Hilarious 'Review' from the Wall Street Journal

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#101 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18954 posts) -

Fuck that fucking COD whose dick that fucker won't get off of, gawwwwwwwwwddd

#102 Posted by MideonNViscera (2257 posts) -

This game just isn't manga-like enough to be super hip, guys.

#103 Posted by WalkerD (462 posts) -

Oh god, the "game theory" picture that the guy seemed to slap on there for no reason had me cracking up.

#104 Posted by Jeffsekai (7042 posts) -

who caresssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

#105 Posted by wardcleaver (173 posts) -

While I loved the first Borderlands and plan on picking up B2, I have to agree with some of the things he said. Borderlands had a terrible story. The story in COD: BO was better, IMO. I enjoy Borderlands more than I enjoyed BO, but the point about the story is valid.

The thing that bothers me more about the WSJ review, and reviews in general, is criticizing the game for what it doesn't have/do , rather than what it does/is there.

#106 Posted by jozzy (2042 posts) -

@rebgav said:

Anyone else suspect that the review is actually written by the 14 year old son and formatted for WSJ by his clueless father?

Yes, that is what I gathered from this as well. Anyway, this "review" was extremely amusing, let me know when he does another.

#107 Posted by wewantsthering (1578 posts) -

@ThePickle said:

Borderlands 2’s single-player campaign mode isn’t as good as what you’ll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series.

I was going post the same thing. lol Medal of Honor? Seriously...also BO single player wasn't that hot either. Haha.

#108 Posted by Bollard (5666 posts) -
The sequel to the highly acclaimed 2009 Borderlands game goes on shelves Tuesday in Xbox 360, PS3 and PC versions for around $60. At that price point, the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with the Halos and Call of Duty games already out and due to come in the next few weeks and months. Borderlands 2 falls short because it’s missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game – most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There’s an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn’t the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites [Good research motherfucker] that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

That entire paragraph had me smashing my head into a wall. What in the genuine fuck. Also he talks about the original game like there was an actual story? Eh? Has this guy even played any games that aren't Call of Duty?

@zombie2011 said:

"...or Halo 4, which is slated for a December release."

The last line of the review! Seriously? He couldn't even looks up the release date of one of the biggest games coming out this year.

Great fucking news, he went back and added in the bloody dates.

[Note: This article has been modified from a previous version. In addition, the exact release dates for Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 have been added.]

Secondary note: It still fucking sucks.

#109 Posted by grayfox1210 (200 posts) -

GAME THEORY!!

#110 Posted by mtcantor (948 posts) -

VIDEO GAMES!

#111 Posted by MachoFantastico (4794 posts) -

Page hit people, page hits!

#112 Posted by believer258 (11999 posts) -

You guys are just giving him page hits.

Anyway, this is good for a laugh.

#113 Posted by Milkman (17034 posts) -

Shitty review but "joy puke" is lame as hell.

#114 Posted by wewantsthering (1578 posts) -

Okay I think my friend wrote the best parody of this article. lol

I think it misses all the marks of being a current gen dating sim. First off, its 1 girl and 3 guys you can choose from. What if I dont like the girl? Im stuck with her. The customization is terrible, I cant even pick the eyebrow color. But getting past that part, the game just doesnt have any dialog for you to even pick. You just meet a small robot named Claptrap and a guy missing an arm and a leg. Not a great amount of choices there.... Overall, I couldnt get past 2 hours into the game. It was just full of violence, the characters did not look like humans and I couldnt even get claptraps number. If you like this game, more power to you, but Ill be playing sims online and getting real girl's numbers.
#115 Posted by ProfessorEss (7451 posts) -

I think the outrage in this thread is way funnier than the review itself.

#116 Posted by gunninkr (143 posts) -

FACE/PALM

What a tool. Funny how his game knowledge seemed only as deep as previous articles or Wiki's he has read about the original or other games rather than actually playing them.

Embarrassing...

#117 Posted by stryker1121 (1527 posts) -

OK, whatever. I read the piece and the guy is not into open-world shooters. Comparing BL2 to CoD is patently ridiculous on its face. His other complaints (the animation) are duly noted and a matter of taste. BL2 seems to have improved the 2 aspects that made the first game not as good as it should have been..more interesting environments and better, more diverse loot, particularly in SP.

#118 Posted by Shaka999 (487 posts) -

@ComradeKhan said:

Now i know what it must have felt like for the teachers that had to read all the book reports i wrote about book that I never actually read.

Hah! Ain't that the truth.

