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I Played Duke Nukem Forever--Was It All A Dream?

I can't tell if anything is real anymore, but in case I'm actually writing this story right now and am not trapped in some sort of dream prison, Duke Nukem Forever actually exists. And I played it.


 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
Rumors about upcoming video games are always weird to deal with. Even when you hear something and know it to be true, you usually don't know enough of the how's and why's to piece it all together. The Duke Nukem Forever/Gearbox rumors went around for a bit, and earlier this week we had them all but confirmed to us via a series of winks, nods, and knowing glances. But even once I knew that Gearbox was really going to be announcing a Duke Nukem game at PAX, I had no context... and in a tale as long and convoluted as Duke's, context is everything.

We'll look to get that context later on during an interview or two here at the Penny Arcade Expo. But in the meantime, Duke Nukem Forever is a video game, and it's being shown here in playable form via a two-level demo that sets its tone right out of the gate by putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss." Duke's not one to disappoint, so it looks like he'll go for as long as you hold down the trigger. The rest of the bathroom is also a good throwback to the interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D: the soap pump works, the sinks all function, and the mirrors are totally functional... except for the part where they're all horribly cracked.

I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and
I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and "head" right now, but you get the idea.
This first sequence quickly turns into an updated re-creation of the boss fight at the end of Episode 3 in Duke 3D. After running around some tunnels and locker rooms (where you'll be able to draw on a dry erase board using the left analog stick), you'll head to a football field and fight a large Cycloid boss. He's not especially tough, but it's meant to be a prologue. After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights, the scene pulls out, revealing that the prologue takes place on a TV in Duke's mansion, and he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies. Classy.

From there, the demo transitions to something labelled "level 15." It opens with a driving sequence, putting Duke behind the wheel of a monster truck. If you spent any time digging through the different leaks that sprung out in the wake of the game's previous "death," you've probably seen some of this section already. After the truck runs out of gas, Duke hops out and continues on foot. This sequence appears to have been put in to let players try out a variety of weapons, including a rail gun--which seems great for shooting pig cops in their pig cop faces--and the shrink ray, which works as advertised, allowing you to stomp out tiny enemies after you blast them. The classic Duke shotgun also makes an appearance. The shooting is handled console style, with the left trigger used to aim down the sights of the gun and the right to shoot. Though the demo stations were set up with 360 controllers, the game was actually running on PCs.

Or maybe it was all some sort of beautiful dream? The notion of Duke Nukem Forever somehow continuing to be a product that now, perhaps more than ever, looks like it's actually going to be released in stores as a product you can purchase with money is extremely hard to wrap my mind around. But that's the plan. Unless this is the world's most expensive and elaborate prank, Gearbox is working on Duke Nukem Forever right now and is looking to release it in 2011 on PC and consoles.

Always bet on Duke?
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

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jeff

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Edited By jeff

 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
Rumors about upcoming video games are always weird to deal with. Even when you hear something and know it to be true, you usually don't know enough of the how's and why's to piece it all together. The Duke Nukem Forever/Gearbox rumors went around for a bit, and earlier this week we had them all but confirmed to us via a series of winks, nods, and knowing glances. But even once I knew that Gearbox was really going to be announcing a Duke Nukem game at PAX, I had no context... and in a tale as long and convoluted as Duke's, context is everything.

We'll look to get that context later on during an interview or two here at the Penny Arcade Expo. But in the meantime, Duke Nukem Forever is a video game, and it's being shown here in playable form via a two-level demo that sets its tone right out of the gate by putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss." Duke's not one to disappoint, so it looks like he'll go for as long as you hold down the trigger. The rest of the bathroom is also a good throwback to the interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D: the soap pump works, the sinks all function, and the mirrors are totally functional... except for the part where they're all horribly cracked.

I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and
I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and "head" right now, but you get the idea.
This first sequence quickly turns into an updated re-creation of the boss fight at the end of Episode 3 in Duke 3D. After running around some tunnels and locker rooms (where you'll be able to draw on a dry erase board using the left analog stick), you'll head to a football field and fight a large Cycloid boss. He's not especially tough, but it's meant to be a prologue. After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights, the scene pulls out, revealing that the prologue takes place on a TV in Duke's mansion, and he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies. Classy.

