PC Games & I: A Monumental Mento Memento

Since Steam finally got me back into PC gaming, after some decade and a half or so of ignoring it for various reasons (hint: they all relate to how technologically sophisticated my PCs have been, which is to say not very), I figured I'd celebrate by talking about all the junk I used to play on this ol' box of beige.

Because this list is partially dedicated to ArbitraryWater, the main guy of talking about horrible old PC games in these parts, each game has a "AW" score - in this case short for "Aged Well?" - to help out those pondering their next GOG purchase or DOSBox-enabled abandonware download. I ought to give people a reason to read this thing, right? Keep in mind, I actually haven't played some of this stuff for years, so... mostly guessing here.

(Prog in Workress)

List items

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  101. TechnoMage: Return of Eternity

  Hydrocephalics do the darndest things.<br>

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  AW: It's not that old, but still no.

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  102. Theme Hospital

  Grim reapers in the maternity ward? That's not good.<br>

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  AW: Yeah, there's nothing else really like it.

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  103. Theme Park

  "People are throwing up on your new rollercoaster" "WHAT? It's supposed to be murdering them! Get me that lazy mechanic!"<br>

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  AW: Don't they still make these games?

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  104. Thief: The Dark Project

  I generally like stealth games about as much as I like cholera in my breakfast, but Thief and I had some good times.<br>

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  AW: Everything's dark, so it doesn't matter if the graphics are dated. It's the same principle behind meeting people at nightclubs.

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  105. Tomb Raider

  Conical boobs.<br>

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  AW: There's the new Anniversary edition if you're that interested.

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  106. Tomb Raider II

  Great new story idea: Lara should get breast cancer.<br>

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  AW: I dare say any game with extended underwater sections should be excised from the collective consciousness.

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  107. Transarctica

  It's like Railroad Tycoon, if a nuclear winter happened and there were mammoths everywhere.<br>

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  AW: Oh gosh, no. Silmaris does not do "player friendly".

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  108. The Typing of the Dead

  Man, the things this game makes you type. Zombie munches really are the best deterrent for bad typing.<br>

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  AW: "Peas are good for you"

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  109. Uninvited

  Like Deja Vu and Shadowgate, it's a very old, very arbitrary adventure game. It's like a proto-Resident Evil, but with more insta-death Scarlett O'Hara ghosts.<br>

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  AW: As much as the other two I mentioned.

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  110. Warcraft: Orcs & Humans

  Jub jub.<br>

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  AW: Yo, it's like Starcraft, but with World of Warcraft type characters.

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  111. Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness

  More of the first, but with pirates?<br>

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  AW: I don't know how badly an RTS can age, really.

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  112. War Wind

  Like Warcraft, but with aliens. Four different campaigns' worth, in fact.<br>

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  AW: As much as the Warcraft games, certainly.

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  113. Worms

  This was huge back when it came out. Despite just being Artillery with vermiforms.<br>

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  AW: It's been rereleased so many times now, like Bomberman. Just get the newest one that doesn't suck. Good luck finding it.

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  114. Worms Armageddon

  I got really into designing levels and finding Simpsons wavs on the internet for teams. 'Twas a simpler time.<br>

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  AW: Ditto.

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  115. X-COM: UFO Defense

  So many of my dudes got ZORCHed. But they're dying for science, so that must be some small comfort for their widows.<br>

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  AW: To hear the backlash against the new X-Com, this is as timeless as anything.

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