#119 Posted by mzuckerm (351 posts) -

@wewantsthering said:

Okay I think my friend wrote the best parody of this article. lol

I think it misses all the marks of being a current gen dating sim. First off, its 1 girl and 3 guys you can choose from. What if I dont like the girl? Im stuck with her. The customization is terrible, I cant even pick the eyebrow color. But getting past that part, the game just doesnt have any dialog for you to even pick. You just meet a small robot named Claptrap and a guy missing an arm and a leg. Not a great amount of choices there.... Overall, I couldnt get past 2 hours into the game. It was just full of violence, the characters did not look like humans and I couldnt even get claptraps number. If you like this game, more power to you, but Ill be playing sims online and getting real girl's numbers.

Hilarious.

#120 Posted by Trilogy (2675 posts) -

From the responses in this thread, I don't think I can bring myself to read that review. Not even for a laugh.

#121 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -

DEATH TO WALL STREET!

#122 Posted by gunninkr (143 posts) -

@Shaka999: LOL! Classic!

#123 Edited by Socialone (202 posts) -

The comments section is getting out of control. Someone pretending to be him is adding fuel to the fire and an ''official'' statement posted more than a dozen times since then is just as inept.

Dear Community Members,
I know you’re angry at me for what I wrote previously on this article. I didn’t want to cause controversy on here at all. I just wanted to write a simple review about Borderlands. That being said, I do not take back what I said about Borderlands 2. I know you are all upset with me but Borderlands was NOT a good game and it definitely did not compare to Call of Duty or Halo in multiple ways, as I stated above. Call of Duty and Halo are going to contain much more rich multi-player abilities than Borderlands 2. Also, I believe the graphics on Call of Duty and Halo are much more detailed and accurate than in Borderlands 2. I was basically just writing my opinion on how I dislike Borderlands 2. It wasn’t supposed to be against a community member or anything at all. Please stop writing on my YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Also, please stop calling my work. Nobody deserves this much harassment because of his belief on a simple video game that wasn’t up to standards. I appreciate the time you took to read this comment.

Thank you,

Adam Najberg

#124 Edited by gunninkr (143 posts) -

I read it again and now my astonishment has turned into anger. I broke down a big part of his article into this---> I bought a Cow...I read about a Chicken...I am upset my Cow doesnt lay eggs....

#125 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13629 posts) -

Ha!! They editored in the release dates for the games he mentioned. And did other edits

#126 Posted by ericdrum (405 posts) -

@The_Nubster said:

I read until the part about it missing online competitive multiplayer.

That's exactly what made me stop. No matter what more he has to say, I can't see being enlightened or edified by someone who is so fundamentally far from my own gaming ideology. I totally support him with giving his opinions on it, but his point of view will never make any sense as we both want very different things from gaming.

#127 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13629 posts) -
@Socialone

The comments section is getting out of control. Someone pretending to be him is adding fuel to the fire and an ''official'' statement posted more than a dozen times since then is just as inept.

Dear Community Members,
I know you’re angry at me for what I wrote previously on this article. I didn’t want to cause controversy on here at all. I just wanted to write a simple review about Borderlands. That being said, I do not take back what I said about Borderlands 2. I know you are all upset with me but Borderlands was NOT a good game and it definitely did not compare to Call of Duty or Halo in multiple ways, as I stated above. Call of Duty and Halo are going to contain much more rich multi-player abilities than Borderlands 2. Also, I believe the graphics on Call of Duty and Halo are much more detailed and accurate than in Borderlands 2. I was basically just writing my opinion on how I dislike Borderlands 2. It wasn’t supposed to be against a community member or anything at all. Please stop writing on my YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Also, please stop calling my work. Nobody deserves this much harassment because of his belief on a simple video game that wasn’t up to standards. I appreciate the time you took to read this comment.

Thank you,

Adam Najberg

His official statement is just gonna make it worse. He said the game was not good and would not compare to COD or Halo. This dude really is a damn idiot
#128 Posted by EvilNiGHTS (1093 posts) -

I don't really agree with him on a lot of points, but it's not like his review betrays any evidence to suggest he didn't play the game at all. It's just not his thing and he'd rather play COD... some people out there feel that way. Deal with it.

#129 Posted by ericdrum (405 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man said:

His official statement is just gonna make it worse. He said the game was not good and would not compare to COD or Halo. This dude really is a damn idiot

This guy just threw chum to the sharks.

I always say that any good reviewer should come into a game at least liking or being interested in the game at a conceptual level. You should be able to say, "If this game pulls off what it is trying to accomplish, I am going to like this game and enjoy playing it". If you can't say that, leave it to someone who can. I don't play fighting games. I know others love them. It makes no sense to put one in front of my face and tell me to review it because even if it's flawless, I truly won't get it and appreciate what is and what it does well.

#130 Posted by The_Nubster (2264 posts) -

@ericdrum said:

@The_Nubster said:

I read until the part about it missing online competitive multiplayer.