From there, the demo transitions to something labelled "level 15." It opens with a driving sequence, putting Duke behind the wheel of a monster truck. If you spent any time digging through the different leaks that sprung out in the wake of the game's previous "death," you've probably seen some of this section already. After the truck runs out of gas, Duke hops out and continues on foot. This sequence appears to have been put in to let players try out a variety of weapons, including a rail gun--which seems great for shooting pig cops in their pig cop faces--and the shrink ray, which works as advertised, allowing you to stomp out tiny enemies after you blast them. The classic Duke shotgun also makes an appearance. The shooting is handled console style, with the left trigger used to aim down the sights of the gun and the right to shoot. Though the demo stations were set up with 360 controllers, the game was actually running on PCs.

Or maybe it was all some sort of beautiful dream? The notion of Duke Nukem Forever somehow continuing to be a product that now, perhaps more than ever, looks like it's actually going to be released in stores as a product you can purchase with money is extremely hard to wrap my mind around. But that's the plan. Unless this is the world's most expensive and elaborate prank, Gearbox is working on Duke Nukem Forever right now and is looking to release it in 2011 on PC and consoles.

Always bet on Duke?
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church069

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Edited By church069

What  
 
edit:  I feel dirty now. 
Either way,  it seems like everyone had already accepted the fact the DNF was never coming out, so to see this, it is tough to comprehend.

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FunExplosions

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Edited By FunExplosions

Whoop! Here it is! 
 
Wait, do we still get to kick things in the face?

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Zaapp1

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Edited By Zaapp1

The first horseman of the Apocalypse...

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kmdrkul

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Edited By kmdrkul

It seems like at this point in the games development it's just bound to end up being either mediocre or generic.  Probably both. 

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jeanluc

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Edited By jeanluc

So is it good?

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Rockanomics

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Now I don't know what to believe.

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FinalCut

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Edited By FinalCut

I'm buying this regardless of how it turns out, I've got to be able to say that I purchased Duke Nukem Forever in my lifetime.

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redrum_redrum

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Edited By redrum_redrum

Mother of God!
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big_jon

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Edited By big_jon

Awesome! Though the oral sex thing is just uncomfortable...
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stonyman65

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Edited By stonyman65

YES!

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redrum_redrum

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Edited By redrum_redrum

i hope it drops you back into the old game just like that level in MGS4.
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Edited By Ravenousrattler

They sure have Balls of Steel.

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gbrading

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Edited By gbrading

I don't blame you Jeff. I'm still in total shock myself. I still don't believe it.
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I_love_Eva_Braun

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Edited By I_love_Eva_Braun

 Always bet on Duke

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zoozilla

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Edited By zoozilla

I don't see how DNF could live up to anyone's expectations anymore. 
 
It seems almost wrong that it's actually coming out.

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buzz_killington

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Edited By buzz_killington

Jeff got some!

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HeroicDrinkingSong

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Soooo....  Basically it sounds as though Duke is as 90's crude as ever, and still totally irrelevant to modern day pop culture?  Maybe?

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Edited By Gabriel

ALWAYS bet on Duke.

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Infinityslimit

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Edited By Infinityslimit

The world must be ending, DNF is real???

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Edited By louiedog

Is this confirmed for Xbox 360, PS3, and Phantom?

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Edited By JYoung

The funny thing is that if this article was an April Fool's joke it would be written exactly the same, with pissing and oral sex and football fields. How is this actually in production?

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Edited By Video_Game_King

Damn, it definitely sounds Duke-y. Looking forward to the level of detail that I'm failing to see in a lot of games in general.

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Edited By jeff
@louiedog: I believe it's PC, PlayStation, Saturn, and Game Boy Color.
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Edited By DrRandle

I can already read the taglines. "Duke Nukem Forever finally released, but was it worth the wait?" Hurk.

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Edited By Baillie
@Jeff: So, did you enjoy how it played?
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Edited By 02sfraser

I just can't imagine buying this. Not because I dislike shooters or the Duke. I love both. But this actually being a product seems just a crazy notion....

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Edited By Azteck

Eh. I don't get the love for this franchise. It just seems like plain shittiness. The 'humor' doesn't sound like it's clever or fun in any way. Maybe it's because I wasn't around for the original game, but I am unable to see the attraction in it.

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Edited By slowbird

I bet this game somehow ends up being awesome.

