On July 1 I got the email I already knew was coming. After a bit of fluff about how much the publication valued our input and our contributions have led to billions of page views as well as "creating something unique together", there it was;

Media consumption has transformed dramatically over the years and our content initiatives have shifted with business priorities. To that end, we regret to inform you that Examiner.com has made the difficult decision to shut down operations.

While this was always a side gig for me, it was always fun to play games a little early and give my thoughts on them to anyone who might listen. Sure, most of the time I could liken it to talking to a crowd that's facing the other way, it was still interesting to think more critically about how a game made me feel. This isn't meant to be much more than the one-shot ramblings of a part-time game writer/reviwer that isn't that any more due to the changing landscape of games coverage. I know most probably never heard of Examiner, and there have been much more gigantic closures (Joystiq, 1UP), and I honestly can't imagine the feelings that would be exploding outward if this were my only source of income and true career path, but I thought someone might enjoy some candor in the process, so here goes.

I began my reviewing and news writing days while working at home full-time as a remote technician - and found that I could get my work-work done pretty quickly and get down to fun-work. I started out posting news stories, mostly, and they weren't innovative nor did I ever consider myself a journalist throughout this journey. I would simply follow the right people on Twitter and other social spaces and write up quick blurbs on what was going on for our audience. As it kind of goes in the news space, I wasn't breaking much, but quoting other sites and putting our spin on what was going on while trying to remain objective yet maintaining a voice that was unique. Yeah, no one noticed, no one cared, but I enjoyed what I was doing, and became increasingly more interested in the technology and decisions that were made in the industry at large. I wondered about what those closed-door meetings at Konami might look like, or what a brainstorming session for Call of Duty might feel like after having a white board full of "more cool shit" and "splosions? SPLOSIONS".

I still remember my editor asking me to do my first review. Sniper Elite 3. It wasn't a great game, it was a good game. But more importantly it was my first chance to really think more intricately about how the world was put together; Who were these people? What are their stories? What is my motivation for literally blowing this poor guy from Berlin's balls clean off? What does Africa look like in a WWII setting? Is it possible to make an enjoyable sniping game?

From there I kept writing a few news and interview writeups, but started to focus more and more on the review side. I got some of the big guns like Fallout 4, Alien: Isolation, Call of Duty : Advanced Warfare, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, and smaller fun stuff like The Weaponographist, Superhot, and even my own fascination with the likes of FIFA were expanded.

All in all as I reflect on my time in this crazy industry, it was a collection good ones. I got to see Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain in an early preview before most, and couldn't talk it up more. I was there with people that I only saw videos and pictures of on other sites I frequent (including Gamespot's own Peter Brown!) but I didn't dare talk to more than a passing moment with Greg Miller. People aren't kidding, the man is monumental in stature and I did not expect that.

I didn't expect a lot of things. I didn't expect to be thanked routinely for hitting deadlines. I didn't expect to have as much fun as I did hammering through games late at night just to get those extra precious memories in. I didn't expect to jump into a community like Giant Bomb and have actual constructive and responsive dialog. I also didn't expect for it to end so abruptly, nor that I would care as much as I do that the ride is over. I didn't expect to care so much when douchebags on the internet flamed my articles for being clickbait or nailing my opinion pieces with comments like "this is why I hate opinion pieces".

I posted my stories on "a news aggregation site" to get traction and views, but man - and I'm sorry if any of you are huge fans of the site in question - but I felt like nothing ever went my way on that site regarding opinion. Reviews were fine. Opinion pieces would get shredded as long as they weren't pro-Sony, and some of the users that try to make sense or be reasonable got downvoted to oblivion on every post regardless of the context. It gave me a lens into what I'd consider the more toxic communities and comments, while places like GB gave me hope and at least would disagree while making sense. I posted one particular blog here recently about E3 for MS and Sony - and while I didn't agree with everyone here, the comments were civil and well-worded, backed up, and all interesting to read. N4G on the other hand lost their proverbial shit when I said that MS had a better E3 and Sony didn't show me anything concrete that made me believe my future in the PS4 or with Sony was relatively safe but trying to innovate. It was pretty disappointing - mostly because I knew the internet sucked, but wanted to know there were places that people could discuss games without it being a cesspool of name calling and claiming every article ever written with a decent headline is "clickbait". It did show me, however, that GB is a neat place for me because the discussion at least considers blogs or opinion as valid and worthy of discussion instead of brushing off with "pff clickbait opinion bs go home XBOT". I do want to share my favorite comment, but as the site is coming down they've shut down Disqus and I can't seem to pull it from the article itself - so here's the paraphrasing;