That's exactly what made me stop. No matter what more he has to say, I can't see being enlightened or edified by someone who is so fundamentally far from my own gaming ideology. I totally support him with giving his opinions on it, but his point of view will never make any sense as we both want very different things from gaming.

Not only that, but he went to Borderlands thinking that it was going to be a CoD or Halo game, and then ripped it apart based on his own flawed idea of what the game was trying to do. It would be like saying Schindler's list was a terrible comedy, or that The Offspring are the worst J-pop group ever. I'm not a fan of this term, but he was playing the game wrong.

#131 Posted by bemusedchunk (700 posts) -

He does have a point...where is the competitive multiplayer?!

Online
#132 Posted by President_Barackbar (3467 posts) -

It's not that this guy isn't entitled to an opinion or anything, but he really just doesn't seem to get what the game is all about. He seems to be knocking it because he expects all FPS games to be COD, when its pretty obvious Gearbox wasn't going for that at all. This review is like if I said I hate NBA Jam because it's not an accurate representation of basketball like EA's latest NBA game.

#133 Posted by ericdrum (405 posts) -

This guy has got to be generating tons of traffic for that site. We'll definitely be seeing more reviews from him.

#134 Posted by EvilNiGHTS (1093 posts) -

@President_Barackbar said:

This review is like if I said I hate NBA Jam because it's not an accurate representation of basketball like EA's latest NBA game.

I thought NBA Jam *was* EA's latest NBA game?

#135 Posted by Prymet1me (99 posts) -

@bemusedchunk: on the cutting room floor where it belongs.

#136 Posted by dabe (299 posts) -

Although I believe Borderlands (and I'd presume the sequel from video, images and interviews/articles) to be synonymous with a majority of the utterly reprehensible things about games, gaming and their subject matter, I want informative articles based around reasoned, logical, intelligent debate and critique.

The Wall Street Journal will never give me that. On any subject. Especially video games.

#137 Posted by wewantsthering (1578 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man said:

@Socialone

The comments section is getting out of control. Someone pretending to be him is adding fuel to the fire and an ''official'' statement posted more than a dozen times since then is just as inept.

Dear Community Members,
I know you’re angry at me for what I wrote previously on this article. I didn’t want to cause controversy on here at all. I just wanted to write a simple review about Borderlands. That being said, I do not take back what I said about Borderlands 2. I know you are all upset with me but Borderlands was NOT a good game and it definitely did not compare to Call of Duty or Halo in multiple ways, as I stated above. Call of Duty and Halo are going to contain much more rich multi-player abilities than Borderlands 2. Also, I believe the graphics on Call of Duty and Halo are much more detailed and accurate than in Borderlands 2. I was basically just writing my opinion on how I dislike Borderlands 2. It wasn’t supposed to be against a community member or anything at all. Please stop writing on my YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Also, please stop calling my work. Nobody deserves this much harassment because of his belief on a simple video game that wasn’t up to standards. I appreciate the time you took to read this comment.

Thank you,

Adam Najberg

His official statement is just gonna make it worse. He said the game was not good and would not compare to COD or Halo. This dude really is a damn idiot

That can't be the official statement... that's fake right? Please say yes...

#138 Edited by Chaser324 (6651 posts) -

There's nothing wrong with not liking Borderlands 2, but this guy said it in almost the worst way possible. I'm not sure that even a seasoned troll from the darkest corner of the internet could put together something better intended to piss off fans of Borderlands 2 and well-reasoned video game criticism.

Moderator
#139 Edited by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

@wewantsthering said:

@The_Laughing_Man said:

@Socialone

The comments section is getting out of control. Someone pretending to be him is adding fuel to the fire and an ''official'' statement posted more than a dozen times since then is just as inept.

Dear Community Members,
I know you’re angry at me for what I wrote previously on this article. I didn’t want to cause controversy on here at all. I just wanted to write a simple review about Borderlands. That being said, I do not take back what I said about Borderlands 2. I know you are all upset with me but Borderlands was NOT a good game and it definitely did not compare to Call of Duty or Halo in multiple ways, as I stated above. Call of Duty and Halo are going to contain much more rich multi-player abilities than Borderlands 2. Also, I believe the graphics on Call of Duty and Halo are much more detailed and accurate than in Borderlands 2. I was basically just writing my opinion on how I dislike Borderlands 2. It wasn’t supposed to be against a community member or anything at all. Please stop writing on my YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Also, please stop calling my work. Nobody deserves this much harassment because of his belief on a simple video game that wasn’t up to standards. I appreciate the time you took to read this comment.

Thank you,

Adam Najberg

His official statement is just gonna make it worse. He said the game was not good and would not compare to COD or Halo. This dude really is a damn idiot

That can't be the official statement... that's fake right? Please say yes...