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Edited By solidlife

say it aint so!

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Edited By Joru

Wonder if it'll be any good.. the narrative sounds too 99' to me.

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Edited By GunnBjorn

A whole lot too late. 
Sorry, really not interested in it anymore.
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Edited By scarace360

Jeff steal the demo they had and put it on the internet.

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No Caption Provided
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Edited By SomethingClever

I guess we will see now if DNF is cursed.  If some crazy events take place that cause Gearbox to close their doors and they too are unable to release the game I would be willing to back the idea that DNF should never be attempted again.  I don't see that actually happening but sometimes crazy things do happen.  Just in case Gearbox guys, you might want to update your resumes.

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Edited By ShadowKing7

This game is going to have to be fucking amazing in order to even hope to meet the hype that has gone on that past...12 years was it?  I don't know, I didn't play any Duke Nukem as a kid, so whatever.
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Edited By TadThuggish

" putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss."" 
" he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies."
 
What a retarded game, made to be accessible only to apologists and manchildren.  I hope you're better than this, Jeff.

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Edited By Seraphim84
@kmdrkul: 
The thing is though, is Duke is made through its sense of humor and throwback to the 90s.  If you're looking at this game for new mechanics and a revolutionized genre, you're asking too much of any game.  Even if it's taken a decade to make.
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Edited By crusader8463

Can't wait to play this game, and all the people pissing and moaning about it can go fuck themselves. Every shooter in this day and age is exactly the same as all the other ones, the only difference is what gets wrapped around it, and the Duke-A-Verse is one hell of an interesting one to play in. 
 
The only thing I'm worried about is gearbox's involvement. After them butchering the PC version of Borderlands I have zero faith in them as a company and a development house to create a quality product. I'm hoping that we won't get a repeat with this game, because I love the Duke character and I don't want to see them ruin a game I was looking forward.

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Edited By steelknight2000
@Jeff: Still holding out for the PCFX version.
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Edited By cassus

So.. I guess they're making a game for the youth of the 90s then.. The guys who are mostly married and have kids and stuff.. People with no time for games, basically. This business plan is bound to work. Easily pays for the decade+ of development time. 
 
 90% of the guys who play the Gears of War and Halo series of games have only heard of Duke from odd references on game sites. The same way the youth of the 90s know of the Greatful Dead from someone's pothead dad. It's like a urban legend at this point. 
 
I hope this thing flops in spectacular fashion. Bored with the 5 year++ development cycles. Devs spend tons of years developing a game that's on the same level or lesser than games from relatively unknown developers who spent 3 years on their game. Devs need to start making more games. Spending a hell of a long time on a game doesn't really guarantee it'll be better, so just make more games and hope for the best. Make two games in a 5 year period instead of 1, chances are one of them will sell as well as whatever one game you spent 5 years on.

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Edited By Shibbles

I hope there's an achievement for five consecutive minutes of urination. 

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Edited By Claude

Receiving oral from two guys would have fucked some people up. Good old sexism in video games.

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Edited By Baillie
@TadThuggish said:
" " putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss.""  " he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies."  What a retarded game, made to be accessible only to apologists and manchildren.  I hope you're better than this, Jeff. "
I hope you know this is what Duke Nukem is famous for, right?
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Edited By nohthink
@Crono said:
"
No Caption Provided
"
..... Wow.....
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Edited By WitchHunter_Z

Randy Pitchford will announce in 2011 that the game alongside George Broussard taking lead on the project, the game is upgrading to the CryEngine 3, and that although they will be scrapping 85% of the assets, the game will only take a month to 6 weeks to finish.

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Edited By steevl
@Crono said:
"
No Caption Provided
"
Haha, good to see slash's DNF preorder making the internet rounds. This particular picture is from 2006, I believe. He said it's in even worse shape now.
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rav2002

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Edited By rav2002

Interactive pissing... Yep, thats a Duke Nukem game alright.

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@TadThuggish said:
" " putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss.""  " he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies."  What a retarded game, made to be accessible only to apologists and manchildren.  I hope you're better than this, Jeff. "

You really have no idea what Duke Nukem is about do you?
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NickBOTT

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Edited By NickBOTT

Nobody steals our chicks...and LIVES!!! I'll always have a place in my heart for Duke and am looking forward to getting it on launch day.