need to be close enough to the enemy to give them a man-hug if you want to do any real damage. Either that, or use one of the other, much better suits. OK, so they run on ammo; so what? You find enough water to fuel spring break, and trip over more than enough lamps to maintain the constant line of shitty Aladdin sequels.
Other than that, I've pretty much nothing to say. It's an average game with oddly 8 bit music (even more odd is that I typed this while listening to 8 bit music) and not much to it. I'm not going to hold that against....you know what, I'll just call it Mickey and the Moonwalker for short....anyway, I won't hold the above against Mickey and the Moonwalker, since it's a portable game and that stuff should be shorter than the titular non-Moonwalker. What I will hypocritically hold against the game are some old school quirks that make progress through the game a messy nightmare. (Odd choice of words, given that the game is literally just that.) Tell me how this makes sense: die once, and you go back to the beginning of whatever world you were in; die enough times to get game over, and you start over later on in the level. I can't even come up with a joke for that! What I can come up with is an award for this game: Perez Hilton Award for Being So Very Gay.
- Goofy is the type of turd who will kick you in the nuts, make your wife divorce you, and then moonwalk into his next plot.
- There's a reason firefighters don't strip in public: because they obviously can't rock the shirtless look like our friend Mickey.
- A rather forgettable game that you can blow through in about two Trip World sessions.