I doubt it's real, but then again... Ocean Marketing. The "official" statement compliments the stupidity of the review so well, it's just perfect! I wonder if he has received any death threats yet.

#140 Posted by Deusoma (3018 posts) -
@JasonR86 said:

@steveurkel said:

I'm glad someone didn't like this piece of shit. The first game was terrible and this one is no worse. Yes I've played it. Maxed out graphics on a PC - it looks like shit, it plays like shit. First person shooters are fucking a thing of the past because this is the garbage people are interested in playing. This guy is not clueless, he is informed. He probably played good first person shooters (before half life ruined them). What a joke this game turned out to be. It is great that Jeff likes it because I like jeff but I don't care about other peoples opinions it is a bad game. I'm mad I wasted money on it because my friends convinced me to buy it hurr it will be fun yup it isnt. Surprise. Another shitty game from gearbox.

Uh-huh.

Hey, Adam Najberg has a Giant Bomb account!
#141 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

The best of the comments on WSJ about the article:

  • Claptrap wrote:
Greetings mindless minion! It has come to my attention that you have published a less than generous review of my love-child, Borderlands 2! If I sound excited, please note that it is the way my programmers intended me to sound. I am actually quite dismayed!
Unfortunately, I, Claptrap, cannot condone this slander, especially from a mindless minion such as yourself! HAHAHHH!
Please report to the nearest grinding station for immediate dismemberment!
#142 Posted by MonkeyKing1969 (2903 posts) -

Well, at least Adam Najberg was honest with his audience and gave his real opinion. I rather doubt half the reviewers put in even a quarter as much thought into their reviews. People who don't read that and come away thinking, "Well at least he's honest" are just fools.

Online
#143 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13629 posts) -
@MonkeyKing1969 said:

Well, at least Adam Najberg was honest with his audience and gave his real opinion. I rather doubt half the reviewers put in even a quarter as much thought into their reviews. People who don't read that and come away thinking, "Well at least he's honest" are just fools.

But he did it in the worst way possible. to refrance COD and Halo more then once and not even bother to get details about their release dates makes it look like hes just shooting out game titles.  
 
Also it looks like Patrick is trying to get in touch with him for a story. 
#144 Posted by mikey87144 (1797 posts) -

@steveurkel said:

I'm glad someone didn't like this piece of shit. The first game was terrible and this one is no worse. Yes I've played it. Maxed out graphics on a PC - it looks like shit, it plays like shit. First person shooters are fucking a thing of the past because this is the garbage people are interested in playing. This guy is not clueless, he is informed. He probably played good first person shooters (before half life ruined them). What a joke this game turned out to be. It is great that Jeff likes it because I like jeff but I don't care about other peoples opinions it is a bad game. I'm mad I wasted money on it because my friends convinced me to buy it hurr it will be fun yup it isnt. Surprise. Another shitty game from gearbox.

Making note to never take advice from him on FPS games.

#145 Posted by mikey87144 (1797 posts) -

@Jazzycola said:

@JasonR86 said:

Who was that review for? I mean, what audience is supposed to take in that content and enjoy it and/or find it insightful?

I suppose its just a bullet point on what services they provide. When it comes to getting advertisers, they can go to video game companies and say "hey look we cover video games give us money". I wonder the exact same thing when IGN reviews tech or music.

IGN at least employs people who focus primarily on that. The people who review the tech, movies, and music rarely, if ever, review games. This dude reads like a guy who never played video games before but decided to take a stab at it.

#146 Posted by Applederp (116 posts) -

Is it wrong that the worst part of that article to me was him saying the wrong release date of Halo 4?

The rest of the review was garbage, but that detail just urks me.

#147 Posted by iAmJohn (6128 posts) -

My favorite part is where he spends, like, two large paragraphs intricately breaking down Borderlands 1's story (that he admits he culled from the Wikipedia page), as if it really matters or I couldn't have just, oh I don't know, looked it up if I cared.

#148 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13629 posts) -
@iAmJohn said:
My favorite part is where he spends, like, two large paragraphs intricately breaking down Borderlands 1's story (that he admits he culled from the Wikipedia page), as if it really matters or I couldn't have just, oh I don't know, looked it up if I cared.
The story is. "Get to vault" 
#149 Posted by iAmJohn (6128 posts) -
@The_Laughing_Man said:
@iAmJohn said:
My favorite part is where he spends, like, two large paragraphs intricately breaking down Borderlands 1's story (that he admits he culled from the Wikipedia page), as if it really matters or I couldn't have just, oh I don't know, looked it up if I cared.
The story is. "Get to vault" 
Not enough explaining the depth and history of factions/companies no one remembers.
#150 Posted by PenguinDust (12558 posts) -

"Borderlands 2’s single-player campaign mode isn’t as good as what you’ll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series."

I played the last MoH and its single player was crap.

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