"The author provides no facts (I did, straight from the conferences and the people speaking during them themselves), I could easily refute all of his arguments with facts but I won't waste my time, I want opinion articles based on fact not just opinion."

Just let that all wash over you. I get the want for facts in an opinion article - that's what makes a good one. Sourcing and facts to back up one's argument. The points I made were backed up not by conjecture but by what was present in the conference, so I wasn't going to go through and back my point up about Sony putting forth a lot of far-off titles without any mention of PSN or improvements to the platform by cutting together a 10 minute megamix of the trailers, so what does he/she want? I don't know - and maybe it's my fault for wanting to partially please everyone, but when unreasonable arguments start to surface it's hard to remain a writer that truly wants to interact with anyone reading the article when they shout things like clickbait and "opinion articles are bullshit, this is why media is dying". If you don't like it, go do better. Please. I want you to - I want to find the next great article or site that has me really thinking about what I just saw/read/heard rather than reacting to a god damn Shenmue kickstarter or a Final Fantasy 7 remake that was nowhere to be seen just 12 short months later.

Back to the matter at hand - It's bittersweet for me now. I'll have more time to focus on my famiy life, work and learning new skills (yay for JAMF, Citrix, Azure, and HyperV right?) take on some longer term learning (C++ and JavaScript because sure why not?!) and returning to school as a 30-year old freshman in pursuit of what I just couldn't figure out earlier in life, what I wanted to be and do (seriously 18 year olds rarely know what it is that drives them and what they want to do forever). It's never too late to get your smarts on kids.

Perhaps most importantly I'm looking forward to taking my time. No more rushing through games to hit a deadline. No more skipping that sidequest because I need to mainline this bastard before Monday night at midnight. No more choking down a bad game just to get to a good one for redemption. Hell, I might just actually ride into the sunset in Red Dead Redemption one more time. I don't know, and I don't care - I've got a lot to keep me busy for a very long time with games like Uncharted, Doom, MGS V(never finished the damn story), Overwatch, and much more to not have to look forward thinking "if I beat this and write the review by Sunday at 7 I can get an hour of Uncharted in again".

The thought entered my mind of pursuing freelance somewhere else, and while an interesting thought, I've got a kind of "meh" feeling about the whole thing. I'll likely jot my thoughts here for anyone bored enough to see them, but I've tried to get a few sites off the ground with friends in the past, never really panned out unfortunately. Life gets in the way as you get a bit older, and while I won't be trading my games hobby for something like cars or wood working (hello scrimshaw weekly!) I can't see my hobby becoming lucrative enough to really support for my family while I battle against younger, more mobile writers that are willing to take the shit pay for a while and grind out 4 stories a day just to one day get to the level of editor or EIC. I'll probably always wonder what might've been if I'd pursued games media and critique a bit further, I'll also wonder what Examiner could've been if the folks above my direct editor noticed or listened to our pleas to cover more PC-centric games and hardware, or for more video focus (read: any) and personality based coverage. I'll wonder a lot of thing, but one thing I don't think I'll have to wonder about any time soon is how excited I've been about games in the past, and how now I'm more excited than ever to kick back, dim the lights, and explore. So cheers GB community, thank you for anyone who has read one of my reviews, blogs, or otherwise, and thanks for those who actually knew who/what Examiner was. We tried our best, we made next to nothing doing it, and we loved the media we consumed.