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A Jazztronomical Score: Part Seven

By Mento December 17, 2018 0 Comments

Yeah, I'm still at it. Still stealing stuff across many community-created Garry's Mod maps, and still having a ball if you must know. Turns out Jazztronauts is a game best placed in short sessions across many weeks. I won't argue that I'm also kinda eager to see the rest of its cutscenes and the final true ending so I can start 2019 with a fresh slate. If I want those cutscenes to happen, though, it means cat-ering to my partners-in-crime: we're on the lookout for "delicious meals" (old discarded takeout) for Pianist, gas tanks for Bartender, toy dolls for Singer, and the elusive Dr. Isaac Kleiner for Cellist.

Something that may or may not be evident from the following screenshots is just how far all the money I've been earning has taken me. By extending the range of the prop snatcher - my chief means of pillaging - I can now steal props from adjacent rooms, and by extending the size of the stealing aperture it's now become possible to see most of the props in the vicinity. This expedites the thievery process considerably, even on maps with large numbers of static props to pilfer.

For those curious about my salad days as a rookie interdimensional catburglar, look no further: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. Part 5, Part 6.

Heist the Thirtieth

Map Name: "hl2c_custom02_gc"
Purpose for Visiting: I immediately broke my "200 props or more" rule from last week when I saw a new Half-Life map pop up. Dr. Kleiner's unlikely to appear anywhere that isn't HL related.
Shards Available: 4.
Shards Acquired: 4.
Desired Props: Nope.
Haul: $43,624.
Post-Heist Report: An inauspicious start this week, as this custom map had barely anything in it. A few Citadel-like corridors that lead to a giant white room full of manhacks. I did grab a few Combine guys, though, which might be the closest I've been to finding Kleiner. There's always next time.

Heist the Thirty-First

Map Name: "gm_7eleven"
Purpose for Visiting: Knocking over a 7-Eleven? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Shards Available: 6.
Shards Acquired: 4.
Desired Props: Nope.
Haul: $38,331.
Post-Heist Report: As you can see on the right, the 7-Eleven was unfortunately empty. It looked better from the map randomizer monitor is all I can say in my defense. Curiously, this convenience store had a basement full of monsters, but it was also gated off and not even Stan could get me in there to recover the last two shards on the level. A very spacious and bizarre user map.

Heist the Thirty-Second

Map Name: "ph_abandonedfactory"
Purpose for Visiting: I've decided that prop hunt maps with large prop counts are almost certainly going to be my best bet for fulfilling these item milestones. They may not be as interesting as "gm_Sonic_the_Hedgehogs_intestinal_tract (ultra realistic!)" or whatever, but I've seen some strong results from this map type in the past.
Shards Available: 6.
Shards Acquired: 6.
Desired Props: Yes! 20x Delicious Meals + 12x Propane Gas Tanks.
Haul: $44,841.
Post-Heist Report: I'm sorry, is it already next week? Because it was goddamn Christmas in here. I made serious progress in two of my quests from this map alone, filled as it was with all kinds of varied garbage. The only thing it was missing was Milhouse in a night security uniform.

Interlude: Pianist 2

The cats all gather to eat this garbage food I found.

Due to the nature of the Void, however, the food has been preserved in its original state. So, it's mostly edible. Pianist and Singer are getting along again, though she's still too tsundere to admit it. Kawaii! (Don't worry, the mood was soon killed by an impromptu recorder solo from Pianist. It did not set the room on fire.)

If I want to see more of Pianist humiliating herself and reaffirming her nihilistic world view, and boy howdy do I ever, I'll need to find 30 vending machines next. This is a total I won't accomplish any time soon, but I see a few of those gizmos on most maps I visit so I imagine it'll be an incremental affair.

Heist the Thirty-Third

Map Name: "ph_bitnanner"
Purpose for Visiting: I don't know who "BitNanner" is, but the prospect of another prop hunt map fills me with hope that I'll make some serious progress today.
Shards Available: 4.
Shards Acquired: 4.
Desired Props: Yes! 2x Propane Gas Tanks, 1x Toy Doll, and 4x Vending Machines.
Haul: $38,652.
Post-Heist Report: And the hits keep coming. Those look like small item totals, but they've put me at my required goals for the first two quests. I think this is the first time I've completed two side-quests in one fell swoop (though the previous map did most of the work regarding the gas tanks).

Interlude: Singer

Cellist isn't too happy that we brought these little bundles of malevolence into the Bar Samsara, but it's what Singer asked for and so it's what we got them.

Aw yiss, we get to write our own haunted doll eBay entry for Singer's Mewseum database! I'm heartened to find another MBMBaM fan out in the wild.

Singer's panicking so much about the central heating that their text box broke. Don't worry, radiators shouldn't be too tricky to find if I visit more houses and apartments (provided a certain amount of verisimilitude is in order). Like with the vending machines, this will be one I'll accomplish gradually over time regardless of where I go.

Interlude: Bartender 3

Thanks to an amazing double-whammy, we're back with another interlude with Bartender and it... dammit Cellist, not you too?

Cellist is testing Bartender by ordering a 'hot water on the rocks'. He wants the Double Black Diamond version, however, which sounds like superheated boiling water mixed with liquid nitrogen.

Oh hell yeah! We're partying now!

So our old list of random ground trash has been replaced by larger appliances and fixtures. Washing machines might require a more domestic-oriented map, which nicely complements our quest for radiators.

Heist the Thirty-Fourth

Map Name: "museum"
Purpose for Visiting: We've had a lot of fun taking things that aren't ours today, but it's time for some serious learning and quiet study. Nah, I'm just messing with you: I'm planning to steal a lot of sarcophagi and maybe a marble statue or two. Just like the British Museum, in fact. Just a shame I couldn't swipe a Monet for Cellist.
Shards Available: 6.
Shards Acquired: 6.
Desired Props: Nope.
Haul: $34,270.
Post-Heist Report: Sometimes you aim to steal what the cats are asking for, but sometimes a guy just wants a lot of dinosaur bones, geodes, scale models of the Solar System, and maybe an entire blue whale for their collection. It's more true to the spirit of the game, I figure.

Heist the Thirty-Fifth

Map Name: "ttt_nostalgiahouse_xmas"
Purpose for Visiting: It's a home map - making it likelier-than-not to contain radiators and washing machines - but also because it's seasonal and the chances of finding another appropriately-themed map was unlikely. It's kismet, as far as I'm concerned.
Shards Available: 4.
Shards Acquired: 4.
Desired Props: Yes! 2x Washing Machines + 1x Radiator.
Haul: $44,534.
Post-Heist Report: It was a pretty short map - "TTT" in the map code stands for Trouble in Terrorist Town, a deathmatch variant that works more on subterfuge - but it was Christmassy enough so I'll give it a pass. The designer managed to sneak in little "nostalgic" sound clips which spooked the heck out of me, including part of the "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" song and music from Mario Kart 64. I feel pretty confident that we'll make steady progress with these quest objectives next week, as attainable as they are, though I'm still jumping on anything Half-Life I can find for the sole Dr. Kleiner I need. I suspect his preponderance was more from Garry's Mod's earlier eras: these days it seems every other map is either a weird meme or something Minecraft related.

Bonus Zone: Rejected Maps

Just experimenting with a new feature. Here's a few maps I snapped from the selection machine that I didn't visit because they had few to zero static props (and thus nothing to steal). Sure sounded intriguing though.

Gallery

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